Ugly South Coast Flashers

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Ugly South Coast Flashers

Have occasion to motor doine to the South Coast to attend to matters financial and try to work in a spot orf R&R whilst at it. Brighton, Seaford, Cuckmere Haven, Birling Gap, Eastbourne, Fairlight Cove doine to Hastings. Me old stamping groinde, in the ‘30s a place orf stunning scenery and fine open roads. A time orf the Body Beautiful, Health and Efficiency and many fine fillies en masse in tight shorts exercising oit doors for Blighty. Fairlight Cove a Naturists paradise, many fine fillies indeed. Oh yes.

Alas the sirens orf War heralded in darker times, innocence lost, concrete coastal defences, new roads and a new breed orf perverts among the forces orf the world assembling for a crack at Hitler. Came the peace Coastal Sussex continued to attract the nonces and perverts in droves but the old sensibilities, the tacit agreements to keep ones predilections within doors, were lost forever. Thus to modern times, accursed times, where a pervert seemingly lurks behind every bush or ornamental bench tossing orf.

Only the other week Yours Truly was resting his weary old arse on a bench overlooking The Channel one fine red streaked evening watching the distant propellers (alas no brave roar orf Merlin engines) orf the windfarm chopping up the flights orf unwary migrating birds. Just wish me old Purdeys (finest English shot gun ever made) had the range that far. A kind orf Idyll – then I’ll be buggered but this ugly little toad orf a filly lurches oit orf the lavender twilight, whips up her hoodie, pulls doine her joggers and treats YT to an eyefull orf sagging tit, Dawn French gut and decrepit minge. Giggles then lurches up the path, turns, bends over and presents Yours Truly with the promise orf some vast pimply pink cheeked heaven. Your Reporter made his excuses and left. Thank Christ for me hip flask.

Another for instance (one orf many). T’was doine Cuckmere with me great nieces, sweet little fillies that I have under me tutorledge when bugger me some ancient old pervert stands at the side orf the path, pulls a Les Dawson face and whips oit his fossilised old piss tube and starts spraying a copious spot orf Golden Rain at ‘em. What would you do in the circumstances? No mobile signal, miles from anywhere, no prospect orf Old Bill? Precisely. Swift heft to the manky cunt’s balls with me old boot got him sorted oit. Pissed up me leg though the bastard.

As to Fairlight Cove was doine there early to observe the wildlife, had a few nips orf me single malt to get me started and dozed orf lulled by the hum orf the honey bees and the sea air. Woke hours later with the sun high to find meself no longer alone but surrounded by towels laid doine at discreet intervals each occupied by a naked fat old cunt wearing a bobble hat and plarstic flip flops with a finger up his arse. Every so orften one cunt or other would pop up and start parading his rancid old bits aroinde. Came the inevitable and Yours Truly was visited. A bag orf old flabby skin and flaking testicles loomed over YT.
“You new around here? No need to be shy. Lovely warm day so just drop your trousers to begin with. We all had to start somewhere. I’ll show you the ropes.”
“Fuck Orf!”
Happily he did; and not over me.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

47 thoughts on “Ugly South Coast Flashers”

    • Hahaha lol its just the tattoos that disgust you?, it isn’t because shes built like a refrigerator and has a vagina that hangs like gandalf the wizards sleeve

      • What an absolute horrible pair. Just gruesome. Birkenstocks are so low-brow. The second chavviest footwear after Ugg Boots.

      • HOW DARE YOU SIR! that’s Windsock Wendy, and she’s a respected part of my community. People arrive in busloads in the hope of spotting her and catching a sniff in a downward breeze. The local businesses have never been better thank you Sir.

  3. You wouldn’t mind if they were lithe and beautiful, the woman I hasten to add.

    All you get though is some fat old hag who would be the last person on earth that you’d want to see naked, let alone fully dressed. Cunts.

  4. I’ve never been flashed,but considering that it’s happening so frequently to you,Sir Limpley, there must be an explaination…
    a) You are some kind of catnip for weirdos, a magnificent physical specimen who drives the flashers into an uncontrollable frenzy with your chiselled features,distinguished bearing and come-to-bed eyes,..or
    b) you are a seedy individual who frequents dogging-sites.

    An easy choice,I’m sure you agree, Cunters…it’s a) all the way for me.

    Fuck Orf.

    • Pretentious bullshitting I call it. He should write a novel, I’m sure it would sell.

  5. Obscurum per obscurius, and nary for the first time this week.

    I fear the aetiology of the nomination’s auxiliary image, together with parts of its textual components passim betray a certain bent for GILF-edged shenanigans, Sir L, or perhaps the grizzly sight is a mere velleity of the moderation team’s putative peccadilloes?

    I especially enjoyed the reference made to Cuckmere Haven, a quite delightfully tranquil place of oxbow lakes and wonderful strand, much belovèd of Caribbean gentlemen, middle-aged local golfers and their seven sisters of an evening.

    England, Our England. “We’ll fuck on the beaches, creampie in the hills, we shall never wear condoms”. [W. S. Churchill, attrib.]

    I still drink Hall’s Tonic Wine.

    • In the regrettable eventuality my foregoing was abstruse to the degree of being double Dutch, I would clarify that I am not ad idem with Mr Fiddler’s albeit mordant and satirical conclusion.

    • I was indeed wondering whose choice. You did mention to me that the cunter can suggest his own pic(s), but…errm, do I perceive a slightly over-hasty effort to deny it was of your own choosing? (whahaha!)

      A most provocative if not exactly invigorating site it is too.

  6. I haven’t seen a monster as ghastly as this since that Channel 4 documentary the other night about Michael Jackson.

    The dirty child-fucker.

  8. It used to be common practice, amongst certain of my acquaintances, to pounce on any unattended camera and leave the owner with a little surprise, a “cock shot” or “fanny phot”. A fully-committed effort like this would have been much admired.

    Much funnier if the little surprise only came to light when the victim went to Boots to collect his cardboard envelope of 36 glossy prints, to be met by giggles from the checkout girls (even better if he asked his Missus to pick them up). Those were the days indeed.

    Anyway Sir L, I have had a word with Mrs Sugden and told her to wipe her arse properly and stop upsetting the toffs. In mitigation, this was her first attempt at dogging and it didn’t go well; two hours and not a sausage. Plenty of horns beeping and flashing of lights, but nothing more.

    I have suggested she gives up her pitch on the roundabout and tries to find a layby or car park for the next attempt.

    • Flashing of lights…aliens undoubtedly fleeing in abject terror.
      Then they made the mistake of trying to land in a forest in Norfolk…

    • Quite a famous example of which was Matthew Brimson in the Worcestershire CCC team photo in Wisden a few decades ago. It’s there for posterity now even if Matthew soon failed to trouble the scorers.

  9. Even the fat at the back of her knees has formed little arses. Damn grim.

  10. I find the lady pictured rather alluring and just the type i’d like to take maybe for dinner or the theatre and then perhaps drinks. Would love to seduce her with flowers/ chocolates and take the shy young lady to meet the family. That would be between jobs in her obviously successfull modeling career.

    • Clearly, sir, you are a gent of taste and refinement, with a keen eye for a fine filly. My compliments!

    • May I suggest one of those ‘eat as much as u like buffets’ and I would try to get a table near the toilets, cos if you get landed with the bill or your date gets caught short God help you mate. You could end up broke and up to your eyebrows in shite. Sort of thing might put you off a second date

  11. Off-topic, but here we go again. They are trying once again to imprison and silence Tommy, this time at the behest of the attorney general. Why? Because some poor fucking Joe Daki mudslime child rapists might have been upset by him speaking against them.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0nO9V1m1Cw

    What an absolute fucking shower of cunts, and piss poor excuse of a government we have, no wonder we are a fucking laughing stock. I hope the streets burn soon.

  12. Oh dear, Amber Dudd has put her foot in it again by using the word ‘coloured’ to describe black women. Corbyn’s yapping pug Flabbott was of course all over it on Twitter but that’s ok, its International Wimminz Day tomorrow so show a little love for the ignorant honkey sista.

    • I am confused. Presumably I can no longer describe myself as white, because we have seen that the use of perfectly innocent and accurate adjectives can cause all manner of offence. (Or is white the only colour that can be used without incurring the wrath of the respective owners?) Payback time for centuries of happy doggerel about Black Africa, yellow people and Red Indians.
      If ‘coloured’ upsets the coloureds, then it follows that ‘uncoloured’ would be equally unacceptable to those of us who aren’t, by the same token (careful here as I am cognisant that the word ‘token’ could start a whole new world of hurt).
      In an attempt to avoid the subject all together , we have seen the USA’s black people insist on being referred to as ‘African-American’ (whereas they themselves are happy to refer to Black Music, Black Power, Black Lives etc) – even the N Word is perfectly jolly for a sing along rap ditty, as long as it isn’t ushered by someone who isn’t. In the UK we have made up all sorts of oblique names and abbreviations to describe communities of obviously different / diverse heritage. BAME? Do fuck off.
      So, just to be clear, I am predominantly an uninspiring puce colour with various blemishes and small marks and a light and uneven coat of silvery grey hair. My pale and unlovely body is criss-crossed with ‘after-market markings’ (scars, stitches and old faded tattoos) and is generally unremarkable. I normally manage a few days of bright pink / angry red when the sun makes its first appearance, but otherwise I am as far from being a colourful character (is that offensive as well?) as one could imagine.
      I think it best if I try to avoid attention altogether and just ‘be the Grey man’. Or I could go the other way and fly a rainbow flag – surely that can’t upset any particular group in this colour-sensitive world?

    • Amber Rudd’s constituency is Hastings to which Sir Limps refers in his nomination. Consequently, this photograph could actually be the incompetent Remainiac cunt.

    • In the future it will be impossible to say anything without causing offence to some cunt or other.

      I am white (not really, my skin is so far away from white, I would need a dulux colur chart to give it a name) and I accept the description and I dont get upset so by the same token someone who has a very dark skin could be described as black.
      If you are in between my colour and a very dark skin there is a difficulty, not white not black…. maybe grey, mid brown, dark tan colectively ‘coloured’ …. get over it!!!

  13. Anyone who may remember bugis street in Singapore in the late 60,s will of course be familiar with similar positions adopted by the local lady of leisure as the very fine specimen featured atop this brilliant cunting. It was a local pastime of the Rock Apes to play tiddly winks with an arse of such magnitude, using bin lids of course to make life interesting. Mind you, last cavernous sight like that was a trip through the Tyne Tunnel.

      • May well be, but I think it was originally her grandson.

        Always enjoyed a swift half in the ‘Four Floors of Whores’. Fascinating the way that a respectable shopping mall turns into a Premier League knocking shop when the sun goes down.

  14. I know Brighton pretty well. There’s not a great deal to do there apart from stand around vinyl record shops and vegan bistros wearing Skrillex hairstyles, leggings and vaping cinnamon-flavoured steam.

    • Agreed, TITS – Can’t be arsed wading through the (deliberately) overly loquacious, verbose “just look at how intelligent I am” ramblings of one or two these days.

      Not big – Not clever – Not interested.

      Scroll down to next (almost always funnier) comment.

  19. Am I repeating myself.
    Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
    Now that’s a big word.

  20. I am having a late dinner tonight……it is fish pie. I can wholeheartedly say that the above picture has put me right off it now. He/she or it has a whole ‘nother ‘fish pie’ of her own going on right there.

    I saw a lot of vile things in my time as a nurse – blood saturated beds, gallons of puke, green snot and mucus, rancid pressure sores right down to the bone, but that enormous, blubbery pile of skin and her revolting bumhole outdoes all of that gross shite by far.

    All of these flashers/nudists/naturist freaks ALWAYS have the worst bodies on the planet. Why they see fit to air and share it is beyond me.

    Nobody wants to see that shit.

    CUNTS!

  21. I’ve had a few bums hanging out of car windows and two pairs of flabby tits squished against the glass of a scabby hatchback down at Southend seafront.

    How I laughed as the plod saw the car and pulled it over as I went by. Got off lightly though as they just told me to keep my passengers under control! 🙂

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