Black Friday [2]

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I would like to nominate Black Friday sales for a retail cunting.

This used to be one day (a Friday!) when benefit scrounging scumbags would queue up outside Asda at five in the morning to fight over an Alba TV reduced to tuppenny ha’penny because they’re shite. Brilliant footage of people actually punching others to get this bargain tat.

Now, though, all companies have jumped on the Black Friday bandwagon, free delivery, prices not cheaper, get it before Christmas etc, and the sales last at least a week.

So it is no longer a one day Jeremy Kyle audience fest, it’s just another pre-Christmas sale, but with an American title attached.

Amazon, Currys, all the others, you’re cunts, money grabbing no morals cunts, and I hope your cocks drop off, wankers.

Nominated by The Bournemouth Red.

Now any cunter knows Black and White cunt loves a bargain but this Black Friday bollocks is a cunt… Even worse than ‘Cyber Monday’.

What kind of cunt queue’s outside a shop all night to be the first to buy a Polaroid television, or outside Ikea to get some chipboard coffee table for a tenner? A cunt that’s who and a cunt who doesn’t realise the shops actually put some old (when the product was first released) price on it and then say it’s 70% off.

What a piece of cunt.

I’m gonna get black friday stopped on racist grounds unless they have ‘White Monday’.

The cunts.

Nominated by Back & White Cunt

45 thoughts on “Black Friday [2]”

  1. As I’ve mentioned here before, my cousin is the manageress (she doesn’t go in for all that feminazi crap) of a Manchester department store… She said that most Indians (Sikhs, Hindus) were sound as a pound and decent customers… But the Parking Stanley Peacefuls are the fucking pits… She says they have the need to open everything (wrapped up bedding, curtains etc), aggressively paw all items, even sniff them (for fuck’s sake!) and when the cunts can’t get something cheaper than its full RRP they fuck off and leave everything in a mess… They also try to ‘bargain/haggle’ by using the language barrier… Pretending to ‘No understand price’… These scum are like a plague: they infest every city and every town in England… Part of me is glad I have no kids (the mrs can’t have ’em)… Because I would hate the idea of any young uns of mine reaching adulthood in PC mad offended by anything fucking caliphate…

    • You forgot to add after all inspection of goods is carried out and any possible discount acquired, they have the audacity to try presenting an unopened pack of chosen merchandise, leaving some poor cunt to fold up the mess.

      Our lass presents them with a choice of purchasing their “mess destruction” or the shop door with nothing.

  2. Fuck me! I’m rich. Apparently if you have a household income above 70,000GBP and own your own home, you are in the top 1% of the world.

  3. I am unable to leave my safe space. I have been triggered by the truth that Justin Bieber is not gay.

    • I certainly hope it emerges that he’s been abused by a middle-aged executive music producer, as seems to be the fashion nowadays. Preferably one with a large tassel.

      • Hes also no longer a young smooth skinned twink you dirty ol poof! Besides hes back with selena gomez now his old latina love interest

  4. Ever asked yourself why the only war we ever lost was the American War of Independence?
    Well, we had to get shot of the cunts who never paid a penny in taxes. So we drafted the criminals and scum of the gutters into the army and sent them to fight the yanks. Win win – get rid of two loads of cunts at a stroke.

    Then we drew a line on the map – which is why the border is straight – kept the good bit and called it Canada…

    • So why don’t we celebrate Thanksgiving? We should join with Canada to rejoice at getting rid of the Pilgrim Fathers at least.

    • Britain was supplying the confederate army with weapons in the civil war. Ended up being a waste of money 🔫

    • I had this idea years ago but I didn’t do anything about it. I was going to call it Nasticards. Thought up some real good ideas too.

  6. Good news for a change:

    Oscar Pistorius sentance for murder has been doubled to 13 years 5 months…still about 20 years (or death by firing squad) too short, but should be grateful for small mercies.

    The cunt’s already free though, isn’t he?

    • In light of Oscar Pistorious having his jail term extended and concerns that he may attempt to abscond, South African authorities have confirmed that they have taken the necessary precautions within the prison grounds, with the installation of a cattle grid…

    • South African legal system and their pathetic judges liberal sentencing seemingly even more ridiculous than in the U.K.

      Did not think that was possible.

      Got there in the end though.

  7. Shit me…. thought black Friday was a celebration of arf price slave day, well one lives and learns.

  8. Create the thrills and spills of your very own Black Friday!!!

    Surreptitiously stick a poster on your local Kentucky Fried Chicken window advertising “Free Chiggun Wings..First 25 customers only. Doors open 10.30″ (no point making it any earlier or the lazy sods’ll still be abed.) Watch and laugh the next morning as they gather,lips flapping,bluegums bared and nostrils flaring… listen to their excited chatter”Coomoonittty bruv,’spect innit” Giggle as they jockey for position,knives flashing,bling rattling, until the alpha silverback beats his chest and establishes dominance. (if you’re really lucky a rival troop may stage a drive-by shooting..oh,the hilarity.)
    Now this is the important bit….when the unwitting staff open the doors,stand well back. Screaming,posturing and even flinging shit at any white man pointing and laughing is not unknown,swiftly followed up by a mugging.

    Yes,folks,you too can enjoy Black Friday any day of the year with just a little planning…and never forget Black Lives Matter,innit.

    • I received a caution in the mid ’70s for putting the following notice in my shop window:

      “No Women Allowed. Young Girls Wanted For Criminal Sex”

      Should’ve known better I suppose. The police lacked a certain sense of humour in those days.

      (It was a record shop btw)

    • You ever noticed that they chew chiggun with those big rubbery lips of theirs?

  9. Agreed, M.O. the Yanks ruin all the English traditions with their crass commercialisations, though Halloween was ours before those fuckers turned it into dressing up as Batman or door-to-door begging for sweets.

    Black Friday is a vulgar event for greedy cretins.

    • I always wonder why the Yanks have to trivialise every tradition or event so it becomes completely crass.

  10. I’m a bit pished tonight. It’s 30 degrees and only one week until the end of term. Went for a walk on the beach this afternoon and there was a LOT of flesh on display. Mixed up a big batch of sangria for me and Mrs CMC but she only had one glass. Hence my pished status.

    I fucking love Christmas. What’s not to like? Drinking will your friends on Xmas Eve, 1970s sibling rivalry on Xmas Day and footie on Boxing Day. Then going out and getting shitfaced on NYE. What I hate is how fucking long Xmas goes on for these days. I first heard a Xmas song in a shop on November 7th for fuck’s sake. My local grocery store is an assault on the senses. And it’s not even December yet.

    I’m looking forward to your annual anti-Xmas rant Mr Dioclese. Now that all these bastard companies have their Xmas ads out as soon as possible, shouldn’t you have published it on October 17th?

    In the spirit of the season, here’s another rant about how much I hate religion…

    https://mikesplace2017.wordpress.com/2017/11/24/is-religion-original-sin/

  11. I thought it was named Black Friday as the proceedings typically involved several people of colour fighting over some cut price, cheap, shitty flat screen idiot lantern in Spasda.

    But dat bees raciss an sheet. Nomesayin?

  13. Black Friday… what a bursting bag of shite, freshly laid from the well-used capitalist rectum of ‘Murica.

    Like many here, I was appalled at sight of all those uncivilised gun-triggers during 2015’s BF, beating each other senseless and tearing each others’ weaves off, just to lay their hands on an un-warrantied and discontinued Blaupunkt TV. It really encapsulated the spirit of multicultural bartering.

    I’m not sure which is the greater piss-boiler: the actual imported, crass wankfest under the ‘Black Friday’ banner, or the shitcunt Twitter-driven media who give the fucking event such feverish coverage. If I want to see subhuman scum in varying shades of black and brown mobbing shops and queuing for hours with laundry bags ready to fill full of consumerist shite, then I’ll just watch the highlight reel of the ’93 LA riots. I’m not interested and I don’t want to know about the fucking tawdry event. Got that Tom Bradby, you boot-faced cunt?

    I love me a bargain for sure, but even a lowly shitheel like me has just about enough dignity to not wrestle with some old Jamaican fishwife for cut-price towels and bogroll holders. And don’t get me started on the online retailers who have been promoting this rollocks since October – Amazon, eBay, Apple, the usual cuntspects – each and every one of them a cunt to the last employee.

    As an aside, did someone really cark it during Question Time last night? Most exciting thing to happen since Rees-Mogg returned a ‘privilege’ comment back to Dimblebee by reminding the bumbling old cunt his very own son was a member of the Bullingdon Club.

  16. We’ll I’m going black friday shopping soon, guess that makes me a cunt then….

    Seriously the way yanks do black friday is completely bonkers tho, you gonna camp outside the bloody store all night in a popup tent just so you can save $200 off a Flatscreen LED or a Xbox bundle? thats just insane! usually a few walmart or target security guards end up dying today

  17. Black Friday…what a shit day I’ve had. Thought I’d make an effort and get involved, ended up getting reprimanded at work, sent home and wages docked.

    And I’ll never get back that fifteen quid I spent on Cherry Blossom…

  19. “Why is it called Black Friday?”
    Because when the news come on, it consists of shaky mobile-shot footage of non-whites fighting over flatscreen TVs. While they should be at work.
    C U N T S.

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