Cher

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For some time it was rumoured that the ye olde plastic grannie was knock knock knocking on heavens door… But the old hag has reappeared yet again… Looking more inauthentic and horrendous than ever, and this time she’s torturing people with an album of Abba covers…

Obviously a crass cash-in on the disgusting ‘Mama Mia- Here We Cunt Again’, but the thing is it is diabolically shite… Someone who is way ( way….Fucking way down as Elvis used to say) past their best, not only still pathetically attempting to be a dolly bird, but inflicting their shot to fuck voice onto us and all… I heard Cher’s ‘version’ of ‘Fernando’ on the radio, and it sounded like HAL 9000 from 2001 shutting down… Utter crap… What is it about these Yanky singers like Cher, Madogga, and Britney Spears? Their vanity and cunt from the inside attitude that makes them act and try to be like they were 20 or 30 (or in Cher’s case 50) years ago is sickening… Mutton dressed as Spam… At least British singers like Shirley Bassey and Petula Clark have grown old gracefully…

Nominated by Norman

77 thoughts on “Cher”

    • What the wicked witch really looks like without the glitter, makeup and plastic work thats shes had done on her arse

  2. She was very fit 50 years ago, big nose and all. Especially next to that raddled cunt Sonny. Haven’t seen her latest look and there is no fucking way I want to listen to Abba covers. I think she is preferable to Madonna or Spears, at least she had a fine singing voice. I will take your word that it is shot now.

  3. Back in the 80s I had a bit of a fantasy threesome thing with Cher and Tina Turner, probably because I had a thing for older women back then.

    That said I never liked either for their singing, even though it was infinitely more bearable than some of the shit Radio ! was churning out back then.

  4. I’ve never much cared for Granny Porn so the thought of watching some 72 year old biddy gyrating about in her smalls really doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t know why these fossils can’t just Fuck Off to some old people’s home where nobody has to be inflicted with their curious odours and rambling recollections. The only time that people should be reminded of them is when they finally stop squandering their relatives inheritance and pop off to that great Saga Cruise in the sky.

    Back to Cher, at least the old bag hasn’t joined (as far as I know) those other harridans in that #MeToo campaign,which considering how many cocks the old trout must have gobbled over the years, is admirable. She could have named thousands I suspect,quite safe in the knowledge that most of her contemporaries are either long dead or totally senile.

    Fuck Off.

    • Top stuff as always Mr Fiddler with your trademark sign off.
      Personally, trawling the harbour fronts and the old Kasbah’s when inebriated and looking to empty a load I have always found ugly women seem the most grateful as long as an escape is planned before sun up for 2 reasons. Fear of being adrift and fear of her waking up in daylight. I have never slept with an ugly woman but woken up with many 😉

    • Morning Ruff Tuff,
      I bet you she’s got a fanny like Don King’s haircut. Back in her Sonny & Cher days it must of been something to behold but sadly these days i suspect it’s more like a worn out Brillo Pad, with left overs from the Sunday roast attached to it. Isn’t age a cruel thing ?
      Good Morning All.

      • Good morning Fenton,

        Something to behold she was, but as a 13 year old I was more concerned as to what she saw in faux hippy gargoyle Sonny Bono.

        Big boner? Cash? Obviously a cunt. MOR showbiz novelty act shit was how I viewed them, completely irrelevant to someone obsessed with Beatles, Stones & Pretty Things etc.

      • Not heard that , parachute first came to my attention in 1970 from the Harvest Sampler . A breath of fresh air. Their was some great bands on that . Edgar Broughton band, Barclay James Harvest . Syd Barret etc

  6. Who’s the biggest mewling old skanker out of Cher and Madonna?
    there’s only one way to find out-

    FIGHT!!

      • Returning you back to the moralising 21st century – remember, we’re not allowed to sexualise women any more!

        In fact any hint of sexual innuendo, even the smallest of twitches down below, will result in thousands of wimmin flooding social media in faux outrage and demanding all men to be strung up!

  7. The album cover for this Abba atrocity has more airbrushing and photoshopping than Madogga, Turkey Paltrow, Beyonce Lardarse, Skaglett Johansscunt, and Kim Whoredashian combined… I know these celebrity cunts like to ‘stretch reality’ shall we say, but this is taking the piss… Ye Auld Plastic Grandmater in the photo Sir Lmply posted is a far cry from the one(s) on her latest album….

    https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0784/1125/products/Cher_DancingQueen_12in_V15_Layered_SilverFoil_Border_2048x.jpg?v=1535408986

    • I wish someone would airbrush Mavis right out of history…
      Or at least tar, feather & kneecap her.

  8. I recall an image circa 1963, of Cher ( with Sonny ) on ready steady go. The image being sufficient for me to reach for the sock, and enjoy a little todger stimulation. At the time I was an ardent Kathy McGowan fan, and the prospect of having two eminently and outrageously shaggable birds to fuck silly ( ok…in my dreams ) would often be a little too much, and I would invariably fall off the couch.

    Saw her recently on US TV, and she looks about 33 years of age ! Now where’s me fuckin sock ?

  9. Oh yeah, and Ronaldo’s ‘victim’ claims she’s suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder… Which is a medical term for “I’ve spent all the money!”

    Me Too, yer fucking slag bag hag!

    • Not another one Norman, Keira Knightley was also banging on about how too much fame/money and criticism of her fine acting talent also led to her being diagnosed with PTSD.

      • Q: What do you call Keira Knightley in a pair of Doc Marten’s?

        A: A golf club…

        Q: What do you call Keira Knightley in a fur coat?

        A: A pipe cleaner…

        Q: What do you call Keira Knightley when she’s whining about PTSD?

        A: A cunt….

    • Fucking ridiculous that his sponsors are “watching closely”. Some unproven allegation which sounds highly dubious and yet is made public. I’ve no time for Ronaldo,but surely allegations such as this should be treated as sub judice until shown to be otherwise (or not). The current climate of “I’m a woman, I can say whatever I want,and nobody had better doubt me” is wicked.

      Must admit, I always assumed that Ronaldo was a poof,so any allegation that he did more than compare make-up notes with a female came as a surprise to me.

      • It’s a clever cover story Dick. All footballers are poofs or closet trannies, you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to know that.

        Good evening.

      • I am just wondering just how long men are going to put up with all this #metoo bollocks – genuine claims or otherwise!

        Imagine if thousands of men marched on Washington whinging about being fucked over by calculating cunts – the feministas would go into meltdown screaming all the usual tropes like “sexism” and “chauvinism”.

        But because women are on the march, that’s okay, and men can shut the fuck up!

        I can also see a scenario where men – especially celebs and sportsmen – will just keep a safe distance away from any tart or future wag-wannabe just in case they get fucked over with some bogus allegation years later!

        Social Media is a contradiction in terms – instead of bringing us together, it is forming groups with their own particular issues and prejudices, while trying to get the upper hand over all the other groups social media is creating.

  10. Just seen a bit on the news about the fracking go-ahead and the inevitable whinge by protesters including a Helen Chuntso. A pesky ‘H’ away from ISAC immortality.

  11. Cher sings ABBA? That’s the gayest thing i’ve ever heard of. I bet Krav buys it.

  12. I’ve just seen an appeal on telly showing Eddie Izzard amongst a collection of starving kids and burqa clad women in some sandy refugee camp. I hardly recognised him….no lipstick,no pink beret,no eye-makeup. I wonder why? Surely he wasn’t frightened that the poor,defenceless Lovers of Peace might take exception to being patronised by some Infidel Deviant and launch him off the nearest minaret?

    As a satisfying sidenote, goggle “Eddie Izzard charity advert” and “….is a Cunt” appears on the first page of results….Happy Days.

  13. Think it’s time to take old yella out back and put a bullet through her grossly warped head.

  14. In my lifetime I think Cher has been one of the prettiest and sexiest ladies of my time.

    Biker Chick in “The Mask” (Oscar for that methinks), witch in Eastwick (alongside the equally wonderful Susan Sarandon and Michelle Pfeiffer), and Moonstruck (another Oscar methinks).

    “If I could turn back time.” – well in her 40’s astride that US destroyers gun.

    As a kid whose formative years was in the 80’s, Cher was a teenager’s dream (wet or otherwise).

    Even today, yes, I would!

  16. She was ahead of her time, ‘Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves’ is like the roll call of a bus from Bucharest disembarking at Victoria Coach Station.

    • You just spilt my pint Mr L. Victoria has employed interpreters, skilled in Eastern European languages, for years now. Guess where they come from? It’s like employing Peter Sutcliffe as an undertaker.

      • I know exactly what you mean. There’s always loads of cunts smoking outside the railway station, interrupting their transfer from the underground to the overground or vice versa. The Eurotrash come straight out of the coach station, trailing their luggage behind them demanding fags and money. That’s the part of “freedom of movement “ that the politicians and snowflake slebs never see and don’t want to know about.

      • Unfortunately no. Old Keith would be robbing their pockets and waving his dick around before they knew what had hIt them. It might have encouraged them to get back on the coach and go back to whatever cunthole they came from. We can’t have Keith discouraging these hard working, law abiding potential taxpayers.
        By the way, is his name really Keith? It doesn’t sound right to me.

  17. She might be a manky, aged hussy with tits like ever-updating space-hoppers and a front bottom like a mangled hippo’s gob, but she’s got more balls than the cowardly cunts who run Unilever.

  18. I thought Cher was horrible in her ‘I Got You Babe’ days, so I won’t be searching for a recent picture. If you want to talk about someone who was fit as fuck, step forward Susanna Hoffs. Now that’s worth a wank.

    • Can’t argue with that, Allan… Susanna was something else… Bangles drummer. Debbie Peterson, was also a doll… I remember watching her arse as she played the tambourine on ‘Walk Like An Egyptian’… And on the original video of that song Susanna does sing ‘Slide your feet up the street bend your back…Shift your arm then you pull a cock’… No doubt about it…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv6tuzHUuuk

      • Susan Stranks and Jenny Hanley… Lovely stuff… I recall even in the 70s that Susan caused a ‘stir’ when she appeared on Magpie in a tight T-Shirt and no bra…

        And Sally James certainly put me in a Tiswas and no mistake…

  20. Word around Manchester is that Mourinho will be sacked whatever happens this weekend….

    • But if he does go, what then?… Who will take over? Zidane? Don’t make me laugh! Anyone who believes that is a cunt… Does anyone really believe that the great ZZ Top will come over here to manage one world class goalkeeper, a when he can be arsed French ‘superstar’ cunt and the rest of that shower of shit?! And why would Poch leave Spurs when he has a far better team there?…. Even Gareth ‘Captain Ashwood’ Southgate has a better team with England… Plus anyone sane is going to be put off working with Dead Ed and those pig ugly Glazer half breeds…. This is worse than the whole McGuinness and O’ Farrell fiasco… At least Sir Matt was still there then… Nah! My club is fucked….

  21. Well he has achieved a sort of immortality Sir Limply. He literally lives on her. I always thought it came from the calf. Now I see his bollocks would perfect fillers. The soft flesh would inject so easily. Yes, I see it clearly now.

  22. Also the fact cher was fine with her daughter transitioning into a fat butch man, her kids are neglected and fucked up in the head. She could care less I suppose and it helped her gay faghag agenda

  23. My god this silly cunt tweets and spells like a sixteen yr old schoolgirl https://twitter.com/cher my father remembers when cher was young that was fucking 70 yrs ago when she came out with Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves and I got you babe Cher was always a mediocre singer imo

  25. To be fair to her, she did put ‘Gypsies, tramps and thieves’ in the same sentence.

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