The corporate cunts who run banks and airlines had a brainwave twenty or so years ago. Why not send all our unimportant jobs to India. All the sorts of jobs that young Henry and Jemima would never do. Customer service shit had already had that treatment so why not send the geek cunt jobs over there too? Nobody ever sees the speccy cunts here anyway and they never go outside in daylight so why not replace them with some Ginesh cunts instead? “Cost savings” and huge bonuses all round.
Except the chinless wonders hadn’t quite fathomed that all our large companies have decrepit old computer systems that even the spazzies and speccies over here struggle to understand. So how they expected Ginesh and Hardita fresh out of the University of Umapunapradesh to fare better is beyond me? But who cares eh cunts? They’re just cheaper. But actually, and here’s the best part, they’re not! Everything takes longer and/or goes wrong. Who knew?
Anyway, the fuck-ups are kept quiet for a while but then eventually you get one enormous catastrophic failure and the cunt at the top can’t hide that. But not to worry. He’s already got a job somewhere else on the directors’ merrygoround that is only open to the guilded few.
CUNTS!!!
Nominated by CuntishTown
Better to send the work to Ginesh and Hardita than to bring the cunts over here to do it, with their sky high birth rates, benefit top ups for their piss poor wages, voracious appetite for consuming public services and clogging up the trains, buses and streets with their stinking disease carrying bodies. Fuck them all to hell.
12
True Freddie but how’s about this
Fuck the self fulfilled lie that brits won’t do the jobs ….eh that’s because you’ve imported cunts who work for less than half minimum wage therefore driving wages down. How’s about making the pay decent enough for brits to do them… and still afford their fucking rent.
Youl find a lot of brits will do the so called lower jobs if you gave them a dignified fucking wage instead of looking toward the fucking Ganges or caucuses….. racetothebottomcunts
13
Some of the fuckers are still running Windows XP which has no backup support from Microsoft and is open to exploitation. The latest Windows version is still a cunt. I don’t use it anymore. The cunts would fare better shifting to Linux based software that saboteurs don’t really give a shit about. Having said that modern customer services based overseas are shite but it’s better to leave the cunts there and move the jobs back here. You might still get Hardeep and Muktar but their English is slightly better. One big blast from a magnet the size of a planet and we’re all back to papyrus scrolls and quills. IT has been a temperamental cunt from day one. We have to hope it doesn’t go the way of Hal 9000 dreamt up by the boy botty exile in Sri Lanka, the dead Arthur C. Clarke. He was a cunt, his computer was a cunt and IT in general is a cunt. I’d shit in their micro chips. Cunts!
5
I recall distinctly, the massive IT meltdown that happened with the TSB bank back in April/May of this year.
After splitting from Lloyds Bank in 2013/4, TSB was preparing to migrate all of its 6 million customers to its own IT infrastructure. However, due to poor beta and QA testing, the migration went completely tits up with customers complaining they couldn’t access their online accounts, or that their standing orders/direct debits were not being paid, amongst other things.
The problem went on for a number of weeks, and even now – some 5 months on – the migration is still not completely bug-free, but has cost the bank almost £200m (with many compensation claims yet to be resolved)
The good news though, is the man overseeing this IT Fuck Up Of All Fuck Ups – Paul Pester, recently resigned after admitting the buck stopped with him. And to show their appreciation for his incompetence the bank has rewarded him a £1.2m severance payment, along with a £500,000 “bonus”
Nice work if you can get it!
Cunt
7
A great rant from Mr CT there.
Triple ISAC nominee Afua Hirsch is a real piece of work…
https://mikesplace2017.wordpress.com/2018/10/19/quote-of-the-day-57-update/
9
Fucking freezing this morning in Mcr, but some cunt has just sent me this… Cheered me up no end…
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dp08BhnXgAAt7Bc.jpg
14
I have been “outsourced” to India twice now with the very real and looming possibility of it happening again in a few weeks time.
The first thing I will say is that every Indian I have worked with who has come here to live and make a life for themselves have been great. Work hard, are adept, integrate and who I’m happy to call friends.
The thing is, they are their country’s cream. You’ll find similar bods in the US, Canada, Australia and New Zealand.
The fuckers who are left to man the “outsourcing” centres are basically the dross that’s left who’ve neither the skill nor the ability to leave based on their merit. Don’t get me wrong they’re still good people but dim as Aladdin’s Lamp in the most part.
Outsourcing fails for three reasons:
1. Anything that gets done has to be done twice. The first time by the outsourcing outfit, the second time by what’s left of the UK staff (that was decimated through redundancies after the outsourcing “Silver Bullet” was announced).
2. Unless you tell them *exactly* what you want and guide them every step of the way you’ll get nothing. Or worse you’ll get what some pleb analyst (straight from business school with no understanding of IT) asked for – which is usually diametrically opposed to what is wanted, or – at the very best – is unfit for purpose. The upshot of this is that one or more of what’s left of the UK staffs’ time is spent explaining stuff or holding their hands (it’s like herding cats it really is). Oh and this hand-holding (which takes up most of the time) is not allowed to interfere with their own work stack (cos that would make the brass’ decision to outsource in the first place look stupid – which it is).
3. It’s a false economy. The brass only ever look at the top line “savings” based purely on wages saved by sacking of the UK workforce and replacing them with a “cheaper” offshore workforce. The bottom line is that things take longer – after rewrite and rewrite and rewrite – and what’s left of the UK staff are still being used to backfill the “autonomous” offshore workforce (i.e. do most of the fucking work or spend time fixing what’s been delivered), and therefore it ends up costing more than keeping the UK staff on in the first place. O’course the brass won’t allow that fact to go up the food chain and so go into full Comical Ali mode waving their hands with their finest “No tanks are entering Baghdad!” impression.
If outsourcing/offshoring is so great, how come every place which has offshored my job have been crying for me to go back within 3 months of me leaving. Fact!
Unfortunately I’ve usually moved on by then and so cannot accommodate them.
Do they learn? Do they fuck! That’s because the cunts who make these decisions high up the food chain have no fucking concept of the impending disaster their about to inflict on an IT dept. which probably functions quite well.‡
Cunts!
‡ This excludes ANY civil service IT department which usually attracts the dross that cannot get a job in the private sector, or, IT teams assembled by the big IT players to fuck up a system on behalf of HM Govt at some eye-watering amount that ALWAYS goes over budget and is NEVER delivered on time. Fact!
2
Work in a different industry but I could say exactly what you did. They’re lovely people and all, but billing 30+ hours for something that should take 5 because they misunderstood.. despite saying ‘yes’ to everything.
It looks good on paper, or rather spreadsheets or boardroom powerpoints with poorly aligned text boxes (seriously, you get paid 3 or 4 times my salary and you can’t do that properly? Cunt). But so does hotdesking and cramming people in like battery hens, great on paper but in the long run.. financially, and mentally for workers?
It’s the way we work now. No real innovation or investment from the top, just cost cutting and forcing burdens down the chain. It’s bollocks.
Plus with outsourcing you’re essentially stealing the talent of that nation from their own domestic firms whilst insidiously seeding our corporate culture their with all its inherent failures.
3
A quick cunting is due for that rubber-faced wanker, Steve Coogan, who is about as funny as appendicitis.
This penis has issued a change.org petition for “The People’s Vote”, imploring me to sign his shitty little petition. He dribbles on how those who voted for Brexit didn’t vote for what is happening now and that we should have scrutiny of the final deal and it shouldn’t be left to politicians to make these important decisions, and we should be able to make a final decision on Brexit, blah, blah, blah, hairy arseholes, hairy arseholes, woof, woof, woof, etc.
Well that cunt Coogan can go and whistle out of his hairy arsehole for my signature. Cunt x 10 ^755
7
He’s right though. I didn’t vote for the shit that’s happening now. I voted for Article 50 to be declared the day following the referendum with a maximum of 12 months to be free of the corrupt political cunts in the EU. I didn’t vote for a fucking useless incompetent remainer to be in charge of so-called negotiations. The only negotiations I would have approved of would have been ‘here’s what we want, take it or leave it’ and ‘no, there’s no more fucking money for you cunts’. Instead we’re never going to leave.
11
Coogan’s right Paul, we didn’t vote for what is happening now – we voted to LEAVE.
What’s happening right now is purely down to Remoaner 5th Columnist cunts like Coogan and his blessed fucking EU!
Besides, he’s a Liebour propagandising cunt, so what else would you expect.
10
So called negotiations indeed. They keep saying no and the remoaner traitors and the Establishment do their dirty work for them. Extension follows extension until the election. Both parties stand on a “oooh, it’s too hard, let’s stay in” platform. Abdul’s yer uncle.
5
O’brien has just said that the day after we leave without a deal we literally won’t be able to fly anywhere. not project fear he said. it will happen.
2
What a stupid cunt. He’s a babbling fanatic who is cracking up.
He’ll end up in a straitjacket in some loony bin screaming about “backstops” and “economic self destruction “ and other such bollocks. Cunt.
2
My employer (state gov’t, Americunt obvs) decided somehow that our IT staff could be fazed out and replaced by some group based in Canada (I think – the people who spoke on the phones never had a trace of a Indian/desi or Filipino accent; straight North American English) for the same chickenshit ‘budget’ reasons. The trial run with the remote cunts crashed and burned miserably. How the fuck are some underpaid cunts in Toronto (or where ever) who have never worked on our network supposed to replace the onsite underpaid cunts who literally built and maintained our IT infrastructure from the ground up? Somehow, the execs were convinced it was good, though, and they pissed away something like $150K – roughly the annual salaries of 4 of our in-house techs combined. In the end, they kept all the techs and had to eat shit when it came down to budget time. So not only are IT glitches cunts, so are the smug, mealy-mouthed, overpaid, asshole budgetmasters ultimately responsible for shitty IT performance. They actively starve their operations down to Auschwitz levels for the sake of showboating to the Board (or equivalent) just how wonderful they are for saving the company/firm/agency a few bucks. CUNTS!!!!
2