Smoking, stopping smoking, part time smokers and smokers are all cunts.
Everything to do with smoking embodies the lack of responsibility and selfishness that pisses me off about humanity in general.

Smokers are cunts for not giving a flying fuck about anyone but themselves. They will happily suck their fags like some sort of dummy for adults, then breathe their shit all over everyone else that doesn’t smoke. They litter the whole fucking world with their fag butts, empty fag packets and ash. They happily smoke and then embrace their children. Fuck it, they smoke when they are pregnant. There is some footage of foetuses squirming upon the introduction of smoke into the mothers’ body. Certaintly looks fucking grim.

Smokers are chock full of bullshit excuses:
“I’ve tried, but just can’t do it” liars.
“I’m just not ready” weaklings.
“I’ve too much on my plate right now” again, liars.

Smokers are also lecherous fucking thieves, constantly bumming fags off anyone stupid enough to give in to them, which brings me onto those stopping smoking.

In the bin goes the current packet and all lighters, rizla, filters etc. Then begins the bumming of fags from every other smoker around them – accompanied with the excuse that they don’t have any because they are giving up!!?! What the fuck? There’s even the occassional offer to compensate the idiot giving the cigs away, a bullshit gesture, as no-one’s ever going to take the 50p are they? Those giving up seem to feel the need to tell everyone, as if looking for moral support (selfish) or some sort of congratulatory remark (self orientated cunts). If you reply with the word “good”, they’ll keep at it – searching earnestly for the words “well done”. It’s not well done at all cunt, only having three today is not progress. In so many ways they are worse than smokers themselves.

Then there’s the part time smoker, the weekend smoker, the one who “only smokes when they drink”.

Standing there outside the pub, pondering the mysterious conundrum they face trying to understand why this only happens when they drink. With the fag hanging from their lip, they command the attention of their little circle. It’s like they are asking their peers to grant them full smoker status for the evening. Fucking deluded needy fuckwits. I’m always amused by the cunt who’s too timid to stop the proceedings and demand their fucking lighter back from this arsehole who just won’t get on with it.

Then comes the guffaw and coughing fit and the declaration of how good it truly is. How they’ve missed it.
Convincing. I’m sure. Cunt.

Now then, understand that I’m not cunting the tobacco connoisseur. The pipe smoker or the esteemed cigar smoker (and I am not refering to the shit you buy from the bar). These are past-times that involve savoring a pleasureable thing. No, I am cunting those cunts that insist on using poor quality products and piss poor self discipline to make dicks of themselves and create a burden of patience for others.

The yellow skinned ones that stink of ashtrays.
The chainsmokers who shop at poundstretchers.
The heart attack victims smoking outside hospitals.
The fat cunts grinding out the christmas tree’d butt under their heel before entering the chippy.
The pricks that hold their cigarette inside their fist, sucking it harder than a has-been pornstar as they march towards the betting shop.
The ones who do up the zips on their wolf themed fleece with yellowed fingers.
Those cunts who smoke in the rain.

Of course, there’s also the state to consider.
Constantly pouring cash into adverts pleading with people to stop, advice lines, doctors urging, a never ending river of it’s bad, you must stop.
But no sincerity.

If the government wanted too they could ban it overnight. So shut the fuck up.
The pictures of medical ailments on the packs don’t go far enough in my opinion either.
They should show sobbing victims of ass cancer. In hologram format.
That guy on the american advert brushing his teeth one minute, swabbing the the hole in his neck the next would make a great hologram.
Fuck it, lets see how desperate these people are to carry on smoking and lace each fag with plastic, no – engine oil – as a legal requirement.

Just the other day one of these “weatherbeaten” types held the door open to the shop in one hand, fag in the other, jetted clouds firing downward from her nostrils and waived a family with young children through. Under her arm. As if doing them a favour. Af if breathing out through her sinuses helps in some way. Cunt.
Thats not a tan you wizened old witch, that’s your liver operating at it’s feeble limit.

And now, thanks to the miracle of human ingenuity we have the vaping device.
There was a small consolation that the skanky smoker was killing themselves in a wonderfully sadistic way, but nooooo, now these mentally stunted needy cunts are filling my air with the smell of banana chewits and they are likely to live as long as me! It’s a fucking disgrace. And the new government report is campaigning for their freedom to do this everywhere!
You won’t even be able to get on a train without being blinded by a tornado of apple and cinnamon. It’s as if tobacco has got the gayness.

So now our ant’n’dec loving, iceland shopping, dole poling lovable public can carry on sucking their adult dummies and feel reassured that the guvvermunt is behind them being a fucking pest 100%.

This one thing all on it’s own is going to keep my piss boiling until the day I die.
Cunts.

Nominated by Cuntflap

I would like to nominate anti-smoking bigots.
I neither smoke nor vape but couldn’t give a flying fuck if someone does.
Smokers contribute more to the NHS than they ever get out by dying younger on average. Smoking is a personal choice.

It is banned everywhere, whether reasonable (indoors) or not (parks for fuck’s sake.) The bigots have won so they should shut the fuck up.

There is a seam of spite that runs through holier than thou anti-smoking cunts. A touch of nanny knows best and insufferable superiority.

I would prefer the company of a 50 a day smoker to one of these sanctimonious cunts any day.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble