Pointless announcements

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I’d like to nominate pointless announcements for a cunting. As an example, at Waterloo tube some fucker repeatedly announces ‘for those that don’t regularly use this station, peak times are between 8am and 9am’. Well fuck me, I’d never have thought of that. You mean rush hour is the busiest time? Fuck me sideways, thanks for letting me know.

This constant white noise on top of an already stressful commute is something I can do without. I wonder which cunt in a QA meeting about ‘how we can improve our service’ came up with that one. Now if they’d suggested announcing ‘to all self absorbed millennial cunts ambling along checking your phone for the latest Wankbook, Instacunt or Snapturd notifications, please put the fucking thing away and realise that the entire fucking world doesn’t revolve around you’, that would have been more use.

Never happen of course because first the offender is likely to have massive headphones on, and second the very snowflake fuckwits responsible for such annoyances would report a hate crime. Can just see the fuckers on social media bleating about how they were so upset and shaken by such a nasty announcement. Cunts.

Nominated by Bellendiousmaximus

10 thoughts on “Pointless announcements”

  1. Surely the most pointless announcements in history must be these “How leaving the E.U. May affect you” fucking adverts on telly and radio. Do us a favour.
    There was also “what to do in the event of a nuclear attack” public information films back in the day. There’s nothing to do….. you’re fucking dead, get used to it!
    They think we’re all muggy cunts.

  2. “Moind the gip!”

    Really? And there was me thinking of jumping down into the fucker so that I could be eviscerated as the tube leaves!

    Mind you it’s probably a more preferable fate than having to suffer the traitors of Cuntminster stitch us up over Brexit!

    Every cunt I speak to who voted leave doesn’t want a deal, especially Treason May’s piss poor surrender deal, so do what the majority want: leave on WTO terms and give us the chance to become great again you CUNTS!

    • Mind The Gap announcements, should have add on’s daily, courtesy of ISAC. ie: mind the gap between the lying bastard Politicians, and the truth.
      Or mind the gap in the ages of weasel Macron & his granny ugly wife.
      Etc etc etc,. Tube journeys would be worth taking then.

      • Or, with the Little Emperor, the gap between has tiny todger and Nanny’s cavernous sushi-box.

  3. The most pointless announcement this century has to be Referendum Result. Fuck all has happened in three fucking years ! “Terry the Todger Dodger ( needs a good fuckin ) needs to get her arse into gear and get us out double time. Petulant ring posie cunt

  4. I remember coming home from school in late 1978 when the Lib Lab pact had just ended and there was to be an announcement by PM Jim Callaghan.

    There was expectation in the air and with a sense of excitement that there would be a disclosure of great issue, Smug Jim went on TV and announced that there would be no election at “this time”.

    It was pointless and felt like everyone had been short changed.

  5. The worst is the ‘if you see something suspicious please tell a member of staff’. You’re a child and they want you to nark.

    God I don’t miss using southwest trains at all. Mental health improved inexorably since not using public transport.

    • “Thus is a Southwest train announcement to all passengers. Please be aware of white heterosexual parents, playing happily with their children. One a boy wearing trousers, and a girl wearing a dress. They are deemed as suspicious, and a threat, and should be avoided at all times. Thank you for your patience. You may now continue with your strapons, bumholes, baby milking invigorators, penis castrators, male periods tampon insertion handbooks, and all other LGBTXYZ bits’n’pieces, safe in the knowledge your interests are paramount to us”.

  6. Ever been in one of those lifts? Doors closing. Lift going up. Doors opening. Lift going down. Floor announcements fair enough but blind people are not devoid of other sensory faculties. They can tell if a lift is going up or down. They can hear the fucking doors opening and closing, better than sighted people can. So why do sighted and blind people need to be insulted by a fucking lift.? Aren’t fellow lift passengers irritating enough without making the lift irritating too? Cunts.

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