Knife Amnesties

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Knife amnesties.

What a waste of fucking time.
Two or three times a year you see some serious looking chief of police prick on the telly, standing over what appears to be the contents of some cunts kitchen drawer layed out on the ground and claiming another massive success.
Do they honestly think that the people who are handing these knives in are the same people that would ever dream of using them as a weapon.
Thanks to Doris’ do gooder husband, she is now missing her butter knife, but for less than twenty quid, the Leyroys and LeBrons of this world can purchase a working replica of anything from a Bowie knife to a blade from Lord of the rings, or game of thrones, and walk down the street waving it about.
I’m looking at you Scarborough.
That’s if you want something a bit flash of course, I wonder if it is possible to buy a carving knife for less than a pound? ANYWHERE!
So for fucks sake, stop wasting everyones time by pretending you have made one iota of fucking difference by collecting fucking cheese graters from middle aged white folk.
Silly cunts.

Nominated by The Cunt of Monte Christo

58 thoughts on “Knife Amnesties”

  1. Agreed. Absolute load of tosh! They can buy or steal knives. They can just take one from home…

    Leroy Logan,ex met copper and in with the Black plod massive. In January he was on LBC saying this was a health emergency. Today he is on LBC asking for COBRA to be involved. Make your mind up ,Leroy

    COBRA: Cabinet Office Meeting Room A.

    • I love the name
      COBRA
      It conjures up an image of something extremely fast and deadly, something that commands respect! Not a bunch of dithering cunts that appear to be running the country into the ground..😂
      Maybe they should consider a name more appropriate?
      Snail?
      Possum ?

  3. “Mr Fiddler, your swordstick is still classed as a weapon and must be given up”.

    “Never! I’ll be releasing the hounds in two minutes now Fuck Off “.

    • It’ll be akin to the Siege at Waco the day that they come to try and winkle the Fiddler out of his lair.

      Morning LL.

  4. ‘eard there was sum bovver on the ‘ill on Friday night. Some young bird got run through, aintchee?

    The best thing you could do with Harold Hill is drop a fucking bomb on it. A hotbed of wanabee gangsters. Knives and firearms aplenty on the ‘ill. No amount of hand wringing and tough talk by some ballbag-less MP will make an iota of difference.

    Either build some big fuck off prisons offshore or on the numerous uninhabited islands around the UK or bring back the rope for these cunts. The problem is too large and too ingrained to be solved by tough talk. They know it too; it is all bullshit to convince the more feeble minded in society that something is actively being done.

    • Reports say the suspects were two black males and a completely random attack, now if it had been a black girl knifed by two honkies it would immediately be racist and therefore a hate crime.

      • Absolutely correct……
        No doubt sky would be wheeling out the Lawrence family etc etc
        Lots of news segments about the “ rise of the right “ then a few cunts talking about our fractured society? Then the B word may get slipped in……..

        Morning LL

      • Morning Q, yep the usual suspects have been dining out on Stephen Lawrence for the last 25 years.

    • And another in Manchester.

      Very quick to identify the Hill victim but the Manc victim and perps of both crimes mysteriously remain unclassified.

      That will no doubt help the police with their enquiries…

      Pretty fucking sure if they thought the perp was non-effnick and not an eastern blocker there’d be photofits aplenty!

      Anyone else (irrespective of statistics) keep schtum, otherwise Lammy will kick off!

      Cunts!

      • I dunno if its the race thing or if the thick bastards simply just cant pronounce or spell the names of the muck that now infests our land. No, its the race thing innit.

    • I grew up on the ‘ill, a million years ago. It wasn’t too bad then and it was a safe place to grow up. Now? It’s been taken over by the usual suspects and – as you say – a belated visit from the Luftwaffe would do it a favour. Nice chippy though.

    • Lock the cunts up in Chris Grayling’s imaginary ferries, take them out to the middle of the English Channel and pull the fucking plug.

      🎶
      Feed the sharks
      Let them know it’s Easter time again 🎶

  5. The cunts probably only handed them in as they had already upgraded!!
    Ridiculous publicity stunt Which judging by the continued stabathon isn’t working…….
    Maybe the introduction of some proper draconian punishments may make some of these cretins think …….

  6. The kind of people who hand knifes etc. in at these events are the same type as come out with that dreadfully trite “If you’ve done nothing wrong,you’ve got nothing to fear” when our “Leaders” introduce some new snooping measures enabling them to access every aspect of someone’s private and financial life on the flimsiest of excuses.

    Fair enough, the “done nothing wrong”,but who can say that in a few years time “the safety of the public” doesn’t include retrospective action for any number of misdemeanors?…who’d have thought a few years ago that merely belonging to some “far-right” group could be considered a crime?
    I’m aware that in the current “enriching” Age in which we live,the Security forces need powers to investigate people if there is a chance of a serious threat. However, I don’t think that they should be allowed to spy on every aspect of peoples’ lives merely by uttering the “National Security” mantra.
    Who knows? In a few years time,we may may all be meeting up in the dock of The Old Bailey to explain our participation in a “Site of Hate”…

    Fuck them.

    Back to nom….I saw one where some stupid Cunt had handed in a pair of knackered antique duelling-pistols at some gun- amnesty. They’d have done better flogging them on “Tat In My Attic.”

    • Morning Dick.
      I’ve mentioned previously about us all ending up on some ISAC Wing in one of HM Prisons, passing the time tapping out Cuntings on the water pipes and avoiding Krav and Mr. Mincer in the showers.
      Get to fuck.

      • Morning Jack, I did reply, but my my comment is awaiting moderation.
        601 601 601 601 601
        [The Andromeda Strain (1971)]

    • The real pisser about handing in genuine antiques is that (in theory, anyway) they get destroyed. Or, strictly allegedly, realise a useful profit for PC Bentplod, along with the confiscated smack. Cunts.

      • Or, as in the case of a confiscated brace of expensive 12 bores, hung over the local Chief Superintendant’s mantlepiece (allegedly)

  7. I see Mary Poppins has finally been disarmed. Thank god. That stabby bint can go back to looking after children instead of lancing them now.

  8. On the subject of simians, when I moved to the Highlands my raging racism was cured, because there was no need for it. There is no need for it because the population is fully evolved.

    Unfortunately, token simians are slipping through and it’s worrying. I was sat in the departure gate for my flight from London to Inverness on Sunday. All the whiteys avoided the clearly marked disabled seats. And it was pleasing that a couple of parents chastised their children for attempting to take those seats. Cue token knee gro, a female, who parks her fat arse in the disabled seat closest to the gate. Typically couldn’t give a fuck.

    My concern is that these cunts will see the architect vacuum and my crime free part of the UK will become like anywhere else.

    • The Dark Keys are never satisfied. Even when they had their own special seats designated on public transport,still not happy

      #RosaParksWasACunt.

    • Take some slight comfort from the thought that as the problem moves out from Glasgow and becomes general, even the SNP will have to acknowledge it rather than smugly telling us how inclusive they are.

  9. Like gun amnesties,these shitty publicity stunts have been achieving fuck all for years, allowing people to feel secure while letting police do nothing for a pat on the back. Bring back Stop’n’Search for these knuckle-dragging cavemen.

    • Stocks are a great idea, CF. They would be jeered, reared, and smeared.

  10. According to the Mail, it was a knife to the heart of Britain. If Harold Hill is the heart, I hate to think where its arsehole is.

  11. In Germany, so I read at the weekend, knife crime has risen 900% in very recent years. Maybe it was a misprint.
    900%
    If you make any correlation you must be…

  12. I remember the firearms amnesty in the late 1980s.
    Nothing but old soldier’s war trophies and the rusty junk fròm farmer’s sheds being shown off on TV by smug looking senior Plod, making out they’d saved civilization…

    • One of the firearms amnesties a few years back, some geezer handed in a .303 Browning that was once fitted in the wing of a Hurricane or something. What was the point of handing that in? Look great on the wall. The old bill very pleased much grinning if I remember. The rest of the collection was fucked air rifles and dug up shotguns. Noticed a massive reduction in armed crime after this success; bollocks

  13. §§§§§§§§Comment awaits moderation§§§§§§§§

    Top of the morning, Jack, Mr F!
    Devoid of any dogmatism toward amnesties of any kind, whether domestic or international, but your comments, JtC, chimed with my own thinking.
    I have frequently advocated, though not on ISAC, that “incipient incarcerees” undertake a pre-prison primer. Indeed I have a compendium of “top tips” (of a non-Viz© type) for chaps liable to sooncome remand due to commission of “custodial immediate” infractions.
    An example, and tying in with your pipe banging, Jack, is: “learn Morse code”. (Fluency in Morse can be used in conjunction with an intermediate understanding of radio telephony to afford a wider diffusion than the pipework provides, via basic¹ techniques involving fluorescent lights &c. Clearly, you need a wingman with similar skills to receive the information.)
    There are many other tips in this vade mecum some esoteric, some elementary, ranging from using hyperbolic functions (sinh, cosh) to encrypt telephone numbers, to stocking up on canteen goods whilst on remand (and prior to conviction, if probable).
    Not long now before we’re all rounded up from this hallowed server for historic hate crimes, so hold on to your hats.
    ¹ Note: more elaborate praxis begets better results

    E&OE
    §§§§§§§§§

      • Afternoon, Jack! I fear my days on here may be numbered due to the scooters.
        Most recently moderated was a comment on “Temporary Traffic Lights”. I assume that was not due to any immoderate language, but more that it unsubtle draws attention to repetition on here: a far greater crime I’m sure.
        Unless that comment appears (unlikely) , we’ll never know.
        Ciao for now

  15. Question:

    What did Sadiq Khan’s father do when they came over to the UK?

    He has never mentioned it. Also, I feel like going to a gay pride somewhere warm. When is the next one in Gaza?

  16. The real problem is that knives are proscribed on eBay. Last year, I was looking to buy myself some good secondhand German kitchen knives, and spent a good half an hour before I twigged.
    I kept getting waylaid by beautiful antique cutlery, desirable used Belgian coticule whetstones, elegant Edwardian hollow-ground cut-throat razors, but not a Zwilling or Wüsthof Dreizack chef’s set to be seen.

  18. Good morning! It goes without saying and is not my style, in any case, CwCC. Thanks for reiterating that most salient of constraints. Slander – or rather, libel –offences should always be uppermost in one’s mind on here, inter alia.
    For clarity, and a translation of that comment, with annotations sequor.

    I truly believe the Federal Chancellor [Angela Merkel] is currently quaking in her boots about the shitstorm¹ which is a result of that [directly referencing General Schizophrenia’s comment].


    ¹ Note, Merkel recently used the English word “shitstorm”, although in a different context, see:
    https:///www.nytimes.com/2018/12/05/world/europe/merkel-storm-translation-germany.html
    Maybe not quite the forum, and I’ll stick with English and Latin.
    Noted, CwCC.
    pif

  19. I understand that the girl is shiteholistan was simply stabbed in the back by those of enhanced tan who then just fucked off.

    It seems to be a rite of passage. Just go and stab someone, anyone and you’re in.

    If it was up to me the creatures responsible would be broken on the wheel. Fucking savages. Disgusting, degenerate, worthless savages.

  20. On the news, we have to take action……

    Grassing, yep like that will happen.
    Drugs, that ain’t gonna stop, Dover is a virtually open border.
    Education, mmmmm

    More police with real powers!!!

  21. Legalise drugs and most of the crime will go down anyway. How has nobody done it yet?

      • I agree, OP but last time I mentioned (and attempted to justify) my philosophy on here I was lectured with a ginormous essay. Perhaps this isn’t the place for debating it. It’ll happen but perhaps in 200 or 300 years’ time.

        Maybe I should scribe a nom for it.

  22. These “amnesties” are just smoke and mirrors to keep the Proles in line. A “Ban” on knives/rifles/shotguns/pistols (His Toniness actually made the Olympic Games a criminal offence as the Pistol Shooting and Modern Pentathlon use illegal weapons) all of this rot falls at the first hurdle.

    What is the very first thing you must do in order to be a criminal?
    That’s right, Don’t Obey the Law.

    How many Bank Jobs/jewellery robberies has the gun ban actually prevented? It certainly hasn’t had an effect on getting shot. Or do we now use the 1984 newspeak definition that the easing numbers show how effective the ban is because it would be higher if the had done nothing. Cunts each and every one of them, why can’t the do us all a favour and delete themselves?

  23. The solution is obvious, let more peaceful and the non-gang cultural enrichment immigrants in and that will solve the problem.

    About 250,000 in 3 months should cover it.

    Oh, Savid Javid is already doing that. Hmm.

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