A gaggle of drug fuelled cunts clogging up the roads of France with their self importance. How is it that grown ups playing on childrens’ toys is considered sport? And a televisual feast?
Only the silly cunts crashing into each other is worth seeing. Isn’t the fucking road big enough?
They need to get proper jobs and stop whining about the importance of their endeavours. The Cunts.
Nominated by Who put the cunt in Scunthorpe?
ALLEDGEDLY ‘Sir’ Bradley Wiggins is a arrogant drugs cheating CUNT.
12
They all are. The entire sport is riddled with drug cheats. They are also all utter Cunts or they wouldn’t be on a fucking pushbike in the first place.
Apart from Victoria Pendleton who can sit her sweaty box on my face any time she fancies.
Fuck her.
11
Correction duly noted Admin, with thanks.
1
I would love to see Jeremy Clarkson’s take on the Tour de Frog.
2
I would love to see Jeremy Clarkson disappearing into the furnace at the Crematorium….dead or alive, either’ll do.
9
Clarkson is fine. At least he pisses the snowflakes off.
5
Cyclists in general are cunts; especially those on the road. It’s not enough for them to be allowed on the roads, they have to ride in the middle so overtaking is out of the question and the traffic piles up. On top of that, the cunts ride past my house every morning at the crack of dawn and wake me up; shouting the fucking odds. Why do these cunts have to have a conversation at this time and while riding? Selfish tossers. This country needs some more bloody cycle lanes to keep these rotters off the road.
5
I made the mistake of using a zebra crossing recently, not realising the law did not apply to cyclists. It’s a fucking miracle I’m still here.
11
The fuckers are supposed to stop at lights however; and they don’t. They also ride on the path when you happen to be walking. You can’t escape these fuckers.
4
They’re also supposed to stop at zebra crossings if someone’s using one… and I was a third the way across!
(Was being ironical in first reply – law applies to all road users, including cyclists…)
4
I have NEVER seen a cyclist stop at a zebra crossing. However an old-fashioned walking stick, umbrella or even, in a spirit of irony, a baguette thrust into the front wheel is a good corrective to the insolent and arrogant cunts.
6
What annoys me is the cyclist attempting to use a pedestrian crossing and becoming irate when I don’t stop to let them cross.
The clue is in the fucking name ‘pedestrian crossing’ you cunts.
3
No time Komodo – the cunt was upon me before I even knew he existed, and was away before I could stick my baguette in his spokes, let alone my novichok tipped umbrella up his jacksie!
5
I got told off by plod in Londonistan for calling one of these faux Wiggo types a cunt as one hurtled passed me as I was crossing Tottenham Court Road while the green man was on (they’d blatantly run a red light).
I shouted: “Highway code not apply to you then!?! YOU CUNT!”
A plod tapped me on the shoulder and said (in Ken Livingstone’s voice I swear): “While I may agree with the sentiment sir, I urge you watch the expletives.”
The speed the cunt was going would’ve hurt if not bust a leg or arm. So, I’m afraid, they were a cunt!
11
I actually saw a cyclist do an old-fashioned hand-signal to turn right the other day, AND she was under 30.
The shock damn well nearly did for me.
8
At least in France they seem to keep them up in the mountains where their pretentious emaciated lyrca clad nonsense is kept out of sight.
There’s a race today in London, passing my neck of the woods. Fucking road closures everywhere for this cunting nonsense. I was surprised Surrey County Council resurfaced a notorious roundabout and filled in all the potholes last month. Coincidentally on all these roads closed today. Bunch of overpaid shyster cunts. Bet some of them are in that race today too.
10
Think they show allow all of the riders to take whatever stimulants they want. This is the only true way to get a level playing field.
I am still amazed that members of the public are allowed to get so close to the riders and to obstruct or let of smoke canisters in the riders path. Even the back up cars and motorcycles often interfere with the riders and get in the way. Mind you the majority of the public are French (including farmers) so only to be expected I guess.
As a spectacle I do think it is great to watch, and the mountain stages and steep inclines they have to contend with incredibly difficult and arduous. We have a very steep hill close to our house which I suspect is less than 400 metres and we struggle to complete it. The riders on the TDF have to climb steeper gradients up to an altitude close to 3,500 metres, and usually several ascents/descents.
Never understood why in the last day those behind the rider in the yellow jersey is not allowed to be challenged.
8
I had a push bike once but I was only fucking 6!! How on earth is watching a bunch of Lycra clad arse holes bimbling around France entertainment? I wonder what the viewing figures look like? Can’t imagine millions tuning in and getting all excited watching the mountain section or the inevitable peleton crash!!
Booooooooooring!!
Cunts like these blight our roads every weekend bringing misery to people just going about their business!! Fuck them
14
Off point…..
Just had the misfortune to stumble across bbc show eat well for less hosted by stratospheric cunt Gregg Wallace, the idea is obviously trying to educate thick cunts about their eating habits, first up single mum of three kids whose idea of a well stocked fridge is crisps and chocolate!!
Apparently she’s worried about what her kids are eating? FFS!!
It’s as if all the fucking shite in the fridge turned up by magic!!
Daft Cunt……….
16
Gregg Wallace. What a cunt. This programme is aimed at the thickest fuckers on earth who cant budget, count or tell shit from clay.
10
Yeah and the folk Greg interviews struggles with that stuff too! 😉
6
I used to love riding my bike as a kid and a teenager.
Fan-bleedin-tastic!
Mind you, there was very little traffic on the roads in those days. Last used a bike about 20 years ago – fucking nightmare! Bin in the shed ever since (the bike, not me), tyres flat as pancakes last time I bothered to look.
What a sad end to a life.
6
More of a dignified death than those poor bicycles chained to a rack in a town centre, dismembered with only the frame remaining. That’s sad. But also hilarious.
4
I’m restoring a 1970s racing bike at the mo, but I’m fucked if I’m going to ride it when it’s finished.
Straight on Ebay, no doubt to end up hanging on the wall of some coffee shop full of hipster cunts…
8
I’d love to see a pile of lycra-clad cockwombles with their limbs ripped off lying on the pavement…
2
Cyclists are all cunts and especially the Lycra clad fuckwits round by us who ‘imagine’ they’re racing but are actually just blocking the fucking roads. As a motorbike rider I like to ride up alongside these wankers and just stay there staring at them whilst reving my 1000cc superbike right next to them.
– then overtaking them and slowing down. They get sooo wound up it’s hysterical and start having hissy fits. I call it Karma and I fucking HATE them all. CUNTS
10
Thanks for the tip, Cuntbubble. We are identically situated. I may put the S&P* cans back on in order to maximise the experience for them.
* The silencer that doesn’t.
5
Excellent thinking Komodo. S&P cans will certainly do that. Watch the fuckers stain there mincy Lycra gaywear, it’s pure joy and free entertainment to boot. Seriously, try doing it the next time you come across a gaggle of these self important pricks. If you get close enough you can see them shaking with rage…like I said, it’s karma personified!
6
It will soon become hate crime to shout CUNT! at the lycroid you are passing, leaving it to shout abuse pointlessly and unheard in your rapidly accelerating wake, so I will adopt your suggestion forthwith.
4
Though may I offer a word of caution? Two words, in fact: helmet cams. If these are popular with your local lycroids, probably best to get one yourself and record their antisocial behaviour from behind rather than allowing them to record yours…
3
Carry a small container of waste oil which you can chuck in their faces as you overtake. That should blur their helmet camera…..or better still just push them over as you go past.
5
Do you have a slurry surplus, Dick?
3
Years ago I was driving a minibus full of lads to a planting site on the Scotch side. We got stuck behind one of these pushbikers who just wouldn’t move over. When the road widened I told the lad in the passenger seat to give the Cunt a tap on the top of his helmet with a rolled-up newspaper…he actually whacked him full-bore on the back of his neck below the helmet. The Cunt went flying and the bike under the wheels. I didn’t stop,but spent the day listening on the radio to see if he’d been badly hurt. We never travelled that route again.
4
Warning heeded Komodo. Valid point.
2
The Bore de France is the sole reason our roads are currently unnavigable due to swarms of Lycra cunts travelling at <20 mph in a miasma of sweat and Lynx, with no regard for their fellow road users. If our aspirant bicycle racers were shot before they could attain celebrity status through their annual public display of masochism, the problem would go away.
There are millions of once-used exercise bikes in this country, bought on a whim by fatties and rusting in sheds ever since. These should be collected, lined up in warehouses, and compulsorily free-to-use for anyone displaying any interest in the Bore until the interest goes away. A 3-D VR display of the Bore's route could also be supplied, along with bottles of tapwater from time to time, for an authentic experience. BUT GET THE CUNTS OFF THE FUCKING ROADS!! PLEASE!!
5
When I was a kid I loved my bike, from Raleigh Tommahawk, to Grifter to Super Tuff Burner.
It was my freedom and travel arrangements to get from A to B, to meet mates, go to the swimming baths, etc.
And then I got a car. No longer any need for a bike.
Here endeth the lesson.
5
I agree cuntflap, and I’m sure you stop at red lights, zebra crossing’s and aren’t self important or trying to impress anyone like the lycra cunts. My brother in law is a keen lycra cunt. He’s a twat of the highest order and I loathe the knobhead.
5
You need to find out where the cunt stashes his lycra cycle pants – which invariably have perineum padding to offset the razor blade seat – and just rub a bit of Deep Heat on the inside.
It usually takes several minutes to realise there’s summat wrong and by that time are too far away to do owt about it (for fear of being called a flasher).
Even if they peg it back home they won’t be quick enough for the burning to leave that area nice and tender for a week!
8
That is excellent advice Rebel, thank you!
4
I am inclined to exempt non-lycra cunts with a basic knowledge of the Highway Code from my repeated cuntings, and I am even courteous to obvious commuting bicyclists without silly hats. What disturbs me is the thought that most of the lycroids drive cars when they are not boiling my piss, and it is tempting to assume that these are the cunts in BMWs and Mercs who obey the rules of the road only as they are applied in Delhi.
5
My brother in law shaves his legs as well cuntflap, apparently it’s to reduce drag. Give me fucking strength. Why doesn’t he just admit he likes it, twat.
6
Indeed. A good case of road rash removes the hair as a priority. There’s one round our way who shaves his legs, and puts on full display the nastiest collection of varicose veins imaginable. These people have no pride whatever.
4
That’s trannies for you!
2
Most cyclists are vain cunts at the best of times, and seem to think that because they’re on 2 wheels and dressed like that Wiggins druggy, they have a right of way to every fucking thing!
And christ do they moan when you overtake too close, or don’t indicate or blah vlah fucking blah; and yet they ride like maniacs, don’t indicate, jump reds, cross pelican and pedestrian crossings, don’t give a fuck about lollypop ladies letting children cross the fucking road; they don’t stop at level crossing gates, but instead will try to dodge round the barrier and run across the track just seconds before a train hurtles passed, and then hurls abuse at bystanders telling him what a complete cunt he is.
On top of all that, they must spend at least a grand on the bike, another 500 on the poncy gear, but can’t afford a tenner to buy some fucking lights and/or hi-viz so that we can see these cunts when its dark or in the middle of fucking winter.
I wish someone could invent a computer game based on that 1970s film “Death Race 2000” but just target cyclists!
Utter Cunts
10
you ain’t see nothing ’til you’ve seen the Tour de France wannabees in Vancouver.
Cyclists in this town are the biggest cunts I’ve seen anywhere (and I’ve ridden in a lot of countries!)
It’s the law here, you can’t go out on your bike without the Full Monty of spandex gear and matching shoes with, of course, a $10,000 graphite bike. Once you’re out you become a member of a very nasty club, whose rules are:
Don’t speak to other cyclists, act like you’re riding for a pro team, even tho’ you’re a fat pig, don’t socialize and , most important of all, suck at bike racing!
As far back as 1974 when I first arrived here wiv me bike in me back pocket, I noticed that these locals were a different breed , self centred anti-social cunts who just left without talking after an event.
So after a few tries, I decided the best way was to enjoy the pastime on my own, which I’ve done now for most of the time I’ve been here, teaming up with just one or two friends over the years.
I’ve followed the Tour all this time , the drugs , the politics , the cheating , the lying… all the main food groups… and that’s just the organizers!
One thing has been the unbreakable thread, DRUGS. Even this year there’s been some very suspicious performances .
I would say that every single winner has been on some sort of PED since the first ever race, some just this side of legal but most from the chthonic source.
Still, with all of this, it’s a fucking fantastic event to watch, as the cunts dice with death both from what they ingest, and from the risks they take on the road. One of the riders (I can’t remember who it was from the early 60’s), said that you couldn’t even COMPLETE the Tour de France without some sort of drugs.
Even if you can’t figure out what’s going on in the race, it’s worth tuning in for the most spectacular scenery and TV coverage that we see on the TV all year. ( just a pity it’s Frenchmen who live there)
So , in a philosophical way , you can enjoy watching cunts, it doesn’t have to be a bad experience. Some of my best friends are cunts of the highest order, there is a substrata of cunts who fall into the “rascal” category who can be quite likeable!
6
I meant to add that my younger brother is one such cunt. He can steal your shoes from off your feet and just give a shrug that says “well you shouldn’t have tempted me”
2
When i pass fecking cyclists on the road i give the accelerator pedal a blip on the Unimog and choke the feckers with smoke.
2
as an ex racing cyclist ( still a mamil ) i have the utmost respect for tour riders, it’s a hard sport and fucking dangerous. more of a golfer these days but still go out for 90 mins twice a week. is this a double whammy? golf AND cycling?
2
yes… you are a binary gendered cunt!
2
great !!!!
2
The fuckers cycle past my flat in droves. Was walking to the shops one day when one of them snorted his pleghm which landed on my ankle. Dirty cunt.
0
And as for the Tour de Yorkshire…… cunts . Sweaty, smelly bastards
1