MAMIL

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Middle aged men in lycra.
What utter bum bothering wankers and CUNTS.

For some reason 99% of men on bicycles seem to think everyone wants to see their fat cancerous carcases shrink wrapped in lycra. In my opinion, this a sexually related offense for which they should be put on the register for.

Apparently this is some sort of teenage minded idolatry of our cycling sports people, however, there is an actual rule that says if you’re not a team member you cannot wear team colours (in fact this cunting could easily apply to middle aged men in football shirts).

Perhaps if you are a genuine tour de france contender wearing lycra may very well get you that quarter of a second lead that you need to win; but does this utalitarian necessity apply to some 47 year old fat CUNT from marketing who only gets out on his carbon fibre five grand bike on sunny sundays? I fucking think not.

Their feeble minded understanding of the world around them also leads them to give cyclists everywhere a bad name by cycling three abreast at every opportunity and refusing to pull over no matter how long the queue behind them.

This is especially frustrating on hills that these walking corpses simply have no physical possibility of climbing at anything over 2 mph. So there we are, stuck behind a lycra clad arse that has been grown out of chips, snickers bars and beer, slowly inching its way up a hill with its mates either side, wobbling around like a scene from some channel four mockumentary and we can’t overtake because of oncoming traffic.

What monumental cunts they all are. And now it’s the new year you won’t be able to get a pint or a coffee anywhere without hordes of these grape smuggling arseholes hovering around blocking every entrance.

And these MAMILs will be jogging everywhere too….

God help us……

Nominated by Cuntflap

38 thoughts on “MAMIL”

  1. I remember my London days as particularly hellish with these cuntfucks: in an around London Bridge especially. At rush hour, traffic lights on Tooley Street would be festooned with these pot-bellied wankers. Forming their very own peloton of cunt, raring to go as the lights turned amber.

    Cunts.

  2. The National Trust should be included in this cunting, I used to live in a quaint little village in the surrey hills called Boxhill, a public road into the village that then turns into a private road owned by the national trust.
    The national trust regularly hold cycle events on the hill and encourage cyclists to come and visit (and road closures for the events)
    The down side is the village goes into lock down, so if you run out of milk ect you are fucked, carers for the elderly need special permits to cross the blockades, in fact its a fucking nightmare that the National Trust can lock down the private residents on a hill just to boost coffee sales at their cafe and further encourage the cunts to come flocking to us.
    Perhaps what boils my piss the most is I used to commute to the town below on a Raleigh Grifter (3 speed, heavy lump of crap) every day until I passed my driving test, without the requirement of any of the shit they wear or an additional 13+ speeds on a carbon fibre bike.

    • When I was a teenager (about 1973 onwards, while still at school in Sutton), we used to take our collie for walks all round there – Boxhill, Headley Heath, Juniper Bottom. I miss that (and she was a lovely dog, too…).
      Highlight on the way back was stopping off at a ramshackle home-built shack referred to as “Grandma Headley’s – it was on a corner, the owner’s cottage-semi was adjacent.
      Instant coffee made with 100 % full-fat (no “skinny” crap back then), her homebaked shortbreads and coffee cakes.
      I remember hoardes of shaved-leg cyclists back then too.

      JC, I’m wandering so far down memory lane I won’t find my way back.
      GB – Lo, how the mighty has fallen

      • it was knocked down and now a “smith and western”, used to be called “The Golden Grill”

  3. Fortunately where I live it’s generally a weekend problem so Monday thru to Friday I’m in a Mamil free environment, but come Saturday the sea road is infested with this fat sweating ignorant cunts!! There’s a few who are genuinely giving it a proper go but most are out for a fucking pose on their carbon racer, wobbling around like a pig on an acorn , often 3 or 4 abreast having a cozy chat they cause chaos and misery for drivers!..
    Some of these fuckwits have cameras on their heads so they can report aggressive drivers?, well I’ve got cameras on my vehicle and they are recording, so I always give these cretins a volley if they are blocking the road to be told “ I’m recording this” “ that’s good as Iam too “ I reply!! The look on their faces is fucking priceless!

  4. I know box hill LB , I used to work all over Surrey, there’s more Mamils in Surrey than livestock!! It’s absolutely fuckin riddled with them…..

    • Today’s livestock is probably MAMIL wives…

      Go and grab one while her OM is out saddle-wanking !

      • Good call HBelinda, once I’m back to full fitness I might try calling on the bored lonely housewife at the end of my street when he goes out practicing for tour de France.

  5. In the Cambridge area ( where I now live ) the place is overun with geriatric cunts in lycra, semi collapsed at the roadside using their Salbutamol, and sporting the most awful varicosed veins I,ve ever seen. In Cambridge itself, all manner of twats ride bikes, and the Chinese are the fucking worst. They are either brain fucking deficient, or intentionally up for roadkill!

    • The varicose veins…maybe they use them as road maps? That must be why they shave their legs to give them maximum visibility.

      Sounds like other areas have it worse than here, but allow me to cunt in passing, the lycra cunts with EXTRA BRIGHT FLASHING LIGHTS angled straight into oncoming traffic’s eyes. The lycra cunt with or without lights laboriously climbing a hill on a B road with a mile-long queue behind him (because if you hit a lycra cunt it’s summary execution for you, even if he has intentionally wobbled under your wheels) and the oncoming traffic won’t let you give him three quarters of the road. Who under no circumstances will pull over for a minute because he is presumably in a hurry. The jolly lycra cunts three abreast and declining to try single file for a change.
      The smug green lycra cunts who believe that causing traffic tailbacks improves their carbon footprint. Lycra cunts who are immune to the Highway Code, which all other road users have to absorb, and in many instances, obey.

      And all this gets worse if one of our drugged-up pedalbike heroes wins something on television. Scores of new recruits flood our inadequate roads, exuding sweat and smugness.

      Carbon-fibre and titanium-reinforced overpriced cunts.

    • PS Chinese students, on foot, pedalling or driving, have no spatial awareness, sense of direction, or indeed a clue. Well-known FACT in university towns.

      • They’re usually fatbastards too, at least here in Cardiff.
        Only takes one to block a pavement.

    • Looking for roadkill maybe, hedgehog might taste like something else following a few rotations of a red hot wok

  6. Well nominated cuntflap. These cunts have been pissing me off for ages.

    Where I am there’s a hill that’s too narrow for overtaking and all blind turns winding up the hill.
    For some reason the cyclist cunts love it.
    Every time I drive down it they’re wobbling up the hill at 2 mph with a queue of people trying to get to work behind them.
    As I drive further down the road there are always groups of 2 or 3 cyclists, each with 5 – 10 cars and vans behind them swearing their heads off.

    They’re fucking inconsiderate cunts.

    If someone’s cycling to work that’s one thing but the ones that do it for fun are just cunts.

    And don’t even get me started on those mamils in London. A word has yet to be invented to express the amount of cuntitude possessed by London mamils.

  7. Very popular for cyclists where I live. The narrow road to our village has a dip with a blind bend. The council put in a cycle path above the road. These cunts don’t use the track and block the road.
    They also ride 2 abreast on other narrow lanes and roads. What is the matter with these cunts?
    The off-road cyclists don’t seem so bad. I often see and chat with them while walking the dogs. The cunts on the roads should have an open season for drivers to fuck them up.

  8. Every time cyclists come up, there is a common thread. The cunts ride 2 or 3 abreast on busy roads and ignore the highway code. Why can’t they behave? If we drove our cars as they ride their bikes we would have 12 points in no time. So fucking selfish/ arrogant.

  9. I’m no longer a MAMIL, i’m a OMIL, it’s just more comfortable. When I was a racing cyclist I used to train up Box Hill quite a lot, great view from the top !. On another matter I have been listening to JOB again this morning. I voted leave but the quality of people phoning in trying to justify why they voted leave is dire, to be fair to JOB he gives them plenty of rope but they all end up hanging themselves.

  10. AND another thing…
    Every motor vehicle in the country has indicators and mirrors. The last time I suggested mirrors to a pushbiker, he laughed at the idea. On a motorcycle, I have, for my own survival, to have a good idea of what’s going on all round me. Why doesn’t a cyclist? And limply waving your arm (if you can be bothered) while you are in the process of making a turn across the traffic doesn’t exactly cut it as an advance notification of your intention.

    Presumably indicators and mirrors would add to the weight of something sculpted from carbon nanotubes by genetically modified fungi, or however the latest kit is made, but telling St Peter you wanted to minimise your road weight may very well prejudice your chances of being issued with a harp, particularly if you are a fat cunt. And LED’s take next to no current. If you can power a front light of 20,000 flashing candlepower, visible indicators can’t be an impossible dream. Can it?

    Indicators. Mirrors. MoT to enforce these. And if Joe Council Taxpayer has to fund cycle lanes to keep you safe, then how about a little tax from you to show your gratitude?

    • And an indicator light for your bored wives bedrooms to indicate your out, obviously in the summer nights the “on the buses style” frillies on the washing line will do fine.

  11. New year and the 2018 tour de cunt has started already. Correct me if I’m wrong but a path alongside a dangerous, busy road which has seen many a pile up the path marked by many signs stating cycle path is in fact a bona fide cycle path. Now if I was still capable of cycling I would be crapping myself if I was riding on the cycle path let alone the carriageway as the traffic is fuck me scary. No police no working cameras you can imagine the rest. But lo the last three times I have driven this stretch of road cyclists, none on the cycle path all in the bloody road.
    What is the point? Lincolnshire council have hardly a pot to piss in yet money was found to create, sign, maintain etc a fucking cycle path that the cunty cyclists decline to use. Well I say fuck them and the bike they road in on. Waiting for the outcry when some pissed up Eastern European takes out a bunch of them will make damm sure I get to comment.

  12. anyone over the age of 8 wearing a replica football shirt is an out and out monumental shitcunt

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