When a secular person looks up in the sky, what do they see? Zillions of fucking stars, some of which died billions of years before their dad lost his mess in their mum’s cunt. What does this make them think? “Fuck me, I’m a right insignificant cunt. I’m a tiny speck in a universe that (for all intents and purposes) is infinite. All I can do is the best for those few cunts I meet. Even if I’m the best cunt who ever lived, I’ll soon be forgotten anyway. Still, the universe will go on for billions of years without me, just as it did for billions of years before my dad shot his load.”
When a religious person looks up in the sky, what do they see? Zillions of fucking stars, some of which died billions of years before their dad lost his mess in their mum’s cunt. What does this make them think? “Fuck me, I’m a right important cunt. God created all this just for me. If I have wank, Jupiter will wobble in its orbit. If I vote to let gaylords get married, God will destroy New Orleans. If I let my female relations show their hair, God will fuck me up. Best if I fuck up everything and everyone just to show God I’m on his side.”
I have zero respect for your religion and don’t care what your imaginary friend is going to do to me. This is an equal opportunities cunting and applies to all imaginary friends – Zeus, Thor, Quetzalcoatl, Allah, you are all cunts.
Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt
I think it’s all bollocks, but I recall a story I saw on the telly on telly as a kid… Some kid from Portugal claimed she saw the Virgin Mary: and the religious ghost is supposed to have said ‘World War II started because Russia did not become Catholic…’
I always thought it was those German cunts causing trouble that started it (some things never change)… Also though, the same kid (by then an old woman) did say the alleged apparition warned her of an apocalypse: which was referred to as ‘the spread of Islam’…. This was on Newsnight in the late 70s…
0
Christians and Muslims tell us:-
You have free will and you don’t have to believe in god if you don’t want to. Though if you don’t believe he will torture you for eternity when you’re dead.
A robber points a knife at you and says “you don’t have to give me your money but if you don’t I’ll slit your throat” no-one would say “Well he gave you a choice”.
If it’s a cunty thing to do as a human then being a god doesn’t make it right. Religion is immoral.
I really hope if it’s true I’ll be in hell. That’s where the interesting people are. Heaven would be boring, I don’t want to spend eternity praising the dear leader from dawn to dusk. As Christopher Hitchens said heaven is a celestial North Korea but at least you can fucking die and leave North Korea.
0
Those God squad door knockers are cunts.
Had a cunt bang on the door…..and if Jesus had come back as a ginger, he was at my door.
Didn’t give the cunt a chance and gave him a full broadside, finishing with there’s no God or gods or fairies or unicorns.
He said I have faith and belief so therefore it’s true.
I said I didn’t realise it worked like that but now believed he owed me ten grand and I don’t take cheques.
They don’t knock anymore….
0
When the Jehovah’s come a calling , just tell them you’re ex Jehovah and watch them run. They’re not aloud to communicate with the banished.
0
My great granny lived across the road from jehovahs witnesses.They had a 14 year old daughter who needed a. one off blood transfusion .The family refused and the girl died.The mother said to my great nan “Oh well she is in a better place” and great granny simply said “how do you know have you been and fucking come back”.
0
The ‘Supergod & Son Of Man Wonder’ comic strip in Viz sums it up… Always there, but does fuck all… So why frigging believe in it?
http://darrenstevens.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/viz-supergod-2.jpg
0
“Ivan Jelical” is pretty accurate too. Praise be…
0
Talking about religion on a Sunday? Are you cunts crazy? The shops aren’t open so long on a Sunday and we should be out worshipping the greatest religion, consumerism?
Don’t you lot want to feel the rush of spending a few hundred quid on something that cost 10% of retail price to produce? Don’t you want to feel that awe as the great consumerism Gods destroy your new trinket within weeks of the warranty expiring?
Nothing better than when the spotty acolytes surround you to preach the wisdom of Zanussi and Creda.
0
Nah, I’m a real tight cunt. Never spend money on a Sunday. Unless it’s a couple of bottles of Adnams or a bit of petrol for a run on the bike.
Oh and all religion is stone age delusional bollocks…
0
Worshipping at the temple of the internal combustion engine propelling you around on two wheels is perfectly acceptable, especially if enhancing the neighbourhood with the sound of an air cooled twin.
Two strokes of course are ridden by annoying cunts/
0
Air cooled twins are very good, especially the 1690cc ones with Stage 1 and Screamin’ Eagle or Vance & Hines exhaust systems. Water cooled twins are fine too, along with in line fours, Boxer twins, V4s, Honda Sixes, big singles (BSA Gold Star, Velocette, International or Manx Nortons), Rocket Three or Triple Three, Wankel engined fuckers and two strokes, as I am an annoying cunt.
0
I have had singles, parallel and v twins and a few straight fours. Water cooled bikes just don’t have a satisfying sound to them for me. Each to their own, two strokes are fucking annoying whatever.
0
Personally I love the smell of 2-Stroke in the morning…
0
i’m going down the pub where the overpriced beer is the same price every day
18 hours prayer and fasting is quite enough thank you
0
I am religious but I keep it to myself unless asked.As I always say religion is like a penis:It is fine to have one fine to be proud of it but dont get it out in public and dont try and forcibly ram it down other peoples throat.
0
I might be disfellowshipped by the cunters because of this. The scribes and Pharisees were cunts because they stuck to the letter and not the spirit of the law and liked to be seen at worship. Christ said to pray secretly and to give alms secretly. I’ll follow Jesus and try to do right thing although I’m probably failing by what I say on here. What I’ve noticed about Islam is that as the word means surrender specifically to the will of Allah. If he is, as they say, merciful and wise, it cannot be the will of a god like that to bomb innocent people. There is no spirit of mercy there at all. Religion causes wars and murders like the guy who was killed because he wasn’t Muslim enough or, say, the honour killings of Pakistani women. It’s all about ritual and shop window not about true charity and mercy at all. The beheadings and halal slaughter of so called Kaffirs is grotesque. That’s religion and it’s not what I recognise. Always go with the spirit. Our atoms and protons have been around for billions of years and will be after we’ve gone. We are stardust as the song says. For personal behaviour “don’t be a cunt” is a good starting point but unfortunately with the rabidly religious, cuntitude runs deep within the veins.
0
Fuck Judaism, Christianity, Islam,Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism. I worship the church of CROM. When im asked “What is best in life?”
I say ‘ To crush your enemies.See them driven before you and to hear the lamentation of their women’. And when I die, I have to go before him, and he will ask me, “What is the riddle of steel?” If I don’t know it, he will cast me out and laugh at me. That’s Crom, strong on his mountain!
0
I hope you say it with an Austrian accent
0
I do. Thank fuck im not a Scouser or a Brummie.
0
“Can we talk over there?”
“Why yes, Brother”
SMACK!!
Best bit of the movie for me…
0
It would lose some of its impact without a doubt.
0
Jesus rose a motorbike…..apparently it’s in the bible…….
“The roar of his triumph could be heard throughout the land”
Just sayin’
0
I have heard he rode a Sunbeam
0
All religion is terror and self-elevation wearing a righteous badge. A totally man-made false belief system which was designed to keep the masses in check, to keep rich men richer, has driven people mad and given them the centuries old excuse to slaughter each other. This universe and everything in it was made by a supreme, possibly tangible creator? It’s doubtful. I’d love to be proven wrong, but so far religion has been responsible for more shit in history than good. It’s never been finally proven and it never will be.
It’s a personal thing and if someone turns to religion to help them through a tough time, fair dues but I need to see or feel tangible evidence before I buy into it. As for Jehovah’s Witnesses…nope. When they would rather let someone die than give them a life saving transfusion…fuck off. Easy way to get rid of them…tell them you were disfellowshipped, they’ll make a note of it and never darken your door again. I have no time for them. I never get bothered, but when I used to years ago, a simple polite “no thank you very much” was all that was needed and off they went. They view their religion as the truth. Fact and Truth are different things.
Religion is like an arsehole. Everybody has one, but we don’t want it shoving in our faces by strangers.
On a different note, what’s the general opinion here regarding ghosts? To me it’s an interesting one, as a lot of hard grafting (not ones to fuck around) types of people I’ve spoken to (who previously cunted the subject and took the piss) are now believers after being shitted up by seriously odd experiences in their lives. Food for thought.
0
Don’t think ghosts are real either. If I experienced something I couldn’t explain I’d mark it down as an unexplained experience. Saying it’s a ghost is saying “I can’t explain my experience” and then giving an explanation.
I don’t discount the possibility 100% and that’s the same with gods. I’m 99.9999999% certain they don’t exist.
0
Fuck yeah they’re real.had shit loads of experiences all my life .don’t believe me that’s OK , if i had never seen ,heardor felt them i wouldn’t believe either. In our last house i wouldn’t go in my daughters room coz the cunt ghost was always shouting in my ear , true man. I class myself as a bit of a tasty cunt , but it got the better of me…
0
Our Fuhrer, who ‘art in heaven.
Allah be thy name.
Thy Jihad come, thy Jihad done.
On Bruce “double cunt” Jenner Earth as it is in BBC heaven.
Give us each day our Great British Bake Off bread.
And forgive us our normality, as we forgive them who ram “peacefulness”, LGBTQ and all that shite down our throats against us.
Lead us not into EU Gravy temptation,
But deliver us from apathy.
For thine is the facade, the money and the pa perversion.
For ever, and ever. Amen (or until we hit 51% and then that shit is is Allah Ackbar – muthafuckah)!
0
Atheism is a religion too dumbass
0
Athiesm isn’t a religion. You need to believe in a deity to be religous. Atheism is the belief of no God, so can’t be a religion
0