PELOTON:
An entirely EU-free, ASA-type cunting please for a useless company who keeps advertising on TV:
https://www.onepeloton.co.uk/bike
This company seemingly runs for the benefit of latter day yuppies on a health kick, who before they set off for a £5 bowl of cereal and a skinny latte, like to sweat like a pig on an exercise bike, while some shrill voiced old harridan tells them “you are stronger than you know!” and “Let’s do this!”. In the advert there is a lady of colour sweating like a pig, a young bearded lad (of course) who looks like a poster for Oxfam, obviously with a lot of glycerine added to his make-up, and they both look fervent as they peddle away, spending a lot of money and getting fucking nowhere.
What a load of cunts, and the company seems to be run by American wimmin and a male Chinky-Yank.
Nominated by W. C. Boggs
I’ve never understood this, if you bought an exercise-bike why would you need some Cunt wittering on at you from a telly-screen? You’d either choose to exercise or you wouldn’t. Having said that, I’ve written to Gemma Arterton asking if she fancies making encouraging noises…. “Great job,Fiddler Fiddler,you’ve splattered it” and giving me directions by video-link next time that I have a wank. I’ve yet to hear back from her….although I’ll probably hear from her Solicitors before long..they have me on speed-dial connected to a “listen-in” feature at Scotland Yard’s ” Star-Stalker” Unit.
Fuck Off.
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You jerk it to sexy exercise workout videos too Fiddler? I See you too are a Man of Culture as well, great minds think (wank) alike
5
Just about anything is fair game to me, TS. I even managed a particularly satisfying tug while watching Ellie Harrison feeding some lambs on Country File the other week.
🙂 .
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Love this clip from the late Bill Hicks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEzAb53yOcg&feature=share
Just about anything can cause sexual thought.
Apart from Thr Flabbopotommous obviously. obviously.
6
A couple of nice work out (jerk out) videos
Destination calabria (explicit version)
Benny Benassi – satisfaction (if only carlsberg provided builders)
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I was once watching a video of Saddam Hussein being executed, and thought “is there nothing on the internet that I won’t bash one out over?”
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It’s a great idea. You go cycling without getting wet, having your bollocks frozen off, being run down by unlicensed Eurotrash lorry drivers or peaceful taxi drivers and getting stabbed and mugged by aspiring architects. And you never get a puncture and have to push the fucker home. What’s not to like?
The ideal thing for the snowflake who doesn’t want to venture out into the real world and admit it’s all turned to shit.
Wish I could afford one.
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Not much use for getting to the shops for some beer.
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Order it online Moggie – free delivery from Sainsbury’s for orders over £100… 😃
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There is that, but £100 is about 2 weeks shopping for us.
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Sorry Moggie, it was meant to be a (very weak) joke.
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I took it as a joke RTC, the comment was just an observation that these minimum limits for free delivery are often way above what ‘normal’ people might spend.
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It’s very realistic though. As you’re looking at the screen, an HGV suddenly appears in front of you turning left. Your reaction time is recorded on the screen before you fly arse over tit to end up with your head buried in the patio doors.
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Never heard of them until I saw the link here. And as per usual the website shows pics far removed from reality – all those fit beautiful people cycling nowhere in their big spacious and airy apartments.
The whole purpose of exercise is to get fat fucks fitter, so why not show photos of your typical Wayne & Waynetta Slob on their bikes in their shithole council flat, with washing hanging to dry on a piece of string along the ceiling, empty wine bottles and fast food cartons littering the floor and the smell of old smoke and farts filling the air – now that is the reality, and that should be the target fucking audience! (assuming the fat lazy cunts can afford the bike in the first place)
Fuck ’em!
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Washing? I don’t think so.
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I remember not long ago as a youngster tugging my meat to these workout advertisements cause I got excited by the bulging tits at age 14 it was like softcore porn but yeah advertisements are generally annoying as fuck
As for skinny lattes I just don’t understand the point you are not gonna get any skinnier by replacing cream, or 2% milk with skim or soy milk. You got to radically change up your diet to achieve that or try working out you fat fuck of a lazy cunt
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all that dietary advice is shite anyway! Next week some cunt will come out with a report saying drinking soy is bad for you, best go for goat’s milk instead!
They just make it up as they go along, just so long as they get paid a nice grant for such bogus research.
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Not all dietary advice is shite Nocunt but it is if you don’t properly execute it with the right intentions. Goats milk technically is better for you tho you could be lactose intolerant an still drink it but its much more expensive
Soy milk technically is bad for you actually especially if you drink lots ofit. It can also make you more effeminate as it has phytoestrogens in it poofs drink soy in great quantities to be more queer
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Christ modded again what offensive word I say this time
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I think you must have spelt phytoestrogens wrongly.
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I keep telling people soy is bad for you. It contains the female hormone estrogen, so if these fat fuckers drink a lot of it, they’ll not only get fatter, they’ll grow a pair of tits as well. Add to that the health risk of getting their moobs caught in the chain and the whole thing is a non starter.
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“I think you must have spelt phytoestrogens wrongly”
I was rightly moderated then for being a bad speller
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Many a year ago I bought the Kimberley Davies work out video. It part worked, within a month I had a right arm like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s.
Never seen the advert. Rarely see any. Record nearly everything and skip through the adverts. A hour program can be watched in 40 minutes.
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All bollox, sales job for insecure cunts, everyone knows whats healthy to eat whats not, and exercise burns fat& builds muscle. No miracle short cut, either get fit or dont its upto yourself. Everyone nowadays wants to look like a underwear model, fuck that! These cunts are the ones who pocket money from said gullible cunts. Just get down chippy & stop fretting
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I suppose at least it might keep some of the more risk-averse, lycra-clad, man-bun wearing arseholes off the Queen’s highway, where they are otherwise at risk of ending up under my front wheels.
A side-cunting for the shitbag who managed to scrape their shitbox down the side of my newly-painted rear bumper in Tesco yesterday.
Fuck me, I had gone shopping for about 10 mins when I returned to discover this ‘mascot’. Down to the plastic so another repaint needed. I was parked miles away from any cunt, so why these cunts feel the need to keep your car company with their’s is lost on me. Tesco has kindly offered to check the CCTV for me, so fingers crossed. If I identify the cunt, they can look forward to a nice insurance claim on their policy. The cunt.
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Yeah, sorry mate, that was probably me.
I have just fitted a 9-bike carrier on the back of my Range Rover and have had to turn off the parking sensors. Haven’t quite got used to the ‘Length Over All’ and have dinked a few motors; some quite badly.
Mostly I just fuck off, but if I think somebody has seen me I will pretend to put a note under the wiper (normally a Chinese Takeaway menu or a couple of old betting slips) for the sake of appearances.
Reversed over a pushchair yesterday as well. Took ages to untangle the little fucker from the wreckage but luckily no harm done; both racing bikes were fine and the mountain bikes are incredibly well built these days.
Gave the wailing mother a right bollocking for not having any lights or making the kid wear a helmet. Silly cow.
Some people, eh? They don’t even pay road tax or insurance.
Gunner
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I used to know some silly cow who drove half a mile to a gym to go on a walking machine.
10
That’s a very good point, and it does make me laugh when I see my local gym packed solid with cars!
I mean I know some cunts might be travelling straight from work or from a fairly long distance, but surely if they live up to 2 or 3 miles away don’t they see the irony of their actions?
3
If it takes a single MAMIL off the road please keep the advert running!
They advertise it for young trendy cunts but there’s plenty of wrinkly old fucking annoying cycle cunts that would be more than happy exercising in close proximity to their toilets …… 😂
8
Yet another shite product aimed at keeping you in the house… alongside online shopping, online gambling, Netflix, etc. Maybe this product is aimed at those sensitive types who are scared to go to a Gym or Ladies who don’t like cunts perving at their sweaty lycra. Either way it is a cunt and an expensive one to buy.
3
From George Orwell’s ‘1984’, chapter 3:
“‘Smith!’ screamed the shrewish voice from the telescreen. ‘6079 Smith W.! Yes, you! Bend lower, please! You can do better than that. You’re not trying. Lower, please! That’s better, comrade. Now stand at ease, the whole squad, and watch me.’
A sudden hot sweat had broken out all over Winston’s body. His face remained completely inscrutable. Never show dismay! Never show resentment! A single flicker of the eyes could give you away. He stood watching while the instructress raised her arms above her head and — one could not say gracefully, but with remarkable neatness and efficiency — bent over and tucked the first joint of her fingers under her toes.
‘There, comrades! That’s how I want to see you doing it. Watch me again. I’m thirty-nine and I’ve had four children. Now look.’ She bent over again. ‘You see my knees aren’t bent. You can all do it if you want to,’ she added as she straightened herself up. ‘Anyone under forty-five is perfectly capable of touching his toes. We don’t all have the privilege of fighting in the front line, but at least we can all keep fit. Remember our boys on the Malabar front! And the sailors in the Floating Fortresses! Just think what they have to put up with. Now try again. That’s better, comrade, that’s much better,’ she added encouragingly as Winston, with a violent lunge, succeeded in touching his toes with knees unbent, for the first time in several years.”
Uncanny.
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Yet another tokenism advert that I ignore. I wouldn’t want to cycle with a colour coded person in the real world, let alone in the comfort of my house.
3
I have a Concept 2 indoor rowing machine which I paid about a thousand pounds for.
Absolutely fantastic machine, low maintenance, reliable and highly accurate A great bit of kit.
Unfortunately (according to Mrs Stroker) a complete waste of money as I seldom use it. To be fair she does have a point.
Recently happened to venture into Evans cycles at Martlesham. Had an indoor bike set up with screen and surround sound. Scenery onscreen included tranquil futuristic mountain scenes and other delightful imaginary places. Think the shop assistant said the system was very reasonable at £400 plus £60 a month!!
4
Not sure if it was true or not but I read an article on some fitness website whereby you can have these interactive videos that you play on your mounted monitor of your exercise bike.
The videos are of a pornographic nature – basically the farther you cycle on your exercise bike the more clothes the porn stars remove. And if you reach certain goals these same stars will start enticing you further by getting on all 4s and inserting things into their appropriate holes!
All of it incentive-based; you have to work for your jollies. But as I say, I don’t know how true this article was, but I guess such videos do exist!
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That fecking old tabby shouting “and saddle” at the end, what’s wrong with “stop” self important old minge
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Mind you she does have a lovely botty
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https://giphy.com/gifs/southparkgifs-3o6Zt589jn2iRWoz72
Enough said. Well done pelaton. You smashed that arsehole wide open!
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