Americanisms [3]

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I have been saving up this nomination for months now whilst trying to write notes for it on whatever happened to be close to hand. I now have what I believe to be the best list which has ever been compiled by a human being with a grasp of the English language better than that of a four year old.

I am of course talking about the absolute abortions of spelling and grammar known as Americanisms.

So to start with:

– It’s not percentile, it’s percentage

– It’s not burglarize, it’s burgle

What’s the deal with putting a completely unnecessary Y at the end of words?

– It’s not normalcy, it’s normality

– It’s not equivalency, it’s equivalence

– It’s not relevency, it’s relevence

Also:

– It’s not worrysome, it’s worrying

– It’s not most everybody……….. on a spectrum from nobody to everybody, most everybody makes no grammatical or logical sense as those to words are mutually exclusive. It’s ALMOST EVERYBODY!!!!!!! As in NEARLY everybody.

– What the fuck does “the least worst option” even mean? Once again you have a spectrum of best to worst or least to most, you shouldn’t be hybridising (not an Americanism) spectra like that you cunts. In a given set of things, you can only have one thing that is the worst, then the second worst, then the third worst etc. To use a double negative like that is to say that it is the BEST option! The correct usage should be the least BAD option denoting that of all the bad options, that is the least bad. Cunts.

– It’s not “I could care less”, it’s I couldn’t care less. Meaning that on a caring scale of 0-10, you are at zero and it’s not possible to care any less than you already do…….. which is not at all!

– It’s not “somewhat of a rainy day”, it’s “something of a rainy day” or “a somewhat rainy day”. Somewhat is not a synonym for something, it’s a synonym for rather you cunts!

– This one really grips my shit “It’s not that big of a deal”. Aaarrgghh!!! The word big is being used like the word much and the word OF should not even be included. It’s should be either “It’s not that big a deal” or “It’s not that MUCH of a big deal”. Simple you simpering simpleton cunts.

– Factoid? What the fuck is a factoid? The suffix oid comes from the ancient greek meaning “like” – as in humanoid means human-like, cuboid mean cube-like. The factual nature of a claim is a binary concept, it either IS a fact or it ISN’T. There is only one thing which is fact-like and it’s so much like a fact we came up with a word for it and that word is FACT! We also came up with a word for illiterate Septics and that word is CUNT!

– I hate portmanteaus at the best of times (think BREXIT or BRINO) but even Septics manage to make a dog’s dinner out of portmanteaus purely because they can. Can somebody please tell what sense it makes to take two words – grip and traction (which both mean the same thing), then splice them together to create an entirely new word called gription which means………… the exact same thing as the two words that have just been dissected?

– Oh and I found the missing I from aluminum……. it seems to have turned up in the word erudite (Septics insist on pronouncing it e-ree-oo-dite).

Even WordPress agrees with me for the most part as a lot of the Americanisms I have listed here have red lines under them indicating that they are complete bollocks.

So in conclusion, Americanisms and those who use them – you are cunts.

Nominated by Two In The Stink

Ever see one of those wanky American talking head shows for the Feministas, such as that abomination ‘The View’? A typical episode from one of these excrescences will at some point feature a self satisfied, gobby guest spouting some virtual signalling, aspirational bollocks. Inevitably, Loopi Goldberg, Oompah Winfrey or whoever will then yell out ‘yeah, you go gurrrrll!’, at which point the audience will promptly start yelling and clapping on cue like maniacs.

Fucking hell, I wish the Yanks would stick this smarmy expression up their fat arses. While they’re at it, they can stick the likes of ‘right on, man’, ‘ahhsome,dude!’, ‘get my shit together’, ‘check it out’ and ‘way to go!’ right up the shitter as well. Cunts.

Nominated by Ron Knee

86 thoughts on “Americanisms [3]”

  1. Must agree with this. Imagine being surrounded by this crap every fucking day.

    One thing I noticed early on is how Yanks insist on putting the word “also” at the end of a sentence. As in, “I am going to the shops also” as opposed to “I am also going to the shops”. The latter being the correct structure and used by people who actually understand language.

    Don’t get me started on the whole “like” thing either. I mean, like, I would be like, you know, like really fucking annoyed by that, like.

    Still, the Yanks are smart though. I mean, like, they all seem to graduate from high school which must mean they have a fucking degree. After all, that’s what graduating kinda like means like. Tossers.

    • A small point but it really pisses me off, is the way American pseudo intellectuals like to say *behaviours* when they mean *behaviour^ . It sounds oh so scientific so Radio 4 wankers have started doing it now. That and starting the answer to a simple question with that bloody stupid *So….

      Add to that the kids who seem to think they are from Detroit rather than Deptford and use words like *sidewalk* and *dude*.

  2. So, I’m going to start my sentences with an unnecessary “so”, y’all!

    • Indeed! I believe the question asked by a member of the service team is often “what would you like?”. To which the answer is “I would like a…..”. Not “can I get”. Answering a question with a question.

  4. Also (see what I did there?), when you ask the dumb fucks a question, you’ll often hear them start their answer with “I wanna say…”. You ARE saying you twat!!! Jesus christ on a bike, what is wrong with them?

  5. Y’all from London? What state’s that at?
    Can I get? is one I hear all the time among millennials and really pisses me off.
    However, in the interests of balance I have to congratulate the Yanks on some top quality swearing:
    motherfucker
    cocksucker
    shut the fuck up
    son of a bitch
    get the fuck out of here
    your arse handed to you on a plate
    and many more that I can’t think of right now.
    If you don’t use any of those you can go and fuck yourself……..and the horse you rode in on.

    • Faggot!
      That’s another one I like.

      Anyone who uses the word “guys” or “movie” (practically everyone under the age of 35) is definitely a fucking faggot. 🇺🇸

      • Anyone who uses the word “buddy” or “dude” (hipsters favourite) is definitely a tootie fruity. 🇺🇸

    • Yes indeed Freddie, they do have a few good put downs. I particularly enjoy their “fuck stick” insult.

  6. The “Can I get….” trope, really boils my piss!

    I see it so often these days, especially in cafes, restaurants and pubs. Trendy twat goes to the counter and asks “Can I get a lager” or “Can I get a coffee, with a doughnut to go!” or “Can I get that Aston Martin DB11”

    You are not actually “getting” anything, that’s what the bloke on the other side of the counter is for. You should just be asking “Could I have a lager, please” and then shutting the fuck up until you are properly served.

  7. Most of them don’t like to hear cunt though!!!! It has been sneaking in some of their films ans programs as of late

    • Problem with libtard is that it’s predicated on Yank political illiteracy. It doesn’t distinguish between classical Liberals (proper liberals) and social Liberals (lefty progressives). So the correct word should be leftards or progtards.

  10. Steve Wright is a thoroughbred cunt. What the fucking fuck is a fucking factoid when it’s at home?

    A special place in cunt hell is reserved for Steve Wright, his faux transatlantic dribblings and that team of sycophants that clap and cheer him like performing seals.

    Good grump by the way.

  11. Awesome!

    Americanisms is a Cunt for the longest time…

    Have a nice day y’all!

    • When in America and I am inevitably instructed to “have a nice day”, I like to give that person a rundown of my itinerary for that day. They’re a little freaked out.
      I do like Americans in general though.

      • “That Cunt Engine dude just didn’t stop rappin’ for the longest time… ever!”

        Anyone clocked the General recently? Must be on secret manoeuvres.

      • Manoeuvres?
        MAN-oeuvres, RTC?
        How sexist. I’m reporting you to Admin.
        Ho ho, if womanoeuvres existed, they’d be incorrect, done slowly, with tears and in the wrong direction.

      • I stand bang to rights… reprimanded… whatever, Mr Cunt Engine sir… just don’t tell Admin… please…

      • I think the General’s gone the way of birdman, RTC.
        Had you arrived when birdman used to post?
        He made loads of posts then just vanished off the face of the earth. Well, the site at least.

      • Was wondering the same, RTC. No General sightings and birdman has been MIA for some time. Really enjoy those guys posts. (ooo errr mrs).

      • I think Birdman posted one or two after I got here (March 2018) but have enjoyed reading many of his comments prior to my arrival, easy to understand why he is missed.

        Quite a few veteran Cunters seem to have dropped out recently…

      • Here at admin central we’re worried about the general.
        Little known fact – he’s an admin person. He was working on a post about six weeks back. Half finished it and hasn’t been heard of since.
        He was going through a lot of personal shit which we won’t detail here other than to say it was heavy.
        We sincerely wish him well and hope he’s alright.
        You out there General???

      • Thanks Admin.

        I know we don’t really know each other, but there’s a kind of kinship between a lot of us here on ISAC. It’s amazing how sweary rants can bring us cunts together.

        If I can help in some way, please let me know.

      • Wasn’t Birdman having trouble with a “peaceful” neighbour?
        Maybe he finally had a gut full, chinned the cunt and got locked up.
        Probably sent to Devil’s Island…

  14. So, I’m glad Ron unpacked that for me and, like, pinned his colors to the mast. He dripped like a leaky faucet.

    Good cunting, Ron. Our language is being mangled by snowflakes. Starting every sentence with “so” and that annoying “sing song” way of speaking. Grrr.

    • Can I like just add that I’m happy to touch base with you guys 24/7. Part-ee on down and have a good one, dudes.

  15. As much as the yanks poor English annoys me at least they have a better justice system where life means life, not 10 years in prison and they execute scum. So they’re not all bad.

    • Better meaning whoever has the most money wins?

      I’ve sued 2 bastards over here. Won the case both times. Then you have to spend even more money trying to collect. At a certain point, it will cost you as much if not more than what you’re owned, so the cunts effectively get away with it. Your victory is in principle only.

      The justice system over here is a war of attrition. Whoever can stay in the game longest because they have the most money, usually wins. That’s not justice. That’s economics.

      Fair point on the death penalty though. That said, your typical death row inmate can spend years and years in their cell as appeals, stays of execution, etc. all run their course. I say bring back firing squad justice. Run a red light? BANG! Gobby kids playing ball outside your house? BANG! Parking your fucking great gay pickup truck directly opposite my driveway every fucking day? Leg shot only….I want that cunt to suffer first.

  16. I like America and Americans but how they’ve abused and molested our marvellous language is criminal. Their pronunciation is wonky and their spelling is childish. They see to prefer compound words because it’s easier to understand ‘sidewalk’, ‘intersection’ and ‘eggplant’ rather than pavement, junction and aubergine.

    Dear Yanks:
    Centre, theatre, fibre, sombre, metre, etc.
    Colour, favour, valour, odour, vapour, etc.
    Travel/travelling, model/modelling, etc.

    Verbs: Practise, license, advise, etc.
    Nouns: Practice, licence, advice, etc.

    They haven’t improved the language, just simplified and bastardised it due to being a nation of immigrants and fuckwits.

  17. Sadiq Khans balloon, (he is dressed in a yellow bikini) 29 feet high and 9 feet bigger than Trumps Baby balloon will fly this Saturday 9.30am at Parliament Square
    Interesting that Trumps Baby crowdfunding ended on £35,000 whereas Bikini Khan is still going on and so far £58,000 has been pledged. Both may be cunts, but it looks like Khan is a bigger CUNT to the British people and rightly so.

      • I don’t think Saddam Khan will be too fond of his precious free speech when that big baby goes up over the smoke…. Just watch the toys fly out of the Suckdick Khan and snowflakes prams… One can hear the ‘Islamaphobia’ and ‘Racist’ sirens already… Priceless…

  18. Yellow bikini? Fucking hell, he won’t like that the cunt.
    His Dad was a bus driver you know?

  19. The loud mouth idiots in the American galleries when watching golf who shout out “get in the hole” each time a player hits a shot.

    • I don’t think that’s all yanks on golf course but just Donald trump. Get the ball in the hole! Get the ball in the pussy! Grab it by the pussy!

  20. *****Al-Beebera Breaking News *****

    BANNER HEADLINE

    ‘Panasonic moving European HQ to Amshterdam‘

    Reading the small print…….20 out of 30 jobs affected!

    That’s no different in scale to Butlins “laying off” seasonal staff around here ….

    The Brexit Fake News really is shameful from our so-called independent and ‘respected’ national broadcaster.

    Ya’ll have a nice day y’hear?!!

  21. “It is what it is.” This really gets on my tits. Of course it is what it is, it’s not likely to be something it isn’t, is it you numb twats.

  22. And Brits who spell things on purpose with a ‘zee’ are cunts… It isn’t socialize, apologize (used a lot due to offended snowflake fannies on social mong media), liquidize, capitalize, or marginalize… All those words end with an ‘se’ not a fucking ‘ze’….. And which cunt changed the (used to be nice) Marathon into the (now tastes shite) Snickers?… As the Abba song (sort of) goes, ‘Well, whoever it was, they’re a cunt’….

    And I feel sorry for anyone who has a cunt of a boss at work who comes out with crap like ‘Dropping the ball’ ‘Running with it’ and ‘At this stage in the game’… Fucking bellend speak, that is…

    • I used to work at MBNA in Chester which was a yank firm and I never met a single yank when I was there. All the Brits in management positions were very fond though of using the phrase “going forward” as if it were a full stop.

    • Does anyone remember “Ball-park figures” ?

      I’d never say no to a few of those toothsome cheerleaders…

      I seem to remember Clinton had a thing about them in trench coats and baseball caps. Personally, cannot sethe point of baseball caps…

  23. I used to work for Monsanto.(A long time ago) In what they called a ‘labratory’ Nothing too dangerous, no ‘nuculer’ chemicals.

    A decent employer actually once you got used to the Yankee senior management.

  24. I get pissed off with cunts on American television programmes saying “Would you mind if I ….?” and getting the reply from worse cunts, “Sure……..”.
    What they mean is “No, do what you fucking like”, but what they’re actually saying is “Yes, I do mind you cunt, get to fuck”.
    I like Americans generally and got a great blowjob from a US Air Force (female) officer back in the nineties. I did reciprocate and it was lovely. However, I don’t like Democrats or anything to do with CNN. Bunch of cunts.

  25. And the worst is “invite” (verb) when they mean “invitation” (noun). Ignorant cunts!

    And the fucking BBC do this as well! Ignorant ignorant cunts!!

  26. It’s ‘relevAnce’ and ‘portmanteauX’ ….sorry, sorry…and ‘percentile’ is thieved by people who don’t know what it means but wish to seem impressive, from statistics rather than America. Otherwise, great cunting.

    Trouble is, the septics take their cue from Webster’s dictionary, which originally decided it was going to rationalise English spelling, hence ‘aluminum’ , ‘sulfur’ and everything ending in ‘ize’ rather than ‘ise’. And because Microsoft’s septic, we’ve had a huge increase in the number of cunts who don’t demand UK English from their PC, but just leave it set to American.

    The cunt who changed Marathon to Snickers is probably responsible for Jif becoming Cif. The reason being – guess what – EU harmonisation. Bottle of syph, please. Very harmonious. Cif is pronounced Jif only in Turkish, not yet an EU member. Rather ironic.

    • Yeah i’ll give you relevance, that was a typo on my part. As for portmanteaux, I’ve only ever seen one instance of it spelt like this and it is in your above comment. Do you mean that portmanteaux is the plural for portmanteau rather than the word I used with was portmanteaus? I’m confused.

      • It’s probably changed, now I am old and obsolete, but I was taught that ‘portmanteau’ being unaltered French, should take the appropriate French plural, which for “…eau” is “x”. Hence “portmanteaux”. (The x is silent, as in banana. And the French claim to be logical)

        Jacob Rees-Mogg would probably agree with me, but Nigel Farage maybe wouldn’t. Sir Limply may care to comment.

  27. I’ve been remembering loads of these all day.

    Another pronunciation faux pas is the way they say “caramel”. Apparently in Yankland, the second “a” goes missing so they say “carmel” instead.

    If you really want a good laugh at a Yank’s expense, ask them to say “squirrel”. It comes out sounding like “scwaral”, a bit like “quarrel”. It’s fucking hilarious.

    • You noticed the squirrel thing too! Maybe a regional thing but I usually get ‘squerl’. ‘Mirror’ is also good, I find. Yanks can only do one R at a time, it seems, (though Brits often have trouble with one on its own.)

    • Tom Lehrer has a good example in “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park” – “Maybe I’ll do in a scwaral or two
      While I’m poisoning pigeons in the park”

      Somewhat removed from this (but scwaral reminded me of it) is the Welsh Sbwriel, meaning litter/rubbish (much loved by local squirrels).

  28. Question for my fellow Brit cunters….over here in Yankland it’s become a common expression to say “reach out” instead on “contact”. For example, “When I hear back from the manager, I’ll reach out to you”. The “to you” part is often missed out entirely by the way.

    People with a brain know to “reach out” means to extend an appendage, usually a hand, to give or receive something or otherwise attract someone’s attention. It doesn’t mean to contact someone.

    This “reach out” nonsense is very prevalent now and it’s really annoying. Has this bollocks made its way over the Atlantic yet?

    • God, yes. There was something in the Times yesterday about a social care team approaching someone whose relative had been murdered – forget the details – and it quoted the letter they sent. It began with ‘we are reaching out to you…’ and continued to further disguise their intention of offering support with other circumlocutions. All they needed to say was ‘if you want our help, we’re here’ – but they managed not to.

      • Dear Service User, we are reaching out to enquire if at this moment in time you are experiencing issues around accessing local services. If you feel that we may be able to add value to your experience in facilitating your transport related needs please touch base with Duwayne on our website. Or, Dear Edna, can you still get to the bingo ok love, Sheila will pop round tomorrow If that’s ok.

    • ‘Reach out’ is a phrasal verb (a verb and a preposition), used to sound less formal and friendlier. Think “carry on” instead of ‘continue’ or “look up” instead of ‘search.’ Possibly the most difficult part of English to master for a foreigner and there are thousands of them.

  29. “Let’s do this thing”
    “Coming in hot”
    “Locked and loaded”
    “Good to go” and the noise that our dear cousins in the colonies seem to get a lob on for the sound of a magazine being banged home and the weapon being primed”click clack smack”. Funny buggers your Yankee.

  30. Oh yes, Komodo me old china – mirror is also amazingly funny. Down here in Texas I get “mrrrr”. Sounds like one of the gay gifts the 3 wise men palmed off onto little baby Jesus, allegedly.

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