Wrong Number Callers

Wrong number callers.

I was watching the racing today when the phone rang…and rang…and rang. Eventually I decided that it must be an emergency, and I’d better answer it. Due to a very poor mobile signal, I still have a landline in the hall. Had to leave the racing and sprint (?) off to answer the fucking thing.
“Hello,is that James?”
>”No,you must have a wrong number”
“Can I speak to James?”
>”No, you fucking can’t…you’ve got the wrong number”
“But isn’t this the number for Mill House Farm?”
> “No”
“Are you sure?”
>” Fuck Off, I’ve told you, you’ve got the wrong fucking number”
“Well do you know the correct number?”
>” Do I know the correct number? I know I’ll pull yer fucking plums off if you don’t FUCK OFF YOU UTTER CUNT”

That was when I crashed the phone down. I’d missed the end of the race…still wondering if it was some Cunt who knew me, winding me up…suspicious that it came right in the middle of the big race. Luckily the Cunt forgot to block his number,so I’ve set my alarm and at 3 o’clock in the morning the Cunt’ll be receiving a phone call enquiring about his views on guinea-pigs being involved in shite-mining…that should shake the sleep out of his head…as will the half-hourly follow-up calls.

I once got a wrong number call from some either deaf or drunk imbecile wanting to book Bed and Breakfast. Couldn’t get it through to him that I was no doss-house for cheap Cunts. Took the booking. No idea yet just where the Cunt actually thought he was going, but he’ll have been in for a surprise when he got there.

Fuck Off.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

57 thoughts on “Wrong Number Callers

    • Yes Mr Fiddler those poor unfortunate creatures again. What an environment to work in? I suppose the gerbils have an easier to time. But still at the coal face as it were. Guinea pigs are bigger beasts and can be aggresive. You do hear that the recipients suffer from being mined overmuch. Maybe there’s a connection. Which would put a new meaning to the term ‘main gate ripper’.

  1. I’m glad you took the booking off the daft cunt Mr Fiddler, what a great mind you have.

    • I did something similar when a pizza place opened nearby with its telephone number just one digit out and we got quite a few calls for delivery orders. I gave the proper number for a few days then just started taking the orders and leaving it at that. The pizza place changed their number after a few weeks. I can only imagine the complaints they must have got about no delivery. Oddly enough I never once got a call to complain, just the orders.

  2. Afternoon Dick.

    All VERY annoying. Suggest you get an answering machine with ‘Caller Display’ facility. We NEVER answer our phone unless we recognise who’s calling, and rarely even then. The answering machine kicks in after about 8 rings, so if it’s an emergency we can pick up after the cunt caller starts screaming.

    9 out of 10 calls we get are scams or time wasting cunts. They usually fuck off once the answering machine takes over.

    • BT call minder is a cunt unless you know who you are calling.
      I had a customer with BT call minder who had some kit breakdown, the twatty machine asked who I was and then blocked me, however having multiple phones I then used a different phone, called it and told the stupid thing I was the home owner and it let my call through.

  3. Off topic, but I checked the state of play with the petition on the gov website, Leave the EU with no deal …… 341,000 signatures

    Never a mention on the fucking BBC news or politics shows that NO DEAL has got this level of support.


  4. Re the B&B –

    Get yourself a dodgy bank and card machine, start taking deposits. a lot of hotels will just take 100% if people do a no show…

    Call it “Crossroads”, and when you give directions, say it’s up the drive from the gibbet where Anna Soubry is hanging…

  5. Anyone see Dominic Grieve-ous Bodily-Cunt on Politics Live this afternoon? Boy he was REALLY askin’ for it! 👊

    • He is a master of slippery eel maneuvers,

      Just watching the PM statement to the House and whinging questions from SNP, Labour ….and Soubry’s pussy team.

      One brilliant statement from conservative MP George Freeman,

      He said of the leader of the oppositions position on Brexit

      “He is in favour of leave in the North and remain in the South”, sums up Corbycunt in those few words.

    • I’m with you on this one RTCP I used to give all these annoying fuckers the same answer….

      Phone cunt “ is that mr quislings?”

      Q “ no I’m afraid he’s gone away “

      Phone cunt “ when is he expected back ?”

      Q “ about 6-7 years”

      Phone cunt “ 6-7 years?”

      Q “ yes he went to prison for murdering a phone canvasser”

      Phone cunt ??? Click

      Can’t be bothered now so just let answerphone weed the cunts out …….

      Apparently there’s been a 40% drop off in party membership in mr punch’s vote leave Beaconsfield constituency? Plans are being made to deselect the treacherous cunt ASAP , hopefully this will be shortly extended to Justin greening, Anna Soubry, Sarah Wollaston, Heidi Allen and all the other Brexit denying Tory quislings……..

      • Evening Q.

        What’s the betting they all decide not to stand for election next time, citing “extreme right-wing infiltration” in the Tory Party or some such nonsense.

        Should join the LibDumbs where they belong. Thing is they only got elected cos they were pretending to be Tories, wouldn’t have stood a hope in Hell in their constituencies standing as independents or LibDumbs… 😡

      • Evening RTCP
        Wasn’t Soubry originally in the Lib Dem’s ? I’m praying they all get kicked into touch, listening to their fucking quizzy bull shit really makes my head spin, bought and for EU arse licking cunts!!

      • Not sure Soubry was a member Q, but like a lot of cunts (including me) she was torn between Snatcher and Foot in the 1980s, and had, in her words, “a dalliance” with the SDP for a while… Nothing high profile.

        However she barely gets a mention (if at all) in the SDP Wikipedia entry, or anywhere else regarding the SDP for that matter.

        She joined the Tories during IDS leadership period, I believe.


      • Apparently she and 7 others left maggies conservatives and all had a flirtation with the SDP, she claims the other 7 did join the SDP but she alleges that she didn’t ? Although there is documentation which clearly shows Soubrys being economical with the truth…… quell surprise

      • Yeh RTCP,
        It was indeed the SDP forerunner of Lib Dem’s which she has tried to airbrush out of her career, apparently she now maintains she never joined SDP but apparently there’s paperwork that proves otherwise? Dodgy Soubry? Never 😂

      • Why she would want to airbrush something as innocuous as that out of her past is a mystery.

        Several Tory and Labour cunts had flirtations with the SDP and Liberals during the early 1980s, it was no big deal.

        Maybe it’s as I said before: she could only get elected wearing a blue rosette… and wearing a red rosette would have been a step too far…

        Either way, who gives a fuck? It’s obvious she now belongs in today’s LibDumbs with Vince Cobblers and his chums.

        She’ll probably lose her seat next time whatever she does… assuming she contests it, which I doubt she will.

      • She denies it but there’s paperwork that shows she did join, it’s a weird one but then Soubry appears to be as mad as a March hare

  6. ~~Riiiiiing~~

    Cap’n Mags: Hello?
    Unknown Caller: Oh hi, who am I speaking with?
    Cap’n Mags: Who are you?
    Unknown Caller: I had a missed call from this number.
    Cap’n Mags: Right.
    Unknown Caller: So who is this?
    Cap’n Mags: I asked you that.
    Unknown Caller: You phoned me.
    Cap’n Mags: To whom am I speaking?
    Unknown Caller: You need to give me your name.
    Cap’n Mags: I don’t need to do anything.
    Unknown Caller: This is ridiculous.
    Cap’n Mags: It certainly is. Goodbye.


  7. I used to get regular calls from a wholesaler whose staff all appeared to be Asian. They apparently thought my number was for an off-licence and kept asking for my booze order. I got tired of telling them they had the wrong number and told them I wasn’t going to order from them any more because I could get it cheaper from another company. They were astounded. They started quoting packs and prices and said ‘You can get it cheaper than that?’ They must have cottoned on eventually because the calls stopped, but it was fun while it lasted.

  8. When I was a kid, our phone number was very similar to a local coach company, we had thickos phoning up and trying to book coaches at least twice a month.

    However if you want fucking stupid, I phoned a school in my professional capacity (sounds grand doesn’t it) explained to the receptionist what I was calling about, she said she didn’t understand and that I would be better of explaining it to the guy in the grounds dept, she transferred me to grounds.
    The guy wasn’t there but his assistant was, who turned out to be Hungarian, did not speak English and should not have been picking up the phone!.
    I had to call the school again and ask for an English speaking member of staff to call me back.

  9. Was this on a work day, Mr F?
    If so, you have only yourself to blame for being a pikey gypo…

  10. My other half’s brother in law used to wind them up. When he answered he would say I don’t live but I’ve just robbed the place.

  11. If you answer these calls and advise the caller that you have died then after their apologies you will not hear from them again.

    Goodbye for now.

      • A few days after my uncle died, my Da was sorting through the post.
        Barclays had very kindly sent a letter offering cheapo life assurance if my uncle signed up quickly. As an inducement, the offer of a cheap-and-nasty first-aid kit was thrown in…”It could save a life”, the blurb stated.
        My Da phoned their offices, and stated quite politely that as my uncle’s cardiac muscle had more or less blown itself apart, the first-aid kit was unlikely to help; a direct line to God, possibly, but the bastard wasn’t answering.
        And the address on the letter ? Amazingly –
        “Mr A. B. Xxxxxx, (decd.)
        The Barclays individual hadn’t the foggiest what decd. stood for.
        Fortunately we in the Hubbard family have a robust and tasteless sense of humour…

  12. Further to my previous comment:

    I own a small business and constantly get sales calls. I have therefore created a fictitious member of our team (including email address) that these callers are to ask for when calling. If you then let all your real employees in on the trick, when someone asks for the fictitious employee by name, you can string them along for months by saying:

    Oh I’m sory he/she is not in today

    I’m sorry she’s on maternity leave

    I’m sorry she/he was in a bad car accident and won’t be back for some time.

    You get the picture. It’s bloody hilarious.

    Goodbye for now.


    James O’Brien.
    This morning he fawned over a German national who likened leaving the EU with the rise of National Socialism in Germany in the 30’s.

    Well excuse me, but I don’t see the UK shooting Jews in forests,gassing the disabled or murdering Jehovah’s witnesses.

    Really,this remain hysteria is out of control.Oh,and he then blamed the terrorist incident in Ulster on…Brexit!

    This CUNT is a piece of absolute detritus. He is the product of liberal politics and all that is wrong with the world. Jacob Rees-Mogg called him an emperor snowflake. I call him a Utter,nuclear grade spazmatronic scum cunt.

    Good evening all.

    • What a cunt Krav but if ever a Euro Trash cunt would get an unchallenged airing it’s going to be on the JoB show.

      My best mate works for Lufthansa and has been based in Germany since the early 90’s, firstly in the Army Air Corp then married and settled down and became a fully fledged German Tax Payer but not a German citizen.

      The other day we were having an exchange and the subject of Brexit / No Deal and all that shite and in response to something I mentioned he wrote the following….

      “All that doesn’t change the fact that my CAA AMEL will then only entitle me to “release to service” aircraft which are UK registered ; hence, for my European employer I am not able to do my job anymore.
      Yesterday, Xxxxx asked me if she should teach me to drive ; British driving licenses will only be valid for tourists (not residents).
      I’m just looking at lots of paperwork, hassle and bills well into 4 figures!! 😟“.

      So here’s a bloke that was a Class 1 Techie in the British Army, settled in Germany, used his trade to help him gain employment with the ‘worlds biggest airline’ that provides handsomely thank you to the German coffers, speaks the language fluently, has a family,
      paid taxes in Germany since ‘98 and now faces spending €000’s in order be able to drive and do his fucking job.

      There’s no suggestions of help from the German Government, no ‘settled status’ option on the table, he’s on his own.

      How ironic then that this ‘German National’ should compare the U.K. leaving the EU to the rise of National Socialism.

    • You have to nominate on the nominations page nowadays Krav…. The BIG RED BUTTON to the right on the home page.

  14. Chukka Remoana just responded in House of Common Cunts to PM’s latest statement (yawn) on her dead in the water withdrawal agreement. He immediately linked Brexit to ‘far-right extremism’, implying it would get worse if the people were denied a ‘people’s vote’ yawn…

    Fuck off to Brussels and suck cock with your mentors Blair & Kinnock if you want to live in a totalitarian state you cunt.

    And these cunts whinging about having to register for settled status – ffs, they’re fucking asking to be deported!

    • What if all remoaners were Stalinist immigrant scroungers, eh? Even though they’re not, shouldn’t trouble us to give Umbongo’s mates the sort of smear they’re handing out…the cunt’s grandparents probably cooked missionaries too…

      Speaking as an economic Marxist* and a leaver, I am even more pissed off than most of you.

      ie Real Marxist, not the fucking Provisionals…

      • I do know a couple of remoaners who are both scroungers, one is an immigrant, but i’m not sure about the Stalinism as they would then be given work by the state (not sure if Corbyn fans realise that about communism).

        As for Leavers, most of those i know are not racist, homophobic or Trump lovers. They are centre left or centre right. Most own their homes, work full-time, are well-paid and have children.
        Very few are retired or dying.

      • I’m afraid you may have missed my point. Which is that I think Umunna is a cunt (as are many remainers) for characterising leavers as far-right. I am suggesting that leavers have a right, nay a duty, to stereotype remainers equally inaccurately and maliciously.

        The common features I’ve found among my (few) fellow-leavers have nothing to do with left-right orientation, and the distribution of extremism is probably Gaussian – tapering off at both ‘far’ ends. Namely imagination, the wit to see that the EU is shafting us in the interests of a federal state, intense suspicion of global homogenisation, patriotism, as it used to be called before it was deemed unacceptable, and a pervasive feeling of ‘fuck this!’

  15. Yes Mr Fiddler those poor unfortunate creatures again. What an environment to work in? I suppose the gerbils have an easier to time. But still at the coal face as it were. Guinea pigs are bigger beasts and can be aggresive. You do hear that the recipients suffer from being mined overmuch. Maybe there’s a connection. Which would put a new meaning to the term ‘main gate ripper’.

  16. Police in Lagos have said a Nigerian national has been found dead in his apartment after dying from starvation.
    Reports suggest he was unable to leave the property because the whole appartment had piles of money stacked from floor to ceiling, blocking the exits.

    A Police spokesman said, “Apparently no cunt would answer his emails”….

  17. To be honest I’m astounded you even have a landline, Dick. As far as I can tell they are nothing more than pipelines for anonymous scrotes to deliberately piss into knowing full well that it’s going to end up in your ear, or for relatives to pipe out a steamy chud of blathery nonsense.

    A redeeming feature of a smartphone is I can immediately see who it is, or if they’re being a shifty cunt, and then it’s straight to the blocked list. Cunts!

  18. Off topic,but..
    Comrade Corbinski is now pushing for a losers vote.I would happily push him into a vat of acid….

  19. Strange that Mr Fiddler. When I get the occasional wrong number caller on my landline the call is very brief and always terminated with an apology from the caller. I’ve certainly never had such a call that lasted the length of a horse race. Either you live in a place the size of Buckingham Palace and it’s a five minute walk to the hall or you were watching the 3.30 at Cheltenham – the one furlong doughnut cup.

    • The average flat race is run in 1.5 minutes or less,besides,I never said that the call came as the race started,perhaps they were already most of the way through it? If I lived in a nice small council property or perhaps a bedsit, I may well have managed,unfortunately,I live in somewhere rather larger.
      Are you still a bit over-excited about something?

      • I wouldn’t know how long a horse race lasts never having been a follower of the sport. I had thought it was longer than 1.5 minutes though. Thank you for disabusing me. Where does over-excited lie on the spectrum between comatose and manic? I have strong opinions about certain things but I don’t get excited about wrong number phone calls.

      • No problem. Rather like your claim that my nom. of Anti-May was a ringing endorsement of her plan,which it quite obviously wasn’t, I’m perfectly happy to explain when you go wrong commenting on the length of a horse race, something about which you now claim an ignorance..
        Perhaps if you have no strong opinions on particular noms.,you shouldn’t bother commenting on them?…particularly if you get your facts wrong.I dare say that I’ll bear up under the disappointment of not reading your views on something which doesn’t interest you.

      • I’m not getting into a pissing contest with you Mr Fiddler but please do not give me advice on what I should and should not comment on. I will decide that for myself, thank you. If you are so sensitive about my comments, as you clearly are, then I can only suggest that you do not read any post or comment by Fimbriations. A pity because I enjoy your posts. I consider this the end of the matter and will not reply to any further comment by you. With best wishes.

  20. I’m never in a rush to answer the phone. Ive trained myself out of it. If it’s that important they’ll leave a message, or phone my mobile.

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