Going on safari

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Safari

Friends of mine recently went on safari. It is not so much them going which annoys me, after all, I didn’t even know they had gone, but how they acted when they came back.

If I went to the zoo I would say I had seen some mad bears, some sad elephants and some depressed rhinos or something. If you have been on fucking safari though, you come back saying that you saw elephant, giraffe and lion.

Y’all know The Queen’s is not my mother tongue, but I am fucking sure the plural of lion is lions. Not if you have been on safari it isn’t. It is necessary to let people know you have been on safari by referring to all the animals in the singular even if there were fucking big herds of the cunts.

People say “Lions are big cats” and they are right. That is exactly what they are. You would not catch me flying all the way to Nigeria and paying a fortune to sleep rough and look at large cats. Lion? Fuck off.

I am still not entirely convinced that the plural of sheep isn’t sheeps.

Safaris are for cunts.

Nominated by: Sterculian Rhetoric

37 thoughts on “Going on safari”

  1. …… like being on fucking safari where I live, except without any elephant, giraffe or lion.

  2. I think your friends sound like bigger cunts than the safari itself. Tell them to fuck off then say it’s for their own good.

  3. Its the gap yah cunts that piss me off.

    Mummeh and Daddeh pay a small fortune for their irritating and clueless offspring to fuck off on an extended holiday. Said student arseholes then like to regale anyone who will listen about the ‘special’ time they had and the locals they ‘bonded’ with while living in a traditional mud and dung hut.

    Right, lets get a couple of things straight.

    First, the locals fucking hate you, you middle class irritating fucktard.
    The Masai aren’t there to entertain you with their ‘traditional’ songs and pogo sessions.
    It has been documented that what they are actually singing is “Give us your money and fuck off whitey”.

    The animals are all largely fucking dangerous, this is why they are called ‘wild animals’. Only a complete fucking retard would actually want to go anywhere within clawing, biting or stomping distance of them. This is why the locals carry guns.

    Third up is the exotic diseases that you’re going to come home with.

    Shagging the local war chief’s daughter isn’t a mark of respect, she has AIDS. They want you to die.
    You will also be bitten by at least one of the following: Tsetse fly (sleeping sickness, but to be honest nobody will notice for months because students normally sleep for 16 hours of the day).
    Mosquito (malaria. Again nobody will really notice because the jaundiced look goes with all the chronic you spend Mummeh and Daddeh’s cash on).
    Other parasitic infections (no, not other students) of the type that will see things bursting out of your skin.

    Frankly, anyone who pays money to go anywhere near a shithole like Africa deserves all of the above….and a dose of Ebola as a warning to others.

    Cunts.

    • “‘wild animals’. Only a complete fucking retard would actually want to go anywhere within clawing, biting or stomping distance of them.”

      ..or a dentist.

      Meh! You covered that with ‘fucktard’.

    • Yar, no-no, yar, yar, no, yar. I like… literally went to Africaar? And like yar, no, yar, yar, yar, no it was geed, yar, no, geed… like literally really really geed?

  4. Did they go on safari so they could boast about it,or geuinely wanted the experience. Holiday bores are the worst of worst bores. Go away, have a great time but don’t bore everyone else with the details when you come back, people will cross the street to avoid you. I’m bored thinking about it.

  5. I would sooner see these animals in their natural habitat than go to a death camp (zoo) to see them, that aside I would like to think I wouldn’t use the experience to be a smug cunt about it.

    • Zoo’s are out of order and the cunts who go there are no better than the freak show visiting Victorian cunts. How the fuck can you go and see a Lion in Bristol or London Zoo in the middlie of winter with the weather we get here? Do you think the Animals are happy there? Do you think the Animals look at the stupid cunts visiting them and think ‘oh look at these lovely people pointing at me and staring’? No, they are thinking ‘Your worse than the cunts who brought me here’ because if no cunt visited Zoo’s there wouldn’t be Zoo’s.

      • Being a Cunt I have -selectively- visited Zoological gardens and this one:

        http://www.chesterzoo.org/conservation-and-research

        …is not a Cunt. Nor is:

        http://www.paigntonzoo.org.uk/conservation-research

        And if it takes the filthy lucre of the visiting great unwashed masses to keep the work going then so be it. The animals and the staff have to eat in winter after al also the animals in captivity are -hopefully- safe from trophy hunting dentists. Unless there is another war and we’ll eat the fucking lot without batting an eyelid.

        What is a Cunt is the fact that modern zoos -as opposed to the Victorian peep shows- have to exist at all in order to save breeds from the excesses of human predation and exploitation, but there again, the native fathers have to feed their families in winter -as it were. Now the chinese trophy and mendicant-aux-naturell hunters on the other hand………………….

      • I agree to a point, I sorta get why some parents bring their kids to a zoo or even better a safari park to see animals in the flesh they may never see anywhere else, however even with the leaps and bounds in western society regarding animal welfare is a zoo a morally acceptable place to teach kids about animals in their natural habitat? I’m not sure actually.

      • They could show the kids the animals in a captive environment and then explain about their natural habitat and why they’re not there, but in a zoo.

  6. having lived in Lagos and Kano (Nigeria) I can assure you that there are no lions, in fact anything that moves is beaten to death and devoured (I did see a domestic cat once though)

  7. All this is true, but safaris are better than hunting expeditions. Which reminds me, why is Walter Palmer still alive?

  8. The twenty-first century equivalent of the Grand Tour, but without the: culture, learning, wherewithal and time to make it a worthwhile exercise. The are the bragging right, unless, of course, they meet one of us.

    Ya Cunts.

  9. Wouldn’t mind a leopard as a pet, …. that’d clear the queue of indecisive card paying cunts out of Pret a Manger at lunchtime.

  10. I wouldn’t mind a pet crocodile… And Chris Spivey could clean its teeth, with his head….

  11. Stevenage manager Teddy Sheringham has registered himself as a player and could feature for the League Two club in the Herts Senior Cup…

    Any chance of the old boy turning out for Man United tonight anf giving us some 1999 magic? Even though he’s nearly 50 he’d still be better than that fat useless (moneygrabbing, grannyshagging etc) Scouse cunt, Rooney…

  14. For fuck’s sake… maybe nobody should go abroad to do anything, ever!

    A lot of the money generated from safari tourism goes towards trying the stop all the fucking cunt poachers from driving the animals to extinction. The rangers that take people out into the bush are very skilled and they isn’t any danger – it’s only dangerous when dickheads go chasing the animals with their fucking selfie sticks.

    I’ll be honest here – travelling to my hotel through some very poor areas of Africa – I felt a right cunt, since I was a billionaire by comparison. But equally, no tourism = fewer jobs, less money and more poverty and crime, etc…

    Zoos – don’t particularly care for them where the natural habitat doesn’t come anywhere close to being replicated properly. But there are a lot of species that wouldn’t exist at all without zoos. At least captive breeding programmes give some protection and hope to regenerating animal populations in the wild one day. Not that humans can be fucking trusted not to go any chop them up again so some fat cunts can massage their egos in restaurants and weirdo witch doctors can peddle their bizarre medical remedies.

    Anyway, I don’t think going on a safari makes you a cunt. But yeah, bragging to your mates about it and getting all pretentious about your ‘experience with lion’ does indeed make you a massive cunt worthy of immediate extinction.

    • “A lot of the money generated from safari tourism goes towards trying the stop all the fucking cunt poachers”. That’s a falsehood they just want to to feel better about yourself and it doesn’t more and more animals are killed every year. By the way was wordpress reformated it seems a bit off or wonky no biggie thou.

  16. Romeo Beckham is a cunt (must run in the family)…
    Because of who his parents are this little fucker is going to be a model… One of the ugliest kids in the world (he looks like his revolting mother), and he’s going to be a fucking model… Have you seen those teeth? Like a bomb going off in a graveyard…

    And Rosie Huntington Whiteley is a fucking cunt too…

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/34709104/romeo-beckham-gets-fashion-advice-from-rosie-huntington-whiteley

    • Good call Norm. I suppose we should be grateful there is a whole new generation of Cunts coming through; it bodes well for this site.

      • Indeed it does. As a matter of interest we’re now averaging around the 2,000 hits a day mark which is pretty good considering that a couple of years back it was brought back from the dead. My thanks to the Eye for letting me get involved and for providing all the techy stuff. It’s on his server and without him it couldn’t exist.

        Keep ’em coming. I’m working my way through a healthy looking list…

      • being a bit of a cynical cunt in a dead end job I have introduced many of my likeminded colegues to this wonderful site, the “visitors from france” are myself and my colegues veiwing this fine forum from blighty via a server in Paris! (can I have an “is a cunt” pencil or Tshirt please ?)

  17. Sir David Attenborough is an old cunt… Once one the world’s great broadcasters and presenters, the stupid old get is now narrating Adele’s ‘Hello’ video… Why one of Britain’s broadcasting greats would want to suck up to a fat chav trollop is anyone’s guess… Celebrity (and the arselicking of) is a blight that now infests almost all popular culture… Nothing is safe or sacred…

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