ISPs

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I would like to aim a well deserved cunting to Internet service providers. I love the internet, it has made me super picky what porn I watch (just plain fucking doesn’t do it for me anymore) watch cunts get a real deserved cunting etc etc.

What I dislike is when the speed of my browsing/ streaming is not what I have been promised by the likes of bollocks telecucks.

I fucking hate having a page load for minutes and then get the message ‘no Internet connection’

I’m fucking spending a fortune every month for 80 mb of internet and you’re giving me internet from the dark ages of dial up.

The fucking gall of the cunts, they even charge me 40 quid for line rental

They’re all a bunch of thieving cunts.

Nominated by Cuntflappage

30 thoughts on “ISPs”

  1. Morning C. Change your ISP. Your contract should have a minimum guaranteed speed for down and upload. If it consistently falls below this you can terminate the contract without penalty. Plain fucking doesn’t do it any more…… hmmm. Slope. slippery

  2. A minor external cunting for James No Brain. Moaning on about the ‘cheating’ of the Leave campaign. Every single caller has agreed with him, giggling together like schoolgirls, celebrating their intellectual superiority, and someone just said they read his book.

    Fuck. Ing. Cunt.

    • 5 minutes of James O’Cuntface on a daily basis is more than enough to reenergise my belief that a No Deal Brexit is the only way to go.

    • Vote Leave followed the advice of the Electoral Commission. The EC decided to then investigate Vote Leave anyway.

  3. Virgin Broadband, owned by that grinning mutt face douche, is a box of cunt.

    The SuperHub router hardware is garbage when it comes to Wifi, constantly having issues with it as do many others judging by the forums. Checking the channels of my neighbours and we all end up on the same bloody one!

    Apparently our local cab box wasn’t set properly either so we were being limited until they finally adjusted it. As for the ‘engineers’.. useless dozy cunts, but they seem to keep leaving fancy tool sets at our house so thats a positive.

    • No need, it’s always ‘ Democracy Fucked ‘ o ‘ clock.
      Good afternoon Mr. Creampuff .

      • Afternoon Jack.

        It’s also a waste of time, especially if you have a dozen clocks dotted around the house, not to mention the fucking central heating programmer.

        Besides, the cunts will only tell you to put them back again in a few months.

        This country is finished.

      • I only have the kitchen stove clock(Its digital and it a stubborn cunt to fiddle with sometimes) and grandfather clock in the living room to worry about, thats all so its no bother for me

      • Grandfather clocks are a right fucking pain TitS. My dad had one. It would invariably stop at around 2pm, so at 1am, about an hour after I’d dropped off to sleep, he would wind the noisy cunt up while moving the hands through all the intervening hours making it chime at 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 1, then he’d wind the thing up again, by which time my blood was boiling over, utter fucking terrorist cunt of the highest order!

      • Yeah I have to wind it up too, its a bit more forgiving then what you describe tho, it can be a pain if you don’t know how wind it. I’m use to it living with this old ancient clock since my birth so i’ve learned to put up with its bullshit

        Noisy fucker is right tho grandfather clocks have that loud and almost eerie tick tock tick tock sound, It wouldn’t feel out of place in a horror film… has a certain nostalgic feel to it works harmoniously well when its raining

      • Fair do’s TitS – to be honest I was cunting my dad more than the clock!

  5. The Telegraph did an April Fools joke this morning. They said the government had asked every media outlet not to make any Brexit jokes in case it led to panic buying and rioting. I was fuming for about 2 minutes before I fell in.
    However, i’m not embarrassed because I could believe anything about this lying, stinking, corrupt, EU loving, two bob , fucked up shitstain of a government.
    Not much of a “joke” in my opinion.

    • Jacob Rees-Turncoat was asked on the radio this morning who he thought would make a good interim Prime Minister.

      Answer: “John Bercow”.

      • April fool.

        Apart from Nigel Farage cannot think of anyone capable of being a decent Prime minister.

        And be honest, not even sure about him any more.

      • I tell you what Willie. Gerrard Batten gets my vote for leader With Tommy Robinson for deputy 👍👍👍

      • WTF was Tommy on when he made his speech in Westminster last Friday? He sounded like a mono syllabic buffoon AND reading from notes between every lingering sentence. He’s usually eloquent and free-flowing, it was a shambles and massive ‘own goal’. Somebody should keep on eye on his bugle intake next time.

  6. 80 mb thats your monthly cap for downloading?! wtf that doesn’t make sense whats your ISPs name, you arre getting scammed big time I get a 150 gb cap a month

    line rental wtf you mean you still got dial up? well there’s your problem m8 chuck the thing out and get a good wireless router and modem

    • I would assume that’s a line speed of 80MB/s as opposed to a data transfer limit. To be honest, nowadays any data cap or fair use policy at all, is a bit of a scam.

      For the line rental, most ISP’s will require a telephone line as they still, for the most part, only offer fibre to cabinet (FTTC) broadband, which still requires the copper telephone line to pass data from the local exchange cabinet to the premises. ISP’s that offer direct fibre to premises (FTTP) broadband, are few and far between, in fact you are pretty much limited to Virgin or BT for that, (unless setting yourself up to be FTTP ready) It will also cost an absolute shit-ton and usually comes with just as many strings attached.

      Alas, the only thing you can really do about a bad provider, is to find a better one.

  7. My internet speed in Poland is incredibly fast. All for around £10 a month. They have completely overhauled their phone network. Why oh why do we pay more than double that with crap speeds through copper wire that’s a century old ?

    • If it’s made of copper how has it not all been pulled up by gypos yet? Incredible.

  8. Many a solid wank has been disrupted by a problematic internet service.

    One minute you’re in the throes of onanistic lust; but then the service deteriorates and you get more and more annoyed, until the Nina Hartley blowjob scene stops being your focus and you instead zone in on your resentment of the fucking excessive ISP monthly charges.

    I’d say 50% of my phonecalls to Virgin have been borne out of post-wank anger.

    • It’s a long time since I found myself in the throes of onanistic lust, or anything approaching it. Sounds interesting. Please supply me with information regarding suitable visual stimulation and your manual technique. This old dog is willing to learn new tricks. Although I was never a fan of Nina Hartley. Ginger Lynn wasn’t bad when she was in her twenties.

    • Man of principle Jeremy Corbyn coming out in his true colours this afternoon, whipping Labour MPs to vote in favour of remaining in the Single Market, which includes Freedom Of Movement. Also a Customs Union arrangement which will block the UKs ability to strike its own trade deals.

      https://www.express.co.uk/news/politics/1108220/brexit-news-labour-party-indicative-votes-common-market-freedom-of-movement-eu-deal

      What was that you said K, a few noms back, about Blair pulling Catweasel’s strings? Nah, he’s just a cynical opportunist, no better than Boris Johnson.

      PS: it’s Chris Grayling’s birthday today…

      • Agree, cynical opportunist. But I guess he has to prove he’s electable, even if it requires him to turn into Blair. Cunt, anyway. Gave him a chance and he’s fucked it. Stupid cunt, too. Hasn’t a hope of governing the country, even if he does get in. Should be treating talk of snap election with disinfected bargepole only.When your opponents are fucking themselves so comprehensively, why stop them?

      • Good points K, though, imo, Corbyn will never “prove he’s electable”, far too much baggage on the public record proving otherwise for that to ever happen.

        As for Labour being 5 points ahead – that is disastrous. With the state of the current Government they should be 50 points ahead at least!

        Corbyn relies on May to be thought electable, just as May relies on Corbyn to be assured of winning continued Government votes of no confidence.

  10. My ISP wont let me view the internet thingy in all its glory the cunts.

  11. You can cut that shit out or you will be banned, remember you cant cunt cunters.
    Yours Admin xxx

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