I’d like to nominate one of my university flatmates for a cunting. I won’t name him because :
1. it would be distasteful, and
2. it might lead to him or someone he knows discovering my little rant on here.
He’s a right fucking asshole. Always shouts REALLY LOUDLY whenever he’s on the phone, makes no attempts to control the noise level of his mates whenever he invites them round (anyone who knows me personally knows I find a situation like that rather frightening) and on top of that he always leaves the kitchen a mess and only cleans it when one of the rest of us (usually me because I’ve sort of taken on the mantle of enforcer with that kind of stuff) tells him to.
Oh, and he never takes any responsibility either – he usually just acknowledges the problem, addresses it when I tell him to then goes right back to the same behaviour all over again, sometimes whilst deflecting and blaming ME for stuff I haven’t done and occasionally even lying to try and avoid being called out on it. I’ve just had yet another go at him and forced him to clean the kitchen again after once again he forgot to do it, and I’ve made it clear in no uncertain terms that if he doesn’t address this cuntish behaviour I WILL get Accommodation to move him to another flat – it would devastate him but it’s his own damn fault.
What a cunt.
Nominated by OpinionatedCunt
I wonder whether Theresa F. May was a good flatmate.
“Who the fuck keeps putting bibles in the bathroom and kitchen?”
“What the fuck is this giant EU flag hanging doing on the living room wall?”
“Who the fuck left that stale Humble pie in the fridge?”
“Why the fuck are there leaflets for the Young Conservatives’ virgin party at the church in every room?”
“Why the fuck does somebody keep leaving the front door open…any dirty fucker can walk in and burgle us!”
22
Great response Captain.
To Opinionated Cunt….a pretty surefire way of creating some peace and quiet is to make sure you ‘accidentally’ drop your towel in front of any snowflake visitors when drying off your todger.
Then bend over and slowly pick it up – but not until they’ve all had a decent butchers at your rusty sheriff’s badge. Try it and see – it invariably works.
18
I’d recommend that he checks that the visitors don’t go by the alias “Krav” or “Mince Pie Guy” before he adopts that particular tactic….although I suppose it might distract him from any thoughts on the dirty kitchen.
Evening Isaac.
10
I’m drawing a red line at pizza delivery’s!!
“ hello, yes that a 12” all meat pizza with garlic bread please ‘
17
I bet Flabbott was a slob in her student days, greasy bargain buckets, copies of the Morning Star scattered about and random bony arsed bearded weirdos coming and going. Actually that could be her Parliamentary office today.
18
Libs, her Parliamentary office.is Nando’s.
4
Aye aye to that Cap’t M.
3
Maybe you could make subtle hints about your possible bisexuality, then gradually ramp up your smiles, winks and come-ons over the course of a couple of months.
Most regular blokes don’t like a poof trying to queer them up.
Of course, you could cut out the middle man and genuinely try and bum him…
10
There you go again, talking about bumming. Still curious ?
Good evening Mr. Cunt Engine.
3
My youngest daughter has in her time rented several different flats, in Leeds when at university, London when working and now when working in Melbourne.
The most difficult and common problem she has had to contend with was noise and inconsiderate cunts not allowing her to get a decent nights sleep when she had a lecture or work the next day. Many times she explained the situation and asked nicely if they would keep their noise down, or even desist after a particular time. It seemed to make little or no difference, the selfish cunts just carried on even when she got very angry with them after perhaps only getting two hours sleep. She tried earplugs but nothing seemed to work.
I know that I get incredibly short tempered when my sleep is interrupted and am shamed to admit that I shouted at my youngest daughter when she woke me up when only a matter of hours old.
I rather suspect that for sleep deprivation caused to me by unreasonable selfish cunts, I can imagine that after an ignored warning would be inclined to take physical action to get the desired result.
Sometimes this is the only language that people like that understand.
10
And kick him ( hard) in the nuts!! 😂
The biggest lie perpetrated is violence gets you nowhere !!
It works 99.9 % of the time ……. 😂
21
You have my sincerest sympathies OC. Reckon your flatmate must be the grandson of a chronic cunt I had the misfortune of living in the same house with in bedsit land some 45 years ago.
11
Sorry OP!!
Apparently Mavis is off to Ireland tomorrow to blow tit suck Leo varadakars cock?? She is truly clueless! Hasn’t anybody told her?
Daft cunt…..
22
It’s the Old Maid Blow-job Tour of Europe, Quis. Wayne Rooney has scheduled a Thursday evening slot.
15
The cure for Treesa May is about a ton of haemorrhoid cream, although I have my doubts about anyone volunteering to rub it into her saggy, crepey carcase
4
Dennis Skinner wouldn’t settle for any bad flatmates. Apparently, during an SNP pleb’s speech in the House of Common People today, he turned round and called him a “piece of shit”. Excellent, though understated.
14
Just heard on Nigel’s show that Treasoner May informed the EU Commission on Sunday that she was going to pull the ‘meaningful vote’. Makes sense – only right to forewarn your bosses in advance of anyone else…
7
Fucking hell, Soubry, Caroline Lucas, Cable and SNP shitstain Blackford all in the same news segment, Hades arsehole, what a smorgasbord of cunts without Parliament sitting.
11
Evening RTC, Evening LL
Heard a thing on the radio the other night…..someone asking how we could ever regain control of our borders without a “hard” border in Ireland. As he said,with just a “soft” border any EU migrant could go to Ireland and then just cross over into Northern Ireland…no checks,and then straight on to the mainland.
I’d never thought about that before. Certainly a good point.
9
With or without a hard border the cunts can just walk across the fields anyway. Illegal immos don’t turn up at border checkpoints. That’s why Tangoman wants to build a fucking Great Wall.
15
Aye, but if we are to ever really regain control of our borders,there would have to be a “hard” border,properly policed…as you say, a “Fucking Great Wall.”…So all this fucking about with “soft” borders is totally incompatible with the promised “regain control of our national borders” anyhow.
10
Evening Dick, Freddie.
Have to say I made that point about the need for a hard border months ago, if not years ago, when Project Fear first started weaponising the Good Friday agreement. Without some sort of secure border, what’s to stop Macron simply buying all those 35 yr old child migrants airline tickets to Dublin?
Not fucking rocket science is it?
9
Give NI back to the Oirish. Problem solved.
7
Give the Northern Irish a referendum to decide whether they want to stay as part of the Union or rejoin the South. Make it clear that if they vote to stay within the Union a secure border with the South would have to ensue… assuming Brexit happens. If they subsequently want to start killing each other again, that’s their problem.
7
Indeed, anything “soft” is totally useless and unacceptable, wimpish, even, as DI Lane keeps telling me…
If we went back to a united Oireland, perhaps the two usual lots would d/w any slimes.
2
Won’t clean the kitchen? Has noisy mates around?….What a perfectly vile beast. I bet he leaves the toilet-seat up too,the Cunt.
Fuck Off.
15
Sounds like the fucking wife.
Good evening Dick.
8
Evening Jack. Enjoyed your bit in “Modern Man at the bar”.
5
Thanks Dick. The bloke I mentioned looked a real character , the way he said ‘ fucking hell ‘ was hilarious,
although I couldn’t hear him I could see he was giving it some real emphasis, he was genuinely awestruck.
As for the Land Whale, she probably picked a family bucket up on the way home after she’d cleaned out Wetherspoons. She’s probably parked on an industrial duty sofa now watching The Food Channel, and I bet she’s shat herself.
It’s fucking obscene.
7
If he is from Manchester he would be a “Fucking Manc Cunt” as the Chelsea fan sreamed at R Sterling….. looks to have been confirmed by expert lip readers.
If true the footballers are deaf as well as thick!
5
Pep Guardiola, what a twat. “Racism is everywhere” said the wise one like a pound shop Gandhi.
6
‘Racism is everywhere’ he cries as he accepts money from known racists and human rights abusers…
4
Should change his name to Pip Crapola.
2
Off Topic – Gunfire at Christmas market in Strasbourg l
6
Apparently Strasbourg is in lockdown. Dead and injured reported.
All part of traditional , seasonal , cultural enrichment.
Imagine the wave of outrage and disgust if it happened at Ramadanadingdong.
Fuck right off.
9
…how enriching.
6
Candles lit……
thoughtless empty worded statement full of worthless platitudes posted on Twitter…..
😂
9
Part of living in a moderately sized city Q. One of the de facto capitals of the EU too, oh the irony.
5
Who doesn’t love a bit of irony LL ?
6
One dead, six injured. The cunt is still on the loose.
4
Fucking bang on cunting!
Daaan saaufff I used to have to live in house shares and lodging with mates.
Man what a cunt.
The last house share was a woman in her late 30’s with no kids and 2 dogs…. fuck me they stunk.
When I got in from work I used to have to hold my breath from the door to my room as it would make me gag otherwise.
They barked every time someone went within 5 foot of the house … (the front garden was only 4 foot long) …and howled CONSTANTLY every time she went out.
They went fucking nuts every time I walked in through the door, which was a bit inconvenient when coming back from the pub at 1 am.
The bitch went to bed at 9.
Yea it didn’t last long. We didn’t finish on good terms. I think I told one of them to fuck off one day and it went downhill from there.
…didn’t help that I told her that she was a cunt and her dogs and house stunk like shite…
Now I’m up norf, paying less than I was for a room, for a lovely 2 bed house with a garden.
….and no fuckin smelly dogs. Or women.
Gav had a good one on this…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uxxJ67TOtmA
10
You seem to have settled in nicely Mr. Sausage.
4
Good evening.
4
Evening Jack.
Yea don’t miss it down south at all.
Well settled now and love it in Yorkshire.
It’s the first time I’ve had my own place too!
Walking around stark bollock naked, scratching my arse, farting and burping at the same time…. man heaven. …pure freedom…
…maybe I shouldn’t get too comfortable.
8
On the contrary Mr. Sausage, you can never be too comfortable , enjoy.
It hasn’t done the Duke of Edinburgh any harm.
6
Hope you paid for your bus ticket, or are you “locally canny” enough to have a season pass ?
Reminds me of the 1 and 4 going up Woodarse Lane in Leeds.
5
Get the cunts mates to fuck off by cracking off a sherman in front of them as you ‘wander ‘ into the room watching porn on your tablet ‘oblivious’ that they are there.
Otherwise gie the fucker the option of wising up or extreme violence. Works for me and i am only 5’6″ .
6
Looks like the 48 letters are in. The bitch could be on her way.
6
The question is…
Who the fuck we gonna get?
If it’s sourbry I’m becoming a terrorist!
6
They might beat you to it and elect that bloody peaceful.
5
Am beginning to think you might be a little bit prejudiced Freddie…
4
Malteser head Javid? All the brothers look like clones so could suck Euro cock simultaneously around the EU during any ‘negotiations’. Sons of a bus driver too.
4
They all look like Yul Brynner LL?
Sorry Freddie… forgot to add the emoji.
😂
4
That bloody woman sticks like shit to a feckin blanket. She’ll be taken out of No. 10 in a straight-jacket
5
Pep Guardiola: Man City boss says ‘racism is everywhere’…
Yeah… Especially in the UAE, you rotten to the core bald dago cunt…
8
You have to be white to be racist.
It’s the rules.
7
Presumably not Spain, Guardiana, your home country. Some of the nastiest racists in the World.
Why is this prick so complimented? With the money Man Blue have had, my mum could win the Premier League. If Bill Gates bought Dogdirt United Guardiana would be pleading to be the manager.
4
Spain is not his home country. Catalonia is. Hence his comment.
3
Man the fuck up and punch the cunt in the mouth, throw his gear onto the street and tell him to FUCK OFF!!!!
5
French granny shagger Macrons pathetic climb down.
It was the most important TV appearance of Emmanuel Macron’s presidency: the 40-year-old former banker had to prove to an angry nation that he was not an arrogant “president of the rich” and that he understood ordinary French people’s struggle to make ends meet.
Yet Macron’s choice to deliver his prerecorded speech on social inequality from one of the most opulent and golden rooms in the luxurious, 365-room Élysée Palace was not lost on gilets jaunes protesters who have been occupying protest barricades on rural roundabouts.
“He doesn’t live in the real world” is a common refrain on the barricades, where Macron is likened to a monarch. It remains to be seen whether an appearance from a gilded room in an 18th-century palace will change people’s minds.
Having recently decided to spend £271,000 on new carpets for the palace, I suspect the French yellow jackets will remain unconvinced.
14
A year or so ago … not sure exactly when … he spent something like €25,000 in 3 or 4 months on fucking MAKE UP!
I think my exact words at the time were something like:
“What is he, Ronald mc-fuckin-donald?”
…..if only.
Old Ron would do a much better job of running a country.
11
Ah, Monsieur Sausage, but Monsieur Macron is worth it. Perhaps a sponsorship from Loreal could be on the cards if his tenure in Presidency is cut short.
Otherwise he could “get the London Look” or failing that “the Paris look” which itself could benefit from some emergency aesthetic assistance.
Perhaps he could be hired to advertise funeral care plans for those elderly loved ones who may slip away at any moment?
7
His crucial mistake was to fail to announce at the outset of his reign…er, Presidency…
“Y’know, um, I’m, well, a pretty straight kinda guy.”
Careless.
1
That bloody woman sticks like shit to a feckin blanket. She’ll be taken out of No. 10 in a straight-jacket
3
Some Cultural enrichment happened in Strasbourg last night. They said we have to find a way to stop it happening. Well , for a start deport or intern every young peaceful in the fucking country, that could reduce the killings .
2
Fortunately my land lady (former) is not on here.
I recall an evening with a bargain box of stella, going to bed then wandering off for a piss.
Now things are a bit hazy but she said she heard a lot of banging from the bathroom as I tried to exit via the shower and the broom cupboard.
What I do remember was going back to my room and it was all fucked up, the window was on the wrong wall and there was some woman sitting up in my bed which was equally confusing.
at this point it dawned on me that I was standing stark bollock naked in my landlady’s bedroom, realising this I quickly exited.
The worse part (for me) was the voice calling out behind me “I didn’t see anything”.
7
A quick word on behalf of dirty, smelly, noisy, inconsiderate antisocial scrotes in shared accommodation, in the interests of balance. I was just such a scrote when I entered the cramped rented sector. And my flatmate, an obsessively tidy, immaculately turned-out, hardworking and, in all other respects too, noxious little cunt, took polite exception to the motorbike bits on what would have been a kitchen if we’d had a kitchen, phoned for a huff and left in it, leaving me as the sole occupant.
Job done.
It took severe peer pressure when I later joined the forces to modify my behaviour somewhat. Only somewhat, though.
5
/kitchen table.
1