Chugging

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Have we cunted chuggers yet? What a bunch of fawning bullshitters, I fucking loathe them blocking my high street with their stupid jackets and brollies.

I have a different tactic now. After the initial ‘got a minute’ salutation I say yes and get the phone out with a one minute timer on it. They looked a bit put out when it pings and I fuck off.

Best to do it when there are a few vulnerable grannies around to make sure the robdogs don’t fleece them of their inheritance. Cunts.

Nominated by: Arsebiscuit

39 thoughts on “Chugging”

  2. AB, you beat me to it!! Was going to post this yesterday, was chugged by a delightful young female (she didn’t know what JSA was…), had to turn her down as no way can I currently sign up for 8 quid a month… Told her that I knew it wasn’t her fault, but they’d probably be a lot more successful with the old collecting box. I never mind doing a quid or two, but direct debits….CUNTS

  3. Charity muggers are the worst they always make it seem they are saving the world and they just need “one more” donation to do so. Then the Yank definition of chugging a form of rapid drinking or getting shitefaced within a small amount of time. Cunts!

    • I was walking down Tottenham Court Road once with a friend who has since become hugely famous (and therefore must remain anonymous) when we were approached by a chugger who rattled his tin in our faces and announced “Children with leukaemia!”.

      “No thanks,” said my friend, “I’m actually FOR that…”

  4. I shit you not, last Thursday I was helping my Mrs with moving into her new home and around 7pm there was a knock at the door. Me, busy scraping fresh paint from the laminate flooring left it to the lady-friend to answer. I could hear someone chirping away in a far too familiar tone, and after some time I managed to ascertain that it was a cunt from Cancer Research. As I was tucked around the corner from the door I couldn’t see the person but could understand that they were male, fairly young and talked like Mummy and Daddy lived in a commune. After around 5 minutes of syrupy chat-up lines my Mrs (being the limp cow she is), logically hands over her account number, sort code, address of bank branch and agrees to a £20 a month direct debit, to a complete fucking stranger, as you do.
    By now I’d had enough and got up to let my presence be known and to hurry this cunt off her doorstep. This is when I saw the cunt. Around five and a half foot tall, early twenties, ear pierced, rosy-cheeked, and to cap it off, with a fucking man-bun. I walked behind her and said “Shut the door, it’s getting fucking cold in here”, and glared at the prick. He made no eye contact with me, had a huge smile on his face and just glared at my Mrs, dreamy-eyed.
    I was fucking irate by now but well aware my good woman can stand her own so walked to the kitchen to cool down. At this point the cunt commented her on her cars colour (a shitty green disability car), and then said, and I quote “You know what? I’ve been doing this job for well over 2 years and I can honestly say, you have the most beautiful eyes that have ever opened the door to me”. Well, if the cunt ever did. I’m not violent, or a hard-man but I’m around 6′ 2″, well over 15 stone and I like to work out, shall we say. Didn’t put the little bugger off one bit. I lent into view and said “Mate, you seriously need to fuck off or I’m gonna lose my temper with you”.
    “OK! Thanks for the donation” he quipped, with a skip in his step.
    All of these grovelling cunts are the worst type of fundraisers. Professional ones. Making a career and earning a wage from a charity?? Do me a favour. Scabrous, leching, in-it-for-themselves cunts.

    • By the way, these football fans need to pipe down. Don’t see these cunts pointing the finger at Belgium authorities to get to the bottom of the Heysel disaster.
      Just a terrible example of appeal after appeal after appeal until you hear what you want. Those having the finger pointed at them now wont have the public support to clear their names, I very much doubt. I hate to think the worst of the people who suffered loss at Hillsborough, but those photos outside the court yesterday looked like a bunch of people who just won The Postcode Lottery.

      • I know exactly what you mean. I live in Manchester, so the only thing on North West News has been the Hillsborough verdict. And I’m truly sorry for the dead who were actually innocent. But the fact is this tragedy wouldn’t have happened if ticketless Liverpool fans hadn’t turned up at the stadium and tried to force their way inside.

        Yes, South Yorks police fucked up badly in their handling of the situation. Contrary to the verdict however, Liverpool fans were not completely blameless. Most were, but there are a number who must shoulder some responsibility for the events of that day. All this verdict has done, is play to the victim mentality of LFC fans.

      • OMG! I am so fucking sick and tired of hearing about bloody Hillsborough.

        Don’t get me wrong. It was a needless tragedy that 96 fans went to a football match and lost their lives. I get it. We all get it. But for fuck’s sake change the bloody record. It’s now been ruled that the victims were killed unlawfully. OK, so how does that help exactly? Too many (unticketed) fans + some idiotic policing = 96 deaths. As others have said, there needed to be too many fans to begin with, so for the scouse cunts to claim everyone else is to blame except them strikes me as a bit thick. Oh wait, they’re from Scouserpool. Bottom line, it was a very unfortunate event that nobody wanted or set out to do.

        On the other hand, the murdering scum scouse fans who deliberately killed 39 opposition supporters in a fucking riot in the Heysel stadium in 1985 is all but glossed over. That slaughter was deliberate, perpetrated by the same group of scum supporters we’re all supposed to feel sorry for over Hillsborough. Is it just me?

        Scouserpool FC is scum. Their fans are scum. The fucking 5 year ban for English clubs resulting from the murderous scouse rioting kept my team out of the UEFA Cup 3 fucking times. Bastards! Scouserpool FC should have been banned from European competition forever for crimes against humanity. THAT would have been justice for the 39.

        The endless media favouritism directed at that club makes me puke too. Everytime they’re on the box, we’re forced to witness several minutes of their pathetic anthem before kick off. No other club gets that. Everything about that crap city is shite. Wasn’t it 2008 when Scouserpool was voted European Capital of Culture or some such nonsense? What a laugh. The only way that rancid place is a capital of culture is if all the supermarkets ordered extra quantities of yogurt that year.

    • Cancer Research UK Chief executive Harpal Kumar.
      Salary £240,000.
      Executive cunt.

      • Even if they found the cure to cancer do you think they would regulate it properly without greedy pisstaking? Fuck they would they would jack up the price and sell to the highest bidder, don’t fall for the charity scam especially cancer

      • If someone found the cure for cancer, Cancer Research would send someone round to kill them.

    • And the beauty of it is that the first 12 months of that donation go to the little prick as commission.
      There. that’s made you feel better hasn’t it? 😉

      • Not as bad as Mrs O’MaCunto probably imagining this muppets face next time I penetrate her. But yes, I’m disgusted by the commission point.

    • Your problem is, you’re four inches too short mate. Seriously, I’m 6’6″ and like you I work out. I have a particular fondness for deadlifts, so I have quite a lot of mass. Most male chuggers won’t come within six feet of me. One did once, and I asked if he was willing to give me his bank details. When he replied in the negative, my reply was simple;
      “So why the fuck should I give MY bank details to YOU”?

  5. Tell the chugger that you haven’t had time to set up a bank account since being released from Broadmoor but would be happy to drop round the occasional donation should they wish to part with their home address.

  6. I’ve recounted a story on here before about these cunts. Can’t be arsed to type it again so go search for it….

    I have since adapted a new policy, it’s called the hope, line and sinker.

    chugger: we are collecting for cancer research, would you like to make a donation?
    me: yes I always give to charity but I have no cash on me, just my credit card and debit card
    chugger: we can set up a small monthly donation by direct debit, say £2 a month or whatever you can afford, it would really help.
    me: ok fine, what about £5 a month?
    chugger: That’s great, can I take some details?
    me: sure
    chugger: name?
    me: Robert Winston
    chugger: address?
    me: 39 Coronation Street
    chugger: bank account number?
    me: 31568762
    chugger: sort code?
    me: 34 67 98
    chugger: thats great can you sign this now I have filled out your details?
    me: I then sign it as FUCK OFF in block capitals

    😀

  7. Naz Shah needs a record breaking cunting. Since Corbyn’s election as party leader, there has been a distinct rise in anti-Semitism within the Labour party. And Corbyn has shown his craven lack of leadership skills, by refusing to do anything about it. Personally, I take it as a sign that Corbyn himself hates Jews. Which wouldn’t surprise.

    Now, I’m not Jewish myself. I was raised Catholic, but these days I lean towards Atheism. However, I would much rather have a Jew living next door to me than an adherent of the “Religion of Peace”. Especially an adherent like Naz Shah. A particularly loathsome example of both a Labour party supporter AND a Muslim, Shah’s past adventures on the likes of twitter have recently come to light. Her suggestion that Israelis be transported to the US for example, of the one in which she tweeted an image of Dr Martin Luther King Jr, and the words “Never forget that everything Hitler did Germany was legal”. Well yes, that’s because he was the leader of Germany at the time. That means HE got to decide what was FUCKING LEGAL.

    Previous trips onto social media seem to show that Shah has something of admiration for old one ball and his fucked up regime. Not only that, but she helps run a charity that employs another adherent of the Religion of Hate and Violence, Mohammed Shabbir, a Bradford Councillor no less. A dickhead who regularly uses the term ‘Zio’, a word frequently used by the KKK and various Neo-Nazi groups. Oddly, Shabbir is an Independent Councillor, but is a full paid up member of the Labour party.

    She is also a supporter of Hamas, having previously referred to them as a ‘legitimate resistance movement’, and called for their removal from the terrorist watch list. Until a couple of days ago, she was PPS to that other terrorist supporting fanny fart, McDonnell. She resigned from that post though. And today, she has been suspended from the Labour party. As has Shabbir. I’ll be very surprised though, if either of them are kicked out of the party. Given that the current Labour hierarchy are far left fuckwits, I’m pretty sure they’ll give in to their fears of being labelled racist for kicking out two Asian members. They’ll get a slap on the wrist, and that will be the end of it.

    She did apologise, “for offence caused”, but not for making those comments in the first place. And given that she knew full well before she made the comments that would cause great offence, her apology is as empty as the centre of a Polo mint. Like a lot of Labour followers right now, Shah is a loathsome creature. It’s easy though, to see why Muslims tend to support Labour. Both are intolerant of opposing viewpoints, often violently, both are incredibly anti-Semitic, and actually, often anti-British. Both consider it acceptable to behave in the most appalling manner when they don’t get their way, often resorting to threats of violence and destruction and both seem to have a majority that back terrorists and despots.

  8. Actually, fuck it, I’m going to nominate Corbyn as well. I’m sure it seemed like a good idea when various non-Labour party people paid their £3 and voted for Jeremy. I was tempted to do it myself, but the thought of giving Labour £3 was enough to put me off. We all knew that he would make the Labour party completely unelectable as a potential party of Government. I very much doubt, however, that ANYONE could have predicted how he would have turned out. His rise to power has preceded the return to prominence of scumbags like Livingstone, Galloway, and 80’s scouse cunt, Derek Hatton.

    We’re talking about someone who has gone against the wishes of most of his MP’s by voicing his opposition to replacing Trident. He even ordered his MP’s to vote against a government bill, while HE attended a happy clappy anti-nuke demo. Someone who is supposedly anti-EU, but advocates us staying in. And even then, his hatred of the Tories means you won’t see him sharing a Pro-EU platform with Cameron or Gideon anytime soon. In fact, he’s done the square root of fuck all since the campaign started.

    As I mentioned in my cunting of Naz Shah, there has been a noticeable rise in Anti-Semitism since he became leader. And again, apart from making a few very unconvincing statements about how bad it is, he’s done absolutely nothing about it. And by doing nothing, he has shown how utterly unfit he is to be leader of the Labour Party. And this bearded clam has pretentions of being our next Prime Minister? I’d sooner have Jim Hacker as PM than this limp penis.

    His Judgement was called into question the moment he appointed John McDonnell as Shadow Chancellor. A vile creature, who despises Britain and is known to have supported the IRA. This is a man who claims to be for the working class, but like his predecessors, has as much in common with the working class as Christiano Ronaldo has with a fucking Womble. He sacked Hillary Benn from his role as Shadow Defence Secretary because he dared to defy Corbyn by voting for air strikes in Syria, and promoted Emily Thornton, a known hater of the working class, and someone who knows fuck all about defence, simply because she agrees with him on replacing Trident. And he’s given a Shadow Cabinet post to Andy Burnham. That shiny faced lickspittle who has been, depending on the leader, a Blairite, a Brownite, a Millibandite, and now a Corbynite.

    The fact he shagged that arrogant, racist, morbidly obese sack of monkey shite, Diane Abbot should have been a clue that his judgement was seriously impaired. Look at his performances at PMQ’s, he’s a fucking disaster. Limp as a soggy slice of bread. He actually manages to make Cameron look competent. In fact, the only time that Cameron looks bad, is when he allows his arrogance to get the better of him, and he starts to sneer at and insult people who disagree with him. What’s particularly pathetic though, is his tactic of asking questions from supposedly ‘ordinary’ people who’ve contacted him. You know, Bill from Portsmouth, Rita from Stoke, Mohammed from Pakista…err…Bradford, Julie from Manchester. I know that one turned out to be a fairly well paid employee of the BBC, and a Corbyn Supporter. This actually did surprise me, because I genuinely thought these people were made up.

    Even with a Government as limp and useless as our current one, I think that Corbyn and his mob of Britain hating bell ends has fucking Buckley’s chance of getting into Downing Street as anything other than a guest. Statesman? He can’t even hack it when the Tory back bench jeer him. His face when Hillary Benn gave his speech on bombing Syria showed what a nasty prick he is. And the fact he really doesn’t give a fuck about the UK , or the British people, make him eminently unsuitable to be Prime Minister.

    Mind you, that may turn out to be a moot point. There are rumours that many Labour MP’s are sharpening their knives and planning their Ides of March moment. They’re just waiting for the result of the Local Elections next week. I doubt anything as dramatic as a coup will take place if, as predicted, Labour suffer a major loss of Councillors. There’ll be much feet stomping, but ultimately, Corbyn will remain as Leader. Even if they did get rid, who would replace him? I’m sure Burnham would stand again, and then clamp his lips around the cock of the MP who eventually becomes the new Leader.

    It says a lot about the man that, even with the current government being so contemptuous and malignant toward the British people, Labour will not win the 2020 General Election. Corbyn is as much a leader as I am a member of the Avengers.

    • Top cunting! This prick doesn’t want to be PM, sneering in opposition without having to actually do anything is his true vocation. Andy Burnham is a creepy cunt too.

  9. Cecil Parkinson is my third nomination. I’ve nominated two Labour cunts tonight, it’s only fair I nominate a Tory. I know he’s that dead, but he’s such a cunt, that he deserves a posthumous cunting. This won’t be a long rant, because my nomination is for one simple reason. His treatment of the daughter he fathered with his mistress. It’s turns out that after years of refusing to be a man and acknowledge that he was the father of a girl born as the result of an affair, that he chose to carry on being a nasty, dishonourable piece of shit in death, by not leaving a single penny in his will to his illegitimate daughter. Cecil Parkinson what a fucking cunt.

    • Three massive cuntings there QDM.
      I’ll get round to them I promise – but I’m off on holiday on Saturday so may be a bit delayed. Bear with me!

      (Yes – I am off on holiday again !!!!)

      • And why is champagne so unfairly discriminated against??..As it was sung in Die Fledermaus, “the king of all the wines”. More champagne for everybody, I say!!
        I’m just a wino cunt at heart.

      • champagne is a rip-oof, just wine with bubbles and £25 more a bottle.
        Just buy a decent bottle of white for £12 and run it through a sodastream, Even Oz Clarke wouldn’t know the difference 🙂

  10. Cecil Parkinson really was the epitome of tory-boy SMARM; the old cunt. Bernard Ingham is a cunt (was?? Has he ceased to extort his toll on life? I DO hope so)…always will be a MASSIVE cunt. Also, have to cunt Labourites who in true luvvie-twatterati fashion are still awaiting the second coming of the blessed Satanic Tony. And, of course, the appalling Blair himself… can’t he just understand that he’s been binned, fuck off, nobody wants you…or your hooverbag wife.
    It’s been an absolute cunt of a day… Didn’t get the job from this am’s interview (but then did I REALLY want to work for the rancid, smelly cunts anyway??).
    Apparently, some farmer sprayed a load of festering shite over Emma Thompson… Well done, that Giles!!

    • Actually no, Thomson was nowhere near the protesters who got covered in shite as she was elsewhere in a nearby tent apparently. No doubt attending a champagne reception at the time. CUNT.

      • Damn!! Well. of course, that makes sense… she lets someone else take the shit…. so she’s a kardashiCunt.

    • Unfortunately, neither Thompson nor her sister got any of it on them. They were safely ensconced in a tent as they filmed a Greenpeace parody of Bake Off. From what I hear, they trespassed on land from which they were barred by injunction. Obviously, being an arrogant cunt, Thompson ignored the injunction, as did her cohorts, which is what prompted the farmer to have at them with the slurry. I don’t know why the Greenpeace mob are so upset. I’d have thought they were due a shower.

  11. I’d never heard the term chugging until I watched an episode of How Not To Live Your Life on DVD. Funny show. Jeez. The stuff I miss not living in the UK anymore. Ugh!

    When I worked in London, there always seemed to be some cunt trying to guilt you out of your hard earned. One time I was in the Underground going downstairs. At the foot of the stairs was some filthy, scraggly haired gypo type ‘singing’ over and over, “Give me some bread, give me some bread”. Subtle. I did what everyone else does and pretended he wasn’t there.

    Over here in Yankland, it’s common to see the beggar brigade operating at full throttle at traffic lights. Sometimes sporting an illiterate sign, sometimes not. Though always with an attitude I’ve noticed. Cunts.

  12. I can’t abide being stopped in the street for anything, cunts wanting to know who my broadband provider is, Hare Krishna baldies boring me with their bollcks, all cunts. But, charity scroungers grip my shit above all others. Some tit waved a bucket at me lately, saying “teenage cancer?”, to which I replied “dodged that one a long time ago.” Also, loads of swarthy Eastern Europeans trying to flog the big issue, they don’t like it when you tell them to fuck off.

    • Trans-gender what now? Kids? Are you shitting me? What the fuck is going on in this world?

      • “Trans-gender what now? Kids? Are you shitting me?” Its mental I know these mums force it on their sons at home, at school these sick cunts are asking boys as young as 4 what gender they most associate with its fucked.

        Its sick shite, its child abuse pure and simple but the sick poofs, feminists have made this commonplace. Here’s some of the bright cunts making this happen. Its baffling that this is somehow legal fuckers should be hanged. http://transfigurations.org.uk/trans-youth-3/

  14. I find that a sharp ‘NO’ works very well when chuggers and scroungers start their unending shite about starving kids in Africa. Just like you would talk to a misbehaving hound.

    The look of butthurt on their faces is delicious.

    Have yet to smack one over the nose with a rolled up copy of the daily mail though.

    I’ll let you know how that goes.

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