58 thoughts on “Emergency Services Abusers”

1. Yes indeed… They are all complete cunts..
   Not forgetting the pissed up cunt – who gets so paralytic that he falls over a park bench on the way home, that jumps out on him (the cunt). He then precedes to verbally abuse all & sundry as they attempt to help him. Then physically attacks the poor ambulance medics in their vain attempt to patch him up…
   Cunts , the lot of ’em

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   • Wanky cunts who phone for ambulances when they’re pissed out of their trees / 999 callers asking for a fire engine just to hear some sirens & watch blue flashing lights / tosspots who waste the police time & resources putting their lives & other drivers at risk when they’re too cheap to call a taxi after a skinfull.

     All these fuckwits and more besides make my fucking blood boil.

     Chop their fucking hands off (like the Saudis), then see them try to dial 999 with their tongue (and wipe their shitty arses with a stump). It’ll cut the offences down 90% overnight. There’s not enough deterent and punishment in this country, we’re too bloody soft.

     Fuck all these cunts – a fucking waste of good oxygen. Fucking selfish Mega Cunts.

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2. Having recently retired from the Fire and Rescue service I must also include all the nobs who have fired firework rockets at me through scaffold poles, overtaken cars in thick fog where I have had to cut them out and pricks who think lighting fires on moorland is funny. Putting dirty needles through the holes in a hydrant cover so when you’re grummaging around shovelling all the gunk out you could get pricked.

   There are some real dickheads and nasty bastards out there.

   Goodbye for now.

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3. Let’s not forget about the Abduls in their dingy ringing the Coast- Guard as soon as they enter British waters. Or the Cunts who go to climb Mt. Schiehallion in trainers and a t-shirt in the middle of January and then call out Mountain Rescue when they get lost.
   Utter Cunts… If it was left to me, I’d let Abdul and his family drown,and the terminally stupid freeze to death. In fact I’d send the Coast-Guard to sink Abdul and machine-gun any survivors, and I’d send Mountain Rescue out to chuck buckets of freezing water over the terminally ill-prepared.

   Fuck them.

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   • Morning Mr F…fucking right, those wankers who expect to be bailed out halfway up a freezing cold mountain really get my goat (after I’ve retrieved my upset goat from Mr. Iqbal down the road).
     Chucking icy water over them would be hilarious, especially if you could stand back enjoying a flask of hot mulligatawny soup whilst their hypothermia set in.
     It’s just typical modern selfishness, par for the course from almost every fucker nowadays.

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     • Afternoon, Cunt Engine! Agreed, and see below. [I think you technically beat me to it, though due to the scooters, my comment de facto appeared first. Must be another example of Rupert Sheldrake’s “morphic resonance”!
       Surely not mulligatawny, but “just ordinary Bovril™, with a drop of sherry”?
       [In Which We Serve (1942)]

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4. Who on this earth is so unbelievably thick that they don’t know how to heat a Pot Noodle?

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   • According to Ms P me.

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   • Think it was more a case of some cunt feeling so entitled that they got emergency services guys out just because they could. I think I’d have heatied the thing to boiling point then rammed it up the twat’s ring.
     My personal favourite is the bellend who dialled 999 because he couldn’t find his strides. Christ on a bike.

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   • You don’t heat a Pot Noodle, you add boiling water, totally different. Try microwaving a PN with the lid on and you risk blowing the microwave up in which case you may indeed need the emergency services.

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5. Has nobody phoned 999 because they’re worried of a No-deal from our awful Government?

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   • Not to change the subject General Schizophrenia but one of my favorite mod songs from the 60’s is emergency 999 by the short lived but influential Alan Bown Set I’d link the song cunters but youtube links give me a spam error lately song just popped in my head when you said that for some reason I dunno

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     • I shall give it a listen later on, young Master Slapper. I don’t mind a bit of mod though it’s not my favourite.

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     • Is this the one you mean? There’s an ad at the beginning which you can skip after a few seconds: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdG5ZNeGHHI

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     • Thats the one moggie theres only one alan bown set m8 and I agree GE, mods not a favorite musical genre either but then again its practicality fucking ancient now lol and was short lived anyway.

       It was more about fashion too and musically it was a swanky an posh throwback to rock n roll and blues at the time

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6. Perfection in encuntion, Ron Knee, and your masterful bravura in spotlighting this malfeasance long overdue.
   In your scathing mentioning of “Action Man™”-type chaps in the Cairngorms, you chimed with something vexing me right now. Some will perhaps have heard the current news about Tom Ballard, a British climber, who (together with Daniele Nardi) has recently gone missing attempting Nanga Parbat.

   I had met his mother, Alison Hargreaves, just prior to her demise on the self-same “hill” (as the climbing fraternity would self-deprecatingly put it) in 1995. I didn’t know her at all, but my sister, who was hugely involved with the Sheffield climbing scene in the early 90s (of which Alison was a rather insignificant part) used to throw some entertaining parties, and these mountaineers construed her clique.

   It was, I thought, shocking that Alison herself was so indulgent as to attempt possibly the most notoriously lethal climb there is, whilst leaving son Tom, then 7 and even younger daughter Kate with her partner Jim (Ballard). The idea her own son caught the disease and will now perish in the same way is mildly grotesque.

   The truly repulsive and sickening aspect of all this is the way society continues to lionise and celebrate these “professional mountaineers” as if they are great heroes. They rarely are. They frequently are, however, a curious mix of sybaritic, fast-living crackpottery, usually rather self-indulgent though impecunious, and with a serious (though muted) personality disorder, bordering a death wish thrown in.

   UNINSURED CUNTS

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   • †
     Music for Messrs Ballard and Nardi:

     https://youtu.be/dYmRnl_J9GI

     RIP

     †

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   • erratum
     In the interests of accuracy, Alison, Tom’s mother, died when she was attempting K2, and NOT “the self-same hill”. My bad(aaargh), I misremembered, and my apologies.
     K2 is not at all far from Nanga Parbat, they’re both in the “élite 8000 club”, and Alison’s 1995 climb was technically more challenging than Tom’s Mummery Spur route.

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     • Hargreaves was an amazing mountaineer and her death on K2 whilst tragic was not uncommon. That a search party was organised for Tom Ballard is just typical snowflake cuntery, a fucking waste of time. As if Nanga Parbat were like the Lake District and the happy party would be found disorientated but well. Like fuck above 6000 metres.

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     • She was a supremely competent climber I agree, Sgt Major.

       De mortuis nil nisi bonum and all, but I assure that having known these “big toe types¹” up close and personal (albeit vicariously through my sister’s deep involvement), my sentiments are wholly authentic.

       Having attended many-a soirée in Sheffield all those years ago, you’d be hard-pressed to find more psychological problems in one place outside Rampton. Harsh perhaps, but in my experience largely fair. Nice enough folks at heart of course, and mostly living in the “fast-lane” (and nothing wrong with that).

       It is the fêted adulation and singing of paens by wider society with which I take issue, as well as the utterly narcissistic selfishness of some of the climbers themselves.

       ¹”big toe” came out of an observation that many of these gnarly mountaineers had holes in their socks, and poor cuticular hygiene.

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7. I’ve just tried to get the cops on to some pikeys tails that smashed their way into me Land Rover an hour ago and nicked some of me machines,
   It would be easier to knit fog .
   Fucking sick.

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   • Afternoon Jack.

     Pikêys are a protected species and above the law.

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     • Last Friday, I had some flathead in a beat up old Transit park on my drive (back doors first) after eyeing up some scrap lead and copper from a house refurb. He asked if it was for sale and I told him that he was not only trespassing on my estate, but he also had no right to access the private road which leads to it. I invited him to Foxtrot Romeo Oscar before I set the Dobermann on his swarthy arse.

       I weighed the scrap in the next day for just under a respectable £600.

       Well the flatheaded simpleton only came back again yesterday when I was out at work. My Mrs, who is a well respected village GP and rather genteel, roundly told him in unhushed tones to “fuck off ” before she “arranged to have him physically removed by some bad tempered apes working next door”.

       I don’t think it will end there so I have invested in just under a grand’s worth of Ring cameras and a doorbell. At least if these cunts turn up at dawn, my phone will alert me and I can bellow at them to fuck off and deploy a siren and flashing red light from the comfort of my rather comfy bed.

       I did report this to the rozzers, who kindly gave me a crime reference but couldn’t commit to investigating this. The tune changed somewhat when I quickly tapped the pikey’s registration into the DVLA website to reveal the Transit had false plates from a MOT-expired Astra. The prospect of feeling the collar of someone committing a motoring offence is seemingly far more enticing for Hawaii-Five-O.

       “Book him Danno; Diddicoy Pilfering Number One”

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     • It is certainly a lot easier for them to investigate, PM.
       Sounds like the Pincher may be an invaluable asset.
       In addition to the CCTV (do they have infra red illuminators?) I’d also advise the installation of ultra high output transponders for emergency use, if feasible (neighbours etc). They are extremely effective in disorientating trespassers, though you and your Mrs will need ear defence.
       This kind of thing:

       https://www.ultrasecuredirect.com/lone-worker-elderly-safety-systems-personal-alarms/long-range-wireless-latching-118db-siren-strobe-panic-alarm-009-1200-009-1205-p1610.html?gclid=CjwKCAiA_P3jBRAqEiwAZyWWaORECzYdU76nCXp83oCtPnsKEveJRi6_zsZK9t1jnS_xH-01RQukMBoCdZ4QAvD_BwE

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     • That would make me popular with the neighbours, CS!

       I have invested in four of these:

       https://en-uk.ring.com/products/floodlight-cam?variant=3657947611147

       A colleague has them and reckons they are the hound’s parts. I liked them as they are hardwired and don’t rely on batteries. You can bellow at the flathead cunts when they set the alarm off on your smartphone.

       “Dooshka, dooshka, move away from the house, you fucking flathead. Now piss orf and korva, korva before I release our hungry and bad-tempered hound”.

       They have an alarm you can deploy from your phone as well.

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     • They look very capable, and well-specced if a tad pricey (Ring used to be known for their “good-value” replacement car bulbs and bits).
       Unless you’ve already installed them, a tip would be to protect the units with stout cages (and placing high, obvs). You don’t want the next move of the gentlemen of Romany extraction to be nicking the Ring units themselves!
       If dangerously loud sounders are off the menu, then the next best deterrent is intense (≈20kW halogen equivalent) illumination (either HPS/MH or LED). That stuff’s pretty cheap now, and can be linked to the Ring units for actuation, most likely.
       Ironic that you’ve spent more on security than the value of the scrap!
       THIEVING CUNTS

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     • Hello RTC. I’m sweeping glass up in the rain.
       Oh fucking joy.

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     • Bastards. You have my sympathy.

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     • Too bad it wasn’t Katie Prices Pink Land rover sad to hear they hit yours Jack

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     • Thanks TS. Could do without the aggro.

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   • Sorry to hear that Jack. It’s an utter Cunt’s trick to pinch someone’s tools.

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     • Second time the cunts have done me.
       I’m not joking when I say that I would wipe every fucking pikey from the face of the earth.

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     • Jack my friend, I sympathise with you entirely having had this done to me as well.
       I have a nice makita box with an airbag in it, a fridge door switch and a fire light battery and a number of zippy bags filled with gloss paint.
       the electrics are all connected and should said box go walkies and the cable tie seal broken and then the box opened well, lets just say its pandora’s box.
       I would have liked to stick a claymore in it, but I understand that it is not legal.

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     • Yes, a Claymore would do a nice splatter job.
       One can but dream.

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     • Seconded Jack. I believe that most reasonable-minded, civilised people would fully support a state-led genocide of what is no better than a swarm of fucking entitled, workshy parasites. Enough is enough. I compare the didds to mosquitoes or tapeworms.

       These didds cunts are the first to moan that people don’t like them and give them a hard time. If the cunts weren’t so light-fingered and ready to occupy other’s land without permission then that would be a step in the right direction.

       I hope you get sorted and these cunts keep their stinking. thieving fingers off your property.

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     • Thanks Paul. Mosquitoes and tapeworms are noble creatures in comparison.

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     • Fucking right, DF. Bang put of order.

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     • The are two types of people, those that hate pikeys, and those that haven’t met one. Where are the daleks….

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8. Excellent cunting, Sir Knee.

   I couldn’t believe this shite went on until I spent a day out with the ambulance crew as part of my induction to working in A&E. 99% of the callouts were utter shite. Totally needless calls.

   There was a bunch of teenage assholes in a house who were either high or pissed, had a barney and one of them had called 999 for no reason at all except for some attention. The crew had to speak to the dickheads downstairs, while the little cunt bitch who made the call stayed holed up in a bedroom, doubtless because she was scared of the consequences, fucking moron.

   There was a bloke who was pissed, had fallen over in the street but when the crew turned up he point blank refused to be taken to hospital to monitor his head injury.

   There was a family of asian dickheads whose old dear grandma was coughing…..YES COUGHING. Not only did our ambulance turn up, but we were beaten to the chase by a lone paramedic in one of those car ambulance thingies. He told us that he would handle it, so off we had to piss.

   It was all truly ludicrous. I spent most of the day totally incredulous.

   I was also told by a colleague of mine how some fucking dumbass parent had called 999 because they had run out of Calpol for their under the weather kid. Who needs your local Tesco pharmacy when you can phone an entire ambulance crew?

   FUCKING IRRESPONSIBLE CUNTS.

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   • Afternoon Nurse.
     What worries me with time wasters is I think that it colours the view of responders to genuine cases.
     A few years ago my daughter went for a Friday night after-work drink with a few colleagues. She said later that she had felt a bit ‘odd’, but at the time she took literally one sip from her wine and keeled over. Her friends called an ambulance. The paramedics got there, checked her over and (despite my girl’s protestations), pronounced her drunk. We got there asap, and the crew ( with a very snotty attitude) gave the three of us a right bollocking) about drinking too much, then turfed us out.
     Next day she was still insisting that she hadn’t been drunk, and still felt ‘weird’. Phoned the doctor who saw her a couple of hours later, and sent her straight to hospital. Long story short, our girl had a problem with her heart, and had to have surgery (it was that thing which causes footballers suddenly to drop dead on the park). She now has a defibrillator fitted.
     I was raging at the ambulance crew and was all for filing a formal complaint, but the wife calmed me down eventually. Fact remains though that a sceptical crew, no doubt borne out from long experience of wasters, DIDN’T listen to my daughter. She could bloody have died that night.

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     • Jesus, Ron. That is horrendous. Long QT syndrome I think it is called. I’m so glad that your daughter’s condition was discovered and sorted out. So frightening for her and you.

       That is the problem with the wasters who call with trivial shit. The ambulance crews become jaded and presumptious when they see a patient. Even more reason why these absolute idiots should be prosecuted or at the very minimum, FINED when they call 999 for no good reason.

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     • I know Nurse. It’s kind of Catch-22 isn’t it? I suppose I’d get narked as well if my call-out time was persistently wasted by pissed up twats on a Friday night, but somehow crews need to learn that when a patient, and that patient’s friends, insist that she is ill NOT drunk, they have to listen. This experience just makes me even madder at time-wasting morons.

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   • Still the same every day, Nurse. GP’s who call an emergency ambulance for transport to ED for a pt they’ve let drive home! Honest! Or the serial offenders – ‘111’ who send a fucking ambulance for absolutely everything including a woman who drove to her surgery, found it shut, called ‘111’ and asked if they thought she should drive to the ED.’ No’, they told her – drive home and we’ll send an ambulance for you!!! CAT 2 response!!! She drove herself in and we Datexed it. Every day, shit like that from ‘111’. We fucking LOATHE them as their shite takes priority over your fucking nan who’s been on the floor for four fucking hours. We’re sent to cunts that call 111 as they have a headache, haven’t taken any pain relief and live within sight of the fucking hospital. ‘111 Cardiac Arrest’? Who the fuck calls ‘111’ if there’s a cardiac arrest??? How the fuck do they come up with that???? ‘Why haven’t you called your GP’?, we ask. The cunts always say that it’s quicker to call us. That’s the fucking attitude we face from a broad spectrum of society and they don’t give a flying fuck when you point out that we’re a paramedic crewed emergency ambulance for live-threatening conditions and out of service for genuine emergencies whilst we’re with them. And Ron’s right, we do get so pissed off it’s hard to stay focussed, sometimes, and more’s the fucking pity. When you go from a hanging to an 18 year old Dying Swan with a cold, ‘Doing The Voice’ – Nurse’ll know what I mean – you do get pissed right off. The public need to have a long, hard fucking look at itself, we need, as a service to start saying ‘No’, and back the personnel up when we say it, call-takers as well, and start charging people for inappropriate use of the service.

     Cunts.

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9. If you had made reference to their lineage you would have had more fuzz around you than an Amazonian woman’s lady garden.

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   • It always make me laugh that you can get arrested for stating a FACT. That a person is asian/black/Eastern European or whatever the fuck. Just stating a FACT is racist, apparently.

     Funny how this never includes ‘white’ though, isn’t it?

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10. Wish me luck,cunters.
    Three hour hearing with regional manager: I know it is pointless and I will get fired today but you have to try….

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    • Good luck Krav. Three hours? What the fuck did you do, tell your boss to suck your dick and give you a reacharound?

      Remember, they won’t have a watertight case to dismiss you. If they sense you will take them to a tribunal and the cleaners, they may not be quite so confident.

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      • Thanks but she is a hatched faced lady love merchant….

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      • Kravdath, I think you may work for the same company as me, (her girlfriend is cute though) the lady in question used to work for B&Q

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    • Good Luck, Krav. Hope things go better than you expect. It’s surprising how things can often turn out better than you imagine

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      • Thanks Herr Fiddler.

        Am sat in a cafe opposite waiting for my union rep. There is some um bongo drinker at the counter causing a right ruccus. It is taking him over 10 minutes just to order some egg on toast. Even his bruvva from another mother behind the counter is losing patience. I need to go and pay: One word and I will demonstrate how Krav Maga really does work…

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    • Good luck Krav. I hope you’re pleasantly surprised. If not, don’t lose heart. It’s always darkest before the dawn.

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    • Good luck Kravdarth.

      Don’t let the fuckers get you down. I’ve been there, done that, had the handbags at dawn shit with a fucking bitch cunt ward manager. I dug my heels in and told them (in a nice way) to fuck off.

      Before they gave me the chance to sack me I beat them to the punch and resigned.

      Fuck ’em.

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    • בהצלחה, Kravdarth

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      • And mazel tov.

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    • Go get ’em krav. All the best Chief.

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11. Some colleagues and I were waiting to be assessed by some HR bod.
    Somebody mentioned he was from Wales.
    Without realising he was standing behind me, I said, “All you get in Wales are prostitutes and rugby players”….

    “Excuse me” he said, “I’ll have you know my wife is from Wales.”

    I said “Who does she play for”….

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    • Great one JR. Keep ’em coming!

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