Starlings are cunts,
Or at least I think they are starlings.
Since our move to the new place Mrs B has lamented at the lack of squawky things in the back garden, this is mainly due to the large cat population but even they have fucked off due to my very lovable feline eating canine.
So in an attempt to please Mrs B (and perhaps improve my innings) I embarked on a “Bird friendly” exercise.
I moved her feeders from possible ambush sites, built a bird table in a safe place, hung the bird feeders under it, placed various tit bits on it, even a net bag of dog hair to line their little nests with.
Slowly and cautiously the little darlings began to appear, initially quite timid then getting bolder and venturing onto the ground.
My life is bliss I thought, she is happy I am happy, then I discovered the little cunts have eaten all my cut and come again salad that has only just sprouted! She is happy, I am not
Nominated by Lord Benny
Probably pigeons. The cute little dicky beads are quite entertaining, but pigeons are horrible. And they shit everywhere. And big dollops too.
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Wood pigeons have the appetite of a KFC starved Diane Abbott. And if they’re not eating then they’re fucking, or cooing like an asthmatic cigar smoker.
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no it was the starlings, when I re seeded the little fuckers were chirping away like billyo in the pyracantha.
Mind you it’s netted now so they are fucked, now its battle against the subterranean slugs that keep eating my runner beans, (they are cunning little cunts aren’t they)
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‘..now its battle against the subterranean slugs that keep eating my runner beans, (they are cunning little cunts aren’t they)’
Beer traps are your friend there..if you don’t want to waste beer, any old shite will do in the trap so long as there’s a decent amount of alcohol in it.
Added bonus, leave the drowned pickled slugs out for the birds to eat, then sit back and watch the buggers get rat-arsed and go pick fights with the local moggies..
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Beer traps? how exactly does a beer trap work it sounds likes its good at catching pikeys not sure bout slugs
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https://www.slugoff.co.uk/killing-slugs/beer-trap
As for a pikey trap, beer alone might not be enough..howevever, a beer keg or two from the cellar of a pub, strategically placed in your garden and cunningly connected to a handy high voltage terminal at your nearest substation, these kegs then placed temptingly, nay, invitingly on a plinth insulated from ground, that might suffice……
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I know that the Swifts or Swallows (not sure which) that used to come in their dozens to nest in the byres have been getting fewer and fewer over the last few years. Apparently Chinks and Continentals net and eat them,wouldn’t have thought that there was enough on them to bother,but it gives me another good reason to dislike foreigners.
Fuck them.
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I was going to say this was because they compete for food and justify this with a you tube clip, then I came upon this, the interest is not so much the article but the subtitles, should you activate subtitles and sound there are some very interesting misinterpretations of what is said.
https://youtu.be/FGXjhw0d3Mc
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See what you mean about the subtitles, Lord B.
🙂 .
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Come on Mr F. not knowing your swifts from your swallows is like not knowing your arse from your elbow. As a farmer, your a disgrace.😊
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Didn’t realise farmers had to be bird experts too blunts though something tells me fiddler doesn’t care about the mixup
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No good deed goes unpunished Lord Benny.
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I like Blackbirds.
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Do their anuses taste nice?
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Ah yes, I love the song of a blackbird, so often referenced in poetry and literature as in this poem by Wordsworth………
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free
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Did Macca really pinch that blackbird lyric from a William Wordsworth poem? seems about right the liverpudian thief of a cunt
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I like that one Tits! Wordsworth also had the idignity of having his wheels stolen off his cart!
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What you on abaaaaaht Cuntator. Who’d put their tongue up a Blackbirds arse? I know naffink abaaaaaht it
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Sterling is a cunt. Whiny, moany little wanker.
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Gentleman and fellow cunters, if there be any that still have any piss to boil, be sure to watch Brexit Behind Closed Doors Part 1 on BBC 4 catchup. Part 2 to follow. All orf our worst fears are confirmed and poor Blighty is treated with abject contempt. The fact that the cunts were happy to say what they did for camera is bad enough but consider what was said away from camera or edited out. Some fake blonde Irish bint seems to have been running the show. Shameful.
May and her yellow arsed EU greasers must go.
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good recommendation sir, I found it most enlightening.
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Starlings are resourceful birds and a bit of a nuisance but, like Diane Abbot, not known for their love of salad.
Looks more like wood pigeons to me. Starlings eat mostly insects, spiders, grubs and some berries.
If not pigeons then caterpillars, slugs and snails are fuckers. Have a close look.
Starlings are innocent.
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lord benny on May 9, 2019 at 4:46 pm said:
In that case it must be that cunty black cat that pops over the fence at night to shit in my veg patch (I think the fucker ate my courgette plants)
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Much as I would like to blame the cat, it might shit everywhere but wont eat salad although it may scratch the ground after it has shit. Shoot the fucker anyway.
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We’ve got them nesting in our roof. Noisey little buggers!
Smart though! even a youtube’d Sparrowhawk or Magpie cry doesn’t silence them anymore.
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We’ve got them nesting in all for corners of the soffits . Right old racket at day break. Poor little cunts have it hard enough so I let them be. At least they go and shit on Africa every six months and that can’t be a bad thing. Fly my beauties.
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Birds gotta eat. I’m with Mrs. B on this. Love Starlings, yet I found this cunting amusing, and a tad charming.
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The European Starling (sturnus vulgaris). I think it’s the same pair that have been nesting in our roof space for the last 3 years. They seem to know where to come to so these birds have some sort of functioning memory. The don’t make much noise, just scrabble around a bit in the mornings and they don’t create a mess. I love to watch them from the garden. They’re very busy just now bringing food for the young that are in the nest. Have never seen them eat salad but they will take grapes and plums left out for them. Judging by the pile of wood pigeon feathers and bits of carcass lying around the sparrowhawks are back again. Be careful my small feathered friends.
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Having read this out to Mrs B and checking the picture above it would seem the fuckers are not starlings.
They are little brown hatted fuckers the size of a canary, They hang round in groups, very noisy, I assume that they are inedible hence my lack of interest in them.
They eat seed, mealy worm and peanuts (and my fucking lettuce) as to what they are I dont know, someone suggested Tits, but I have seen a few tits in my time and they look nothing like them (always gone for great tits myself)
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They’re not starlings at alll you say!!! And we’ve had a ‘feeding frenzy’ of criticism of that poor bird.
I feel strongly this Nom should be rendered null and void before any more slanderous comments are made.
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Antistarlingism at its worst. Corbyn’s an antistarlingist, btw, so unfit for public office. He’s after the pigeonist vote, obviously.
Pigeons…coming over here and taking our sprouting broccoli. Probably eat curry too…cunts.
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I’d get Chris Peckem in Benny. He’s done some starling work in this area.
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Sparrows? Continuous cheeping, rather harsh, they congregate in hedges. Very likely suspects, the cunts eat anything. Getting less common, happily. Buy netting, and pin the edges down.
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Seems like a reading of the “British book of birds” is in order.
The expurgated edition without the nuthatches of course.
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Tree sparrows?
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Agree, unlikely to be starlings, and pigeons are the likely culprits. Your starlings would be more interested in your slugs. You will now have to be a landowner, growing crops commercially, state that you have tried every possible alternative to discourage them, and show evidence of this, and the new general licence for woodpigeons ( not ferals, as yet) MAY permit you to buy an air rifle and slay pigeons. I recommend this course of action.
But not starlings. Which are rather clever birds and can learn to imitate the ringtone of a landline phone well enough to get you dashing indoors to answer it.
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One of the pairs in our loft have managed to copy a car alarm and fair play to them, they aren’t far off.
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Starlings are a protected bird. Wildlife & Countryside Act 1981. An offence to kill them or destroy, interfere with nests.
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Have a female blackbird (feathered variety) that will hop into the kitchen to remind me to put some meal worms down. Will land at my feet in the garden. The male blackbird getting braver as well.
Must be something with age. As I get older I appreciate the birds and animals that come into the garden more. Must be turning into a old cunt!
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Not a cunt at all Fish Mitten. I’m always enthralled when blackbirds (turdus merula) land and stand inches away waiting for me to turn up a worm whilst I’m on hands and knees weeding the flower beds. Have had robins do the same.
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I got all kinds of different species of these shithawks where I live Lord beeny its like a cursed bird sanctuary out here. I take great pleasure in being a good distance from the general populace and the countryside seclusion is mostly a good thing but these birds are one of the downsides
One bird squawks another honks or coos or chirps or crows so on and so forth some birdsong can be very pleasant but not when its a loud annoying shithawk from the depths of hell making these mental noises, actually one of these noisy bastards is keeping me up at this very moment
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I have a large grapevine running the length of my garden and every year about late August or early September bang on time, the Starlings arrive.
They perch in huge chattering numbers on the roof. It’s like a scene from Hitchcock’s The Birds.
I don’t begrudge them their annual feast, particularly as there are far more foreign two legged scroungers and scavangers arriving to these shores which will strip away anything thats going.
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