I fucking loathe painting, I used to get a friend to do it for mates rates all the time, now he has moved away the local ones I found all want about £150 a room minimum + the cost of the paint.
So fuck that, I now have to do it, the first hour is ok but it soon becomes more tedious than queuing in the supermarket behind a woman.
So the wife has decided the dining room needed painting, fuck knows why, it’s fine and was only done a couple of years ago in a simple white.
She eventually decided on a very light pastel gray colour, so I went and bought the paint (£48 for 10 litres) and have just spent the morning slaving my arse off putting two coats on the walls, the wife has just come home and stated she doesn’t like it as it is too fucking dark.
I nearly fucking dunked her head in the paint, the ignorant cunt and we just had a huge row because she wants me to now paint it white (the colour it fucking was before!), naturally I told her to ‘FUCK OFF’.
So it looks like another trip to to B&Q, another £50 and another 3 hours I will have to waste just to stop her fucking moaning.
So, DIY (especially painting) is a cunt, and so is Mrs Boaby.
I am now going to have some lunch, a large JD & Coke and Google ‘how to poison your wife’
Nominated by: Boaby
I share your anxiety with passion. I’ve got to do the entire bloody house, entirely down to ignoring it for the past five years. It’s all going to be white, cheap, cheerful and easy to do a once over.
I get the cheapest stuff I can and lash it on to the soundtrack of those luvvy home service afternoon dramas, it makes life worth living as one hears some droning old fart going through a fake crisis in the wireless.
Looks nice when you’ve finished I suppose, until the cat vomits its latest kill all over the wall.
Painting requires no skill whatsoever, that’s why it’s so fucking boring.
I’ll go get my overalls on as her indoors barks out the orders.
Make it the full bottle of JD.
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Botox should be high orn the list orf any domestic poisoner. Easily available online or from a beauty therapist ect. Your everloving self administered and just took too much. How tragic. Ricin is also very popular in certain circles.
Biggest bugger is the cost orf funerals these days. Recommend you go online as well. Can recommend these jaspers. Very cheap and DISCRETE.
http://www.bbfunerals.co.uk/
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I’ve bookmarked em…
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Direct Funeral
A simple, unattended
funeral at our Golders
Green crematorium
£499 This could be renamed paedo’s choice
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Have availed meself orf their services.
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Leaving us soon Sir Limpy? I hope not, who would take you’re place. Stop talking so crazy you taking cocaine again? or did you get the cancer like david bowie
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Love their tagline, sounds like the Grim Reaper version of fucking Nanny McPhee.
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Demand a Blowjob each night for a week if she wants a redo Boaby
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From what I have heard, he will have to wash it with turps first
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Mrs Boaby loves strong cheese, especially things like Casu Marzu.
Which is good, because old Boaby’s dick is infested with maggots 🙂
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Frozen yoghurt should be cunted…
I have recently seen these shops opening with the name ‘Frurt’ above the window…. Now at first I thought it was just a Geordie greengrocers…. But I have been told that ‘Frurt’ is frozen yoghurt and that people actually eat this shit… What sort of cunt spends their dinner hour buying frozen fruit yoghurt in such a poncey place for extortionate prices? If they want something frozen and fruit flavoured why don’t they get some fucking ice cream?! Anyone who pays daft money for a pot of Ski that has been in a freezer is a complete cunt…
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You can buy frozen packets of ready chopped onions and ready grated cheese from the supermarket now, for the terminally lazy or accident prone presumably…
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You can even buy cooked and sliced Chicken breast for £2 for 100 grams. (in the chiller section)
Fuck me, you can buy a 2 Kg Chicken for about £5 which will have about 400 gram of beast at least.
Sainsburies even sell small roasted chickens for £4 a pop.
Convenience = lazy = over-priced
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And then there is Tescos 65 grams of small roast chicken pieces in the chiller section for £1.25! I had never seen these before but as I walked by the angry looking reductions lady was busy sticking reduced to 15p labels on them, I took 5 for when i’m in a sandwich rush and said to her ‘no wonder you’re reducing them…anyone that buys them for £1.25 should be out in the carpark stacking trolleys!’
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The EU referendum deserves a good cunting.
Much like the Scottish referendum, the result has already been decided, of course the public will vote to stay in the EU.
Democracy is a fucking load of shit, the illusion of choice but the decision is already decided.
There is no way in hell Britain will be ALLOWED to get out of the EU, it is all part of the step to world governance (EU under the guise of free trade, NAFTA (North American Free Trade Agreement etc)
If the EU referendum vote turns out to be NO I will insert a pineapple in my arse and film it for isacunt whilst Mrs Boaby shits on my face!
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