The people’s postcode lottery

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Has there ever been such an assembly of monged out fuckwits, all waving their spindly arms in the air like spazzers because they’ve won thirty bob and been visited by king and queen cunty to get the cheque

Is it only for council estate mongs or do normal people ever “win”?

Nominated by Quimlips

58 thoughts on “The people’s postcode lottery”

  1. I think they use the phrase ” real people” in the advertising, though what the fuck that means is beyond me, bet they’ve not sold a single ticket to a robot or any other “un-real”person.

  2. Personally I stopped playing the lottery years ago, not that I ever spent more than a couple of quid a month, because I won fuck all. I’m sure people do win but when you see someone who’s just won £10m I’d want to see some balance in the adverts and see one for the poor cunt who’s just been evicted because he spent his rent money on fucking scratchcards.

  3. I’ve got a mate who spends over a £100 a week on lottery tickets. He gets very excited if once a year the dumb cunt wins £500 , he thinks he’s had a good result.

    • I used to work with a guy and when we went to a club after work (almost every weeknight) he’d keep priming the fruit machine until he won the £100 jackpot. The fact that we told him that most nights he cashed cheques for up to £300 to win it went completely over his head – I WON!!!!!

      • I forgot to add that when he won, it was drinks all round and the rest went back into the machine! What a prick.

      • The lottery is for suckers and saps gambling wasn’t meant to be lucrative for the player. You know the old saying “the house always wins” Its a fixed game don’t buy into it

        My uncle use to throw his money at horse races and sometimes footy or other sporting events and the end result was him drunk and swearing about how much money he lost, what a fucking twit!

    • Excellent article!

      But surely you’re missing the point of a war in Syria?

      It’s a dead handy vehicle to shift the media spotlight away from Stormy Daniels, “culturally enriched” stabbings, and no go “peaceful” zones in the outer suburbs of Paris isn’t it!

      Just saying…

  5. I suppose the occasional flutter might be worth it if you win millions…
    I only buy a lucky dip, that way I avoid the crap scenario of “Oh, shite, forgot to buy ticket and me noms have come up.”
    Or taking along a piece of soggy old bog-roll, and claiming it’s a winner.

    It is one of my very few vices; the others remain “at the back of the wardrobe” (thanks, Carol Vorderman…).

    • That was the cleverest and most cynical marketing strategy ever devised by those lottery Cunts!!
      When it started they ran adverts telling the shepple to pick special numbers like birthdays and anniversaries, knowing once this was done it would be much harder to drop out only to see YOUR SPECIAL NUMBERS come up!! Like you HBH I’ve only ever done lucky dips………

  6. I won £50 on a scratch card once, so impressed with my new found luck I blew it on more scratch cards and lost the lot!
    Ditto National lottery direct debit, I get emails telling me I have “won” a lucky dip.
    In my view a “Lucky dip” equates to a refund from a wishing well that you can’t spend.

  7. Yesterday I was standing behind a woman who bought £50 of lottery tickets, she said it was for a work syndicate, apparently that’s £50 every week and it’s been going for 3 years, this sounded promising so I asked the question “ what’s your biggest win?” I wasn’t expecting her to start talking about vast life changing amounts but her reply stunned me “ £15.00 each”
    FFS!! WTF!! £15 fuckin quid…..
    I only do the odd line on euro millions and haven’t won a fuckin penny!! But being an empty headed thick cunt I always fancy my chances and would relish the opportunity to tell all the beggars to FUCK OFF if I ever won ….
    A friend of mine did however win the postcode lottery on his second go!! £11,500 so just goes to show it’s a game of chance , it’s an absolute lottery……. 😂

    • I was at the Oulton Park Gold Cup last year and was lucky enough to meet a brilliant kiwi bloke on the very first day, we were staying at the same b&b.

      He was obviously a wealthy chap as he owned a very famous RS500 Cosworth that won the 1989 Spa 24 hour race, if anyone follows Touring Cars its the BASTOS RS500.

      Any Pete, as he’s called told me a great story.

      In July 17 he entered the car at the Silverstone Classic and one day a bloke came up to him and said he owned the Texaco Liveried car from the same team but wanted his car, Pete said it wasn’t for sale and on the spot the bloke offered him £800k, he paid £250k for it and he turned it down so that makes Pete a rich bloke in my book

      The bloke says name your price but whilst you’re thinking about it have a look at this picture.

      Pete says he looks at a picture of a bloke and his wife holding a lottery cheque and as he’s a Kiwi converts back to dollars or whatever and back to pounds as he can’t get his head around the size of the win.

      Turned out it was Neil Trotter who won £114m on the Euro Millions a few years back.

      Apparently he did lucky dips too. When he won it he said he was going to indulge himself in his passion for motorsport.

      Fair fucking play to the bloke.

    • yes, we know. He is a vile 2 faced oompa loompa Jew hating scum cunt. Wants to boycott Israeli goods but happy to pocket royalties from his shit films shown in Israel.

      Vile little man.

    • What do you expect from a “…do as I say , not as I do…” champagne socialist who brought you such preachy, virtue-signalling nonsense as “I, Daniel Blake!”

      Ken is all for Comrade Corbyn to take the reigns of power next time around (which WILL happen if Appeaser May doesn’t fuck off) to bankrupt the country on pissing away billions of money we haven’t got to try and fix the “Supply” part of the equation even though the “Demand” part of the equation (which Comrade Corbyn is not so keen on addressing) is a trillions issue!

      Ken would also like us to stay in the EU as it would prove “…troublesome for British directors…” (who’s trade is mainly in English speaking countries, i.e., none of the other EU countries then), and would be happy with a Corbynesque “worst of both worlds” EU deal for the UK.

      Such fine and noble sentiments from a minted cunt, sitting on high in their ivory tower, so far removed from reality that they have to make shit up as per how they perceive reality (“I, Daniel Blake!” being his most nauseating example to date).

      Hey Ken, you like portraying reality so much, how about films like…

      I, murdering “peaceful” cunt!

      I, grooming and raping “peaceful” cunt!

      I, culturally enriched stabby cunt!

      I, benefits scrounging cunt! (Please understand that “I, Daniel Blake!” was about as close to reality on that score as ‘Allo ‘Allo was to the second world war – you cunt)

      I, smug film director CUNT!

  9. Lady Nugee

    Cunr,cunt,cunt

    Wants PM to apologise for Baroness Thatcher not ending apartheid. I suggest she reads some history books. Mrs T did more to end apartheid than any other world leader.

    In any event, I work with several black South Adrixans who all tell me they were better off when the Afrikaaners ran the country.

    I lived there: Trust me, it is true. Mandela and his hatchet faced wife were murdering scum.

    • Emily Thornberry is a landmark of cunt. She’s one of those cunts so massive, so consistent and so everpresent that I become acclimatised and actually forget to cunt her with the regularity she so richly deserves.

      ‘Demands an apology’. You can be sure that anyone who ever ‘demands’ an apology in public is almost always a stratospheric cunt. Thornberry’s cuntitude is intergalactic and no fucking mistake.

      • Nugee’s corpulent body is intergalactic – i.e. it is so fucking huge it can span several galaxies.

    • I fucking HATE lady cuntberry with a passion.
      What a stuck up, moaning, self obsessed, fat cunt she is.

      Due to the cuntitude of comrade compo and the flabboptomous I often forget about her but she’s up there with the worst of em.

      • Same here. The thing is, as I’ve mentioned before, the Labour front bench is so jam-packed with all-star mega cuntitude, that fuckers like Lammy and Thornberry – cunts who in any other era would rightly be considered picks for the biggest cunt in the Cuntry – barely even make the top ten within their own party.

        Labour has an embrassment of riches in terms of colossal cunt superstars. Corbyn has indeed assembled his very own ‘Dream Team’ of legendary cunts.

  10. Even the pic is a con. Wherever that postcode is Im moving, not for the win but there is not one birka or bearded cunt in it. Maybe that should be the next comp – move in and count the days until a mosque opens up.

  11. I’d love to win the £150mil EuroMillions. I’d start my Common Sense Party and wouldn’t need shills or “special interests” donations to fund my one-off campaign.

    I’d also be rich enough not to give a fuck what I said and to be completely honest in response to any question put to me.

    I wonder how many ordinary folk would appreciate honesty over virtue-signalling or appeasement for once.

    I also wonder how long it would be before HM Govt bumped me off in some strange accident or another?

    • The cunts nicked them from a nearby graveyard too I bet!

      I’ve never seen a Pikey who hasn’t been “…just short of a bob or two…” (with a roll of £20’s in the arse pocket from “tievin”), so pissing good money away on flowers just doesn’t compute from a bunch of feral rats like that.

      I think it was the “GRANDMA” wreath that gave it away for me.

      • It would be politically incorrect and blatantly racist if the police put the residents’ Right to Quiet Enjoyment of their street above the pikey’s Right to Provoke & Intimidate.

      • The “Do as You Likey” shitstick didn’t even perish there – the tievin little cuntlet died in ‘orsepiddle.

        The travelling tossers can send their grubby bouquets there instead, although ‘orsepiddles don’t allow them in due to infection control rules.

        This is intimidation, nothing more. Pity mince-thick plod can’t see this past their politically correct myopia.

  13. What chafes my gusset is that every lottery outlet has signs up saying “10 Millionaires made, in this postcode area”, so you’d think someone would know of someone, who’s mate knew of someone who’s trousered a million ?
    Nope.
    Cunt’s Game

  14. Ad fucking lock them up as they laid their “ floral tributes”
    Parents to jail , kids into care then sent abroad
    Parents after time sent to Romania/ Bulgaria etc etc
    CUNTS

  15. Remind me, is Postcode Lottery the one with adverts featuring shit-geezer side-parted bellend Jeff Brazier, knocking on random (i.e. scripted) doors telling gormless gobshites that they’ve ‘won’?

    If this cunt even so much as looked at my doorbell the wrong way, he’s be at one with the hobart paving.

    • Ding dong…..”Yes”

      Heeeyyyyy! you won the postcode lottery….Heeeyyyy! You won first Prize Heeeyyyyy1 You won a terminal illness…Heeeyyy!

      Fuck off!

  16. Were they the advert that had the “we’re off to Benidorm” cunt on it?

    I’d ban lotteries. I’m not concerned about dumb cunts losing their money, if they’re stupid enough to hand it over fair play, but I resent the idea of cunts having money that they don’t deserve.

    It really fucks me off when I meet someone with loads of money, yet when you speak to them they’re the dumbest cunt you could imagine.
    … just like that “off to Benidorm” cunt.

    I’ve got nothing at all against rich people but I’ve got a lot against thick rich people.
    …Fuck off back to the gutter where you belong you cunts.

  17. I used to have a quid a week on the main lottery. Won fuck all in 10 years or so. Then they doubled the price and increased the numbers. Fuck off you grasping cunts. Fuck knows what the Postcode lottery is. But obviously a cunt.

  18. I think it’s a class thing… Or. should I say, a lack of class thing…
    Most TV commercials feature middle class cunts, right on box ticking families with black and white kids, poofter or lezza partnerships, or made to order PC circus freaks (Like the Maltesers mong!)… But your adverts for Bingo and the ‘Lotties’ are aimed at scum and the lower lower… So they usually feature actors (for want of a better word) who appear as over the top ‘Oh this year we’re off to sunny spain!’ chav type Mrs Eight Ace archetypal Britscum in these postcode lottery ads… Hence the screeching fat black tart in the recent postcode lottery advert… Whatever happened to the working class dignity of my mam and dad’s day?….

  19. How come when a male character is turned into a woman (Doctor Who and now Dr. Zachary Smith in Lost In Space) the libfuck cunts say in that ever so shit smooth liberal hippy tone, ‘Hey! Chill out! It’s not an issue!’

    But when the Doc and others (James Bond etc) are (as they’ve always been) male characters, the cunts decide that is a major issue and they tantrum and squeal until they get their wimmin in their place?

    Fucking only when it suits them and what they want Grauniad BBC libflake leftfuck Femin SS cunts….

  20. I used to work with a bloke who was a mathematical genius, especially mental arithmetic. You could say what is 634 x 2476? He would think for a couple of seconds and tell the correct answer. He played the lottery and always chose his numbers. Try as I might, I could never convince him that picking 1 2 3 4 5 and 6 had as much chance as any other combination. He just kept saying it would never come up! Weird.

    • Unbelievable as it is, more then 10,000 thick cunts chose the numbers 1 to 6 in every lottery.
      So, £10m jackpot and win a grand.
      Thick cunts….

    • CnR, you are dead right. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 has every bit as much chance as 1, 15, 43, 44, 46. Your colleague was evidently an “idiot savant”. And I bet neither of your made millions… Neither have I, occasionally just the money the ticket cost back, maybe with enough for next week’s ticket. I haven’t got enough turf knowledge to bet on the nags, I once bet on my fantasy tennis-bird to win her Wimbledon semi-final, poor girl didn’t even win the quarter (and the mongs at Wm Hill couldn’t even spell her name…).

      The numbers could be replaced by images of cunt, Abbott, used bog-roll, Lady Weegee, arsehole, Corbyn, lizard, prime minister &c. Exactly the same statistical principles apply.

  21. Black and White cunt is a bit ill, been watching the Commonwealth games and that man women Caster Semenya is revolting, fuckinel man she must be a man,
    she’s married some woman and not doubt she’s the male in their lesbian relationship. I notice Jessica Ennis is now commentating (no doubt topping up the bank balance which is already fat courtesy of Santander) I’d give her one though even if she has a bit of a Dracula look abaaaaaht her. Goblin I mean Gabby Logan is an annoying cunt who has her witch features firmly in the trough. Great to see Jerusalem as the English anthem… Always gives me a little tingle when that songs played. It should be the national anthem instead of that dire… All together now in a flat tone, God save our gracious Queen… That’s enough. What a pile of cunt.

    • Hey B&WC, I agree it is a bit of a dirge but the (regrettably never sung) 6th verse about crushing rebellious Scots makes it worthwhile in my book.

  22. I do the lottery. I’ve always figured that it’ll be the only way that I could afford the string of racehorses that I’ve always wanted. I can’t see the harm in it as long as people know that it’ll probably never happen. I know that it’s a fucking bad bed,but there’s always the chance.
    I once heard some sneery Cunt say that he won the lottery every week because he put his one pound in a jar and at the end of the year he had £52…well.woopie-do you unimaginative wanker. How fucking sad,thinking so small.
    I’d also like to buy the second pub in my village and give the beer away until I’d bankrupted that old bag of a landlady who barred me from the first pub.

    Fuck them.

  23. I wonder if there’ll be a proper Pikey funeral for Henry Vincent? I must try and get the flower concession. It’ll be like Princess Diana’s cortege as pikeys chuck flowers in front of the hearse and outraged locals chuck them back.

    • I hate fucking funerals, but that would be one worth buying tickets for – from official pikey touts of course!

      • Roll on Tone’s long-overdue announcement in the DP – the street party to end them all !

      • I will only consider attending a funeral if it takes place within walking distance (2 miles max).
        Most of my relatives are safely located180+ miles away…

    • Like the Steptoe Funeral episode…”Heaps of dead stalks”

      “What are you crying for?”
      “The neighbours might be watching”

  24. Not really played the Lottery much although I did when it first started, someone said or I heard that you have more chance of guessing a stranger’s phone number than winning. I guess not many play it now as the jackpots are smaller than that used to be.
    What I don’t understand is people who say (when they’ve won) I’m still going to work, it’s not going to change much… Well why play in the first place you boring cunts. If I won 10 million, I’d bank and invest in property about 7 million and give away a million and spend a million on cars, watches and holidays and with last million I’d go on a year long bender… Prostitutes, drugs, parties and curry.

    • I’d move next door to Fanny Like a Mineshaft, buy a Gigawatt hi-fi set-up, and blast her with Churchill’s speeches day and night.

      I might even buy a pair of binoculars…

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