Buses

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Sadiq Khan’s dad and uncle?

Bus drivers. Fuck off. You cunts.

That sign on the back that says “please let me out” is phrased as a request, not a statement of intent, cunt.

How dare you simply pull out regardless of the traffic around you. That behaviour is reserved for blonde women who are too short to see over the steering wheel.

I deliberately keep on going when these cunts try it. I don’t have to let them out, and I won’t lose my job if I have a crash. It’s MY right of way, and I couldn’t give a flying fuck if the unwashed dregs of society can’t get to the job centre on time.

Why fucking use the word “please” if you’re going to gestulate wildly when I refuse?

The rules of both the road and of grammar are with me cunts, so fuck yourselves.

Nominated by Cuntflap

I wish to cunt Buses and Bus Passengers.

Being an old cunt I have one of those plastic cards that allows you to travel by bus after 0930 hours weekdays and at any time weekends. (A sub-cunting here. Why is it that when I paid Income Tax and National Insurance in the United Kingdom all my working life I can’t avail myself of this largesse in Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland or on any mode of transport other than a bus in Londonistan? Did I ever make it a condition of my paying taxes that the revenue was to be spent only in England? Cunts).
I don’t use the card very often, preferring to travel in the comfort and privacy, the presence of the old cunt I’m married to excepted, of my private car. Before you hit the reply button and despatch a cunting for arrogance, the car is a 10 year old Skoda Fabia. Now I have your sympathy I’ll continue. Sometimes taking the bus is unavoidable because of the parking situation in my destination. (Another sub-cunting. Local Councils that spend thousands of pounds on painting yellow lines all over the fucking roads and charging for every last square centimetre of suitable parking space so they can fund the provision of housing and council tax rebates for Eurotrash and peacefuls).
First the bus. There is a timetable but it’s a work of fiction. Your time would be better spent reading Tolstoy’s War and Peace. You’ll have time to finish it in between buses. Board the bus and greet the driver only to receive a catatonic stare from the piece of Eurotrash or peaceful into whose hands you have entrusted your life. The interior of the bus looks like the inside of the rubbish bin that used to be attached to the bus stop until the local intelligentsia removed it and used it as a football and it smells like a urinal that hasn’t been flushed for days. This is because cunts, even older than me, or drunken young cunts have pissed all over the seats. Always check for damp patches before you sit. I have no idea what the surroundings along the bus route look like because you can’t see out the windows. You can look into them and get a reflection of your face from the years of black, grey and white grime splattered over them.
Notices exhort you to remain seated until the bus stops. If you do the bus will have set off again before you can get to the exit door and/or you will have been trampled to death by the millenials, totally oblivious to their surroundings, surging on board. If you try and reach the exit whilst the bus is moving you’ll end up in A&E with multiple fractures as the Eurotrash/peaceful moron driver confuses accelerator and brake yet again.
And now the bus passengers: 1) Shopping trolley woman – menopausal, smelling of stale piss and with head lice. Parks her fucking enormous four-wheeled trolley in the aisle so nobody can get round it. Feigns complete deafness when told to move the fucking thing. 2) Ashtray Man – looks like he’s slept in Tesco’s doorway for the last few months. Is unshaven and wearing clothing covered in food stains. Smells of stale piss and absolutely fucking reeks of nicotine. 3) Millenium Mummy – fat bitch boards the bus with a fucking huge pushchair decorated with multiple shopping bags which she parks in the space reserved for wheelchairs with that ‘entitled’ look that only Millenial bastards can effect. The spawn of Satan inside the pushchair starts screaming as soon as the bus moves and keeps it up for the entire journey. Mummy doesn’t notice the distress of her spawn or other passengers because she’s shovelling crisps into her fat gob whilst watching a Youtube video on her iphone. 4) Telephone Man/Woman – invariably well dressed and manicured with a wrinkled- nose disgusted facial expression; he suit and tie with stupid fucking ‘Turkish’ haircut; she high heels, suit skirt and top and real leather handbag. What the fuck are they doing on a bus? Answer – they’ve confused it with a telephone box. They stand in the aisle, never sit, and proceed to issue orders and instructions to their underlings on their mobile phones at full volume. What utter cunts. Good job I don’t have my service revolver anymore. I’d buy a bike so I wouldn’t have to go near a bus but it’s too painful sitting on a saddle when they are prolapsed.

Nominated by Fimbriations

23 thoughts on “Buses”

  1. Never had a problem with bus drivers in any other city than London. But there again , one can expect this in London as they are more used to driving camels.

  2. Aaah…..”On the Buses”……..absolute rubbish at the time but, with the benefit of hindsight and nostalgia, now seems quite good. Olive, Arfur and Blakey were classic sit com characters. Lots of bawdy sexist humour and a black character called “Chalky.”
    Fuck me, the Libtards would have a mass heart attack these days. They wouldn’t like Blakey being called “Hitler” either…… that’s reserved for Trump and Sir Nigel.

    • Buses, Love Thy Neighbour, Mind Your Language, Rising Damp, Till Death… all did far more to foster increased racial empathy in Britain than all the racist race relations industry PC scumbags put together.

      Btw Freddie, as a connoisseur of fine comedy, you won’t want to miss Michael McIntyre’s Big Show tonight on ABBC1 at 8.10 tonight… will you?

      😂 ☹️ 🤣

      • Good point RT. If we had those kind of comedies now we might have better Race Relations. How to have a bit of fun with it.

  3. My kids ( now adults ) loved and still love OTB, As do I.
    Cheap and cheerful, it’s now social history. Great characters.
    I hate you Butler, oooooooooo.
    Father in law served his time at a bus depot, he said it was very similar to OTB.
    Good morning.

  4. When OTB was on my dad idly said that in real life Olive was a half decent slapper. Just looked her up and sure enough she was a stripper. Funny old world.

  5. Same in my part of the world. Bus drivers think it’s their God-given right to pull out into the traffic with the arrogance usually reserved for cyclists. Driving past one as he was stopped at a bus stop, got alongside and the cunt started pulling out so I accelerated in front of him so he starts gesticulating at me. At the next set of lights I got out and he accused me of cutting him up, I, quite politely told him that the blue-lights and sirens on my ‘company vehicle’, an ambulance, but he isn’t to know that, don’t entitle me to pull out unless the road is clear so what does he think he’s doing and I’ll be contacting the company on my return to work. Face was a picture and the bus company emailed to say he’s undergoing a period of re-training. It’ll probably do fuck-all, but it made me feel better. He was a fucking fat cunt, too. To be fair, though, when I’m on a blue-light run, the buses are pretty good at getting out of the way.

    Cunts, the vast majority of them.

  6. Top cuntings,
    The damn buses are a right piece of cunt. I try to avoid the tube in London thanks to our peaceful friends so I sometimes get the bus. Its always a cunt getting the bus, you usually have the mumbling confused old cunt, some old cunt who takes an hour to get on… Who should really stay at home. A load of noisy schoolkids and some fat Somalian woman with her phone stuck in her Hijab or whatever the fuck it is shouting as if the cunt on the other end is in Somalia and not on the phone. Almost forgot the inconsiderate cunt eating stinky fried chicken or some posh cunt eating a garlic and quinoa wrap. All cunts and the they can fuck off. Buses cause a lot of traffic and the drivers are cunts. Buses… A big piece of cunt, full of cunts, driven by a cunt. The cunts.

  7. Buses in Leeds are the pits, slow, overpriced and chock full of Eastern Europeans.

    There’s nothing better than sitting on a damp bus with McDonalds smeared on the window breathing in other peoples germs, diseases and farts.

    They tried bendy buses round here after all the failed attempts to bring in trams, trolley buses etc became to expensive…..can’t let the wife of that council exec go without her new Audi this year so let the paupers sit on a noisy bus instead of investing the money where needed.

    I would rather (and do) walk to my destination if not using my car.

    • I remember my uni days, decades ago, getting a 1 or a 4 back up to “Woodarse” Lane from the centre. A couple of blokes were getting on in front of us, one of whom was a punk. The driver said to them “10 p for you, and tuppence hapenny for the parrot…”
      It was damp, smelt of mucky-does and farts…some things never change.

  9. Quite a few years ago I used to be a conductor on the three, twelve and one five nines busses out of Camberwell, saaf Landan.
    My favourite thing was to wait for people who were running for the bus. When they got pretty close I’d tap the button and off we’d go.
    Still makes me smile when I think about it.
    Yes I am a Cunt.

  10. Most people who use buses are cunts.

    In fact, with the exception of those who contribute to this esteemed site realise most people in the world are cunts.

  11. Those cunty academics, Councillors, MPs and other green types, who insist we should all use public transport, more than likely don’t bother with it themselves.

    You’ll find most of them driving around in their cars or perhaps the train at a push; but they would never use a bus because they know how fucking horrible it really is being in such close proximity with ordinary people.

  12. Where I am here, on the IoW, we have a company (Southern Vectis) that have completely monopolised the public transport and get away with robbing their customers blind. A 5-mile journey on the bus will set you back £3.50. Even if you wanted to travel a single stop, say around 250 yards, they will charge you the minimum fare of £2 for that.
    This island is only 23 miles across it’s longest point, yet they can get away with charging £217 for a 90 day pass! Cunts.

    • i remember going for a holiday in them parts.
      Always thought that Southern Vectis sounded like some STD, or at least a deviant act…

  14. I have been traveling (or rather suffering) on buses since I was a stirring in my Mother’s ovaries and it is an utter cuntfest of mammoth proportions.

    From the moment you park your arse at the bus stop (if you are lucky enough to get a fucking seat and it is isn’t occupied by a bunch of acne infested hoodies spilt McDonald’s chips and a banana skin) you are surrounded by cunts. Drunk cunts, trampy cunts, elderly cunts who are beyond rude yet demand ‘respect’ from the yoof of today just BECAUSE they are old cunts, black tented cunts and their 100 children running riot, babymamma cunts clogging the queue with their double buggies full of shite from Poundland rather than actual CHILDREN and every other bottom feeder that is available that day.

    I refuse to pay extortionate fucking London parking fees, otherwise I wouldn’t abide the cuntfest that is bus travel. Sadly, needs must if I want to get some of my own shite in Poundland of a week or kill two hours standing in the Wall of China bank queue while two cunts are manning the place and working at the pace of an arthritic snail.

    As for the drivers, what utter cunts they are too. As a courtesy I always enter the bus, shove my Oyster bollocks on the reader and say ‘THANKS’, but do I get a response? I get a dirty look and one that says ‘I no speaky thee lingo’ or ‘Just get on the fucking bus, cuntwaffle’ .

    It is an utterly soul destroying experience and one which should require quarantine and a good spray down with Dettol afterwards.

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