Gin and Tonic deserves a cunting. There was a time when, on entering a bar, buying a G&T was easy. It was Gordon’s with Schweppes tonic water, a slice of lemon and some ice. In my day’s in the mess, it was a good way to get pissed without getting a hangover. And it’s tasty – good on a hot, summer’s day or a relaxer after work. Now, because of the work of cunts with beards (for that’s what they are), asking for a G&T results in you being handed a menu, and that’s just for the fucking tonic water!
In 2010, there were 116 gin distilleries in the UK. Now there are over 300, all because cunts with beards believe they have distilled the latest elixir of life. And another set of beardies is endlessly re-inventing tonic water. Now, listen up you cunts – a G&T is a London Dry Gin served in a straight glass with plenty of ice, tonic water and a slice of lemon. And it all tastes the same, especially after the fourth or fifth glass. Gin has been around since the 13th century, so beardies, you’re making nothing new. Cunts.
Nominated by Sgt Maj Cunt
I couldn’t agree more. I only have two kinds, Tanqueray for G&T’s and Vickers for when cash is tight and for bloody Mary’s. Everything else is hipster wank or foul piss like Dutch gin.
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We also have two. Tanqueray and Tanqueray Seville (with a hint of orange which the wife likes).
May try the Rangpur (limes) one day, the Malacca (grapefruit) limited edition only released every few years notoriously hard to come buy.
Always drink with Schweppes tonic water, ice and a slice of lemon or lime.
Bloody excellent,
Rarely drink in pubs anymore due to exorbitant pricing.
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One look at the Sipsmith’s website is enough to drive you to meths.
Alays suspected it was a poncey, hipster, made-up name… Click on “Meet the Team” and you’ll see it for what it is.
My preferred is a double navy strength, pink, with ice.
And I need a few now.
I’d stuff Chesca over a gin barrel, though…
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Always suspected Sipsmiths was a made-up name.
One look at their website confirms…Just go to “Meet the Team” and feel your piss evaporate.
Mine’s a double navy strength, pink, with ice. And I need a few NOW !
I’d do that Chesca over a gin barrel, though…
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Gin and Tonic is now a poof’s drink…. Hence all the menu crap and the stupid frippery that now goes with it…
I am still seething about last night’s pile of crap… If cunts accept this level of football and celebrate the fact those useless cunts are now in the last sixteen, they have not a clue about United’s history or tradition… Sir Matt and Jimmy Murphy will be spinning in their graves at the shite Mourinho and his shower of shit have brought the club….
Mourinho apologists? Yeah…. Them cunts….
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I used to get smashed on Gin and Tonic every lunchtime in the mid 1970s and I weren’t no poof and ah ain’t no poof now, got me?!
PS: football is a poof’s game.
😂
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Some G&T’s to go with the prawn sandwiches and goats cheese bruschetta up in the gods.
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Gin and wank.
Unfortunately Gin isn’t compatible with my innards for some reason, just feel ill and want to chunder. Must be a natural protective measure against poofyness.
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While not a big gin drinker I can sympathize with hipster cunts taking over and gentrifying previously working class neighbourhoods. Artisan coffee, craft beers and all that bollocks, they act like they have just re-invented the wheel while looking like a cunt.
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Artisan. Fuck, I absolutely hate that word…
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A-R-T-I-S-A-N, the new spelling of the phrase ‘fucking well expensive’.
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I have nominated the word “Artisan” recently. Hopefully it’s still in the queue somewhere..
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When it’s artisA N A L…
the last four letters nail it totally.
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I used to work in pubs/clubs when I was at university and couldn’t stand the smell of gin, to the extent that somebody else had to serve it as it made me heave. I tried to smell some about 5 years ago and found that it now appealed and is now my favourite drink. Weird. Tanqueray No. TEN or Bombay Sapphire with Fever Tree tonic, no ice, no lemon, lovely.
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Tanqueray or Bombay for me too Mogg, with lime and titanic loads of ice. Marvellous stuff.
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If you don’t drink gin straight, would that not suggest at least a degree of puffterness?
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Even professional spunk gargler Noel Coward drank it neat. Just bung some ice and a slice of lime in it, preferebly in a (dimpled) pint glass. Up to the fuckin top.
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If I hear one more 20 something say “oh I can only drink Hendricks” I may do something silly.
The cunts couldn’t blind taste the stuff in a gin line up of one
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Back in the late 80s I used to go out with a bird who was really into the fashion scene back then (those awful shoulder pad things, shite perms, garish makeup, and brick mobile phones etc)
She loved to be seen on those wine bar establishments and always quaffed her G&Ts holding her glass with her little finger pointing towards the fucking moon!
I can’t recall exactly what type of G&T she was drinking, but it was trendy and expensive and probably tasted of piss – which was handy given that she’d be receiving a mouthful of cock soon afterwards – anything to shut her the fuck up!
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Real Ale has also had the hipster treatment. Far too many “micro-breweries” brewing up stuff that tastes like it came out of the sheep dipper. I once went to a real ale festival with a friend who was a landlord. As we were waiting to get served, I heard a group of sandal-wearing.bearded,geography-teacher looking wankers pontificating about the “malty,earthy,fragrant etc.” brew that they were drinking (out of little “tasting” glasses). Thought that I’d give it a go and so ordered a pint off the fella behind the bar. When he gave it to me,it wasn’t just cloudy,it had everything bar thunder and lightening. I shouted across at the lad serving,showed him and said that it was undrinkable…” Shh, man” he said, “the keg got a knock a while ago, but the “experts” don’t seem to have noticed,so I’ll just keep serving it.”. Fair do’s to the man, I thought,as he gave me a different brew. At least he wasn’t going to let the fact that the “experts” would be shitting through the eye of a needle in a few hours time spoil his day…and the thought of the scruffy Cunts shitting themselves on their way home,all the while talking complete bollocks about Real Ale positively enhanced my enjoyment of the day.
Fuck them.
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I’ve never thought of that. Cuntflap. I’ll be at it next chance I get. I sometimes enjoy Special Brew mixed with Frosty Jack,but even I’m forced to admit that the results can be somewhat regrettable even if amusing at the time.
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Frosty Jacks………
http://www.sickchirpse.com/the-7-deadly-sins-of-frosty-jacks/
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‘Regrettable’ is putting it mildly after the scene you caused at Elton’s last night Mr Fiddler. Fortunately, Fanny and I had already departed for Fiddler Towers before you really got started.
Think I blocked the toilet again.
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Just glad that you got home safe and sound,C.M. C……Don’t worry about the toilet, following Elton’s party I find that I no longer have use for it’s services. I must have inadvertently sat on something the size of a milk-churn and now operate on a toilet system which allows “free movement”….basically,the shit just constantly tuns out of me unhindered by anything as outdated as a sphincter…Pampers “cozy-fit” nappies are now my toilet of choice,and very handy they are too…no more having to get up from the bar when I feel the urge, I just quietly sit and chuckle away to himself as I let my Pamper do it’s job…..wish I’d thought of it years ago.
P.S. Stephen Fry says that it’s a while since since he crossed (pork) swords with anyone quite as ill-equipped as you…something about you bringing a penknife to a machete-fight?
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Think I’m a bit long in the tooth for your pal Stephen, Mr Fiddler.
Your Shakespearean description of your current bottom arrangements make me suspect you are really Dave from the disabled toilet.
Oh by the way, Fanny showed me the coal shed where your grandfather ‘punished’ you after he caught you watching your sister in the shower and adjusting your trousers.
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Looking at the Gin and Craft beer industries from another angle, it has saved some pubs as people are going in again because it is trendy.
We can’t lose our great traditional pubs, they are community hubs, a place to unwind and most importantly get pissed.
Also, don’t forget that pubs are also mainly ‘peaceful’ free so I don’t care if they do serve damson cinnamon pink gin.
Goodbye for now.
12
Glad to see the Sar’n Major is a fellow gin puritan. Gin is Gordon’s. Tonic is Schweppes, and passes the authenticity test if the quinine fluoresces luridly under UV light. Lemon is lemon. Accept no substitutes and do not overdilute. The array of brightly coloured bottles whose labels contain the word ‘gin’ in the local boozery are in breach of the Trades Descriptions Act, and are reinventions of the square wheel, aimed at those who believe that the effectiveness of a drink depends on anything other than its percentage of ethanol – and who haven’t noticed that the hangover intensity is proportional to the amount of other poisons in the drink.
A proper G&T after a hot summer’s day, consumed as the sun lowers over the scene of your travail, the birds etc vocalising gently, the gentle breeze wafting delicate scents of etc, the tonic chilled, is a foretaste of the Paradise for which you have probably disqualified yourself some time ago, but what the fuck.
But there is still a place for oude jenever….
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One thing I really like about Oude Jenever is that you can buy 5 litre stone jugs of the stuff. Filliers, I think. Reminded me of Cameron Brig grain whisky, which I last had decades ago
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It’s oh so fucking trendy! One of our locals now calls itself the gin tub? I was out doing a mini pub crawl with a couple of mates and we inadvertently walked in to this temple of wank puffery,
We grabbed a cheeky pint laughed at the pretentious Cunts and left never to return…..
OP…
I was extremely disappointed with today’s dead pool, was out last night having BD drinks got absolutely bladdered, wife kindly brought me tea and toast in bed, bleary eyed I opened DP and a first glance thought the photo was jean Claude junker!
That would without question would have been my favourite present… 😡
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Went out last night, didn’t have any alcohol but did have ten yoghurts…absolutely fucking mullered….
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I’m glad you’re not in my corner…
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Sadly, domestic Gordon’s is not what it was. Diluted to reduce the maker’s tax bill. But not the consumer’s cost.
Also gin production can be started and in the poser’s glass very quickly.
Just some basic school laboratory distillation kit to produce industrial grade ethanol from whatever sugar you have handy, add flavouring, dilute to tax and safety acceptable levels and Robert is your mummy’s brother.
None of all this gathering grapes or seeds, fermenting, distilling in expensive copper pots and storing for years in big wood barrels, in caves or barns.
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