We Value Your Feedback

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Cunts that Value my Feedback

Yet another aspect of the modern World (where I clearly don’t belong) that is galloping out of control and increasingly winding me up. There seems to be a direct correlation between the rate at which the standard, speed and courtesy of many services is deteriorating and a global obsession with finding out how I score those very same services. My whole life is turning into a gameshow.
Why does everything need a fucking score out of 5?

If I enjoyed the meal and you were a pleasant and attentive waiter, I will tip you a tenner.

If you have charged me for carrying out a full service on my car, yet I can still see the mileage written in my own handwriting on the oil filter that I fitted a year ago, I will leave you in no doubt that I am ‘not best pleased’ and you need to sort the fucker out fairly sharpish.

I do not want, or need, to get home and receive a hatful of Emails asking me to rate my ‘experience’ or whether I would ‘recommend you to a friend’. (Particularly hurtful that one; do I look like the sort of cunt that has friends?). Nor do I want a chirpy follow up Email every day for the rest of my life simply because I once bought a printer cartridge from you.

And even if this practice is understandable and a necessary evil for certain business sectors (thank fuck for Trip Advisor, after all) it seems to have spread to almost every organisation that I have the misfortune to deal with.

Just this week Vodafone Customer Services (Cairo Branch, for some reason), Halfords, Lloyds Bank, my Dentist, my Doctor’s Surgery, my local Pharmacy, SW Trains and Rick Stein are all desperate to know what I think about them. (Just another week in paradise, eh?) I also signed up to do a very popular charity cycle ride in the summer and in addition to asking if I was male/female/trans/other and what ethnic group and religion I represent (surely riding a bike is one of the few things we can all do without disagreeing?) I couldn’t complete the registration without doing a 3-page questionnaire about the registration process itself. For Fuck’s Sake!

Even the local plod, who were far too busy to send someone to investigate when I had a bike nicked out of my garden shed before Christmas, were quick enough to offer me counselling as a ‘Victim of Crime’ and then sent me a bloody online questionnaire to get my ‘Valued Feedback’ on the service provided.

Fuck right off. What about getting my Valued Bike Back instead?

PS Don’t waste your time letting me know what you think about this nomination or anything above, where you first heard it or whether you would share it with a friend. Your scoring – especially if it contains any criticism – means nothing to me and will be given a good stiff ignoring. I need to send out these bullshit questionnaires because some ISO auditor said it would prove I have a Quality Control system in place, but I don’t really give a fuck and I’m not going to change anything based on your response anyway. Save your breath.

Nominated by Gunner Sugden

37 thoughts on “We Value Your Feedback”

  1. Valued feedback…steaming great pile of wank.

    Carefully constructed questionnaire, done in such a way that it’s difficult to make the relevant organisation look bad.

    Then, at the end, always a corker of a Q:

    Why did you give us the ratings that you did?

    Because it reflects my opinions of .your shite company.

    I get one after every “contact event” I endure with vodkafone.
    I just wipe it from my device.
    Loike I do after my 9am wank.

  3. Isn’t this an entire industry that has created itself in a sea of meaningless self importance?

    It’s all a bunch of cunting bollocks.

  4. The pricks are actually data mining, it’s not about what you think it’s the other information you give the invasive parasites. This is a world where nobody gives a fat rats arse unless there is money in it. Standard nice response, ‘I know you are only just doing your job but just fuck off!’ Tell those cunts nothing and if you really want to make a contribution to this world then answer everything but fucking lie your heart out!

  5. Modern life is a fucking tickbox existence.

    I’d love to jam my tick right into the box of that lovely blonde HR rep or other fine busybody who sucked, fucked and fondled her way to career victory, who was also responsible for this unsubtle leeching of my opinions in order to improve profit for shareholders. Cunt.

  7. I get this shit every time I need to contact Sky for absolutely anything. Get Sky Cinema for a month then cancel it, get a text saying rate the operator that dealt with your issue. What? There was no issue, I simply cancelled Sky Cinema and, since I did this online, there was no fucking operator either. And even if there was, what makes you think that I will recommend you just because you’ve done something that I asked you to do? Do companies regularly just do nothing then? Have standards in this country really sunk so low?

  8. A lot of this shite is linked to the fact most of these companies outsource their customer services, so it’s just another way for them to slap a fine on the likes of Crapita and wiggle out of paying the full labour costs.

  9. “surely riding a bike is one of the few things we can all do without disagreeing”…….

    I’m not so sure about that,Gunner. There have been some incredibly rude,and rather gratuitous, Cuntings about people on push-bikes. Did you manage to get hold of another pedal-bike and complete your charity ride?

    🙂 .

    • Aah, you have me there Mr Fiddler; yes I am aware of the general anti-cyclist sentiment in these here parts, but I must confess to being a slow-moving, fat old bastard on a bike when the notion takes me. (Also an HGV Driver, Range Rover Driver and go-too-fast Motorcyclist on occasion, so I feel qualified and justified to join any ‘transport-related cuntings’ from a variety of shifting and biased viewpoints; whichever one I am driving, the rest are cunts, naturally).

      Insurance paid out for a new bike, (and some) but could no way make up for the loss of my cherished Brooks leather saddle which has moulded to fit my own arse contours perfectly over the last 10 years.

      Breaking the replacement in is something of an epic. I have done a fair few miles under my New Year’s Futile Regime but my delicate underneath parts are paying a high price and I regularly return home with my ‘arse in tatters’, as me old mum used to say. Oh that I could catch the sneaky cunt that pinched my bike and inflict similar discomfort on him/her/it!

      Charity ride is in the summer, but I will have to go disguised as a disabled and visually-impaired Ghanaian lesbian mother of four (I may have ticked a few extra boxes to make sure my entry was accepted!)

  10. We value your call, however all of our communication executives (read Indian call centre cunts) are busy right now but, being as we value your super duper all, please hang on and we will answer your all as soon as we can. BEEEEP. We estimate the waiting time for your call is 57 minutes……..
    BEEEP. Our offices are closed right now BEEEEEEEEEP

  11. I see the Israeli ‘army’ has been sent to Brazil to help out at those mining disasters. Yeah, they’ll be searching thoroughly for 14 year olds they can harvest vital organs from. I’d value your feedback.

    • I am no fan of Israel’s, but I see no reason to cunt the IDF if, even occasionally, and with obvious PR implications, it does humanitarian work. Any inclination to do this is more than welcome.

  12. Yet another instance of Creeping Management, I’m afraid. There are boxes to tick, and ingenious ways of wasting other peoples’ time to be exploited, not to mention removing any possibility that the poor cunts at the sharp end of your operation might take an interest in their jobs or show initiative, because everything is prescribed, fitted to a model, and continuously monitored.

    If you got it wrong, you besuited prescriptive cunt, you can be certain I’ll tell you with or without prompting. Unless I have been shunted into a Delhi call centre with no recourse to anyone prepared to take responsibility. In which case, ISAC’s anti-incitement policy forbids further comment.

    Corporate cunts.

  13. Off point but a serious alert.
    Apparently all routine operations will be cancelled in Birmingham NHS in the event of no-deal, due to the entirely made up and unrelated shortage of medicines that will befall us.

    • Made up shortage Cuntstable? Surely not. Did you not hear Steptoe in the Commons yesterday state that cancer patients would be unable to get their medicines in the event of a No Deal?

      Shame on you for trying to spread fake news.

      😂

      • Half of them are already dying cos they’re in the wrong postcode area, ie fuck all to do with Brexit.

        Steptoe is in the wrong postcode area, he should be in some absolute shitehole. Brussels, perhaps.

        It seems that the Romanians are supposed to be taking over at the EU (presidency or something); they are so feckin corrupt that even Jean-Clod is said to be “aghast”… But I’m sure as one corrupt bastard, he’ll welcome them on board, and learn from them. Divershitty. Bollox.
        All the more reason to withhold £billion39

  14. I use Jet2 twice a year and twice a year they want my valued feedback via a never fucking ending questionnaire. If the alternatives weren’t so fucking dire I would stop using the fuckers just for this.
    On the plus side I am ‘on a roll’ and ready to go up to an ‘expert level’ on TripAdvisor, so not all bad.

  15. Knife wielding cunt who originally received a suspended sentence has now got thee and a half years. Hoooray ! Evil looking cunt.

  16. I give the BBC feedback, but I dont think they like it.

    I dont understand it, what is wrong with saying

    “Go commercial so I dont have to pay the fucking TV licence”

    Seems like a fair comment to me.

  17. Last summer I has to apply to the local council for a parking permit. It was easy enough as all I had to do was go to the town hall with my registration document, licence and £100 cash. The whole process was completed in about 10 minutes.
    Then the following week I received a large envelope that said “important information about parking in your area”. I opened the envelope to find 2 large questionnaires. The first one asking me my opinions about the scheme and the second one was called the “equalities monitoring form” where they wanted to know my age, gender, sexual orientation, ethnic origin, whether I identify as the gender I was assigned at birth (i’m not joking), religion etc. For each of these questions I just ticked the box that said “prefer not to say”. Then after I filled in the last box it read like this.
    Name: Mickey Mouse
    Address: Disneyland, Paris
    Postcode: Sorry. I don’t know.

  18. Tulip Siddiq (that pug ugly Labour MP who endangered her baby’s life to vote against May’s deal) was on Politics Live an hour ago saying she’d cast her vote last night “on behalf of my EU constituents.”

    Says it all.

    • None off which can vote (yet)

      I may have misheard her but I thought she said she had 23000 EU citzens in her constituency, which seems quite a lot even for her bit of London, but if correct reinforces that the vote to leave was spot on.

      • You heard right – apparently her constituency has the highest number of EU citizens in the UK…

    • Say again. I’m not sure my eyes aren’t playing tricks. She’s representing WHO in Parliament? Wholly fuck!

  19. I hate these things, I work for an organisation that insists on asking my customers for their feedback, some of these people have rather bad experiences.
    One customer had a load of plant delivered to a site and promptly lost the contract on day two, then complained that I charged him delivery and collection on plant he never got to use, yep still getting 3/10 from that one and is it my fault.
    I did enjoy returning the favour on a thomson holiday rep in Greece, fat little cow started our holiday induction with “if you are nice to me, I will be nice to you” and there was me thinking that the fat cow was part of the package and employed to assist us without additional funding.
    My feed back on her suggested relocation to libya or kabul where she may fit in better.

  20. What gets me about all this shit is that even though I usually give the most negative feedback for a service, especially trains, you still see the “results” of these so called independent surveys (usually run by CEO’s in some way related to the CEO’s of the companies being “independently”surveyed) published showing lovely glowing results, figures, happy faces, 5 star ratings etc. What bollocks, they just bin the negativity and skew the results. It sucks. Cunts.

  21. Having left my answerphone message with Bedfordshire Police Station (you know that minor county which includes such salubrious hamlets as Lutonistab), at a crack of dawn time of 8.45am, to report my car break-in; 2 hours later I received a call from an office worker (rather than office-r) to ask if I needed “Victim Support Counselling”.

    “No, that’s not necessary, but I could do with a crime incident number please.”

    “Oh sorry, I don’t deal with that.”

    Well, I’m still waiting for that crime number. Luckily my insurer didn’t care as it was just to replace – free of charge – my broken window (just the £75 excess – cunts), however not more than two minutes after “Victim Support” hung up, I received a flotilla of texts asking about my experience.

    Now I can see where victim support is required, necessary even, if someone has been murdered, raped or violently attacked but for a car break-in!?!.

    You know, I think it’s just a fucking money making scheme, just like attending speed awareness courses are money making schemes and are completely pointless.

    Unless you’re being killed to death, plod couldn’t give a fuck – if you can get through to them that is!

    But like a funny tweet that some LGBTQAIP cunt is slightly offended by and…

    https://youtu.be/y7ShPagA8Ns

    Cunts!

    • Beds police farce….don’t get me started on that bunch of useless shitbag cunts. All they’re interested in doing is loafing around Newnham Avenue BP station chatting to girlies and scowling at motorists. Fucking CUNTS.

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