Pornhub

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Pornhub is a slow cunt.
It can take me up to half an hour to download a scene.
Xvideos is the same.
I just stick with xhamster. That takes two minutes tops.
And if you want to know who the filthiest is, heres my nominations.

Filthiest Milf – Ava Divine
Filthiest Gilf – DeBella
Filthiest Girl – Chastity Lynn

40 thoughts on “Pornhub”

  1. Filthiest Milf –Veronica Avluv
    Filthiest Gilf – Adriana Chechik
    Filthiest Girl – Leah Gotti

  2. Xhamsters a bit better, I hate technology and wish it was 1995 again but thank God generations of horney grimey spotty teenagers like I was back in 1995 do not have to suffer the humiliation and fear of been caught buying a porn mag from a Disapproving female Indian shop worker. I lost count how many times my bottle went and I’d end up buying a tin of beans. Plus sometimes when I was skint I’d have to buy the Daily Sport and hope for the best! Young teenage boys have never had it so good! All that porn at your finger tips and also on your mobile phone!

    • One Sunday morning when i used to flat share , i went out to get the Sunday rags and whatever porno mag looked good.
      It was also my turn to buy the loo roll, so there was me at the counter with a Sunday Sport, the News of The World, a couple of nudy books and a two pack of Andrex.

      That was one of my most embarrassing times, but not as much as the one below.

      A comedian could get a whole routine if he collected “youths trying to get their grubby mitts on porn” stories.

  3. I used to buy porn mags from a newsagent when i was younger.
    Same ones every week.
    I usually bought Escort, Fiesta and Razzle, but i always noticed the ones with a flashy silver cover, and thought they must be hard core, and one day I’m gonna buy one.
    The female shopkeeper never bothered with me buying porn, she is selling it after all, and was always nice.
    Until the day i bought a silver covered one, that day she was frowning.
    Fuck it must be hard core, i thought.
    Got to work, waited until i was the last one in the changing room and opened it up.

    GAY fucking porno mag.

    I spent the whole shift worried that a workmate might go in my bag.
    What a long day.
    It got launched in a bin far out of my way home, and I never went into that shop again.

  4. At the London anti Trump march on Saturday, their were a number of the usual printed placards.
    But the one that made the least sense, and i saw a few of them, said ” No to Trump, No to War “.

    And they all looked chuffed to bits.

    • What a criminal waste of what is, clearly, a genius mind. If it weren’t for their time being consumed by political activism, this crowd would probably have a cancer cure sussed.

      Add that to the list of atrocities committed by Trump. He’s now causing cancer!

      • I saw one sign in the crowd saying ‘LOVE TRUMPS HATE’. Personally, I think love is to strong a word, surely ‘admire’ would suffice?😀

  5. I would like to nominate expensive restaurants and devious wives for a cunting due to the current state of my Anus and wallet.

    Took the Mrs out to my local Italian last night, fancy food, fucking expensive prices, twat on piano in corner knocking out shit tunes all night, guaranteed to get her in the mood for a spot of back door pounding I thought…..How wrong was I.

    The pompous bell end waiter did that thing those pricks do when you can’t pronounce the item you want to order, I made an attempt to pronounce it and he immediately corrected my shit Italian. Get to fuck you slimy haired greasy fuck stain, stop looking at my wife’s tits, get that twat off the piano who sounds like Les Dawson, I’m not paying £27 for a bottle of wine you cunt.

    Food was ok, then the bill came…£168 for two people, they even added a optional service “gratuity” of £16.80 on top. Told them to get that removed post haste.

    To summarise, eat food, paid extortionate bill, fuck off with the tip, got home and the wife neglected to tell me she has the painters in, no sex, spent the night on the shitter pissing out of my arse with bad guts. How do the gays do it? My arse is fucking killing me.

    Expensive restaurants with slimy waiters and devious wives are cunts.

    • Did having the “painters in” affect her mouth and hands?

      Just saying…besides I bet shiteing through the eye of a needle would be a bit off-putting between vinegar strokes. 😁

    • Christ in a motorboat! Sounds like you had a really shit evening, literally. Sorry to hear about that.

      Being ripped off daily is a religion for today’s times (although in a lot of ways, it always has been). A lot of these high end places are all gloss and no substance. I spend quite a bit of time searching out the best deals online, and have saved myself a fair bit from getting arse-rodded in my wallet. A lot of places these days have the money-for-old-rope situation. There are little gems of restaurants tucked away here and there, that have fairer rates.

      What steams my piss are restaurants, pubs and the like that deliberately rack-up their prices for occasions, Valentines, Christmas and all that shite. I’m not too much of a tight cunt (most of the time) but I object to getting fleeced. Come the next day, the prices are all back down to standard rate.

      To be honest, if I took Mrs TV out for a meal and the bill was £168, I’d literally shit myself right there at the table. She probably would as well.

  6. Morning All.

    I’m sure I’ve just seen Flaxon Saxon on the SKYR advert on the Tug Of War!

    Talking of adverts, the Virgin ad with the kids saying ” I control the TV!”……
    ….Err, NO you don’t, you little fuckers, I control the TV cos I pay the fucking bill………cunts.

    • how clean do you feel after you have had a shit?
      as clean as a man called david?
      well i know a couple of davids who are right dirty, smelly, pikey cunts

  7. The trouble with Porn is that it gives women the idea that all men are capable of pounding away for hours without blowing their load,and that all men are hung like a prize stallion…..I am neither. They’re fucking lucky if I can stay rampant long enough to pull a rubber on the old fella,never mind pound away like some turbo-charged jackhammer for hours,without a little bit of chemical help and prayers that I don’t have a fucking heart attack.

    I once went back to the home of a divorcee who I’d managed to get sufficiently drunk to believe my boasts that she was in for a reaming unrivaled since they decoked the boilers on The Queen Mary. Back at her house,the first thing she did was put on a “8 black men gangbang innocent hitch-hiker video” style video,and, as we sat watching,the bloody woman was obviously getting more and more “frothy”watching the goings-on.

    ” I loooove a big dick” she purred at me “and I just know that baby’s got a monster ready for this naughty girl”…..by this time “baby” was seriously regretting filling her up with G+Ts and tales of my sexual prowess….the fucking woman looked like could turn nasty if she went “unsated”. Off she went upstairs to “get ready”,and I shot into the bathroom to see if “Little Percy” could be manipulated into suddenly having a massive growth spurt. He couldn’t….in fact he refused to even stand to attention. By this time,I knew that I was in serious bother,and did eye up her toilet-brush,wondering if perhaps that might make a stand-in for an obviously unenthusiastic “Little Percy”. I didn’t need fucking worry though,because as I peeked around her bedroom door,in the hope that she might have passed out, she’d already started without me…she had the biggest,blackest dildo that you can imagine already in action…. Now I’d like to think that I’m no quitter when it comes to matters of “l’amour”,but I also know when I’m outgunned,and believe me,any woman willing to stick that monstrous creation up herself was way out of my league. I slipped quietly away,while she was otherwise engaged,leaving her only with memories of what might have been,and I suspect,an extremely sore fanny.

      • I have Skiddy,but the one time a woman suggested it,I found it very uncomfortable,and had to wear an adult nappy for weeks after.

      • True that. I saw a vid with Naughty Alysha getting both holes fisted as if by Rocky Balboa in training, fairly recently, and the sorry state of her afterwards was something to behold. Turned out it was her husband doing the fisting and filming but I thought “why the fuck..?!”. It would be like sticking your cock up a wizards sleeve and wind sock after that.

  8. I know the feeling Dick.I took my mrs for a romantic meal this week,and she insisted,on perusing the menu,that she didn”t want anything that would fill her up too much!…………”That”s why I married YOU darling”,she laughed………………….Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

  9. Local riverside pub/hotel carvery does us fine. Stuff yourself silly for six quid a head and if you go later in the evening all the secondhand Audi owner cunts have finished and fucked off home taking their obnoxious fat wives and shitty brats with them.

  10. My least favorite thing about porn is background music.
    In the seventies it was funky, the eighties was more soft rock, the nineties hard rock and then they made it all hard techno.

    Some people might like some seductive music when wooing a tart, but when it comes to knocking one out, its just off putting.
    I’ve got a Lisa- Ann, Krystal Summers, Vannah Sterling and Tanya Tate DVD that i haven’t watched just coz of that techno shite .
    Also, when tarts don’t smile while getting rooted, dildo’d, licked,analized and spuffed on.
    Get them dead eyed cunts to fuck, and give me someone who gives everything to the role.

    It might just be porn, but these things matter.

    • I like to put “Ride of the Valkyries” on my headphones while having a wank. I find that it drowns out the screams of my neighbour’s wife as I balance on a ladder,peeking through her bathroom window.

    • I think Brazzers and Co get their music done by the Alan Partridge endorsed synth winebar houseband, Glenn Ponder and Lazarus… That’s certainly what it sounds like…

  11. Yous cunters have got it easy.
    That cunt downstairs has been blaring out Arabic “music” for the last hour.
    I feel like I’m in Tehran.
    I’m trying to listen to 5live, but thats hard enough never mind having aaaiiyyyaah eeiaaaihyahh aaiooiiiuyyiiahhh, over and over.
    Every song sounds the same.

    That cunt better watch out, i watched Falling Down last night.

    • The Arabic music has stopped now, so I’ve just put on Definitely Maybe, full bung, until i listen to Leicester City getting torn apart .

      Knowing my luck, the cunts probably an Oasis fan, and he’ll be bopping away , the cunt.

  12. Don’t want to be a whinge, but not one of them tarts in the header pic has stockings or pantyhose on.
    It’s the little things that count.

    In fact it reminds me of a female ejaculation bukake party.
    Have you ever seen one of those ?
    If not, get on it.
    MAGIC.

  13. I’m on a porn “re-set” month at the moment. Need to adjust the level back to 1990’s club magazine otherwise it’s a slippery slope from, man fucks woman or perhaps two women who engage in some Lezzing off, before you know it your on, man fucks woman, up arse, with 9 other blokes, 1 horse, makes her drink jizz out if another birds arse, then wanks off another horse.
    Porn resetting is a vital skill set these days for the modern married man.

    • I know what ye mean, Thorax Cockslammer.
      I was looking at some old Escort mags the other day, but i couldn’t believe that used to work for me.
      Last night i downloaded Bridget (the midget) Powerz and Rubee Tuesday.
      That worked.

      As long as there’s lesbians and/or stockings , i”m happy.

  14. anyone remember me saying i was going to buy an Audi? cancel that. i went on carwow put in details about a new Clio and got an offer of £4,500 off ! £11,500 instead of £16,000. bargain. it’s being delivered to my door on tuesday. anyone interested in a 53 plate Clio 1.2. 78,000 miles 5 months MOT. very reliable £450. giving it away! west sussex area.

    • I might be interested, I should blend in nicely and not draw too much attention to myself in that Clio when I’m doing the drug runs. If the police are reading I know nuffink abaaaaht it.

  15. ha ha. bloody car salvage companies are a waste of time, you virtually have to pay them to take yer car away. twats.

  17. Wouldn’t mind finding out where that dirty fucker louise(pure voyeur) dogging slut hangs out while the batteries in me torch are still good.

  18. Always been an XHamster man,plenty on there for a descent tug,prefer the British and German stuff,always enjoyed Josephine James,pint sized big arsed big titted milf from the Uk,big blowjob lips too but not silicone,really goes for it,had many a happy twang watching her tits bouncing up and down with her big sloppy minge wide open……

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