Australians living in London

Nobody invited these annoying cunts here, atrocious accents, brash behaviour, loud as fuck, endless consumption of alcohol and most likely Vegan. And did they tell you they’re from Australia? Don’t worry, you’ll know straight away, because they just can’t fucking wait to tell you, whilst draped in the national flag, at the top of their voice, pissed as a fart.

Overpriced and overrated areas in South London such as Clapham and Tootling have been descended upon by those from Down Under, making it even more unbearable to walk the streets, as if it wasn’t enough being crammed full of middle-class mummies and sand demons, respectively. They’ll drain the local corner shop or Tesco Metro dry of booze, becoming insanely drunk before heading off to a rugby game on the tube, or simply fucking around on Clapham Common, annoying everyone who has the misfortune of being near them – and that’s just on a weekday. CUNTS.

Nominated by Lord Cuntony

51 thoughts on “Australians living in London

  1. Whilst I’m sure they are annoying I think London has bigger problems of stabby architect shit skins, aggressive eurotrash beggers and hire van dune co@n peacefuls. Anyway shitfaced on the tube singing ‘Waltzing Matilda’ is just another part of living in a big city as Suckdick Khan would say.

  2. I actually quite like the Aussies…. had a few good piss up’s with them in the past and they’re ok fellas.
    Certainally 1000 times better than the rest of the animals that we import into this country each day.
    Fair dinkum, they can be a bit annoying but not as much as peacefuls, and they don’t seem to rape or stab or rob as much as our other guests….

  3. Vegetarian Aussies….? Never met or heard of a “Veggie” Ozzie. The Nation that introduced the world to “Roo burgers” and “Ossy Steaks”
    What in fuck is this world coming too ?

  4. Nothing wrong with Aussies, especially as they all fuck off home eventually. I wish you could say the same about the rest of the foreign filth that have turned London into a crime ridden, third world shithole.
    I would rather have twenty Aussies than an Iron Curtain Eurotrash or a peaceful. My exchange rate for Irish pikeys or Somalians is 10,000 to one.
    I want all those cunts dead.

  5. Would much rather take aussies and kiwis (saffas – not so much) over mtembes and ROPers and the other miscellany of 3rd world flotsam that washes up on our shores on a daily basis.

  6. Still havn’t noticed an Aussie mowing people down on Westminster bridge or blowing up kids at a concert but i might be wrong. Anyway, i liked Crocodile Dundee.

  7. Coming back from Ireland a few years ago on the ferry,the sea was so rough that we couldn’t dock and were forced to wait outside the harbour for a couple of hours. The fucking boat was bobbing around like a rollercoaster and I was suffering the aftereffects of a week on the drink, plus it was so unsteady that I couldn’t even get out of my seat to go for a cigarette….then the final straw….they showed Crocodile Dundee2 not just once, but fucking twice! It was appalling,there I was sea-sick,hungover,nicotine-deprived with a pint that I couldn’t drink because of the yawing of the fucking boat and some bright spark decided that it was a good idea to inflict me with that dreadful load of Aussie crap. Since then the merest hint of a Paul Hogan accent is enough to get me fired up…that sing-song fucking way of speaking has me reaching for my thumping-stick.
    I’ve got no idea what Australians are like in London,haven’t been there for over 45 years,but judging by their behaviour at sporting events I can just imagine how revolting they must be….rather like being stuck next to our own “hilarious” Barmy Army at the cricket, I’d imagine.
    The only Australian that I’d invite to take tiffin with me would be the dark haired bit out of Home and Away who plays Leah. She’s worth a scuttle. Kylie Minogue can Fuck Off,although I might let her sister give me a gobble. The rest of the Australian population can live wherever they want,just as long as it’s nowhere near fact London is probably ideal seeing as how it’s pretty much overrun with people of whom I strongly disapprove anyhow.

    Fuck Off.

    • Aye Aye Mr Fiddler.
      I managed to piss one off on a beach in Corfu some years ago – He was selling shots on his fleet of jetbikes. “You Brits”? Nope says I. “You sound like Brits” – nope says I. “Well you speak perfect English” – got it in one says I. He rolled his eyes as though I had just given him the answer to a very complicated question. “So you are Brits then”? Nope says I. “Well what the fuck are you” getting a little heated by now. Well not a paddy, not a jock and not a taffy – I am English says I. “Hmm, well you are still a Brit then”? Nope, I am English says I. You an Antipodean says I. “Nah mate – ‘Stralian” The point seemed to have him baffled which left me with the conclusion that Australians are like Yoghurts – left long enough they will develop a culture. I remember Shepherds Bush being an Aussie enclave back in the 70’s / 80’s.

  8. If it were “real” Aussies that descended on Londonistab then I’d have no issue with that whatsoever.

    Far better them than the 3rd world “peaceful” scum which has made the capital the city it is today…a SHITHOLE!

    Unfortunately they seem to be the soy, on-message flakes that we seem to attract to the capital and we have enough of our own gutless “hug a peaceful” cunts to warrant importing more mentally unstable cunts from the colonies!


  9. Well from a Kiwi perspective the women are a bit rough but give the Aussies credit, when the chips are down they will give you a hand, but fuck me, we will never give them credit to their face.

  10. Good Morning fellow cunters
    Unlike Dick F ad pump both kylie AND her sister
    Infact Iā€™d pump dame Edna to get to them !!!!!!

      • Morning Fiddler, yes the H&A piece is very doable. On the whole I like Aussies but there’s nothing better than beating them at rugby or cricket as they are such bad losers. Never mind ‘whinging Poms’ , they have another level of butt hurt.

  11. Dog accused of a HATE CRIME: How pet was collared for ‘racism; after fouling outside a family home

    Police notes recorded: ‘An unknown dog has fouled outside of victim address and victim perceived this to be a racial incident.’ The Met had more than 2,500 complaints for hate crime in 2015 and 2016


    How do they know that it was a dog that shit? Could just have easily been me staggering back with a bellyful of Guinness on board. However if it was a dog ,it’s a dog with impeccable taste.

    Fuck them.

  12. Kylie is the ultimate what used to be known as prick tease along with Rachel Riley. ‘Ooh just look at my cute ass, you know you want to’!

    • Kylie was always a bit too ratty looking for my tastes. I like a bit of meat on the bone,and to be thoroughly reprehensible,after she was unfortunate enough to have to have a mastectomy, she lost the small amount of allure that she may have once possessed.

      I really am a shallow,horrible Cunt.

      • Kylie was sort of alright in her day, but I never really liked her teeth…. Her sister Danni was much errr ‘bigger’ and that was in her favour…

        Mate of mine works at both Manchester and Heathrow Airports, and he said Kylie is at least a pretty nice and decent person to staff… However, he also said that Nicole Kidman is a complete cunt to airline employees… Apparently only Cilla Black and Madogga were bigger airport cunts than Kidman…

        Aussie wimmin in general? I remember my dad saying when Prisoner Cell Block H was on at some godforsaken hour on Granada… The old fellah said ‘Why the fuck did that Michael Jackson spend all that money on make up and props for that video (‘Thriller’), when he could have hired this lot?’
        Couldn’t have put it better myself….

      • Well, actually I think there was one (only one, mind) in that show who was doable… I think she was in it for about three episodes, can’t remember her name in it but she wasn’t one of the identikit mingers they had in it all the time… Mind you I did come home a lot pissed in those days, so it might have been a case of Boddies goggles…

  13. They’re certainly annoying. “Pom” this and “Pom” that all day yet get offended when you call them a Convict! There’s no point an Antipodean becoming all chippy with me just because his great-great Irish Grandfather was transported for raping a chicken.

    Anyway, I thought they’d all been priced out of Clapham as they’re TWAs (Typical Workshy Aussies) and therefore unable to afford the rent. Which reminds me:-

    Q: How come you never see any Australians in Star Trek?
    A: Because they don’t do any fucking work in the future, either.

  14. Acdc, Men at work, excellent bands Margot Robbie very, very fuckable.

    Some very fine woman in ausieland, better than this fucking shit hole of a country now, asoon as I have the chance it’s tally ho

    • Nice try convict the only shithole is down under so fuck off twat and stay there.

  15. As other cunters have said Id much prefer if my gaff London was full of Aussies rather than 3rd world scum.However that doesnt spare them a cunting.Like the Canadians they live in a HUGE country with a tiny population.Canadas larger than the USA and has only a 10th of its population,Australia is as big as Brazil and has a 10th of its population.Canadas too fucking cold and according to boffins 90% of Australia is termed “uninhabitable”.Lazy cunts should get to work like the Dutch and clear some swamps and deserts so us Brits can have somewhere to go when we leave this shithole.Also like Canadians they are proud at being “World Beaters” in sports no decent country gives a fuck about like ice hockey and Aussie Rules Bollox.Apart from that Ive no problem with em.

  16. Feck orf you ungrateful Pommie twats. When we send our dregs to join you it raises the average IQ of both our countries!

    • Wasn’t that said by the New Zealand PM when Kiwis left for Australia? You convicts should stick to what you do best:
      Moaning, swearing, killing Abos, and cheating at cricket.

  17. I love Australia and I like the bands…..Cold Chisel, Hunters and Collectors, Noiseworks, Icehouse, INXS, The Angels……the list could go on.
    Thoroughly enjoyed my time there and I found the people I met were warm and friendly.

    • Easybeats and AC/DC of course…. Aussies are mental (and I mean that as a compliment), but they think my lot are mad and all… When I was over there in 94 I was asked where I was from, and I said Manchester… ‘Fuckin’ ell!’ said the Aussie I befriended, ‘You lot are rum buggers, aren’t ya?’ And he wasn’t the only one to say it either… Some top pubs over there too…

      • Are you a rum bugger Norman? I love some of those Aussie expressions and my first visit was in 93, planning to go back again soon.

    • Although I like a few of their songs I was never a huge fan of INXS. Having said that, Hutchence was the absolute business as a frontman. Basically he was what Bongo * thinks * he is.

      • INXS were a bland, meat-and-two-veg, average rock & roll band with a pervert as a lead singer. Corporate rock shite..

      • Hutch got Paula when she was well past her sell by date… Mind you, she was a dirty slag who suited the dirty digger’s ‘tastes’… As you said, Captain, he was a bit of a perv…

        Helena was a catch though… I always saw Hutchence as a Jagger impersonator, and not a very good one either…

    • Ron, when the Convicts come here next Summer for The Ashes, I guarantee there’ll be at least one England fan in the audience who’ll dress in a ‘sandpaper’ costume to welcome them. It might even be me.

      • Not much, Ginge. I had to live there for a while and at times it was unbearable. Some decent ones but the “Stralua, Stralia, proudly made in Straila” inscure chest-beating is constant. There’s a complete inability to laugh at themselves.

      • Yeah Cap’n, I suspect that there were some dodgy doings in the last Ashes series, the way their seamers suddenly started to get prodigious swing on a number of occasions. As for getting rumbled in SA, well, don’t tell me others than the fall guys didn’t know. The bowlers MUST have seen that the ball had been tampered with ffs…
        Cunts. if it was up to me, that cunt Warner would never disgrace a field with his rotten presence ever again.

  18. Yes I was very very disappointed in what happened in Africa when the Aussies played there. The tests were played in a hostile manner but that isn’t an excuse for cheating. On the other hand Australia aren’t the only ones accused and found guilty of ball tampering and those players involved ( agree with you Ron, I believe there were others that knew what was happening) deserved the punishment handed out to them. It is going to take some time for the cricket team to make an impression and at present I can only see England winning the Ashes. I will still wear my Aussie shirt though, even though I do get a fair bit of ribbing.

  19. I’d rather have Aussies over the mammoth amount of other foreign fucktards we have here in the giant clusterfuck that is ‘Landan Taan’, that is for damned sure….

    … I love ‘Neighbours’.

    God, I’m a sad cunt. šŸ¤”šŸ¤”šŸ¤”

  20. Whatever happened to that arch-cunt Australian Tim Ireland? That stalker bloke who was chasing Nadine Dorries and and scared the bejesus out of her schoolgirl daughters when they went walkies with the shih-tzus? Ditched by his Mrs then moved across the UK to live in Dorries’ street. Sick cunt. Went bust in the high court with an election petition!!!!! Lost as losers do. Was on the coloured pills a la Sinead O’Connor. Got suspended from Twitter. Harassing bastard cunt. Gone quiet. Sectioned? Worst of Australians. Couldn’t get the crim genes outta his system. Anyone know? Is he dead?

  21. Question if Australia is such a wonderful place why are all the cunts still here go home Ive been to Australia with the British Army they don’t like us and we don’t like you and we don’t like being called Pommie Barstards so fuck off back

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