Jools Holland [4]

Sorry but I just can’t take it!

It’s New Years Eve and yet again we’re subjected to the pile of substandard musical dross that is Jools’ Annual Hootnanny. Aaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!

This guy is a fantastic boogie pianist, but he never plays any any more. Instead he sits there gurning smugly in front of his piano patronising the so called cream of musical talent that we’re subjected to this evening, just like last year, and the year before, and the year before that…

Of course, he’s not putting himself out because this crock of shite is recorded in October.

At least Jools and I have one thing in common. Neither of us will be watching this shit on New Years Eve.

Nominated by Dioclese

48 thoughts on “Jools Holland [4]

  1. He’s Sandi Toksvig in drag…..

    I watch YouTube clips as bands i Iike appear on his show and for reasons unknown see it as badge of honour to have been chosen.

    Never liked him when I was a kid either. Strange little cunt who wouldn’t look out of place opening the door to a mountain top castle in Romania.

    How he got a telly job is beyond me as he doesn’t even possess the voice for radio never mind having to suffer watching his coupon on the box.

    And who named his eighties programme “The Tube”, was right on the money there.

  2. Don’t know anything about the bloke and don’t care if I never saw or heard from him again.

    Now here comes the “but”……anybody who has a programme , with his name in the title, with the Blairite Broadcasting Corporation for 25 FUCKING YEARS has got to be up to no good!
    I don’t know what it is but I know he’s doing it, the cunt.

  3. Fame at last…

    “No one on ISAC likes “Dioclese” the cunt should fuck off back to his lame website blog shit and stay there the sad little twat.”

    • Is it,,,,,,,,,,, CAPTAIN CAPS?

      I’D FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT THE CUNT UNTIL THE OTHER DAY WHEN HIS SQUAT WAS MENTIONED.

      I couldn’t be arsed scrolling but did laugh at some of the nonsense in May.

      “BIRDMAN IS A FAIRY CUNT ” repeated over and over………

      Doss cunt he is hahaha haha hahaha.

      (him you mean, Diocese?)

      • Forgot about that Captain cunt! Spent a fun half hour playing with the tyke (in May?) before admins kicked him off along with half my replies…

      • Richard was forced to take a long holiday following the arrival of a letter. Barbara was not amused.
        A second letter is currently being held regarding another ( but related matter )
        “You do know me Richard”

    • A recent troll presumably…hopefully not an esteemed cunter gone loco…Ted Heath’s secret bastard grandson /daughter /gender neutral cunt issue perhaps? I think we should be told…

    • I’m used to it. Kind of a badge of honour really. Anonymous of course :
      “Dioclese is tory brexit voting shithead of a twat AKA utter scum and thick as pig shit”

      “Muslim paedophile calling 8 yr old girl said…
      @ Dick Fiddler if you read this mate you’re always welcome on cuntscorner it’s a more laid back chilled vibe with no arrogant little dictator mods like Diocunt nor a shitty website design with comment moderation etc.”

      Or this little gem ?
      “DIOCLESE CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF
      TITSLAPPER CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF
      BIRDMAN CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF
      NORMAN CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF
      GRANDAD CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF

      THEY ALL MEET UP HAMPSTEAD HEATH ON A FRIDAY NIGHT AND SUCK EACH OTHER OFF
      THE CUNTS ARE ALL UP THERE NOW
      IS THAT RANCID CUNT ANNA RACCUNT UP THERE WITH YOU?
      DO YOU ENJOY FUCKING A CORPSE CUNTS?”

      Charming isn’t it? Here’s another classic…
      “Dioclese said…
      Muslim paedo child grooming sex gangs turn me on lads!”

      And apparently he’s currently advertising cut price Viagra on my blog.

      Who gives a shit? Not me…

  4. Vying with gurning Jools to be the cherry on top of the New Years cake of shit is our old tax dodging mate jimmy Carr who’s show has quite possibly managed to break the CUNTS Per Square inch world record! With…….
    Richard ayoade, Noel fielding,David Mitchell, big nastie, and team captains Katherine Ryan and roisin cunty!!
    In response to Jools hootenanny and Carr’s big fat cunt of the year quiz ITV has wheeled out the big guns in the shape of 1989 classic parenthood starring Steve Martin and annoying cunt Rick moranis?
    2018,s off to a flyer! 😡

  5. I’m going to add this televisual feast to my not watched list over Christmas. I can honestly say the only time I’ve felt anything watching was on the hour. The News. Never known such fucking awful offerings over a Christmas period. The days of Del Boy and The Royle Family were at least something to look forward to. Not no more. Ratburger!!!!(Walliams) I fucking ask yer.

  6. I always wondered how Holland got the TV gig after his short stint as the Squeeze keyboard player.

    He is strangely reminiscent of Riff Raff from the Rocky Horror Picture Show with a voice like Zippy from Rainbow.

    I just can’t see the appeal. Granted he is a great tinkle of the ivories, but as soon as I see his mush and hear his whining voice, I half expect Geoffrey, George and Bungle to appear.

  7. Fucking right!

    Message to pretentious middle class people: Live isn’t better. It sounds worse and is just self indulgent showboating.

    That new replacement for top of the pops bullshit. So called fucking “artists”.(spoiled narcissistic children) playing their music live as if it was some special shit?

    Why even have producers and a fucking recording studio? You got the world upside down you pretentious, try hard fucking wankers!

    So no, I won’t be watching and cuntenanny bullshit.

  8. I’ll probably be in bed.

    I couldn’t give two shits about New Year’s Eve or any associated cunt programming or “End of the Year” shows.

    I put on Frankel Boyle’s cunt on t’other night and it was a panel of guests single-handedly picked by the ABBC (along with the neo-liberal fascist audience) to just have a go on the go-to subjects of Trump, Brexit being bad and all Brexiter’s being KKK loving baby-eaters.

    The Jock side of the family used to go into New Year’s Eve big style, even bigger than Xmas. There’s a reason why they get two bank holidays (to recover)! 😉

    • Cannot abide the Boyle cunt – funny as stage 4 cancer. The only thing I wish to hear about him in 2018 is time and place of death. Auntie BeeB is a strange cunt. Tell him to turn it down a bit then give him his own show. Cunt.

  9. Slightly off topic but I’ve just heard on the old mind control box that Australia is set to bring in the new year with a rainbow themed firework / light display at Sydney harbour in light of recognition of same sex marriage.

    Who would have thought it?

    It wasn’t so long ago that they had a strong leader and she wasn’t afraid to send out the right messages when there was a hint of unrest from those wanting to cause trouble and deviate from the country’s values, traditions and way of life.

    And I thought Tony Abbot was a cunt of BLiar proportions that couldn’t be beaten. He likely laid the foundations for the new marriage rules going through.

  10. I wonder if he has got that one song wonder Rag n bone cunt on again?

    Who would believe that you could get away with going on so many television shows over about 8 months and get away with groaning out the same song.
    What a way to wave out the old year and bring in another.

    I won’t be making the same mistake again this year, tramadol and gaba’s at ten and a bottle of water and tomorrows pills upstairs should ensure I don’t need to surface until about nine tomorrow night.

  11. Oops a daisy I must have put something on my post about Adonis that I shouldn’t have……it has disappeared.

  12. Thank you Dio…I was hoping to avoid any mention of this irritating cunt today, and tonight in particular…however I have to concede – it’s the perfect cunting to round off a bumper year of mega-cuntishness.

    Ok, his playing was essential to early Squeeze, and he did a great solo on ‘Uncertain Smile’ by The The…

    But had he croaked live on The Tube, sometime around the mid ’80s, that would have made my fucking day!

    As it is, I’ve been unable to bring myself to go anywhere near his ‘Live tonight with Jools’ (or whatever the cunt’s shows are called) regardless of how wonderful the artists scheduled to appear are (he patronises them to death anyway, doesn’t he?) purely due to the smug cunt’s overbearing narcissistic presence.

    Telly will be well and truly switched off tonight. Might celebrate with a quick one after dinner. Tucked up in bed fast asleep with 2 Co-Codamol by Eleven.

    HAPPY NEW YEAR CUNTERS!

  13. And Holland has the usual variety of steaming stinkingshite on his Cuntenanny this year… Some 60s relic way past their best, Ruby Turner/Beverly Knight (same thing), some old soul singer who was never in the Marvin/Smokey/Otis class, the pub rock ex-Squeeze muso cunts band, and (worst of all) The Ginger Gargoyle will be torturing those daft enough to tune in with ‘Perfect’ and ‘Galway Girl’…. Yes, Sheeran is in the area, you have been warned…. And no doubt the champers guzzling not paid for seats BBPC royalty and celebricunts will make resolutions about Brexit, transbenders, and ‘diversity’…. Cuntenanny indeed…

    At least Lily Mong or KT Cunstall aren’t on it this time though…..

    • KT Kuntall is on the BBC Scotland hogmany show singing “Suddenly I see”, that’s as bad as rag n cunt man groaning out an eight month old ditty.

      She is on the teletext reading the news pages, why can’t she fucking mute the thing?

      Or whatever you would call it as its no more a song than ” The ning nang nong”.

      That was my cue for bed, should have went at ten as the old bat next door has woken me now.

      She’s out hollering for her cat to come home which has probably slipped into my shed when the cunts started fannying about with fireworks last night.

  14. Cunty Jools is just a taller version of that gravel voiced arsehole Jamie Cullum. They got where they are by crawling up the arse of the director general

  15. Holland may be a cunt but:
    Who else has championed real music over the last few decades? Who stands as a beacon against the cowelised cunts that have taken over? He looks after his own, as we all would. He is a talented musician. He was in Squeeze, which is good enough for me on it’s own.
    And have a look at what else is on offer you deluded cunts. Graham Norton. Michael Macintyre. Harry Potter followed by ‘Zander’ fucking Armstrong. Alan fucking Carr. And don’t forget ‘when tv goes horribly wrong’ with Richard Bacon.
    There are bigger cunts to fry.

    • You make some very valid points Cuntstable.

      But why don’t the Beeb make two versions of Holland’s shows – the first complete, and the second with the cunt COMPLETELY EDITED OUT, thus leaving live music lovers with something that doesn’t have them kicking their screens in or reaching for the sick bucket every 5 seconds?

      For those made of sterner stuff, well they can still watch the director’s cunt, should they so foolishly choose.

      • Press the Red button now to skip to the next act / show, now there would be a worthwhile feature we are overdue. Give us something for the cunty TV tax imposed on us.

      • I only watch his shows as recordings,( the same as everything else.) I can spin through the shite (especially fucking Sheeran) and watch the good stuff.

      • Thing with Holland is he’ll only have who he wants on that Later… There will never be a hard rock or metal band on the show (Rumour has it Holland refused AC/DC)… Also the quota of ‘world music’, boogie woogie bollocks and ‘soul’ (ie: piss poor Motown and Stax) is alarmingly high… Shame, because he was alright on The Tube…

      • @Norman. Fucking hell…AC/DC !!!! He turned them down!!!!! The bastard is a fucking turd and a mega cunt to boot.!

      • Agreed Norm. I too thought The Tube was pretty decent with him as a co-presenter. Remember when he had to sit out an episode for swearing on live TV the week before? Ha! Them’s the days. His Later… offering is really quite poor in my opinion. Some of the acts he has on seem to lack any notion of melody, song structure or musical performance. Some of these cunts have recording contracts FFS!

        Part of the ABBC’s demise includes not replacing John Peel. Someone who was very adept at spotting talent and giving it a platform albeit via radio. I think Holland fancies himself as doing the TV equivalent, but he’s clearly not up to it.

  16. Can’t bring myself to cunt Jools.

    Never did like Squeeze (found them far too depressing) but do think he genuinely appreciates all different sorts of music, and does his best to promote live music via his programmes.

    Ok, not everything to everyone’s tastes but surely something there for most.

    Who can forget the truly awesome PIL performing Deeper Water (since deemed sorry, not available by the cunts at the BBC) or the interesting trombone solo on I’m a man performed by Steve Winwood.

    Fantastic.

    • Been a PiL fan for many a year, but Catweazel just doesn’t do it for me. He’s not worthy of plugging in Keith Levene’s amp, let alone playing guitar with PiL. The riff on Public Image and the sublime guitar on And No Birds Do Sing…..ah! Amazing. That said, I did like PiL’s last album (What The World Needs Now) which I felt was way better than the bollocks they put out before that (This Is PiL). Cheers!

  17. Christ on a bike not this twat again, same old tripe dressed up as entertainment.
    Alternatives are, let me guess, Alan Carr and Graham Norton both of which have evolved into irritating gobshites. I think I’ll pass on all this crap, Whisky and soda then early to bed so as not to see any of these Conts, that’s Irish for Cunts.

  18. Holland ? Who cut the cunt’s balls off so he talks like that or haven’t they dropped yet.? Unwatchable ,mostly unintelligble bollocks introducing some seriously poor crap, ..not always but mostly.
    The audience has more snow up it’s collective snout than the black runs in Zermatt and silly bollocks himself rarely plays , a real fucking mess of a programme that is best avoided.
    Not a major cunt but he has potential ..

  19. Totally agree, Flap. His Later…With show is a real head scratcher. When he introduces some band or other he’ll often say something like “…performing a song from their wonderful new album…”. The band gets 10 seconds in and I have to wonder how on earth they ever got a recording deal. From the shows I’ve seen, I’d say 80% of those featured are truly awful and lacking in any recognisable skill, craft or finesse when it comes to musical composition. It seems to be a platform to help make Holland seem edgy and relevant to the yoof by providing tax payer funded airtime to bands who would otherwise get zero exposure on account of them actually being quite crap.

  20. Were the Ginger Gremlin and that bloke from The Beat the only white acts on the Cuntenanny yesterday?… Also I hear the standard of celebricunt dropped rapidly… That cunt who used to play the fat cow in the Royle Family, Jo cunting Brand?… Old Jools must have been very pissed if he kissed Jo Brand… Fuck me… Talk about the bottom of the barrel…

  21. I despise how he forces his one ‘talent’ of boogie piano onto the most inappropriate music on his show. Many a set has been ruined by his insensitive bull-in-a-china-shop hammering. I remember seeing Dr John on there and thinking he’d leave the piano player alone at least.. The cunt played his cliched piano licks on the Hammond organ all the way through. I’m surprised no musician’s ever shut the lid on his fingers.

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