Tribute acts

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Tribute acts. What a pile of wank.
What is the point? They are not the real thing so who are they fooling? Why not just be a covers band. Nothing wrong with that, but no we have to have tributes. And a lot of the cunts are tributes to what was utter shite in the first place – Spice Girls, Take That, Robbie fucking Williams. Just when you think popular music has reached rock bottom you see a Little Mix tribute ‘band’, where ‘band’ means karaoke singers.
And best of all there is a bunch of cunts called Definitely Maybe or something who are a tribute to the Beatles tribute act, Oasis. A tribute to a tribute.
Cunts one and all.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Here in Suffolk we’ve got a festival called “The Nearly Festival” which is totally tribute bands There’s even an Ed Sheeran tribute act FFS!

Regrettably they didn’t call it “The Nearly Music Festival”. Probably too near the truth?

Nominated by Dioclese

29 thoughts on “Tribute acts”

  1. Imagine waking up knowing your day is going to consist of pretending to be Ed Sheeran.

  2. There’s this bloke (wanker) in my area who pretends to be Michael Bublé. The arrogant prick calls himself Michael Dublé. Reckons himself as some sort of local celeb and heartthrob. The cunt works in Tesco. Some people eh.

    • I must have been writing mine as you posted yours. I wonder if it’s the same Michael Buble cunt??

      • Where are you located Rebel? I’m daaaaan saaaaath, near Londonistan. Maybe there’s a ring of Buble impersonators or the same cunt is now touring the nation.

    • Just saw your post J
      That’s funny …
      what a complete Bell end!!
      Does he work in the cockney food section selling “ buble and squeak?? “ CUNT…..

  3. In a beer festival in Stoke many moons ago there was a Manic Street Preachers tribute band doing a turn on the Uni stage (as the beer festival is held on the Polyversity grounds – they know their audience).

    I thought they were excellent because they sounded like the records themselves (Design for Life and Tolerate This was just released – so that’ll give a clue as to the time line). My mate didn’t like it because they were “too tight” (i.e. good).

    Many moons later I saw the Manics doing a live turn at one of the Shit-Fest festivals and they weren’t anywhere near as good live as the faux Manics were.

    So it can cut both ways I suppose.

    Oh and if you think an Ed Shearan tribute is bad, there’s some cunt doing the rounds up here who is – I shit you not – a Michael Buble tribute act.

    I can’t think on anything worse – unless he did a duet with a tribute Adele! Oh the humanity!!!

    • Why bother playing at all?

      Most cunts just want to hear a note for note louder version of what you recorded in the studio – nothing spontaneous – might as well just stick on a CD and mime along.

      “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.”

  4. I think that I’ve maybe mentioned this one before,but it’s worth a retelling, I reckon.

    There was an Elvis impersonator who came to a local hotel to do his act. A Scottish lad he was,and really fucking good. We got the dances,the facial expressions and most of all the songs. He really could belt them out. The only trouble came towards the end of his act when he announced that he was taking a break for 30 minutes,or so. Fair enough we all thought,he’s a big,fat lad and he’s sweating like Paul Gadd in a school playground,let him have his break and supp all the pints lined up for him. After a while,when he hadn’t restarted , someone said that he’d seen Elvis go into the shitehouse a while ago,it was to be hoped that he was Ok…he wasn’t…Elvis was slumped semi-conscious in the shitter cubicle,silver sparkly pants around his ankles. He’d succumbed to the excess of malt whiskies that he’d been chucking down his gullet,combined with the heat and the fact that he was a fat fucker.
    He was fine when he’d slept it off and we actually had a whip round for him on top of his agreed fee,after all,he’d truly given us the full Elvis experience,right down to being found slumped in the shithouse. The man was a revelation and obviously quite prepared to suffer for his Art.

  5. Since Alan Vega died I’ve been looking for someone to form a Suicide tribute band. I played piano when I was a kid so I could do Marty Rev’s part. And I’ve thought of the perfect name – Dignitas. Know anyone who can mutter and bark like Vega?

  6. I would happily scout for a Justin Bieber tribtute act outside the local 6th firm college. Now, where did I leave that bag of Werthers?

  7. My local plod is doing a road safety campaign with the local paedos. After all, they always drive slowly outside schools……

  8. I’d looking forward to seeing the Grenfell acrobats tribute act. Get some delightful coloureds, arrange them on the edge of a precipice, aim the flamethrower at them and, hey presto, it’s lemming time!

  9. Cannot really see the point of tribute bands. Bit like imitation merchandise, cheap and cheerful but not the genuine article.

  10. Yes I was just wondering if she managed to find that second note?

    Mind you the other end of the spectrum is that Mariah Carey one! I never know if she’s singing a song or if she has musical tourettes!

  11. Tell you what.

    If someone invents a device that can read people’s minds, and that device is then issued to the “thought police”, everyone on this site is going to be locked up.

  13. Some years ago Pete Townsend and Roger Daltrey went to see a Who tribute band in Some London back street boozer. After Pete commented, Fuck me they were better than we were.

    • Townshend was also at The Stone Roses first gig in 84… Pete told the band that Reni was the best drummer he’d ever seen play since Keith Moon… Townshend offered Reni some work on his album, and maybe it would have led to occupying the Who drumstool? John Squire said out loud ‘That cunt is nicking our drummer!’ but Reni turned the offer down anyway…. The Roses were a different beast then… Andy Couzens loved a rumble and was a right hard bastard….

  14. I fecking hate musicians and the twats that idolise them, the soppy feckers who hang on their every word like its the gospel the leftie dicks who spend endless amounts of loot buying merchandise and records of some pratt slagging off the rich and wealthy and promoting an equal existence for all whilst banking millions, fecking halfwits

  15. It might surprise you to learn that there are at least 3 Wurzels tribute bands doing the rounds in the Southwest. It will amaze you to discover they are actually quite popular in the cousin kissing badlands.

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