Jools Holland [5]

Yet another snoozesome series of Later is airing now…. Once bands and singers had Whistle Test, The Tube, So It Goes, and other shows to appear on… Now, across all five terrestrial channels, there is just one music show (that X-Factor turd doesn’t count!)… And if Jools doesn’t like you, then you don’t appear, simple as that… Expect the usual shite: Some sxities relic, ‘boogie woogie’ bollocks, Bogo-Bogo ‘World Music’ that nobody gives a toss about, Ruby Turner/Beverley Knight (same thing), some piss poor Gang Of Four/Teardrop Explodes rip-off, and KT Cuntstall….

Nominated by Norman

42 thoughts on “Jools Holland [5]

  1. Jools Holland could be the bastard love child of Zippy from Rainbow. His mannerisms and speech is pure Zippy.

    This alone sets him aside from the pack as a cunt.

  2. Ace cunting Norm.
    The cunts voice,the cunts mannerisms,the cunts music,the cunts friends,the cunts mum,the cunts piano. Everything about this cunt I hate. He’s so far up his own arse it takes him half an hour to find his way back out to get some air.

  3. Give it a fucking rest, for Christ sake. He is the reason why I fucking hate New Year’s Eve!

    “…bastard love child of Zippy from Rainbow.” Nice one.

  4. He did make a joke about terrible gigs in the old days and the toilets always had that terrible tracing paper bog roll and that goes in his favour.

    I don’t think he can actully play that piano. I remember a pop video with Squeeze where he was clearly miming and smoking a cigar. Like a cunt.

    • Actually he’s one of the best boogie pianists I’ve ever heard.
      There’s a video of him playing boogie in a club somewhere in South America, Been trying to find it for years after seeing it once.

      Trouble is he has his Rhythm & Blues Orchestra which is shite. Doesn’t play blues or R&B.

      • *Trouble is he has his Rhythm & Blues Orchestra which is shite.*

        They are just session musicians who read the dots. The day before they might have been doing Friday Night Is Music Night, the next day it might be a pop tart session with Russian squealer Leeva Vestoff, or a Bob Geldolf Memorial CD (just dreaming). They just do it for the money. I don’t suppose they enjoy most of what they play.

  5. Had the misfortune to catch this cunt supporting The Police in Deeside Leisure Centre, early 80s. Police were superb. Julian was a cunt.

  6. His stupid little voice seems to get more silly and irritating each time I hear him. And yes Norman your spot on about the cunts he has on there.
    One week I watched some brown types that were called the Outer Mongolian sheep herding ensemble, or something like that, they were playing a washboard and a piece of string attached to a broom handle like some mongoloid skiffle group. No fucker wants to be exposed to that shite.

  7. Any cunt called Julian is almost bound to be a poofter but to shorten it to the girly *Jools* makes him a mega cunt of the first water.

    The synthetic weak as piss noises he produces reminds you of those budget LPs they turned out decades ago – not good, not clever but v e r y cheap

  8. Holland has always been an annoying pretentious cunt!!
    A prick full of huge self importance, definitely one to be avoided……,

  9. I thought this cunt was only deployed on New Year’s Eve. I imagined the little Gollum cunt lived in a cave the rest of the year?

  10. I thought this cunt was only deployed on New Year’s Eve. I imagined the little Gollum cunt lived in a cave the rest of the year?

  11. Perhaps he’ll invite Sinéad O’Connor in, now she’s converted to Islam.

    Haha I almost feel sorry for Islam!

      • Hahaha…..me neither!

        One hit wonder with a Prince reject dirge. Previously seen masquerading as a Priest, ripping up posters of the Pope and self-harming in a desperate attempt for attention.

        The Full Burqua will suit her. Just need to stuff an orange in the letterbox to shut her up then.

      • Me too…
        I saw that and instantly felt the bile rise from the pit of my stomach!
        Apparently “the teachings have naturally led her to Islam? “ shame it wasn’t suicide 😀
        She’s always been an annoying little cunt…….

    • Well, she is as mad as a box of frogs so I suppose it is no surprise.

      And wtf is with the new name Shudaha – should a had a second thought I would think.

  12. Didn’t this cunt get squished by a jumbo jet engine falling from the sky?

    All around me are familiar faces..

  13. Superb cunting Norman.

    I loathe this talentless, condescending cunt with a vengeance-and have done ever since The Word started out.

    You really nailed it with the “If Jools doesn’t like you” bit. Every week since this ‘Later’ shite started in 1851 I have forlornly checked to see who’s on. And I’m lucky if there’s ever more than one, maybe two, per series (!), I’ll tune in to see.

    99% of these one album wonders disappear without trace. Which is why the BBC4 re-runs of old TOTPs are STILL the only shows they dare broadcast.

    And will somebody please update his fucking wardrobe. I swear he’s been wearing the same school uniform for 50 years

    • Apologies- I meant to say The Tube, not The Word. Thanks to Ruff for indirectly correcting me (see later).

      The Word had some ok moments despite that irritating professional Mancuntian, Christian (who would now be forced to change his name to Terry Muslim if presenting on Al-Beebera).

      Had quite a hard spot for Katie Puckrick back in the day too. But that’s another story altogether………

  14. Nice one Norm. I have a mental picture of the original New York Dolls playing Jet Boy for the inanely grinning cunt’s hipster guests watching open mouthed being assaulted by the pure joy of the raucous, thrashing badly rehearsed noise (Bob Harris is a precious cunt too and don’t mention Bruno Brookes!). Jools Holland is ridiculous and poncily named. Indeed he’s a mega uber-cunt of the very highest grade. I’d lift the lid on the back of his prized piano and leave a dead cat in it for a week with the central heating left on in his gaff. Enjoy playing boogie fuckin woiogie on thar yer cunt. Following that I’d also shit on his piano keyboard, nicely layered cabling, over the black notes, and push his smug, stupid grinning face into it for a crescendo of musical virtuoso. Then, smack the lid shut on the back of his head. Smugly grinning STILL yer CUNT! His gob would end up looking like a bright red open piano with too many black notes where his teeth are missing. If “Jools“ has a mussus, she’d get gangbanged by Oscar Peterson’s brass section in the background. Clockwork Orange could fuck off in that scene. Did the Prodigy ever get an invite? Not on your fucking nelly! CUNT!

  15. This is a cunting too far for me. Yes he can be intrusive and annoying, but Later is the only show where you can see real musicians in sea of Cowellised karaoke shite or fucking Rap. Holland is a great enthusiast who airs all types of music.
    You don’t have to appreciate all the music. Record the fucker and skip what doesn’t suit. Likewise Hootenanny. (in fact, the only way to watch Hootenanny)And time dims the memory. The Tube could be great (Holland was on that remember) but also turgid. Whistle Test could be pretentious and self-indulgent as fuck. So It Goes was probably the best but didn’t run for long.
    Later is all about musicians, like them or not. If you don’t like music stick to the X Factor.

    • For me ‘Ready, Steady, Go’ & ‘Colour Me Pop’ are the benchmark for all pop /rock shows. Nothing imho has come close to those two since.

      ‘Old Grey Whistle Test’ had its moments… should have been a whole lot better what with the plethora of great groups and music abounding in the early ‘70s, but Bob Harris being a self satisfied Cunt was forever creaming his Debenhams jeans introducing tedious singer/songwriter cunts like James Taylor and a never ending stream of American soft country rock shite.

      ‘The Tube’ had similar issues, but still worth catching of a Friday night following a skinful down the pub.

      Having endured ‘Later’ on two occasions I would not tune in again if you paid me. And ‘Hootenanny’ should be banned outright!

    • Rather agree with you I think Cuntstable

      Seems to like and promote all types of music. Some to my taste, the majority probably not but not worthy of a cunting in my humble opinion. Without him would not have been able to see many great live acts, including Steve Winwood (I’m a man), 10cc, and PIL (Deeper Water). Fucking brilliant (if you like that sort of thing).

      Not overly keen on the New Year get together, mainly due that I hate anything to do with New Years eve.

      Used to regularly watch The Old Grey Whistle Test as a teenager which I thought was absolutely brilliant.

      Remember going to the Marquee in London to watch bands (fucking loud if I remember rightly), and to the BBC Golders Green Hippodrome to watch bands free of charge.

      Understand the BBC Hippodrome was recently sold to a Peaceful charity. FFS.

      Jools Holland- what’s not to like?

  16. I also hate Holland because he has kick started and prolonged the career of KT Cuntstall… A bit like that shouty ginger cunt, Chris Evans, who constantly played that dreadful single by Texas in the mid 90s and resurrected their career (nice one Evans, you cunt!), Jools has promoted and bigged up Cuntstall for years when no one else gives a toss about her… But now she’s got a new album out, so expect to see her pretentious crap and piss poor Suzi Quatro impressions on the latest series of Later… Who knows, maybe old Jools is trying to get into Cuntstall’s knickers?… It can’t be because of her music… Oh wait, this is Jools Holland we’re on about…

  17. Again as its music and musicians your all talking about i dont have a clue what the feck ur on about. Bliss.

  18. The Liberal dress code. As rigid as a Nazi uniform.The dark clothes I mean. False humility of course. Show business should be about.. well.. er… putting on a show. Dressing up. A variation would be architects. Not aspiring ones but real life establishment ones like Sirs. Richard Rogers, Norman Foster. In their light airy baggy buildings.

  19. Why oh why must the little cunt insist on playing boogie woogie with anyone that’s on his show???
    And his band are a fucking embarrassment. Their nothing more than the in house band at a Butlins holiday camp.
    Fuck off Holland you cunt, no one likes Boogie cunting Boogie piano.

  20. A reaction as well. I am thinking of Carol Anne Duffy (the poet laureate). I suppose Elizabeth Barret Browning wore a bonnet, flowing dress, silken shoes. Dr Martens, army jacket, sweatshirt.

  21. We all know he (hard)Left wear dark dreary clothes to show how pessimistic they are about this Capitalist economic system. But I dislike the bow-tie wearing colourful jacket ‘Adam Smith Institute’ type too. See he loves Capitalism. That’s why he’s so jauntily dressed. He’s an optimist about this Capitalist system. Nobody loses. When we know they do.

  22. I have no opinion on Jools Holland. However, I suspect that the decline of music television shows in general is largely because of more and more people moving away from the idiotbox and choosing to stream their music instead of watch it via the more ‘traditional’ formats.

  23. I can never take this cunt seriously someone who wears Jack Dees clothes/cast offs Apart from being in Sqeeze 50 years ago what does he do? He’s another sanctimonious little bastard with far too much money and far too much to say for himself Considers himself pop royalty like that other tosser Paul McCartney a pair of proper cunts

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