The Proclaimers

When it comes to Scottish cunts that make me want to stab myself with a rusty nail, The Proclaimers muscle their way in to my Top Three. Charlie and Craig Reid- what a right pair of identicunts.

The stupid oversized glasses; the absolute insistence of singing in a grating Scottish accent: their blind adoration of the Scottish National Party, and the fact that one of them (fuck knows which one) was once married to a Dwarf: fuck off the both of you.
That they’ve made a living over three decades with their abysmal ‘catchy but socially aware’ songs suggests that their fans are equally cuntish.

In Scotland, no drunken gathering is complete without a bunch of cunts getting off their arses and bellowing ‘da da da dah; da da da dah’ to the woeful ‘I will walk five hundred miles’. That the miserable unwashed junkie fans of Hibernian FC have also made an anthem out of ‘Sunshine on Leith’ tells you all you need to know about these two specky fannies.
And what about ‘Letter From America”? Bemoaning the demise of shitholes such as Bathgate, Linwood, Methil and Irvine (home town of Nicola Cunt Sturgeon) when the world would genuinely be a better place without them.

The Proclaimers are at the upper end of the Cuntitude Scale and massively overdue a Royal Cunting, the Social Bastard cunts, I believe there can be no defence……..

Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface

35 thoughts on “The Proclaimers

  1. Ex Mrs mecha-rigsby (A very common glaswegian) used to call them a ‘pair of fuds’.

    Apparently a fud is a Scottish word for a cunt.

  2. What a pair of 99p reading glasses wearing ginger haggis munching cunts,I truly detest their jolly pro Jock songs.
    I can only hope that Nessie swallows them up whole and shits them out as haggis sludge,the only proof will be two pairs off 99p readers washed up on the shore

  3. I would like to hazard a guess that in today’s UK you are never more than 500 yards from a cunt.

    • The word Procto means , of the arse, the bumhole, khaki button etc. Proclaimers include the forms…PROC…which will trigger moderation.
      You were lucky they were asleep this morning!

  4. The only good joke they ever had on Mock The Week was that Frankie Boyle was the third Proclaimer…

    (And a cunt, of course)

  5. Whilst I am abaaaaaht, the Midlands is a cunt. What a shit hole it is, I only went to Aston and that was bad enough.

  6. Great pick and as mentioned, the continued blaring out of their (s)hit ‘500 miles’ at any and every fucking Scottish sporting event drives me fucking insane.

    Co-incidentally, almost 3 years to the day, I got tickets to see the GB Davis Cup Match vs. USA at the Emirates Arena in Glasgow. Fuck me down dead, literally every changeover point and won game/set for GB and that bastard song was blared over the speakers at ear-splitting fucking volume. I actually left before Andy Cunting Mugray’s match was over, such was the intolerability of the fucking scenario.

    To be honest, music at sporting events could have a cunting nomination entirely of its own. The fucking ear-gougingly infuriating staples of modern sport, including that Pharrell Williams over-sampled fucking dirge, Tom cunting Hark by the Piranhas and of course, a special place at the hottest hearth in Hades is reserved for that in-cunting-sufferable England football brass band.

    The Proclaimers are bespectacled, 3-chord, 5-star cunts and the sooner our own harbingers of death Shaun or Basement Bob pick them for their Dead Pool lists, the fucking better.

    • Wouldn’t both of the cunts have to die simultaneously for Shaun or Basement Bob to win the Dead Pool? I’ve always loathed the Proclaimers, who are like Van Morrison. They would be less shite if they could actually sing. Their song writing skills also leave a lot to be desired and one of them has a face I’d like to hit with a shit filled baseball bat with holes in the top 12 inches. Only joking, it’s both of the cunts. Anyone know where I can get two shit filled baseball bats with holes in the top 12 inches? Mrs Frenulum just looked over my shoulder and suggested I obtain two pristine baseball bats with holes in the top 12 inches and shove them up Owen Jones’ arse. She’s not a great fan of the Proclaimers or the gay Guardian cunt.

      • Wouldn’t both of the cunts have to die simultaneously for Shaun or Basement Bob to win the Dead Pool?

        True, but I was coming from the angle that both have an uncanny knack for predicting the demise of the famous – BB nominated Jim Bowen and the man was dead within the hour – that is the kind of ruthless efficiency I would crave for The Proclaimers.

        The bats could be shoved up Owen Jones after The Brothers Grim get a solid smashing first?

    • My cities football club uses that shit infested excuse for a song ‘Wonderwall’ as their walk on tune, makes me want to punch my bloody ears off.

  7. They are not that bad not that good, but they put on a decent live show just saying I saw them 6 years ago at a show and they don’t mind taking the piss out of themselves on account of their one hit wonders that takes some form of humiliaty imo

    Talking to the audience “have you heard this song plays beginning riff of miles of course you heard this song they only play this fookin song a million times on the radio everyday” They have that dry scottish humor thats hard not to have a chuckle at

  8. They are shite…. Their ‘I’m Gonna Be 500 Miles’ crap is chavscum dancefloor bollocks on a par with Black Eyed Peas, Jessie J, that Maroon 5 Jagger shite, and Tina’s Simply The Best… Play ‘500 Miles’ and the pissed up no class riff-raff are up in droves and shouting that stupid ‘Da Da Darrr!’ refrain…. Music by cunts, for cunts….

  9. I’m still waiting for the English version of all their songs to be able to make a better judgement. But until then, they are cunts.

    • Do they come with subtitles for those hard of understanding south of the wall??

  10. When I was at uni in the mid ’80s, I used to frequent the local record shops pretty often. The HMV in the town square used to have all sorts of promotions at various times and one I recall was called “No Risk Disk”. The idea was you paid your 3.99 for an album sporting a large “No Risk Disk” sticker and if you didn’t like it, you could return it and get your money back. Knowing HMV, it might have been an exchange for something else of equal or greater value, but I do think it was a money back scenario. Anyway, guess whose first album was a “No Risk Disk” featured item? Yep, these 2 cunts. Says it all.

  11. They may be completely bloody crap, but the pair of them are reported to be fanny rats. One of the speccy cunts apparently cheated on his wife and fucked a Canadian groupie.

    Speccy cunt no.2 apparently indulged in an orgy with two female fans.


  12. I have a confession to make. I don’t care one way or the other for these cunts. But worse, I don’t really have a problem with Jocks. I have worked with a few and, apart from a tendency towards sectarianism, which baffles me, they were ok.
    Jocks are being done a disservice by the Krankies in their ‘comedy’ and political incarnations. Sean Connery is a cunt though with his long range patriotism.

    • Me neither CC. Infact I have a number of good friends from Jockland and one chap in particular is both a really good mate and a fantastic business associate / customer who joins me every year at the St George’s Day Club in Manchester along with 700 patriots to celebrate our Britishness.

      It’s very easy to believe all the Jocks are whining cunts that hate the English but that’s far from the truth, you only need to attend an Old Firm game at Ibrox to witness a level of patriotism that you just don’t get in England.

      You’re right though, jocks are done a disservice by The Krankies and their SNP henchmen. Serial moaning cunts still blaming Thatcher for the fact it rained on Tuesday.

      And you’re right about that cunt Connery, a well known multi multi millionaire film star Independence supporter who’s never been afraid to share his opinions on the benefits of separation from the 40 degree heat, low tax boulevards of LA.

    • I too am baffled by their sectarianism, I really just don’t get it.And not one of Scottish mates,prod or taig, can explain it.

  13. I love them……… Oh Jean is a belter…… More more more of the Proclaimers is what I say…..

  14. I can’t stomach wife-reprimanding, dribbling, tax-avoiding, half-dead, old cunt, Cuntery.

    Silly old stool sample spends his time wobbling around casinos in Monaco whilst dribbling and championing his old mate, Fat Boab Salmond (another useless cunt with verbal diarrhoea).

    • Referred to by Ian Fleming himself as an overgrown stuntman and “that fucking truck driver”

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