Portable laptops warrant a cunting.
Responsible on a daily basis for making my already vile commute into hell on Earth. These cunting contraptions of work slavery crop up on every fucking table on my train. The sad, deluded cunts banging away on them desperate to be seen to doing the right thing or getting a head start for the day. Corporate slavery at it’s worst. Keeps you chained to your desk even out of office.
It’s the typing that’s the killer. Either some middle aged cunt hammering away using one finger, smashing the keys like it’s a fucking Victorian, ribbon typewriter or some young cunt, fingers blurred as they carve out 100 words a second.
Second type next to me now. Been smashing away on her fucking MacBook for the last 20 minutes. Obligatory water bottle and massive cans, happy in her own little world whilst the vein throbs in my temple.
Picturing pouring her water bottle over the cunting laptop is the only thing keeping me going. Fucking CUNT.
Nominated by Bellendiousmaximus
“The only one smiling is the suntanned boss” – The Jam, 1979
The bastardisation (with a fucking ‘s’autocorrect) of the English language…
https://mikesplace2017.wordpress.com/2019/03/10/quote-of-the-day-67/
4
Excellent post cunt’s mate. “Vulgar” is the perfect word to describe the celebrity culture currently infesting our society. Talentless idiots looked up to by hoards of other talentless idiots and constantly promoted by our “lowest common denominator” media. I’ve had numerous news apps on my phone, all unbearable. The majority just pushed the current “everyone’s a n@zi and brexit will lead to armageddon” narrative or the last one I have, The Sun, which just constantly pushes “Towie/ Love island / Geordie whateverthefuck / dancing in shit” … “stars” … ?!
Talentless fools with fake tits and fake tan. Rotten to the core and no doubt full of self loathing and insecurity, presumably the reason they feel the need to mutilate their bodies, desecrate any shred of dignity that they possess, and then desperately seek the adulation of strangers that only want the build them up so that they can tare them down.
“The only phrase I can think of that is less appropriate than calling Kylie Jenner ‘self-made’ is referring to the worthless, money-grubbing scum who rule us as an ‘elite.’”
Well said. Couldn’t agree more cunt’s mate.
4
‘The men at the factory are old and cunning
You don’t owe nothing, so boy get runnin’
It’s the best years of your life they want to steal’ – The Clash, 1979
1
It’s the Cunts using them that should be Cunted rather than the laptops,I reckon B.M.
I came rather late to computers and still struggle with them,but I love my laptop. I can sit and peruse the papers,do my accounts, just about send e-mails,reach a wider audience to spout my views on any number of subjects, watch porn,place my bets etc.,all from the comfort of my home. I’m actually thinking of taking some evening classes to learn how to use one properly.
Can see your point about people using them on the train,but guess that it’s probably better than the Cunts talking to someone on their phone.
12
Morning Dick, you took the words right out of my mouth.
I 100% feel Mr Bellendiousmaximus’s pain, but it’s the inconsiderate cunts on that train that deserve the cunting, not the laptops.
Not a day goes by when I don’t get down on my knees and thank Dog I don’t have to do the daily commute!
10
Indeed, without the laptop, the ISAC community would be ignorant to ‘the Gays’ and their ‘gayness’ following Professor Fiddlers detailed research and subsequent rants. Many a cunt would pass quietly under the radar with being sufficiently cunted. Morning gents.
11
A very fair point and well made Mr Fiddler. Posted this some time back and recall it was made in a fit of desperation whilst the biatch next to me drummed her keyboard for the entirety of the journey.
0
On our line they ripped out all the table seats to cram more seats in.
So now there is always a mad scramble for the 2 remaining table seats. The usually solitary hipster snowflake plonks itself down at the table seat, denying those people travelling as a group to sit together.
It then sets up camp, making sure they use the entire table with all manner of electrical items that would make your local electrical retailer blush.
With 200 pound headphones on they then sit there smugly watching some crap tokenism box ticking movie of the 21st Century, occasionally taking a non important phone call about feeding the cat, and “lol” ing out loud, probably at an infantile joke in the movie, disturbing everyone else in the carriage.
Cunts.
11
I must admit to “LOLing” out loud in the barbers the other day. I was going through some old cuntings from the random cunts section and one of fiddlers posts about poovery made me guffaw rather loudly.
The whole room stopped and glanced over.
I thought it best not to explain the joke, the police may gave been called.
9
Barbers of the hipster type with beards like that of a micro brewer deserve a cunting all on their own.
7
I have a theory, yet unproven by science, that most young men with beards are cunts. I admit I’m biased, having been forced to shave every day for the past twenty-odd years, but I see beards as slovenly, except in older men and arctic explorers. But most bearded youngsters are often the targets of cuntings on this site. Maybe, like Samson, if we shaved their beards off they would lose their powers of cuntishness and join the human race.
Anyway, back to the users of laptops on trains. Now that I’ve left London, I don’t have to suffer these cunts anymore and when I used to travel on Virgin trains, I always went for the First Class quiet coach (now removed to make way for more cunts) and sit in a single seat. So I never had to put up with these cunts, but I’ve seen their behaviour. Wordlessly, they will get out their laptop, occupy the entire table in front of them, get out all manner of cables and gadgets and then proceed to type on the keys like a tilt hammer. I’ve seen these cunts trail cables over other passenger’s “space” and the laptop bag is always placed in blocking mode on the vacant seat. Heaven help one of these cunts if they began a phone conversation, because the Sgt Maj wasn’t afraid of raising his voice in protest.
The worst of these cunts were on the underground, where it is impractical to use a laptop, but that doesn’t deter beardy does it?
Then there’s the cunts who settle down with laptops in cafes with a solitary coffee and hog a table for hours on ends being “creative”.
All millennials. That awful cunt of a generation. In Dick F’s word. Fuck ’em.
6
Always been to embarrassed to open a laptop in public, in case my history pops up lol fuckin animal porn how the fuck did that get there. Fuck me was I pissed again.
8
These cunts “working” on the train are wasting their time anyway. In my experience the harder you work and the more competent you are the more work they pile on you and the more they take you for granted.
My advice to any young man is get your tongue up the boss’s arse as frequently as possible and you will soon be climbing the greasy pole.
A certain repulsive, smarmy cunt like Gove would make an excellent role model.
7
If I had one of these on a train the temptation to watch porn would be too great..
8
On a train we entered a tunnel when we emerged threw the mobile down on the table with the words; ‘It’s just not good enough’
Another tunnel the same sound of frantic button-pressing when we emerged-‘Nothing’s ever any good’.
Presumption and Despair.
2
I must hold my hands up to being one of this irritating cunts pounding their laptops, tablets and notebooks on a table train.
Given that I work in IT full-time, and often commute by train, I sometimes have no option but to dial in to a customer’s data centre while en route if they have a particular issue.
So quite often I will be that cunt with my bit of table space occupied with a ‘top and phone and obligatory diet coke bottle to hand.
That said, I can understand the irritation from ordinary bystanders; I even find it equally irritating watching others do it – especially those cunts who shout down their phones just to say “I’m on the train, yar!”
Cunts (myself included)
7
Do you have a beard?
2
Thsi cunting should be shared with those cunts who are looking at their ‘smart’ phones whilst they are walking. Smartphones have to be smart because most of the cunts using them are morons, particularly fucking millennials (millennials deserve a massive cunting too).
Last December, I was walking briskly in the dark and some bint appeared out of the gloom pulling a roller suitcase in one hand and holding her phone in the other. Needless to say, she wasn’t looking where she was walking. She collided into me and her fucking phone went flying and clattered to the ground. When I turned around a few seconds later, she was walking along as she had before.
I really hope her phone got a few cracks wider than Diane Abbott’s arsecrack when she is shitting out last night’s two buckets of KFC Hot Wings.
6
Walking or wanking?
3
Hahaha.
I was behaving decently. I’ll leave you to decide which.
1
Playing “clatter” was a favourite game of mine in London. How I laughed at the howls of protest from the millennial victim. Of course it was my fault. How the blind, elderly or disabled fair against these cunts is unknown. Courtesy – a word long since lost to this self-centered generation of cunts.
Trolley bags need a cunting too. Why do perfectly able blokes insist on wheeling suitcases the size of match boxes. Utter cunts.
4
What a life people have to live, commuting on trains that cost a fortune and don’t offer a seat for many. Working on the train to impress the boss or keep up with impossible workloads. 50 or 60 hours a week working, get home more work, scared not to reply to that bullshit email someone sent round to prove they work to live and impress the boss that is planning how he can cut their job.
For what? A house they never see, s shit holiday a couple of times a year?
This is living?
11
Spot sV the older you get the more you realise life’s more than work,
5
Indeed Sixdog. Quality of life or lack of in this purebred rat race. It is only once you realise the time in front of you is not as long as the time now behind you.
Sadly even some older cunts never get it.
6
I’ve always tried to work to live, and no live to work. My only ambition in life was and still is, is to enjoy as much free time as you can. My job at the moment is not well paid, but I rarely get stressed, the commute is roughly fifteen minutes, and I never work beyond five, or the weekend. Yes it leaves me with limited options lifestyle wise, but fuck it, I’d rather spend the time with family and friends, or just walk the local mountains than have the latest whatever. My lack of monetary ambition was another nail in the coffin of my marriage, and I’m still trying to work out if that’s a good or bad thing.
That said, I get wound up by professional dole cunts, who call people slaves, for working for “the man”, too fucked in the head to realise that some poor cunt has to work to pay the tax that pays for their free house, car, fags, booze, drugs and scratch cards.
7
My view exactly. Also note that laziness (as perceived by crap management) is exactly the same as efficiency (as perceived by decent management).
4
Sajid Javed had removed UK citizenship from two more ISIS slags.
I am really beginning to warm to this son of a bus driver. Unlike his pip squeak midget eye rolling fellow Muslim that Uber scum cunt Sadiq Khan.
12
Cunters, I am back to work tomorrow: same company, different location and being eased in gently ( like Justin Bieber’s cock covered in lube).
A MASSIVE thank you to all, especially Herr Fiddler for all your support.
Mind you being at home for six weeks on full pay watching porn all day was quite nice…..
8
I’d heard that McDonalds were an understanding employer, Krav. Have they moved you to the fries section instead of the grill?
סוֹף טוֹב הַכֹּל טוֹב
6
Milkshakes,actually. I love to suck on thick cream generating things ..
5
Do the new conditions at work not allow for that then?
3
Good news Krav. All the best, mate!
2
Well done !
1
Good for you, Krav. We’re all pleased you got away with it, er, I mean, proven innocent. LOL!
4
Almost as bad as some angry cunt posting online comments whilst sitting next to you on the train.
8
Yeah, these geek tossers always annoy the shit out of me too. They always seem to have a cetain look to them. Usually some speccy, hip-clothed bellend donning a fucking man bag, satchel-type thing across their body and slurping from a fucking Starbucks or something.
Being an anxiety sufferer, that tapping noise they make drives me up the fucking wall as my tolerance for noise that most people can overlook is zero. I have beautiful visions in my mind of shoving their fucking Macbook straight up their rectum so they will require Bear Grylls to fucking locate it.
The main thing that REALLY drives me mad though are mobile phones. The art of conversation is dying a rapid death now. I travel on the tube once a week to escort my Mum to get her hair done (she won’t go anywhere close to home…..she says they are a pile of shite, ‘full of young people’ and cost too much, sigh) and almost every fucker you see sitting around you is staring vacuously into their phones. It is like being surrounded by a bunch of Stepford Wife robots.
Don’t even get me started on the useless fucktards who do this shit when in shopping areas and nearly walk into you. What is so damned important that they have to be surgically attached to their phones 24/7?? I just cannot fathom these assholes.
CUNTS!
7
I have said a few times before I think, that if I could do just one bit of magic, it would be to “appear” out of nowhere a 10-ft wide hole, 1000 yards deep, pop it on the pavement where some twat/bint is yammering non-stop into its mobile.
A flying carpet could be quite fun, too. I have an image of self unrolling it on the pavement, then standing next to it, pretending to start it with a rope handle, like an old ATCO mower. Then watching people’s faces as a load of blue smoke appears from underneath it, I get on, and we disappear at a rate of knots…
2
Great nom, Bellend.
Only one thing worse than these cunts, and that’s cunts on mobiles on the train, letting all and sundry how important they are as they speak to their ‘secretary’ about arranging their flights to New York blah blah.
Travelled down to London recently in the so-called quiet coach, and some cunt was at it on laptop AND started taking calls in response to whatever he was doing.
He got his head in his hand to play with from a Telegraph reading Margaret Thatcher type. Fucking brilliant to see.
5
Curious to know which train you were on, Ron, because Virgin have discontinued their First Class quiet coaches. They didn’t want their staff getting into confrontations with cunts. Another blow against good manners and courtesy.
Another form of cunt is the one who messages during an aircraft flight despite being told it’s dangerous. It drives me fucking insane but nobody does anything about it. Can anybody tell me it’s safe, so I can relax?
5
The airplane texting cunts make my blood boil and I have no hesitation in asking them to stop with the texting the minute the airplane starts to taxi. I dunno if its dangerous or not, but what I do know is that they tell people not to, so I’m sure there must be a reason? And EVEN if it’s a 1 in 100000000 chance that it’ll make the plane crash, then that’s too much for me, just because some fucktard can’t not text their idiot family member/boyfriend/girlfriend/transgender cunt for a whole 4 hours.
3
Aye up Sgt Maj. Was travelling from Newcastle to London on the east coast line at the time.
0
Forgot to add that the other phone twats who get right up my snatch are the ones who immediately switch their phones back on when the plane has barely landed. Literally as soon as the aircraft touches the tarmac, they are maniacally rooting around for their phone like a crack-addicted junkie.
What utter cunts.
2
LITERALLY when the wheels touch the fucking ground. What a bunch of cunts the human race has become. The sooner we, inevitably, nuke ourselves to death and something else more worthy, like the fucking cockroaches take over, the better.
5
I couldn’t agree more, Mr Sausage.
There is so much sheer cuntery going on these days, it is hard to keep up. The world is becoming more and more technologically brainwashed and insane by the minute!
CUNTS!
3
The ones that make me laugh, too, are cyclists. I’ve seen two separate incidents of cyclists viewing messages without stopping. What cuntphone message can be so important that you would risk your life?
4
Evening all. I’m fascinated by those cunts who are manically at their phones the second the plane’s stopped; can’t wait to announce they’ve landed to somebody the other side of the barrier or the other side of the world, like it makes fuck all difference if the waited a few more mins before they actually got off.
As for cunt cyclists, I put a cunting up recently about a twat coming towards me as I was driving, who was on my side of the road and freewheeling, as he was using both hands to text on his phone. Would have been my fault if I’d hit the cunt, of course.
3
Natural selection is, sadly, not a defence, Ron…
0
Yeah Sgt, I saw a cyclist doing that the other day. Not only was he looking at his phone whilst still cycling, but he was doing so ON THE PAVEMENT, so therefore cycling illegally, liable to knock down some unsuspecting pedestrian any minute and a mobile phone obsessed moron to boot.
TRIPLE WHAMMY CUNT.
1