The DVLA are due are a cunting for being a bunch of time incompetent, bureaucratic, time wasting, no point to there fucking existence cunts. Alright, I’m partly responsible, for not having done it when I should have. But I’ve been busy, really busy. So, I’ve been the owner/occupier of McGraw Castle for three or four years now, and I’ll admit, I forgot to update my driving licence with the correct address. I finally got round to it, and decided that since technology is, allegedly, my friend, I thought I’d be all 21st Century and do it online. SIX fucking times I tried. Each time, I got to the end and was greeted by the message that the session had timed out, because I had been inactive for more than twenty minutes. That’s bollocks, because each attempt took me no longer than five minutes. Anyway, after the last attempt, my tablet was in serious danger of starting a new job as a satellite, so I decided to phone the DVLA. BIG…FUCKING…MISTAKE. As with all government/company phonelines these days, it’s a computerised, multiple choice, press 1 for this shite service, press two for that shite service, press three to go fuck yourself, load of bollocks. I listened to options, I pressed one, then I pressed three, then I pressed two, then I pressed three again, then I pressed one again, then I was told that I couldn’t change my address over the phone, it had to be done either online or by post.
To quote Samuel L Jackson, “MOTHERFUCKERS”!!! Why the fuck didn’t the computerised voice just tell me at the start that I couldn’t do it over the phone, instead of letting me waste time sitting there, pushing one, two, three, two, one? Is there even anyone at the DVLA? And if so, what the fuck do they do all day, apart from feeling self-important? WHY can’t you do it over the phone? I’m only changing address, if they need a new photo, I can happily send them one through the post, (then again, at no point during my online attempts did mention a photo. So I see no reason why doing it over the phone is so difficult). But no, they’ve chosen the path of cuntery, and won’t let you do something as simple as that, and since their online ‘service’ is equally cuntish, the only option now is by mail. The only comfort I can draw from this, is that I know they hate getting things through the mail.
DVLA, you bunch of cunts.
Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw
Morning gents, here’s an essential tip for phoning these worthless sheep shagging cunts:
When you dial the 0300 number and are told to choose an initial option, simply don’t. You’re warned that you must select an option. Again, do nothing. Two more warnings and it’ll default to a human. Well, a welsh human so more of a hobgoblin but this trick works.
At least it did last year, not sure about now.
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Select the “Talk Dirty” option, Mr. Cunt Engine, and you’ll get put through to Charlotte with a fanny like a cathedral’s nave…
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Did you mean this “wide load” by any chance, HBH?
https://goo.gl/images/q8wGAf
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I wrote to them about transferring my late father’s car to my name. They mixed up the names and said I was pan bread. Numptys
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Apparently the DVLA employ around 5000 staff.
I suspect this is a deliberate job creation exercise to reduce the unemployment statistics in Swansea, where there is otherwise little prospect of work.
Must be a right old jolly working for the DVLA. A great opportunity for sitting on the company bog for a few hours, pants around the ankles, reading the Sun and surfing t’interweb.
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I recently had to take an old fella of 78 down to court to get banned for D/D.( A round trip of over 90 miles since they closed the local Magistrates Court. He had to be there for 10 am….quite a feat for someone living in area that has a bus that only comes through the village twice a week,but I digress.). Turned out that as well as the D/D he was also charged with not having a valid driving licence. He hadn’t realised that it was to renew at the age of 70. I wonder just how many old Fuckers are driving about without a valid licence? (Prince Philip.you car-crashing Cunt.)
This current trend for everything to be done online is ridiculous. Not everyone is computer “savvy”,or even has access to the Internet.
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Top cunting QDM, These fuckers are cunts. I keep an old paper licence (no photo) so I can let someone else drive and be me if I’m wasted, these cunts want picture licences… Piss off.
They also sell your details to various companies and they’re cunts for making the new car owner have to tax the car even if already has tax on it. As with most government run things these days they want you to do it online, and make it difficult to speak to someone.
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DVLA should be held in contempt by average Joe Cunt and are fully overdue a right old cunting on these hallowed pages.
The reasons are straight forward. They rank alongside other shitty government departments as being on the whole unfit for purpose.
It is little wonder that it’s 5000 staff have the highest sickness records of any other Government department, with figures indicating an average of 15+ days taken as sick by it’s clearly pissed off staff per year.
Average cunt in the DVLA earns around £12,500 per annum which quite clearly explains above and for most isn’t worth getting out of bed for on most days.
These clowns at DVLA have hit the headlines over the years for some monumental fuck ups like losing entitlements on motorcycle riders tickets when they renewed and selling drivers details from their database to certain private parking enforcement companies run by convicted low-lifes and general crooks for their own nefarious purposes, totally breaching all data protection rules.
Overall another bunch of useless cunts sadly reflective of shitty public service bodies the British people have the unpleasure of dealing with.
Utter cunting wankers.
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Mrs Rebel has a car which attracts no road tax and each year she gets a letter saying that her £0.00 is now due.
I shit you not!
How many of our millions is squandered on a yearly basis with idiocy like this???
Sums up the profligate waste that the horrifically expensive Civil Service inflicts on us citizens, and most of that is pissed up the wall on their cunt lock-in pension schemes!
Cunts!
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Cunts.
I kept receiving tickets for parking offences carried out by the previous resident of dicunty towers. The dumb bint had not informed the DVLA of her change of address. I called the sheep bothering types to advise them of the issue, they couldn’t give a monkey’s and I was told it wasn’t their problem and was nothing they could do.
I rounded up all the fines and dumped them on the reception desk of the local council office with a curt ‘not known at this address, not my problem’
Never heard another peep about it.
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And the best bit is would be when you forget to renew your vehicle excise duty for £0.00 you then get a fine because you didn’t notify them to get it a SORN. Surely if you don’t notify them it needs a SORN then it’s still on the road and because it tax exempt surely that makes it unnecessary to contact them to affirm that fact.
This happened to my Mrs when we moved to Bognor from Suffolk her car is tax exempt and at the time of moving the law had just changed to not having to display a disc.
The reminder letter wasn’t forwarded early enough so she ended up being fined for not taxing a tax free vehicle and of course not having a tax disc to not display.
Only in Britain could such a shite system exist.
DVLA load of cunts.
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When my wonderful Dad died in January, we had to transfer their car into my Mum’s name at the DVLA. Cancel the tax in Dad’s name (DVLA gain), apply for new tax in Mum’s name (DVLA gain), then they repay any full months – all to and from the same bank account and same keeper address. Time wasting titwanks…
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Typifies most of the Public sector departments. Truly a job for life if you want it. Nowhere else does it exist. Too scared to sack incompetent staff who are simply promoted into other jobs and bound by the targets for employing a quota of a particular sex or ethnic type, irrespective of their competence to do the job. And what can you do if the service is shit? Go to another DVLA? The service can be as shit and expensive as they want it to be and you have no choice. Equally the passport office. I can remember when passport renewals were £8. That was about 20 years ago admittedly. What are they now? £60, £70? Heard the cunting head of the passport service advising prices had to be that high else they would lose staff. Shows you where your money goes. Subsidising an inefficient service just to keep employment high. Fucking workshy lazy cunts.
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And let’s not forget the eye-watering “hundreds of millions of pounds” contracts given to the likes of Accenture (formerly Arthur Anderson’s Consultants who rebranded themselves as Accenture because the “Anderson’s” brand was in the toilet following big multi-million fuck-up after fuck-up) and Cap Gemini to “upgrade” government systems and make them “more efficient”.
And by “upgrade” they mean fuck-up and make them unusable/unworkable until they are scrapped – all at the taxpayer’s cost.
Passport System – fucked.
NHS System – fucked.
XYZ Govt System – invariably fucked.
Oh and the government’s procurement of these systems is so expertly done such that if they do overrun and/or go over budget – which they always do on public “bottomless pit” IT projects – do Accenture/Cap Gemini pick up the tab and face overrun penalty clauses as per the private sector? Why of course not, the Govt purse strings are opened time and again for a solution which is 4yrs out of date when it finally does materialises 10yrs late!
If I was in charge every single contract – whether roads, IT, maintenance – I would do on fixed price contact only. If they do overrun or go over-budget then it’s on their dime/their profit margin. Alas these contracts never happen in the public sector because there’s no kick-back, palm grease, gravy to be had by the lickspittle government toadies handing them out like confetti!
Funnily enough, if they were fixed price, I doubt many – if any – would overrun or go over-budget!
Cunts!
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You are right, Rebel. Having worked in IT for a good long while, “Anderson Robots” were a known thing. I never – and I mean never – worked with anyone from Anderson or Accenture who was worth their salt. Not saying everyone from those companies are idiots, but given their reputation why would you want to work for those clowns?
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Ditto mate.
As my Dad would say: “I’ve shit ’em!”
They charge £500 – £600 quid a day for useless cunts who they’ll be paying £200 a day max (and they’re not even worth that).
I’ve had to work alongside these fuckers in former lives and have danced circles round the cunts!
They charge that kind of money because the idiots in Govt expect it. If anyone was to quote half what these highway robbers were they’d be suspicious (because – as is often mentioned on this honest site – most civil servants are thick as castle walls).
These big IT companies have vast layers of hierarchy with departments competing against one another (for brownie points off the brass) where company politics is the rule of the roost.
The biggest problem however is that the underlings don’t give a fuck if the project is a success or not. They still get paid, they are 7 levels below the cunt who gets the bullet (and handsome golden handshake), and even if it does fail they know there’ll be another govt sponsored cash-cow (our money) coming along shortly to piss up the wall next!
Fuck big IT!
Cunts!
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My Japanese wife was granted Indefinite Leave to Remain in 2006. Stamped in her passport. Had to jump through hoops to get it, and provide suitcase loads of financial documentary proof to enable this to happen. Plus pay several hundred pounds. Indefinite Leave to Remain means she can live and work in the UK indefinitely.
In January 2019 my wife went to apply for a new job. Was told to take along to the interview amongst other things her passport, utility bill, driving licence. Upon arriving she was asked for her Biometric Residence Permit, which she had never heard of, and that was the end of the interview.
Upon investigation, a BRP is a new directive imposed by the EU requiring all non European citizens to have one. At a cost of £229 (which can take up to 6 months, or £888 on the day service) plus the £20 cost of the Post Office to take fingerprints and photo etc. Despite already receiving her Indefinite Leave to Remain, she was required to submit proof that she had lived continually in the UK since 2006. The BRP also only lasts 10 years so will have to go through the same process again if still in the EU in 2029.
Applied early January. Still nothing.Until this comes through she cannot work (if a convicted Romanian criminal who would be allowed to work), nor can she book air tickets back to Japan to see her parents in the Summer.
This country is a FUCKING JOKE.
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More EU gravy!
Why the fuck anyone thinks being associated with that shower of shite is a good thing is beyond me!
Oh, I forgot, the EU gravy swilling complicit cunts in Cuntminster that’s who!
YOU ARE ALL TRAITORS YOU FUCKING CUNTS! LEAVE MEANS LEAVE! NO CUNT WANTS A FUCKING DEAL YOU CUNTS!
* Kate Hoey excepted.
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Willie –
I’m truly sorry to hear what happened to you and your dear lady wife. That is a fucking disgrace. It actually made me angry even though we’ve never met and I don’t know your wife. My anger comes from a place where decent, honest and law abiding people are continually picked on by authority. Made to jump through arbitrary hoops and pay plenty for the privilege and for what? To establish something we all knew at the start, i.e. you’re a legit, law abiding, honest person who’s doing no harm to anyone or anything.
But be a darkie with criminal intent and claims of persecution and it’s limo treatment, a welcome home, stay as long as you like and have a truck load of free stuff, including tax payers’ money.
I too was amazed that marrying an American did not qualify me for anything here in Yankland. Similarly, if Mrs Yank and I were ever to live back in Blighty, she’d have all sorts of bother and crap to endure, even though she’s married to a Brit.
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Thanks Imitation.
It is discrimination against Non Europeans pure and simple.
Nothing we can do about it.
I hate the EU and the cunts running it.
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Incompetent cunts are promoted to management because it’s believed they do less damage there. I offer our government as incontrovertible evidence that this belief is complete bollocks.
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All government departments without exception are run by useless incompetent fuckwits.
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The lure of gold standard benefits, an easy life and no exposure to market forces is too much for the low life who gravitate to government work. Cunts.
Good morning.
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I feel your pain, QDM.
I moved back in January. I have until the end of April to file my “homestead exemption” which helps to reduce your property tax bill. The vast majority of which goes to the fucking local school district to help pay to educate other people’s fucking revolting offspring. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off to hell you sponging bastard scum sucking cunts.
Anyway, in order to file my HE I need to submit a photo of my driver’s license. Trouble is it has my old address on it. I can’t find anywhere on the local gov website that says the address has to match the address you’re filing an HE for, but you know if it doesn’t you’ll get shit for it. So, time to change my address on my license. Do it online they say – yeah, get to fuck! I tried that. I am not eligible to change the address online because I’m not a citizen. Just a law abiding, tax paying, professional whitey permanent resident – so let’s waste more of my time making me queue up at the local license office with a bunch of illegal immigrants. Lovely. Thanks America!
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I got modded. 🙁 Can’t imagine what for. Swearing is still allowed, right?
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