We have nice little rules about:
No hanging baskets,
No commercial vehicles allowed,
No modifications to the front garden (which is actually a hedge that commuters shove shit in on their way to work, mine blooms with costa cups)
and most of all the promotion of “Community spirit“
Adult literacy in the area is high, community spirit is fucking low.
The reason I say this is my car (my means of transport) died two months ago, however I was able to use a works van to commute to and from work, now living in a cul-de-sac I would imagine most people know who I am and what I drive, also where I live.
So logically come and knock on the door and ask what is going on and I will explain.
But no. Why not stick shitty hand writen notes on the windscreen and threaten sanctions via the residents association (fuck knows what, brick me in maybe?). The best bit was on finding out who had written them I realised it was the home owner who regularly drives over what was once a grass verge to park their car blocking two garages.
However being a reasonable person I have said nothing about this. Being the owner of a nice hand writing sample I have been able to assist others in identifying the poisen pen (the other one uses crayon! and smokes class B in her back garden!)
In fact when my car was vandalised they didn’t show much interest in it, I wonder why?
Nominated by: Lord Benny
My suggestion would be to start up a rival Resident’s Association made up of vigilantes, drug dealers and gypos .
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Yep, think that ones over at the sheltered accommodation flats over the road, fortunately the residents there only walk to tesco or the train station, so I am out of their way.
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Make a leaflet of an Isis cunt doing a beheading and put it around the cul de sac threatening same whe your family of 10 move in after landing via Kos. The association will probably then give you a whole free house.
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At least having a “commercial vehicle” parked outside the house shows that you work for a living.
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…or two; because one solitary dwelling is unlikely to be large enough to contain their stinking mass of a so called family.
CUNTS!
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I would like to add to this cunting, they are now using their bin room for fuck knows what and leaving their bagged rubbish outside their door! Now mr fox likes to scatter their shit all over our front path,
I allso note (after another warning scribbled in crayon) that it was ok for them to block in the garage area when they have their moron friends over.
This cunting will be taken down and recorded as evidence in my defence in any future court case, should I pop round and explain a few things to them with a chainsaw.
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‘Sanctions’ being that they’ll secretly slag you off on their private Twatbook group.
Toothless busybodies who want to play mini-council and bully the weak-minded.
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Could be worse I Supose, they might write an article about me on here!
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Do they know you’re a peer of the Realm?
It would appear not…
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A swift anonymous call to old plod from a telephone box in your area would be in order informing them that your neighbour is having visitors at all hours and there is this funny smell coming from their house which smells like herbs burning.
Plod do fuck all when it comes to real crime, but they love to go after class B smokers/users/dealers and any traffic violation they can, keeps the numbers of convictions up and always results in a trip to magistrates court and a fine = treble win for Plod and the system.
Failing that, there is always the gold old fashioned flaming shit bag on the doorstep late one night
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We have a neighbour hood watch in our cul-de-sac, I am nothing to do with them though, cunts with their NW stickers on their windows, yep that will stop some thieving junkie won’t it.
The NW does not stand for neighbourhood watch, it stands for nosy wankers
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Thankfully, possibly uniquely, we have rather decent neighbours who do that old-fashioned thing called talking in the street to one another. We frequently borrow each other’s spare bin room, wheel them out for the creaky older ones and even lend cups of sugar now and then.
The free parking cunts are often pissed off when we block the road with wheelie bins, on purpose of course. Caught one of the cunts trying to move it when we had the plumbers in and the tarty fucking snob came up with ‘but I’ll be late for work’. I told her to fuck off and get up earlier, she’s not been back since.
Funny, that.
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Tried that. Especially as the cunts have to drive past the entrance to a huge car park to park outside my window.
She turned round to me and said “I’ll park where I fucking well like and there’s fuck all you can do about it!”
Down our road, they stick large notices to their windows with superglue, let down their tyres and smash their wing mirrors with hammers. The plod aren’t amused but I think it’s called ‘community spirit’?…
We have three parking spaces between the yellow lines opposite our place. We wanted the whole road done but the chairman of the Community Association wrote to the council saying it was ‘a valuable resource for the community’. What the cunt actually meant is ‘if you fill in that space the cunts will park outside my house instead’. Self serving cunts the lot them! Bloody liars and hypocrites as well…
Needless to say, nobody on the estate ever gets to use them because M&S staff turn up at 5:30 every morning and fill all three.
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I should add that we all have a traffic cone which we use when needed. It confuses the hell out of the twerps, on some days it looks like an M1 contraflow.
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This Residents’ Association thing sounds horribly similiar to some fuck brained invention they have over here in Yankland called Homeowners’ Associations. Allow me to explain how this corrupt Nazi bullshit works.
A property developer (cunt) buys some land and builds 400 new homes on it, all of which are practically identical and crammed into a space fit for 200 homes at best. That’s a different cunting, so let’s move on. The developer then decides to create a Homeowners’ Association despite there being no legal or other stipulation requiring them to do so. It’s completely at their discretion, but there’s a huge financial incentive for doing so. Keep reading. Buying a home within the development requires you to pay the Homeowners’ Association dues. Depending upon where the development is and what is ‘provided’ for common use (pools, play areas, parks, etc), this could range from several hundred dollars per household per year to several thousand. A Homeowners’ Association Board is setup and populated by employees of….wait for it…..yep, you guessed it, the developer. So, the developer buys the land, builds houses, sells them at a profit (fair enough), but creates an arbitrary Home Nazi Club and extorts money from home buyers for the privilege of living in their community. Now the developer will claim that it’s not extortion (or an illegal subsidy of which I have often accused them) because they provide services and enforce rules which “maintain house prices” (that’s their unsubstantiated and highly subjective justification).
The services they provide might include things like cutting the grass and trimming trees/bushes in the public areas, etc. Even painting the house numbers on the curb stone outside everyone’s house when the house number is clearly on the house itself (seriously!). So you might think you’re at least getting something for your extortion, but here’s the best bit. The developer will often setup maintenance companies themselves, then have the Homeowners’ Association Board (controlled by the developer) award contracts to these companies to maintain the public areas, etc. Blatant conflict of interest, anyone? To avoid being quite so obvious, sometimes family members of Board members will setup maintenance companies on the understanding they’ll be awarded the contracts. Could this be any more corrupt?
These Homeowners’ Associations also impose arbitrary rules, like restricting which colours you can use on the outside of your house, where to site a satellite dish (yes – you have to ask permission to put a satellite dish on the roof of your own home – I’m NOT making this up!) and my personal favourite, the upkeep of your “yard” or “garden” if you’re a normal person. They determine how long your grass can be and if it’s deemed to be too long, then you’re sent an offensive letter telling you to cut your grass within a certain number of days. If you don’t, they’ll have someone cut it for you and send you the bill. Which if you don’t pay, they’ll take you to court. I’m serious. This is how people are treated over here when they live within these HA controlled communities. CUNTS!
I did have a massive run in with these cunts over grass length one time, which I’d be happy to re-tell if anyone’s interested. It’s quite funny.
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We’re not quite that bad…
We have ‘restrictive covenants’ written into the sale contract. In our case we can’t paint the garage doors a different colour for the first 5 years, we have rules restricting who can park in privately owned parking spaces (which get ignored and cause rows). We’re not allowed to erect TV aerials but everyone does. We’re not allowed to put up ‘For Sale’ boards but everyone does.
Shared areas are subject to ‘maintenance charges’ but they’re not too ridiculously high. Just irritating. The Community Association is nothing to do with the developer. It’s set up by the residents. Nobody bothers to serve on the committee unless they have an ulterior motive. The all self serving arrogant power hungry cunts. Covenants are only enforceable by the builders, but once they’ve sold everything, they don’t really give a shit.
I’m banned from the Commie Association meetings for (a) calling them a bunch of self serving arrogant cunts and (b) calling a local councillor a liar. She was telling lies. “Are you calling me a liar?’ says she. “No” says I “but what your staff tell me is the exact opposite of what you just told me so one of you is either incompetent, lying, or both”
They actually can’t ban me because it’s a public meeting, but they get around that by not telling me when they are.
The chairman is a dickhead called Dick (kid you not!) who is a website designer. Their website is shit. Really.
The vice chairman is a lazy little bastard called Conran – or Cuntran as I call him. He talks a lots, does bugger all, gets offended easily, and has blocked my emails. Very mature! He’s also a backstabbing little shit but c’est la vie
Basically – as I think I said – a right bunch of useless cunts who are best ignored.
Happy days…
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The best strategy in life is being a complete and utter bastard, I just never keep it all up
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The only kimmunity spirit I noticed in Leeds recently was a bunch of fucking shit faced winos passing round the white diamond in a churchyard. Stalwarts of the kimmunity.
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