Stupid names

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Back in maaaah day (colliery band plays the theme from the old ‘Hovis’ ad), when men were men an’t lassies were pleased ’bout it, people had PROPER names, like Mary and Jane, Tom or Bill.
But as time went imperceptibly by, an air of affectation crept in. James was no longer ‘Jim’ but ‘Jamie’, Robert was no longer ‘Bob’ but ‘Robbie’. Then it seemed that every chav was naming their female progeny ‘Kylie-Anne’ or ‘Chardonnay’.
Fast forward to the present, and utter naffness is often the rule. I offer two recent examples from my own experience by way of illustration. I was eating out in Edinburgh, and at the next table were a couple of pushy ‘yahoo’ types ( a great show was made over the wine selection) and their precocious brood, who rejoiced in the names of ‘Cosmo’ and (wait for it) ‘Cascade’. On the second occasion, I was in a playpark with my granddaughter when a fat scratter bawled out to her snot-nosed brat ‘c’mere NOW, Cheyenne!’.
Naturally in such matters, you can always depend upon the world of celebrity when it comes to making a tit of yourself. Who would think to call their kid ‘Bay Atlas’? step forward Kirstie Allsopp. How about ‘Rocket Zot’ (Sam Worthington),
‘Kal-El’ (Nick Cage), ‘Pilot Inspektor’ (Jason Lee), and ‘Daisy Boo’, ‘Buddy Bear’ and ‘Petal Blossom Rainbow’ (Jamie Oliver)? Bless.
There’s a lot of this nuttiness about. In dear old Blighty, there are hapless sods condemned to go through life burdened with the names ‘Superman’, ‘Gandalf’, ‘Pochohontas’, ‘z13’ (??) and even ‘Chlomidiya’, would you believe.
Some countries have even taken to banning certain monikers. The US has banned ‘Fish’ and ‘Chips’ (for twins, natch) and ‘Sex Fruit’. New Zealand has forbidden ‘Lucifer’, ‘V8′, ’89’, and ‘Talulah Does The Hula From Hawaii’, while inexplicably allowing ‘Number 16 Bus Shelter’. Some cunts in Denmark even wanted to call their kid ‘Anus’. It takes all sorts.
Is this wankery catching? Go on you tossers, cunt your own sprog by giving it a ludicrous handle so everyone can take the piss, and show the whole world that you’re a cunt yourself while you’re at it.

Must say that ‘Muhammed’ is a pretty cool name though… Most popular boy’s name in Britain in 2017 I gather…

Nominated by Ron Knee

104 thoughts on “Stupid names”

  1. When I saw that Grenfell bonfire video I was appalled.

    I thought “they’ve never been great, but this has to be the worst Crimewatch reconstruction ever.”

    • That’s a vile hate crime right there Mr Fistula. The thought police will hunt you down like a dog and you will be on the front page of the Guardian for all to revel in your vileness.

    • Doubtlessly untasteful, it nevertheless sets a terrifying precedent. At least half of those chaps who were obliged to hand themselves in to the pigs have had their names and faces already splashed all across national media. And a pic of the house in question.
      All before the filth have even decided if a charge is to be answered.
      Extrapolating this situation, where would it end? Any darkie, fruit or wimminz could say anything about any (white) man; they’ll be automatically believed and the trial by social media will begin.
      The men in question should have all stated (to the police) that they identified as black wimminz and the police would be required to let them off.
      Meanwhile, another Um Bongo will probably be stabbed to death tonight in London.

      • So I guess the ragheads who burned poppies the other year received similar scrutiny from plod?

      • Peacefuls are like pikeys …….a protected species. They can do what they like, but don’t point it out……that’s a hate crime.

      • So you revere a murdering kiddie rapist. Yeah sure. And he flew to heaven on a winged horse. Yeah sure. And you’re an NHS Parkistan brain surgeon. Yeah sure. During Ramadan you operate on me after 12 hrs with no liquid. Yeah sure. If I criticize that it’s hate speech. Yeah sure. And the ECHR is right I should be banged up. Yeah sure. Thank fuck it ain’t just me.

  2. Re – Grenfell effigy burning.

    A sick thing to do maybe, but let’s get one thing straight, offense is taken never given, and if this event is taken at face value it would appear writing some words on a piece of cardboard and setting it alight in your garden, may now be a public order offence.

    In light of this I expect plod to visit every Christian church that has a statue or stained glass window that has an image of that poor cunt nailed to some wood.
    It don’t get sicker than that….

  3. I was born in Essex and lived there for 25 years so I’m reasonable conversant with regards to ridiculous names…
    I once dated a girl called Porsche who drove a mini , talked like a scaffolder and fucked like a rattlesnake..
    She thought she was posh because her dad owned a corner shop which she called a delicatessen because he sold coleslaw!!
    Go figure…. 😎

  4. That stupid Hollywood twat, Zooey Deschancunt…. Naming her kid Otter…. Daft fucking slag….

    And that’s the thing… Even there was a genuine and successful Brexit (fat chance) and every single euromuck, bogo bogo, and peaceful cunt was kicked out we’d still have to wade through the multitudes of chav excrement and celebrity morons who call their kids things like Miley, Kanye, TJ, Cascade, Harpic Eleven, and other such shite… Cunts and scum, the lot of ’em….

    • Didn’t that evergreen cunt Kanye West call his children north west saint west and Chicago west??
      Fucking bellend……

      • That smack addled slag, Anita Pallenberg called her daughter Dandelion… Keef objected but the beanbag insisted, so he said give her a middle name then… The girl hated it and when she reached a certain age she called herself by her other name, Angela… the kid actually said to her parents ‘Never again do you call me Dandie!’ Good on her….

  5. Has anyone mentioned blubberlips Oliver yet?

    Poppy Honey
    Daisy Boo
    Petal Blossom
    Buddy Bear
    River Rocket

    Only a certified cunt would give his kids names like that.
    They’re human beings not pet rabbits you wanker!

    • Mockney twat cunt!!!
      “ gaw blimey guvnor Charlie o’ Reilly we put the spuds in the oven” FUCK OFF YOU CUNT!!

    • I wouldn’t even give rabbits names loke that. Some of ours were Erik, Mister Lewis, Spokey, Ella, Alys…

      A career in the BBCunt beckons for people with attention-seeking twattish names.

  7. That deluded Irish bint Sinead O’Connor is now a peaceful with a made up name Aliwala bin bag or something like that. Has been tweeting anti white hatred and is wearing a hijab. A full burkah with a live suicide vest would be better.
    Ugly as fuck. Mad as a march hare and famous for covering a prince song.
    What does the Koran say about her being a lezza? Daft cow.

  8. That deluded Irish bint Sinead O’Connor is now a peaceful with a made up name Aliwala bin bag or something like that. Has been tweeting anti white hatred and is wearing a hijab. A full burkah with a live suicide vest would be better.
    Ugly as fuck. Mad as a march hare and famous for covering a prince song.
    What does the Koran say about her being a lezza? Daft cow.

    • Maybe they should let old Mark Chapman out… So he can have a shot at Sinead O’ Kojak?… I’d let him have a go….

    • We know she has major ishoos. The so called mental health professionals fucking love it when slebs ‘enlighten the conversation’ but can’t see the breathtaking irony that the woman has been as mad as a box of frogs for years and the useless cunts haven’t altered her one jot.

  9. Snowflake hypocritical Franco fitting up Clintonite cunt she may be, but at least Scarlett Johansscunt has given her kid a normal name (Rose Dorothy I think it is)…. Others like that cunt Gwyneth Turkeyneck would call their daughter Apple Crumble, Moon Module, Pritt Stick, or something else fucking absurd…

  10. Noting the propensity of African Americans to make up girls’ names consisting of several syllables and always ending with the letter A, I am waiting for the first boxer to name his daughter Lepidoptera. You know, float like a butterfly………

  11. ‘Sir’ Lenny Of Henry delivered a letter to 10 Downing Street in an attempt to increase the number of women, BAME and disabled people working in film and TV…..
    The letter calls for tax relief to help boost diversity behind the camera…. Other skin colour cash-in cunts, Meera Syal and Adrian Lester also delivered the letter with ‘Sir’ Lenny…..

    More of them in film and TV?!! Like there isn’t enough of them already?!! What Sir Cunt means is he wants a Zimbabwe style takeover of film and TV in the UK…. And this not enough of them shite?… Has the cunt seen Doctor Who recently? Only two white people in it are the cockney bus driver (whose only purpose is to go on about great his dead black wife was) and Jiggy Jiggy Jodie: who was put in it to placate the PC Femstapo… Only a matter of time (if it isn’t axed) before the Doctor also becomes a Mills & Boon…. That should please Sir Chicken Of George, the cunt….

  12. Lenny Henry has also been bleating to the Guardian (who lap this shit up) about how lonely it is being the only macaroon behind the camera.

    Doesn’t this skidmark know that life (generally) is a meritocracy and special points shouldn’t be awarded for having pube hair, lilo lips, a wide nose and swarthy skin? ‘People of Colour were adequately represented on the ITV news last night – as the 2018 victims of stabby architect and quantum physician activity in Londonistan.

    Lenny, Many blacks are truly talented for their knife skills. Perhaps the Al Beeba should sit up and commission a celebratory series on their talents?

    • I did, and she was really rather cracking.
      About 5’10”, and looked right hot in jods. A magnificent seat.

  14. A deranged ex-acquaintance of mine gave her son the name ‘Neo’.
    Needless to say she and her social circle take pride in having tattoos that look as though they were done by inebriated chimps.

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