The Tank designed not to be used. Remember the poor sods in there.

This useless but highly expensive bastard has been around since the 1970s and is a mainstay of NATO forces. It is part of the immense German armaments industry (who knew they still had one ‘eh?) and at £4 million a pop supposed to be the last thing in such motors. Well they are so long as they remain oit orf combat. Talking about last things, the last thing the poor cunts crewing the bastards actually hear is indeed a pop followed by a sizzle then good night Vienna.
Have come to recent prominence because some dumb cunts ie the Turks have actually started to use them. Against fearsome opponents with state orf the art weaponry? Well a few clapped oit Toyota pick-ups with pipe mortars mounted in the back but supported by Blighty with whatever obsolete shite we can scrape together.

Thing is the Curds are blowing the shite oit orf ’em and that is not supposed to happen. £4 mill worth of armour plating reinforced with tungsten and depleted uranium. Twin diesels with a max orf 42mph (nippy for a tank). Very embarrassing. These dodgy motors are the mainstay orf NATO defence against the Russkies (and Comrade Ivan knows their capability). Very lethal. (Stop laughing Ivan)

Usual Kraut marketing, false performance figures coupled with brute force and bribery (Shurely not from the nation orf VW and BMW).

Not surprisingly there are rather a number of used Leopard II s aroinde for sale – not ex-battle field (scrap merchants only) but more ex-display models (Italian Forces ect ect). Indeed our Nato allies cannot get rid fast enough. Now hearing that the MOD is looking to replace our aging Challenger Tanks (a good tank despite faults, many orf which now ironed oit) the helpful Krauts have jack booted in and offered their own second hand rejects at a bargain price, £2 mill per pop. Response from the chinless cunts at the MOD? Fuck orf Krauty, not even if you chuck in an extra tank orf petrol? Not a bit orf it. Creaming their knickers at the prospect. Extra lubrication won’t make the bastards work better or safer though.

What the Krauts really want to do is get their mitts on the maintenance and spares contracts. Always lucrative in the military sphere particularly for a tank that gets blown up or stuck in a ditch whenever you use it. Bugger me though, Blighty has a tendency to use her tanks. A minor problem.

Clincher though is the role orf Brexit. Main Kraut bargaining chip. Pour your British pounds down our Euro sink hole and we well be minded to support you just an infinitesimally bit more in the negotiations. Sieg Heil! (Ja, das ist die neue Euro-Hymne)

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke