Have I Got News For You. (HIGNFY)

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I would like to nominate Al-BBC staple Have I Got News for You for a cunt-therapy session. Therapy for my benefit of course, not fucking theirs.

Not only has this satirical cuntfest gone well past its sell-by date, it has fermented into an unrecognisable, putrid mass in the fridge crisper. Choice vegetables of course in this salad o’shite being Ian Hislop, Paul Merton and whichever liberal elite comedians happen to be out-cunting themselves each week as the ‘guest’ hosts.

Confession time – back in the 90s, I used like this show. I remember Paula Yates and Piers Morgan on respective episodes getting a good old cunting. That Bruce Forsyth terrorist card game was funny. The William Shatner one wasn’t bad. But the show is now just a sorry fucking self-parody tribute act. What is worse, is that like anything from the Al-BBC post 2008, it has been infested with divisive neo-lib rhetoric and goes hand-in-hand with the very fucking worst dregs you find nodding sagely to Polly Toynbee columns in the Guardian.

The political agenda is barely concealed – all parties might be mocked but it is evident where the bread is buttered by noting who gets a real kicking. Unsurprisingly, plenty of pro-EU/anti-Trump/pro-immigration bollocks can be heard within each episode; topped off with the crowd of blue-haired quinola-scoffing hemp-wanking fucktards in the audience, who have taken to cheering anything pro-EU.

I no longer watch this shitfest, but in a moment of ill-judged stupidity I tuned in for the 2017 post-election special. What a fucking monumental mistake that was. Leading the charge as host was Jo Brand: a perfect fucking encapsulation for what the corporation champions as a box-ticking ‘comedian’ and amazingly, not even the most unfunny cunt with that surname. Ian Hislop as ever doing his indignant lectures that were once cutting and revealing, but are now just dull rambling speeches into cuntdom, delivered with a constantly bemused face which is so delightfully punchable – his head is increasingly resembling a cancerous potato. Central to the shit-mix is Paul Merton, who once upon a time at least had irreverent timing and wit, now reduced to a randomly barking shitheel whose outbursts are neither funny nor indeed fucking relevant. Guests this episode were Alan Johnson – a fucking member right down to his own surname – and Ross Noble, a truly unfunny rambling fucker whose head and sigmoid colon make a perfect geometric fit.

To be fair, HIGNFY is far from the only show that has been politicised beyond any humour; but it is one of the worst and most dramatic examples of right-on hijacking that I can think of. Plus, the ‘guest’ host list could be worthy of a cunting all on its own. A special place in cunting hell is reserved for the likes of Victoria Coren-Mitchell, her chinless fucking husband David, Alexander Armstrong, Miranda Hart and fucking Eddie ‘Top Cunt’ Izzard. Every single one of these bastards boils my piss into supercritical steam.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back.

221 thoughts on “Have I Got News For You. (HIGNFY)”

  1. sorry but before the cunting begins for HIGNFY.
    News just in.. Van piles into London crowd outside mosque. Muslims are asked,
    ‘How does it feel NOW, Motherfuckers?
    What goes around comes around.’

    • Indeed. Cunts who live by the sword (and the van) die similarly…

      Aren’t they such whiny cunts, moaning about how plod didn’t turn up at intergalactic speed.

      Hislop should be renamed Hislime

      Is Miranda Hart the horse-faced, embarrassingly unfunny 6’6″ dyke-type ??

      • They don’t like it up em! Actually I lnow a few peacefuls who do. Bent as a box of frogs but married off to ninja clad first cousins eho turf out vegetablrs due to interbreading.

      • I wonder if Sidiq fuck face Khan told the bunch of goat shaggers it was part and parcel of living in a major city? Probably not.

      • Funny how quick they were to call this a terrorist attack isn’t it?

      • I still quite fancy Miranda Hart. She should have been in those awful new St Trinian’s films playing the inevitable school inspector or Joyce Grenfell’s part.

    • “Police are appealing for calm among the muslim community, as the British community are in fear of reprisal-” Oh no wait, they’re not doing any of that, sorry.

  2. Excellent cunting TECB..
    Like you I used to like HIGNFY but bailed out years ago!!
    Hislop is beyond smug and Merton was ( sometimes) funny but that was 20 years ago….
    BTW….. guardian gobshite polly Toynbee is a proper 24 carat cunt!!! 😡😡😡

  3. The last episode I switched on of Have I Got Bile For You was the one following the EU Referendum. Watched it for about 3 mins until it became evident that this was now a vehicle for telling the morons who voted leave how mind numbingly thick they are. All the fucking donkeys who obediently follow the carrot being dangled in front of them by their BBC jockeys spew out the never ending stream of unfunny bollocks thinking they are oh so fucking smart. It’s YOU cunts that are fucking thick. Totally blind to how you are being controlled by people who will fuck you off the minute you have served your purpose. That’s the funny bit. Ha ha fucking ha smeg heads. Suck it fucking up.

  4. Last one I watched was the Roger Moore hosted episode. Worth it just to hear the old boy say “bollocks” on television.

    Smug cunt though he was, at least Deayton used to rip into the Labour cunts as well…

    • If this meme hurts the despicable me franchise namely Pixar I say good. You can’t walk 5 fucking miles without seeing these yellow minion cunts they are everywhere and another despicable me film is in theaters, Cunts!!!

  6. Good cunting and not before time. Hislop has become one of the smuggest tossers on the box smarmily reminding the carefully chosen guests that he is the star and they are there to have the piss taken out of them.
    I am told by an insider [ nudge nudge, say no more] that any attempt to make Hislop look a cunt is edited out and it happens a lot.

  7. EMERGENCY CUNTING !!!

    Muslime Cuntcil of GB, for saying that “Islamophobic hate crimes have been on the increase for years” and need to be curtailed.

    Obnoxious, goat-fucking, paedophile, rapist, filthy scumbags.

    Don’t think they’ve ever asked themselves WHY we despise them so…

    On the plus side; David Davis tipped to be next Tory leader…someone who’s actually got a pair, at last…

    • Very sadly, following years of pandering to an increasing rag head population, the level of Islamic expectation has risen to a crescendo of demands. It is the political class who since 1945, who are ultimately responsible for the destruction of the UK. I include Churchill in that number, ” a land fit for heroes ” What a lying cunt.

    • The problem with Davis is he ran for leader against the pig fucker and lost, so he’s kinda damaged goods. It has to be Boris IMO. He won London mayor twice in a very labour city.

    • I love the ABBC saying every two minutes it IS a terrorist attack. I would like to claim White Van Man as responsible. If only he did it last week, he could have got on the Queens Birthday Honours list.

      • Next door’s cat just done a whoopsie in me polyanthus bed.

        Terrorist attack !! Convene COBRA meeting ! Roll out some wog-plod…”We must not let this hateful behaviour divide our commongity”…

        Saddick Khunt couldn’t string an intelligible sentence together. Pigshit-thick fucker…

    • I’m been wondering what kind of van that this ‘terrorist’ was driving, I have been trying to think of something sarcastic to say since six this morning, and all I can come up with is… what was in the van? Loads of bacon and other piggy goodies I hope, and seeing as James May made a car out of bricks on The Gran Tour, I wonder if this van could have been made out of bacon?

      • Sorry about the spelling mistakes lately, my new keyboard Is A Cunt.

      • Sorry about the spelling mistakes of late, my new keyboard Is A cunt.

      • The misguided boyo should have kept his doors locked. He could have had a bigger impact by discarding a cigar in a bin near a block of flats…

  8. Wall to wall bollocks on Sky News this morning. They are giving the Finsbury Park incident the full 9/11 treatment and are ending up looking more cuntish than normal – if that’s possible.

    • Meanwhile 62 people have perished in Portugal. Not one RIP, Scabie Allen Comment, Zleb concert or vigil for them.

      • 110 people die prematurely in UK every day caused by air polution acording to the royal college of surgeons. Many of those are as a direct result of EU directives encouraging diesel cars.

        But 1 sand wog gets run over and it a tragedy.

      • No mileage in it for the rich labour supporting tossbags of the celebrity circuit.
        Absolutely awful way to die though, watching the car melt around you .

    • Community
      Obsessed
      Bradford loving
      Religiously overtolerant
      Arsehole loving

      COBRA

  9. Hislop is the very embodiment of everything wrong with the BBC. Vapid, smug, self satisfied, condescending, elitist and overpaid to a ridiculous degree. It wouldn’t suprise me to learn he is a fully paid up member of the BBC peado club. No, scratch that. A 2 year old with cerebral palsy could chin the cunt if he ever tried it on.

    Confesion time; I have a DVD of HIGNFY with all the “best” bits from when Deayton was helming the show and some of it is quite amusing. Obviously they are the bits without Hislop in. I have never heard the cunt utter anything even slightly amusing and that rag he produces is just as bad. Primed with 10 pints of Guiness and a dodgy prawn vindaloo it would be a tough choice between the quoran and private eye for chocy starfish cleaning duties.

    BTW I would definitely spray some man fat over Victoria Coren’s massive jugs. Jesus Christ all fucking mighty.

  10. Finsbury Park TERROR attack! Shreeks the BBC. It’s funny how keen they are to use the T word when it’s their favourite peado sand wogs on the recieving end but very loathed to do so when it’s an aluha ashtray cunt doing the dirty.

    The fight back has begun…..

  11. Shaun
    Can we get a back to top button, please? Its not unusual for cuntings to run into the hundreds these days and its a right cunt scrolling to the top on a phone.

    Thanks.

  12. I started a post over at my place about the reaction to the Grenfell Tower fire before I heard about events in Finsbury Park. I’m going to wait a couple of days before I write up my thoughts.

    However, I predict the following – the media, especially the cunts at the BBC, will have no hesitation in calling this attack terrorism, racism, white supremacy. There will be no attempt to “understand” the motives of the terrorist – was he angry about the mistreatment of Yazidi omen, the grooming of girl in Rochdale, etc? His motives will be clear as day to everyone – “Islamophobia” and racism.

    This is in marked contrast to the reaction to the Manchester and London attacks. Even when one of the twats on London Bridge screamed “This is for Allah” the wankers at the BBC were still discussing the “real” motives behind the attacks.

      • He’a a cunt because he brings civilised people down to the level of the savages.

      • That is debatable. I see he is. Only charged with attempted murder. There is more to this story than meets the eye.

      • Or took a wrong turn and feared for his life based on an out number of cunts that have a far bigger death toll in his country in the past month than any other religion in the past 10 years. So was temporarily inasanly overtaken.

  14. ….”And how”s my driving?”……………………..cunt………….Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah(c)

  15. Yeah now all of a sudden he cares about terrorist attacks whats the cunt crying bout no one died!. The Slimey rat Khan tends to his tribe he doesn’t give a fuck bout britons if I had it my way I’d send him on a one way ticket back to pakistan and I’ll make richard branson pay for it lol

  16. So do we not look back in anger on the Finsbury attack?Is it part and parcel of living in a big ciity? Of course we should be angry and of course it isn`t but it is funny how the leftards only say that when non Muslims are being attacked.People have been predicting this for a while including myself.When the establishment is so spineless that it fails to protect its own people the argument for anarchy will seem increasingly relevant to a growing number of people.Funny how this is top news yet a woman getting stabbed near a nursery by 3 girls talking about Allah got fuck all mention by the MSM.You can bet your life that his evil terrorist attack will be used as a retort to attempt to silence any criticism of Islam and that there will now be a crackdown on “hate speech” when yesterday Hezbollah flags were waved through London with no reaction from the police whatsoever.

    • A good post Shaun. One thing is certain. We have in our midst some fine examples of how to gain power through violence. Gerry Adams. Martin McGuinness, Choudhury, etc.

      We have had some excellent examples of how, what and where to attack, and we have some wonderful examples of pyrotechnic production, where to buy and how to manufacture.

      Perhaps we are learning by example.

      Now I am not an advocate of violence, but what I am saying, is that when you have an establishment that is inactive, an establishment that cannot or will not address the concerns of its own people, then you are paving the way to a very unhappy end.
      The purchase of votes by seducing every possible group or individual, is largely responsible for the astronomical fuckwittery of the Political Class.

      I agree with every detail of your post. And with the present state of affairs, it will be coming very soon.

  17. Someone finally snapped and returned the favor to these stone age barbarians. After all the shit we have put up with coming from their “community” and the news is going mad with the terrorist word.

    Has it become like the word racism where only white ppl can be labeled with it?.
    Three major terror attacks from the peaceful cunts and every news organization does all they can to not label the dirty smelly sand wogs terrorists and try to parley it to mental health, white mans fault or some bollocks.

    To tell the truth i could not give a fuck about any of them in this terror attack as its been called asi have never seen or heard any of them giving a fuck for our kids, parents,siblings and friends who have been murdered by there religion and beliefs.

    2, HIGNFY has been shit ever since Deaton was shit canned all those years ago, just been a lefty love in since then, a few episodes were good , Moore,Prescott and a few others got me to watch again from time to time . It just got fucking weaker and weaker with every week, Hislop and Merton just went further and further up their own arses .

  18. As much I hate the ragheads that attack is not great. I like how it is getting more coverage though just goes to show the goat fuckers are the priority now. I knew it was coming too.

    • Agreed. Sadly, it was foreseeable, but then the dirty cunts had it coming to them, and as fellow cunters have noted, once it’s pointed in their direction, they don’t like it up ’em.

      Whiny cunts.

  19. I take issue with the statement that Merton was once ‘funny’. He is, was and has always been an unfunny cunt. He merely keeps up his standard on hignfy.

    • The last great uncensored thought provoking comedy I ever saw on TV was Chris Morris Jam and Brass eye back in the early 90’s. Had me pissing my self.
      Channel 4 soon put a stop to that.
      Now we’re left with extremely watered down shite that is nothing more than childish digs from lefties.

  20. The smug leprechaun turd Hislop is doing a program on Thursday…Who Should We Let In? Ian Hislop On The First Great Immigration Row. Since its on the ABBC we can expect an unbiased, fair and sensible documentary, can we fuck, I can feel my piss boiling already.

    • Who Should We Let In? Who should we allow to escape, more like. If you are white British the only thing you have left is to try to escape because the country is being deliberately flooded with any fucking scum cunt who wants to come.

      It has been secret government policy ever since 1997 when Blair got in. Blair appointed Barbara Roche, herself the daughter of 4×2 immigrants as Minister of State for Asylum and Immigration. Under her the open door immigration policy of allowing absolutely anyone to enter the country, legally or otherwise, to claim asylum without any questions asked. Even if they had no grounds for asylum what so ever, they could stay because this bitch said deporting them would be “emotional”. She did not see her job as controlling immigration but rather encouraging it handing out work permits to just about anyone who asked for one, all with the express intention of changing Britain into a multicultural icon. Cunts like her hate Britain and hate its people.

      • I’m in Poland at the moment with Mrs Fistula, you don’t see one single peaceful over here. It’s total lock down where these cunts are concerned.
        The Polaks know full well that a multi culture society does not work.

      • And the Tyskie in Poland is £1 a pint, the women are fuckin hot. Mrs Fistula just caught me leering at some blonde leggy hoty . Nothing for me tonight at leg over time😡

      • Then the Polaks are truly a sensible people. No Parkin Stanleys ? Amazing!

      • No Asimpleasurehole, they won’t let the filthy cunts in , no matter what Merkel says, that goes for Hungry to.
        It’s the last bastion of common sense.

      • I think I could quite happily live in Eastern Europe. I’ve never been to Poland but I’ve been to Czech Republic and its nice there. I wouldn’t stay for winter though.

      • The Finsbury park terror attack has nothing to do with Christianity, its just part and parcel of living in a big city.

      • If Poland’s so great, how come there are so many of the loud, devoid-of-manners, grubby cunts over here? Fucking pricks. The women look like AIDS patients.

        Furthermore, they’re Catholics which isn’t much different to Allah-slaves. Dismal, gullible turd-nuggets.

    • Typical Remainiac hypocrite. Lives in a mansion in Sissinghurst, Kent (I’ve seen it) and is consequently unaffected by issues regarding housing/hospital/public transport, etc ad nauseum.

      Apparently he’s a Remainiac-voting Tory and therefore registers highly on the cunt-o-metre.

  22. EMERGENCY CUNTING!

    Lilly fucking Allen. SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BRAIN DEAD UGLY MING MONG. I do not give two fucks about anything you have to say about anything. You got abusive tweets over your bleatings regarding the mosque attack : Tough. Get over yourself.I know, go light a candle you virtue signalling SJW spazmatron.

    • Better still, go and shove some very large candles (pref the Roman variety) in your every foul-stinking orifice.

      Deluded muppet

    • Lily Allen is just like a spoiled brat. Best to just ignore her tantrums and treat her with the disdain she deserves. Eventually,if nobody takes any notice,they stop.

    • I think we should stop referring to Lily Allen as a Mong.

      It’s offensive to people with Down’s Syndrome to be associated with her.

      • Consdering the intelligence level of a person with Down’s syndrome and the fact most who have it get on with life and not bother USB it does seem a poor association. Lily allen is a more an incuurable disease that keeps coming back. Usually in cases worse than before. She is an Ankle. (The only thing lower than a cunt)

  23. Just in case any cunt tries to tell you that islamaphobic terrorism is as big a problem as islamic terrorism, here are the latest scores after 24 days of this years ramanagadingdong bombathon;

    Islamic terrorism 139 attacks 1282 dead
    “Islamophobic” terror 1 attack ? dead

    It seems the one dead in Finsbury Park was already suffering some sort of medical emergency and was on the ground receiving treatment when the attack took place so it isn’t sure whether the van killed him or not.

  24. The peacefuls now have the “victim” card to play aswell as the “racism” card. Wont matter how many nail-bombs or stabbings they do now,it’ll all be excused as payback for the” Whitey-caused” towerblock fire or the actions of one very poor motorist.
    (Shame that bin-wagon driver from Glasgow wasn’t at the controls. They could have just scooped the victims straight into the back.)

    Already the poor peaceful community are saying that they don’t feel safe in this country any more….Well,thanks to the actions of your community neither do the vast majority of the population. If they’re not running people over,blowing them up,knifing them,raping women and children, they’re fiddling benefits or indulging in organised crime.

    All this shit about “A few extremists who don’t represent the real Islam” is total bollocks. They represent their hateful,murderous religion perfectly. If moslems don’t like a taste of their own medicine..tough shit. They can always just fuck off back to mohammedland.

    • Islam is extremism there is no room for critical thinking the moderate muslim is just nicer about his disgusting and violent views that the extremist is more willing to admit to. Hell in alot of ways the extremist is at least honest its the fucking moderates who spreads the “not real islam” bullshit.

      What I also find disgusting is Maggie Mays cunting remarks Theresa May declared this a terrorist incident within 8 minutes. The Muslim Council of Great Britain said the van had run over worshippers and said the attack was ‘motivated by Islamophobia’. This is the fastest we’ve ever seen terrorism and motive determined this has never happened before it only seems to happen when a white bloke does it

  25. Merton has stopped speaking in recent series, he just reacts to other people by looking side to side with a confused expression on his fat cuntish face.

    Can’t remember who didn’t turn up but the replacement block of lard was the best guest ever.

    If the ABBC are so stupid to pay Merton for that, they really are the bunch of fucktards we know them to be.

    • The tub of lard was a substitute for slavering labour gobshite Roy Hattersley (who once said in an interview that “people should show the political class more appreciation and respect”).
      Fat chance.
      Fat cunt…

  26. J K Rowling and the typical leftards are pointing the finger at Nigel Farage and Tommy Robinson.How predictable.

    • Typical. It is always those who point out the ( very obvious ) problems who are blamed, never the problem itself. Maybe if the mudslimes lived in peace and integrated like the Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists and 4x2s there wouldn’t be a problem in the first place.

      • Bon Jovi is to release a new song in light of the recent terror attack outside Finsbury Mosque:

        Struck by a van, and you’re to blame.
        You give Islam, a bad name.

    • JC… in that case, please can I slip an emergency cunting in for Emma Twatson ?
      If Rowlinginit’s kicked off, Twatson is sure to follow…

  27. Why are they saying this attack is an attack on all faiths communities and Londoners when it was specifically targeted.This statement is just disengenuous.

    • An example of the double speak which passes for intelligent comment these days. Repeat the lie often enough and people will believe it.

  28. HIGNFY is just a collection of smug cunts who really aren’t as clever or cutting as they like to think.

    • HIGNFY sounds onomatopaeic…

      Pass the sick-bucket….HIGNFY !!

      Damn ! All down me trizers…

  29. Some lefty academic prick saying on BBC that Islamophobia should be treated just like. sexism homophobia and racism.Fuck me race sexuality and gender are not a choice.Islam as a religion and belief system that is a choice .If we are going to criminalize those that criticize religion then we are truly screwed.I mean there is a lot of Islamic customs that are of legitimate concern and cannot just be dismissed as a phobia.

    • Islime should be treated like cancer, smallpox and syphilis…

      Nothing less than TOTAL eradication from face of this earth.

      To the list above we might add RD2

  30. I would like to nominate the Khadir Family for a cunting.

    Who are they, one may ask?

    Until today, all 5 of them perished in the Grenfell Fire after fleeing War Torn Syria.

    Now, in a feat known only by Jesus himself, have all 5 of these cunts risen from the dead – safe and well.

    Im guessing that 5 K bonus and a life of government support wouldn’t be anything to do with the reason?

    Lucky it wasn’t one of the very few white families that have descended back – they would be lying , shameful deceiving cunts according to the BBC and sky.

    • Wouldn’t surprise me if they aren’t the Khadir tribe at all. The Khadirs probably did die in the fire,and these are just a family of typical scavangers.

      • Jeremy Corbyn, Sadiq Khan and all the virtue signallers falling all over themselves desperate to out do each other. Bit like the death of Eva Peron: Oh what a circus, oh what a show.

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