Lost socks are cunts. You know the drill – you get a load of new socks for Christmas, in some cases so many that some pairs still go unworn in the following month, only to find that by the time summer rolls around you’ve already lost at least half of them. Followed by barely having enough to last a week by autumn/winter time. Why the fuck does this keep happening? Anyone know?
Nominated by OpinionatedCunt
After you’ve wanked in one put it in the wash instead of throwing it away.
15
Nice idea Fred but I prefer Kleenex
7
You can’t get man size anymore.
7
Top-Tip: try ultra absorbent kitchen towels instead.
6
Probably keeps the favourite one under the bed ready to use as a cosh should a burglar get in.
🙂 .
10
When I was in my early teens I used socks to wank in – better than splattering the bedsheets anyways.
Back then I could only accommodate size 6 ankle socks; but by my 20s I had to upsize to a size 10 mid-calf sock to accommodate my massive length!
I did wonder what my mother must have thought on laundry day and loading the washing machine with some crispy crunchy socks!
2
I blame the politicians.
What we need is another war.
Goodbye for now.
7
It irritates me when one sock wears out; essentially that’s the pair fucked. It’s why I started buying only plain black socks, so that they can be matched up. That and the fact that I’m a tight cunt.
14
I swear, in every home there is a Bermuda Triangle with odd socks floating in the fucker.
I do my Dad’s washing on the odd occasion, when I have finished extricating my boot from the TV after another Brexit news item, and EVERY TIME there is a sock missing when I am pulling the washing out of the machine.
Mind you, nine times out of ten it is because I have dropped one of the fuckers when I am carrying the mammoth pile of dirty shite out of the basket and down the stairs.
That or the cat has half inched it. He is probably using it to stock pile fish in, worried about the success of a trade agreement, crafty moggy.
11
I deny it.
7
Love it…..😂😂😂😂
3
Have you considered having one of your legs amputated? That should ease your distress at mislaying one of your socks,plus adding appreciably to the lifespan of your nail-clippers.
Glad to help.
24
Nicking single shoes from the display rack outside the shoe shop would be quite easy too. But you’d have to hop it quick.
11
But you might tend to wobble a bit / fall over when you clip your toenails… Between a rock and a hard place, really…
“Have you considered having one of your legs amputated?” is a great piece of philosophy, and I suspect one that our glorious leaders will use as part of their campaign for the next GE.
Dick, you are an accidental hero for our troubled times !
6
Fucking brilliant!
4
The absolute bane of my fucking clothing life!!
I’ve blamed everybody for this unexplainable phenomenon!
Firstly it was my mums fault?
Then I hit puberty and blamed my wank sock?
Then it was a steady stream of girlfriends?
Then my long suffering wife?
Closely followed by my naughty schnauzer!!
At 54 I’ve finally realised it was always me, wank sock or not….. I’ve fucking owned it and find I’m sleeping just a little easier, albeit with a single sock by my bedside…….
Fuck socks!!
22
The solution to missing socks is simple.
Wear Jesus sandals you daft cunts..
3
This is all due to quantum physics. In an alternative universe your socks are happily evolving (assisted by your genetic material) into an advanced lifeform which will ultimately discover hyperspace travel and return to liberate its oppressed ancestors here.
There is another theory, and that is that we indeed live in a virtual matrix and that the amount of processing power required to maintain the apparent existence of small objects, like socks, biros, car keys and messages to yourself about dental appointments, is not always available to the system, and they appear to cease to exist. This is an illusion, as they never existed in the first place.
The conventional solution is to get yourself a good woman, whose devotion to you will be expressed in producing tasty meals, obedient children and a file system to keep unerring track of your socks. You’ll have to go to that alternate universe for one, these days. Follow that sock.
2
having had a rather shit diagnoses some time ago that will end up in eventual amputation of my left foot, I have not been bothered by the odd sock issue, in fact I put an embargo on further sock purchases as I am more than confident that I have enough pairs and odds to last me many years to come.
I have been rather philosophical (and bitter) about the whole thing, perhaps made worse by the fact that most shops display the left shoe which will be fuck all use to me.
longevity of toe nail clippers is not something I had thought of but another plus on the deal, my only current worry is my tendency to wake up and sleepwalk to the toilet for a nocturnal piss which will be quite interesting when I achieve monopedia.
1