I’m new to this and this is my first one…but afford me a little of your time please.
I’d like to cunt colleagues at work who come in practically fucking collapsing of cold/flu/the shits/whatever, in the prickish and misguided belief that they should still be coming to work, and then go on to infect every other poor fucker and make them as sick as a hound.
“It doesn’t matter how I feel, I always come in and I’ve never had a day off sick and I never will” you hear these arrogant and smug fucktards crow. The demographic of these assholes is universal; young, old, black, white, queer, straight – whatever.
This is the second Christmas in a row I have been infected by one of these utter cunts and I am currently coughing, bringing up lungers and feeling like shit over what should be a happy and relaxing time. I feel fucking fed up and snappy which is no fun for Mrs Desmond at all.
This year’s prize prick is a member of the IT team who I bumped into in the office kitchen looking like an extra from Cannibal Holocaust just before Christmas. This stupid fucker was coughing everywhere with his nose streaming, not bothering to cover his mouth. I played the part of the good colleague and asked him should he be at the office? “I’ve just got so much to do” this bellend told me. Yes…I suppose he has, making other people poorly and wretched.
These cunts have the audacity also I have found to slag off those who do the right thing and take a genuine sick day instead of being an office-based germ machine. They can all get fucked really.
What these sacks of rancid balls don’t think about is the fact that they come in and make others ill who then take time off quite reasonably which costs the firm more in the long run in sick pay and product/efficiency.
These cunts should be all be placed on a island with bubonic plague raging through it, let’s see if the fuckers can manage to make it in when they’re in a pit of lime decaying.
Happy Christmas and all that jazz.
Nominated by Dandy Desmond
Totally agree. We need to add that because these cunts are acting the fucking hero, they go around every department, letting them all know their undieing commitment to the cause, thereby affecting every one. Many times I’ve told someone literally to fuck off if they come into my department.
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This is human nature …..
People are far too concerned with what others think.
If you come to work when you are sick your are a cunt.
If you take time off when you are sick you are a cunt.
It’s a no win scenario, but this 2019 for fuck sake …. if you are sick, with something that can be spread by touch or mouth…. stay off work …. simple.
10
Worth pointing out that for millions of worker, staying at home means not eating or heating because they don’t get paid. Statutory sick pay levels won’t buy you the tissues you need with a stinking cold.
6
Sound Cunting Dandy me old mucker.
My wife is one such cunt. Unfortunately she is currently ‘between jobs’ so has taken to spreading her filthy germs around my house 24 /7 instead.
Result: man-flu over Xmas & New Year’s.
Silver lining: avoided having to go to mother-in-law’s for Xmas dinner & New Year’s bollocks.
12
I wish one of Gove’s colleagues would spread their germs in his direction. If there’s a bigger weasel in the House of Commoncunts, I can’t see them. He should to be sprayed with Pesticide.
7
Serendipitous timing. I was thinking of doing this exact cunting today seeing as half the office are coughing like a 12yr old who’s just inhaled a cigarette for the first time. Bunch of flimsy cunts.
I don’t get colds, but I do get tired and develop psychotic levels of hatred due to the chorus of sputtering office douchebags that infest my proximity.
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The slithy Gove should be novy-tolchocked.
Excellent cunting. If you have a foul bug, keep it to yourself. At home. Endemics aren’t required in the workplace.
Nor are cunts, but…
Fuck Wordfence.
7
Agreed Dandy D. They are real tools who are just worried about their own arses being on the line if they ring in sick. I get that. I really do, but some logic is required as to whether their good intent is actually brewing a clusterfuck for the entire workplace.
In saying that, managers need to have more forethought about this also. Instead of cursing the lurgied twat who isn’t coming in again, they should think ahead about the consequences should they infect the entire workplace with the plague.
My Mum is a classic example. She is 77 years old, is tough as old boots, would bite the balls off of Mike Tyson and then have them for dinner with trifle for afters and is still working three days a week. This past three months she has been off work sick (and hospitalised once) on three different occasions with the same viral lurgy because of the utter bellends in her office who keep airing it and sharing it and reinfecting her. There are tossers (mostly men) who cough and splutter without putting their hands over their mouths and allow their germs to make friends with every fucker in the place.
I have tried to no avail to get her to retire, but she said, and I quote, ‘If I had to stay at home all the time I would either lose my marbles or cut my fucking throat out of boredom’…..I shit you not.
Yes, this time of year is a bastard for viruses, lurgy, etc. but these vacuous cunts really need to get a grip and have a bit of consideration for others, but primarily stop being such a pussy about it and be upfront with their managers. If you are sick, you are sick, end of. Get a sick note from your GP (assuming you get an appt within a month) and get better instead of the whole workplace getting your pox.
LEMSIP CUNTS. (P.S. Get well soon DD)
4
Last year I got a sick note, and I also got fired for being off.
2
Admittedly, not all workplaces are forgiving moggie, even if you have a sick note.
Same thing happened to my cousin. He was laid up for weeks with an awful virus cough and chest thing. He also had sick notes but the fuckers thretened him with sacking if he didn’t come back asap….and then the fuckers actually did sack him.
I thought that this was illegal, but apparently not, having recently researched it.
CUNTS.
5
My previous driver managed to knock up 60 working days last year all others were sick days,
Best sickie seems to be mental health because he was able to justify his concert going, fishing trips and beer festivals as attempts to relive his depression.
he did get fired though on a totally unrelated issue (being a massive cocky cunt)
1
If all the botters suffering from The Gay Virus refused to go to work florists and hair stylists shops would never be open. I don’t want to pay more tax so that a bunch of Everards can claim sick money while they sit at home putting on dresses and make-up.
I’d ban them.
Get Fucked.
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I had an embarrassing trip to the hospital recently to have a dangerous mole removed from my penis.
I won’t be shagging one of those again for a while….
12
Wasn’t one of those Russian birds, was it ??!
3
I remember a commercial years ago for some cold remedy. The scenario was an office for stockbrokers or bankers or some other parasites. Anyway the main man is shown snuffling and coughing at home, meanwhile back at the office, a young, ambitious go getter spies his chance and plonks himself down at main mans desk, smirking like a smarmy cunt. Unbeknown to him, main man has taken a glug of the magic elixir and is rejuvenated,he bursts into the office and turfs the pretender out of his seat.
The tag line is ‘ hard working medicine ‘.The implication being if you stay off work you may not have a job to go back to.
Adverts for Yuppies.
Get to fuck.
Good afternoon.
8
Where I work they have a 3 strikes and your out policy if your sick on 3 occasions over a 12 month period, they will do all they can to fuck you off through hard intimidation. Is it no wonder that every cunt that’s got a virus will drag themselves in and spread it around ?
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It really is being on the horns of a dilemma Fenton. Damned if you do etc
2
Excellent first time bit of cunting DD!
4
I like to sneeze directly into air conditioners at the workplace. The thought of going viral makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
Goodbye for now.
10
These fuckers need to know when to take a day off. Take your insecurity about your work ethic your annoying coughing, your snot and sputum and fuck off home.
Dirty cunts.
6
I keep at my desk hand sanitizer, aerosol Lysol, and Clorox wipes SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE of cunts like these. I get that “oh, you’re so nice!” bullshit when I go around spraying people’s phones and door knobs. No, bitch, I’m not, I’m just forced to take preemptive action because certain cunts insist on sneezing and coughing all over the fucking office.
4
A fine debut cunting indeed. I too, have suffered with the awful bout of flu that has been kicking around Yorkshire, not nice at all.
Yes, I too hate those bastards who pride themselves on not having a day off work, errrr, are you aware that we are entitled to 25 days of sick pay, fuck face? Quit brownnosing and stay at home, nobody is giving you a medal for being a fucking jobsworth. Get yourself a punnet of grapes and a bottle of Lucozade and fuck off to bed.
4
I ran a shop on my own, I got a call from the area manager to tell me to lock up and go home.
Coming to work with chickenpox is a big naughty, even though the closest other staff member was 4 miles away, something to do with infecting customers.
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