Confrontational Fat Cows

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CFCs

No, I don’t mean Chlorofluorocarbon or Chelsea Football Club

I mean Confrontational Fat Cows. Certain SheWhales, sorry, Females, who have reached critical mass, such that just one more truck-loaded gobful would most certainly result in their upsetting Earth’s perfectly balanced rotational access and see our planet careering giddily off into the darkest recesses of space. The sort of size that if it stepped into the road in front of your car, you’d run out of fuel swerving around it. Couple this with an attitude of bullish, relentless self-assertion and a habitually offensive stance in any conversation then you’ve met the type of obnoxious fat cunt I’m talking about.

There’s one comes into our local. Jumbo’s arrival is heralded by the groaning of the foundations and floorboards. Then comes the badgering, belligerent, ear-splitting voice, which renders any existing conversation redundant. Shuffling meekly in behind Jumbo’s vast acreage of quivering backside, comes it’s partner. They have a vigorous sex life, she loudly and proudly proclaims. Now I couldn’t achieve erection in the same county as Jumbo, let alone the same room, so quite how he can manage to rut the fucking thing, is completely beyond me. Maybe he closes his eyes and thinks of Andrew Lloyd Webber turned inside-out.

She knows more about any subject on discussion, than everyone else in the bar combined, whether or not she’s been invited into the conversation. Any poor fucker needing a piss whilst Jumbo is holding forth has a choice of either (a) nipping out the front and pissing in the road, (b) pissing themselves where they stand, or (c) a 7 hour walk around the fat cunt, to the bogs. (Squeezing past it is NOT an option, unless you want to end up as a tattoo on Jumbo’s gargantuan arse).

But for me, what puts these vociferous land-masses into the “forefront of pure cunt” is that they just won’t stay quietly in the background of the pub. They have to be the centre of attention, expecting us to orbit around them.

Mouthy fat cunts.

Nominated by Cunt Reviled

88 thoughts on “Confrontational Fat Cows”

  1. If any cunter here is *ever* tempted to ride a “BBW”, may the following pic dissuade you utterly:
    Warning: this pic is liable to make you heave your Sunday evening port and dry-roast peanuts…
    https://goo.gl/images/8Y6CaK

    • Oh fuck dude ….
      It’s like a candle.

      Oh … urgh… ug … you’re fucked up man!

      😁

    • After half an hour spent trying to update CV on idiotic device (site won’t accept certain files as uploads, my device seems hell-bent on converting everything into some bs), I saw…this.
      It beggars belief. I cannot decide whch is uglier, the walking abortion or its face.
      Now I have to try and sleep.

      • I’ll bet she was never “groomed” even dirty Abdul must have some standards however knowing the peacefuls fair game methinks.

  3. On our annual TT trip, staying in the lovely little town of Castletown, it is unusual if the local bars are not heaving with fat birds. The daddy/mommy of them all is nicknamed Jabba the Hut and the prize money for shagging her now stands at an impressive £343.50. This has never been claimed – I always thought bikers were made of sterner stuff. In my own defence, I have ruled myself out of the said contest, due to an allergy to perfumed sweat and not having a long enough knob..

    • Does it ride a bike?
      Didn’t think riding a fat cunt’s mobility scooter qualified as being a biker but I don’t know the rules….

      • No, she’s never a biker. She’s that fat she would fuck even an Öhlin’s unit. She’s a local from the Isle of Man, who’s looking for a drunk idiot to fuck then probably eat.

      • Had to Google that. Bit of an odd one…. though some women do love some mechanical stimulation.
        …..
        Bet she’d prefer jezza’s marrow from yesterday though.
        It’s been up Dianne Abbott but I’m sure she won’t mind.

    • For a brief sec, I read “shavoom”….
      Did anyone else have the dire misfortune to read Emmaaaah Thompson’s incontinent drivellings ?

      Emmaaaaah may not be a porker, but I really can’t stomach the thought of a leg-over with the dozy old mare.

      I wonder if there is some implication of “hairless activity” implied…

  5. Many thanks to ISAC Search and Rescue Squad for finding me awol missive.
    Sterling work.

  6. EPIC cunting Mr Reviled!!
    I just cannot convey my appreciation of your articulations other than to say “Shakespeare; Wodehouse; Le Carre…..Dan Brown (!). Read and admire”!!

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