Why, oh Lord, why??
No sooner does a bit of nice weather grace us with its presence than hordes of these revolting pests put in an appearance, swarming about thicker than migrating peacefuls.
I’ve read scholarly dissertations about how these cunts are actually a wonder of nature, honed and perfected by 65 million years of Darwinian evolution to prosper perfectly in their environment.
I remain to be convinced by this thesis. I’ve just spent a quarter of an hour or so watching one of its kind alternating between whizzing around my light and hurling itself furiously against the window; a perfect demonstration of the antics of, well, a blue arsed fly.
Yes, after 65 million years, it would appear that this is the summit of this creature’s ambition and capabilities. Finally I stirred myself enough to open said window, through which it promptly fucked off, no doubt in search of a gooey, fetid dog turd upon which to alight and spend the night. In the morning it will resume its mission in life in conjunction with four trillion of its compatriots; namely, spreading filth and pestilence around the world as fast as its little wings will carry it.
Bluebottles. I ask again; why? I suppose the one thing that can be said in their defence is that they’re part of the food chain. Some creatures will actually eat these cunts. That said, I doubt that Mother Nature would account these abominations amongst Her greatest achievements, and I for one would heartily agree with that sentiment.
Nominated by Ron Knee
For a moment there I thought you were talking about Parking Stanleys and camel herders that infest our country.
Obviously I was very very wrong!
But yes, flies are cunts. Flies and Wasps in fact – both irritating cunts at the best of times, but especially summer nights when you’re trying to get some kip and you can hear one of these fuckers buzzing around – you can hear it but can’t see it!
Welcome to summer
8
Not too dissimilar, invade en mass, hard to get rid of, always looking for a free meal and females produce multiple other cunts.
13
Yes, but bluebottles have somewhat cleaner eating habits and they don’t smell as putrid.
10
In my early morning bleariness I got the description of blue bottles mixed up with the image of David Lammy: the next cunt down!
6
You need glasses. You should easily be able to tell the difference between a bluebottle and a dung-fly.
4
Try working amongst the Kielder midges, you’ll view Bluebottles a sight more charitably after a session with those blood-sucking, buzzing Bastards. Interestingly,it’s only the female midge that bites.
Fuck Off.
7
Get the bluebottle cunts with a bit of WD40… They spaz about like Lily Mong on cut price coke…
13
Morning,Norman.
I’ve been trying to find out how Manchester United Ladies team are doing,but all I keep getting is some match report about the men’s team getting beaten. I’m going to write to the Authorities and demand parity in the reporting of men’s and women’s football .
I bet tickets for the women’s games are at a premium. Do you go often?
3
Highly intriguing nom Ron.
Anyone know how Brexit is going? 😃
5
I think we’re all supposed to be consuming eggs nowabouts, whilst contemplating redemption (Deut 32:9), RTC.
A normal service will be resumed next week, for your delectation.
2
Apparently Brussels is predicting that the UK will be overrun by trillions of bluebottles in the event of Brexit.
1
Bluebottles will seem very small beer, as hordes of Libyan illegal immigrants cross the Med and fan out across Western Europe this summer.
5
Hairspray is an amusing one for house flies. Unlike fly spray, it just steadily gums up their wings until they’re unmovable. Hilarious.
3
Fluoro marker paint is amusing on larger flies.
So I’ve heard.
0
I’m not crazy about spring/summer for this very reason cause now all these bug cunts are gonna be out in full force soon and its already pissing me off spiders start spawning all over the house, flys torturing me with their buzzing annoyance, swatting mosquitoes left an right , and trying to avoid ticks in the tall grass when I walk my dog. I can’t enjoy anything with these fuck wits around
6
I have a problem atm with my toilet,fact is my shit won’t go round the bend. So yesterday I went out in the morning, with all windows shut. Came back in the afternoon with about six bluebottles (green actually) buzzing around my bog. How the fuck does that happen?
4
Same with those brown fuckers munching away at a cow pat or big horse turd in the middle of a field – where in the name of fuck did they suddenly appear from ?
3
The fact is bluebottles lay their eggs on your food when you’re not looking, then you eat it and a few hours later the eggs hatch in your bowels and cling to your turds while you’re shitting them out.
That’s the most likely explanation as to how it happened. Trust me Richard, I’m a Doctor of Psychotic Enlightenment.
“Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.” (Sherlock Holmes)
6
Speaking of shitting had a nice shit this morning almost fell asleep on the thunderbox it felt so good.
Early morning ambience, no one around making any unnecessary noises, while I’m peacefully shitting out the contents of yesterdays rye and beer. I felt like a buddhist monk finally finding transcendence after it was all done
Wtf ruff tuff thats disgusting I didn’t need to know that about the hatched eggs
7
I enjoyed a good shit this morning too. Nice and firm – perfect texture to slide out. Not too hard and nobbly mind to bruise the old ring.
The bugger flushed first time too. A good start to the day.
7
Quick, buy a lottery ticket.
2
A bad fuck is over-rated;
a good shit is under-rated.
So I’ve heard.
2
Personally I’ve always thought that even a terrible fuck is still pretty good…
4
Anybody actually opening a window to release these shit infested creatures to go and spread their germs,instead of smashing their arse through their brains with a rolled up newspaper are themselves a Cunt.
3
Flies are thick as shit: I have opened windows many times to let the fuckers out. But instead they just bang their heads against other window panes that remain closed.
5
Sounds like the hunchback with her deal in Parliament.
8
See above comment
0
Guilty as charged Crusty lol!
0
To keep them away from and out of the house I used to leave jam jars with pound coins in at the bottom of the garden. They would all congregate there. Worked a treat until I was fined by the council for fly tipping.
13
Had me fooled fim, thought it was a jr cuntley post for a second there nicely executed too but you missed the ……
6
Wasp tipping is exempt. My waiter on Sunday was most pissed off when I ripped him on a grass verge.
2
Typo…. TIPPED him.
1
Get one of those electric tennis racket zappers. Bluebottles are too big to die with one zap so you can play keepie up with them, or stun them and feed them to your favorite spider.
I fed mine to the giant house spider behind the shitter, and sometimes the false widow in the dining room.
5
Took me a second to see which bluebottles you meant.
I thought you meant the uniformed ones who used to patrol our streets detecting crime. As a species they’re all but fucking extinct, showing themselves publicly only to nick the odd motorist, screaming at warp 76, lights and sirens going, to a crime that could’ve been prevented by regular patrols, or kicking in some poor sap’s door at 3am, who “misgendered” some loopy mental case or indicated on Soshull Meejah, some minor displeasure at the religion of pieces.
At the moment the Met have over 900 actual officers sitting on their fat arses, drinking coffee trawling through Twitter, looking for “hate crimes”, going after soft targets who won’t riot call them racist or phobic, an online State Censor, the New STASI, while keeping schtum about the festering cancer of radical Aztec Sun Worshippers, non-white knife crime against fearful of being called waaayyyycist or the usual tirade from those champions of community harmony, Abbott and Lammy.
None of these cunts have learned anything, unlike the occasional more highly evolved insect bluebottle who can see the obvious open window.
12
Good post Mr Sheikh Anvakh.
I was going to cunt the police for not arresting all the commie snowflakes disrupting Londonistab yesterday, and for not cracking some heads and dealing out a spot of police brutality in the cells.
Then I remembered there are no cells because Mayor Khunt has closed all the cop shops to pay for his ever expanding PR /propaganda marketing team.
Also it takes about five hours to process each cunt arrested nowadays and the police aren’t allowed more than one cunt to a cell anyway.
This country is finished.
9
They have arrested over 300 dirty cunts, at the extinction rebellion protest. It remains to be seen how many of those, result in a custodial sentence though.
6
Those cunts want to be arrested, so that they can invent “police cruelty” stories to post on unsocial media – another one of those I’m an innocent peaceful protester viciously beaten and tortured by right-wing Nazi copper scum. Oh woe is me. #Metoo!”
However, the Notre Dame quite literally pissed on their fire in terms of media focus. I bet they thought they would grab all the headlines, but the Frogs fucked them over well and truly!
4
gosh, my last post went straight to moderation. Guess I shouldn’t have called those nice French people “amphibians!”
1
I am a great believer in letting the punishment fit the crime.
For these middle class, Islingtonista, coloured haired snot-hanger nose-ringed Eco-cunts,I propose their being imprisoned in suitable “sustainable” conditions, no electricity, no convenience foods, no heating, no phones/TV/books. They have to hunt/grow/weave their own food/clothes, oh and no wasteful of water, flush karzis, no modern medicines. That should be “green” enough for the cunts.
Hmm, that sounds rather like a previous historical episode from 1939/45 that many of these Eco-cunts try to deny, or wish on us four by twos all over again, aided again, by the religion of pieces.
7
300 is a mere drop in the ocean. Only a handful will be charged… and for those that make it to court the usual mild slap on the wrist awaits. Not to mention the nauseating photos outside the court of cunts claiming victory over decent working people.
5
I yearn for the return, of SPG for situations like this. No soft sentences instant justice, and the unwashed would think more carefully, next time they want to disrupt, ordinary decent people going about their business.
4
Afternoon RTCP…
I heard a rumour certain police forces had no cells whatsoever so apparently suspects were being detained on a full board basis at local holiday inns ?
😂
1
Sorry, thought they were all out with the Extinction lot jumping on skateboards and dancing.
0
I tolerate them but they used to fuck me off in hot climes (dessert) the cunts used to try and crawl up my nose and drink out of the corners of my eyes.
I learnt to sleep with a scrim net wrapped round my face, fucking horrible things.
5
But what about the flies my Lord?
2
When are these eco-cunts going to realise that the proportion of the world’s total pollution emitted by the UK is negligible?
Instead these cunts ought to be conducting their protests on the streets of Beijing and Moscow. I’d love to see how far they would get then before receiving a panzer in the arsehole.
6
Matzo with smoked salmon…. Oh the suffering we four by twos must endure…oh the humanity.
0
People used flypaper to combat them when I was a boy in the 1950s. I don´t know if flypaper even exists anymore. These were yellow twisting streamers coated with glue that caught the insects and every home had one or two of them hanging from the ceiling – well they did in the working class area I came from. They were also found in shops – particularly butchers and fishmongers – schools and public buildings. They were not changed on a daily basis but left until they were covered in dozens of dead and dying flying insects. No one gave a thought to them. Probably be considered unhygienic nowadays.
2
Not a bit of it, Mr Polly. Still available in the larger branches of Home Bargainsâ„¢, Quality Saveâ„¢, B&Mâ„¢, as well as online. Often a bit shit, not sticky enough and easily-torn backing paper. Caveat emptor.
Good brands are Raid, Rentokil, Black Flag. Baygonâ„¢ is especially excellent, it incorporates an organophosphate with the gum for speedy dispatch. This is a Bayerâ„¢ product, and hard to find in UK, but available freely online.
1
It’s because of disgusting maggot-filled bastards like this why i’m so fond of keeping arachnids in the house.
I’ll see your 65 million years of evo, putrid flying pus-buckets, and raise you 400 million.
3
I save unwashed empty jam & marmalade jars, and fill them with water. The sweet smell attracts the insects, and they end up drowning. One in the lounge, kitchen and bedroom.
3
How kind and generous of you to share with us all that minor revelation, Paul.
It calls to mind the Captain’s Log in Star Trek.
What kind of toilet tissue do you prefer, and are you an exponent of the high-level flush, rather than the now ubiquitous low-level suite? Do you remember the good old days of tipplers, I wonder?
Relevantly, I’m just squeezing one out myself as I type, looking down on the Liverpool Street and the City (shitty?) from my friend’s Deutsche Bank private en suite. Im very much enjoying the vista and revelling in the Third Choral by Franck on his ridiculous in-office sound system. Looking forward to lunch at my club, the Army and Navy, or we may just get a bit merry at Corney & Barrow round the corner, and save the hassle of the journey.
Just to let you know.
5
Which reminds me of an old joke…
What’s the difference between Andrex and the Starship Enterprise?
Nothing: They both get rid of the Klingons.
Tadaaa Boooom Tiiiiishhhh.
4
I’ll get your coat.
Good evening.
4
Before I fuck off for the night….. What’s the difference between Corbyn and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
OK where’s me coat? TAXI!!
2
A tasty treat for the Hunstmen where i live.
1