Wow, another category of uranium enriched cunts that we appear to have missed on the award winning ISAC. Architects.

Architects are cunts. Simple as that. Time was that they were happy to design buildings but that’s no longer enough. Architects are society’s new visionaries with opinions on everything. Rooms are no longer just rooms; they are now spaces. Lines are always clean and buildings must make a statement, whilst remaining minimalist.

‘Brutalist’ concrete monstrosities from the 60’s are now considered design classics that must be preserved, regardless of the fact they were shit even when they were built. Communities are ‘organic constructs’ and wood-burning stoves give them full-blooded erections.
They worship at the alter of a host of Dead Pool architectural Grand Masters like Zaha ‘Organic Forms’ Hadid; Arne ‘Danish Cunt’ Jacobsen; Mies van der Twat Rohe; Frank Lloyd Fucking Wright, and a complete cunt by the moniker of Le Corbusier.

Having recently spent time in McCuntface land in the company of several of these yah yah’s I have reached the following conclusions; architects line up as strong advocates of independence, in spite of the fact that their services would be first to go when the shit inevitably hits the fan. This is because they see themselves as anti-establishment, Progressive Radicals when, in actual fact, they are just cunts. The Edinburgh Architects Association’s annual award is a Silver Medal rather than Gold. Across the entire world, a Gold Medal is awarded to champions and winners, but not for Edinburgh Architects; those cunts choose Silver. How fucking Architecty is that?

Architects: fuck off and take your thick- framed specs, black shirts and Audi Quattro Allroaders with you. And whilst you’re at it, shove the fucking ski roof racks right up your miserable, scrawny arse cracks.

Wait till the next recession: you’ll all be back to designing cheap fucking kitchen extensions with flat roofs, lots of clean lines and squares await you.

Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface

29 thoughts on “Architects

  1. A thorough and deserved cunting, although I first thought this at first glance was the ‘other’ architects, the stabby bang bang kind.

  2. A very good and well overdue cunting, Mr C.

    Living in Birmingham for almost 50 years, I have seen what these fucking twats have done to this once great city: first there was the brutalist years of the 60s and 70s when wet-dreaming “visionary” John Madin dumped a whole raft of concrete turds across the city centre – not least the fucking awful Central Library, which was built – ironically enough – in Paradise Circus. And what a piece of ugly shit that was, until it was flattened in 2016.

    And talking of libraries, a new Central Library was built to replace the old one in 2013, and what a fucking turd that is at £190m and looks like a bundle of shoe boxes stacked on top of each and covered in 1970s chintzy wallpaper.

    It won lots of awards by those up-their-arses lovey architect societies, but generally despised by the local cunts who have to live near, drive past or actually use it. And that’s the problem with architects – they build these fucking things on someone else’s doorstep, while living 100s of miles away.

    They’re all cunts and deserve to have their feet buried in concrete and thrown into the nearest river or sea.

    • I still can’t get over “Grand Central” , with that roof which is smeared in Vaseline, and the outside covered in mirrors to reflect the very big (shit) hole New Street station is. Cunts.

      • Yes, Grand Central, is a complete joke, especially at something like £500m. And in essence its a sparkly new shopping centre to replace the old 1960s one – which was godawful.

        But you can polish a turd anyway you want, at the end of the day you still end up with a turd. And both the shopping centre and the train station remain pockmarks on an already acne-ridden landscape of the city.

  3. Architects, along with town planners and planning consultants , (the latter, very often being fat, useless, lazy wimminz with a recurring yeast infection problem ), are between them, responsible for the destruction of many beautiful, sturdy and functional old buildings and the town centres in which they stood. Replacing them with poor quality, soulless monstrosities that are fit for next to fuck all.
    Should I ever seize power, these fuckers will be rounded up , then taken to Cape Wrath and napalmed to fuck.
    That’ll teach the cunts to turn my home town into a clusterfuck of concrete.
    Good morning.

  4. Architects are often cunts of the highest magnitude – but to be Devil’s cunt for a moment, buildings erected in the last 10 years or so that look like major monstrosities are not solely the fault of the Architect.

    Local authorities have totally strangled planning applications to the hilt. Coupled with changes to building regs, a lot of buildings such as social housing blocks, offices, schools and care homes need to fulfill a plethora of green/sustainable box-tickining requirements – BREEAM, Building Regs Parts F & L, local authority energy statements etc – these and many other stringent requirements besides all conspire to make proposed buildings look as synthetic and sterile as possible.

    Coupled of course with the daylight-robbery highwaymen of the modern age – Estuary-vowelled, Checkatrade white-van whistling wanker Cuntractors – whose rock-bottom tenders appeal to the equally greedy and penny-pinching local authorities for any council-funded/asset projects, and you often have situations where the architect is completely hamstrung and really is only needed because he knows how to draw walls and roofs on computer software.

    That said, architects who work on premier buildings are almost exclusively the type of cunt adroitly listed on this nomination. The old Spanish cunt for example who has a history of designing glazing facades which focus the incident solar flux into lethal death rays – last seen on London’s ‘Walkie Talkie’, where cars on streets opposite melted. This fucker has been repeatedly allowed to design things that cause major problems.

    If anyone is introduced as a ‘top architect’ or ‘leading architect’, then you can be assured that these individuals are indeed cuntly to the core.

    • “Nobody expects the Spanish Ignition”…

      Funny that all the shite new builds that are mushrooming over GB have no architectural merit whatsoever.
      Bedrooms described as double, when it would be near-impossible to get a respectable double bed in, and “third bedroom” – my arse.
      Just be honest and call it a “cot room”, because that’s all you’d bloody get in there.
      Even though she’s not an architect, Kirstie Allslop is a cuuuunt, with her obsession about “utility” rooms. Just put your washing machine under the kitchen work-surface like everyone else does, you silly moo.
      And if you have a side-line giving enemas, just use the bathroom.
      Kirsty Duffy is luscious. Makes afternoon viewing more than bearable.

  5. Yer not wrong Cunty. Rafael Vinoly is a cunt. He designed the “Curve” theatre in Leicester which the cunts in the Council decided to place in the “Cultural (cuntural) Quarter,” the arsehole of Leicester city centre, an area Jackson Pollocked by pigeons over semi abandoned Victorian redbrick. Imagine a huge plasterer’s radio. It too has “clean lines” and the photos are reasonably impressive. However to get a photo of the whole shite hut standing alone as it were, from a few yards over the road, a huge fish eye lens is needed whilst stood in front of concrete and other shit. The building is a lot like a vajazzle and clit piercing in a sow’s cunt. The cost of building this was astronomical and doubled from inception. It’s not like Leicester didn’t have a Brutalist theatre which was going to waste and last I knew was costing 140 thousand a year to remain empty. The “Curve” was and is, helpfully funded by the Arts Council and is managed by a charridee. It was as if Leicester was jealous of Coventry after the war, being bombed flat by the Luftwaffe, instead, our lot got a cunt of a Polish town planner to do it. Brutalism was rife. Like Manchester and other cities, tower blocks were beong razed to the ground in the 21st century that the rate payers were still funding the mortgages of. Check out the history of John Poulson and T. Dan Smith in the late 60s early 70s. Absolute, complete, total and utter cunts they were. They are another story. It’s a real shame about the LCFC chairman. It ought to have happened with the Leicester Mayor, Lord Mayor and assorted fucking leeching deputy mayors thereof, in a fucking great twin rotor Chinook right on top of the “Curve” theatre. Cunts!

    • T Dan & Poulson ripped out half of the historic city of Newcastle for a few grand each….cunts

  6. They love wanking at the feet of the ‘starchitects’ like Zaha. Yes they even coined a silly word just for themselves, bunch of pretentious cunts.

    That sums them up entirely and completely – pretentious cunts.

    I’ll reverse my judgement when they start making a big fuss about how pathetically small our residential dwellings are, and poorly constructed. They sign off on these, they take responsibility for it.

    I work in a related industry so I know all about these muppets

  7. The railways too have been cunted by these weird looking bespectacled cunts, ensuring that wherever you stand waiting for a train, you’re in the wind, rain or flight paths of the local pigeon shit.

    Waterloo – the international roof leaks and is not easy to keep clean. Its so shit they are looking to replace it.

    Rugby – tore down a lovely station roof that kept the elements out, to put a new roof on so high I’m sure it acts as an aeroplane wing to deflect the elements in. Your better off waiting in the piss ridden subway.

    The millions wasted on the monstrosity that is Reading station that only serves as a medium for pigeons to shit down the windows.

    The same cunts designed a similar white monstrosity at London Bridge, complete with “The Shaft” which to them is “art” and creates clean lines, open spaces blah, blah, but to me looks like an unfinished, hard to keep clean glass terrorist target.
    Wankers the lot of them.

    • And Euston’s lost arch. Not to mention building a station deliberately to look like an airport.

    • Good call on Rugby station. It was a beautiful imposing structure with a huge curved roof. . A real looker shall we say. Catching the train with my parents was a real adventure as a kid and arriving at the station was awesome.
      Now it’s a generic pile of poles and corrugated panels. It looks shite

    • I remember Oban station. Victorian era, wood on an iron frame, and something of a hub for locals using the excellent cafe within. Could have been restored and exploited as tourist attraction, but was knocked down and replaced with a small brick hut, allowing a superfluous hotel to go up on the cleared ground. The council promised to retain the clock….but lost it. Cunts.

  8. Concrete roads leading to concrete buidings. GK Chesterton-‘We can go anywhere and there’s nowhere to go’. Flanneling. That’s what they wear-light airy baggy buildings. So sick of concrete, glass, plastic. You’d ache to feel old stone, wood, iron.

  9. A visit to the British Museum. And all the art students drawing the new roof. The new undulating plastic roof. Absolutely no decorum. From Sir Norman.

  10. Compare the current crop to the architects of days gone by.
    Without the aid of modern construction materials, magnificent cathedrals and castles were built from stone and wood which were held together with self secured joints and ingenuity.
    People regularly visit these monuments of past brilliance purely to marvel at the beauty of their construction. No-one visits the Bullring shopping centre because it’s attractive.
    While we’re at it, which genius thought Grenfell towers cladding would be nicer to look at?

  11. Most architects are fine and get on with their everyday, humdrum tasks with little thanks and no media exposure. It’s the minority of the cunts getting the commissions for public and ‘premier’ buildings who deserve the full force of the cunting above. They’re also the ones who charge a fucking fortune for absolute shite and spend it on plusher offices than the entrances to high class bordellos. They invariably have gorgeous receptionists, with superb tits but an air of aloof smugness. What a bunch of cunts. You may have gathered that I’m not an architect.

  12. Was in America recently and viewed a new build property, part of a development that was going up on what was previously a native American Navajo reservation.
    Concerned about the remoteness of the location I sarcastically asked the saleswoman..”Does the property come with running water?”

    She said “No…he’s bought his own place two doors down.”….

  13. On Holiday last week in Kielder , and had a day out in Edinburgh. We went to see the Palace of Hollyrood, and found that the area around had been converted into an Architectural interpretation of either a Pikey scrap yard or a Haggis’s arse.
    It’s called ( I believe ) the Scottish Parliament!! Fuck me !!

      • Loved it Dick. Didn’t manage Stannersburn as you recommended, but had a great time. Logging on a Sunday? Seen from the Forest Drive. Fuck me. Now that is Work !!!

  14. Bunch of pretentious Cunts. I watch that Grand Designs,and love to see some pair of deluded Cunts go bust building a monument to bad taste designed by their “visionary” architect. The architect’s “vision” is usually a blatant rip-off of an NCP car-park and about as comfortable. Still. at least it’s nice to see the thick Cunts who commissioned him realise that their “ultra-modern,low carbon impact,cutting-edge home” is nothing but an overpriced,totally unsuitable pile of wank.

    Fuck them.

  15. Not sure why you left Walter Gropius out of the list, maybe ‘form follows function’ redeems him somewhat despite every 60’s rectangular FE college in the country being his legacy. But his great-uncle Martin – now there was a real architect…

    I take heart in the thought that the vast subterranean works going on in London will sooner or later undermine, destabilise and collapse the architectural atrocities of Rogers, Lasdun, and all the other pretentious cunts who have engineered – no, sorry, they didn’t do the engineering because they are artsy cunts and they hand off the dirty work to their minions – the hideous modern skyline of the capital…and, identically, every other city with aspirations to be global.

    A timely cunting of some flagrant cunts. Thank you.

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