Good Morning Britain


GMB is ITV’s breakfast show, originally it was called TV-AM, then GMTV and back in the 90’s it actually used to beat the BBC’s breakfast with higher viewing figures.

Those days have long since gone, along with GMTV which was morphed in to Daybreak and now Good Morning Britain. Despite these changes the same old cunts are still there (Kate Garraway, Dr Hillary Jones, Richard Arnold, Ben Shepard & Ross King)

ITV promised a more news based show but actually delivered an even bigger pile of shit than GMTV.
Susanna Reid & Charlotte Hawkins were poached from the BBC & Sky (respectively) but their addition to the show has been a massive failure.

Viewers have abandoned the show in droves, case in point:
GMTV axed in 2010 with viewing figures averaging 700,000
Daybreak replaced GMTV but was axed in 2014 with viewing figures of 600,000
GMB currently averaging 500,000 but has been as low as 450,000

At this rate ITV would be better off getting the presenters to Tweet the news over Twitter, the presenters have more followers than viewers! Whilst the show was lauded as being more news based it is now even more obsessed with 1 Direction, what David Beckham had for tea and whatever god awful reality shite is being punted by ITV.

The presenters are fucking awful too:

Susanna Reid – Total cunt who believes every man is in love with her and constantly has to flash her knickers to get in the papers, or lick her finger, or make some double entendre or even worse flirt with men young enough to get the interest of Yewtree!

Charlotte Hawkins – Pleasant enough but bland as fuck, if only she got her fucking gusset on display then I am sure the viewing figures would increase!

Ben Shephard – Old relic from the GMTV days, still looks about 14 but has the interviewing skills of a prolapsed anus.

Sean Fletcher – Who? some token ethnic from Sky who does sod all and has the charisma of a shit stained condom.

Kate Garraway – another like Miss Reid, total cunt, looks like a horse and her only talent seems to be her saggy tits and shouting a lot.

Laura Tobin – BBC reject who couldn’t get the weather right if she looked out of the fucking window.

The whole shows news seems to be based around how much advertisers are willing to pay – you have a new breakfast cereal, GMB will run a feature on how fibre is good for you and can cure cancer.

They also runs stories relating to ITV shows, case in point – a few months back one of the opening headlines was:

Peter Barlow murder trial. Ok you may think, until you realise Peter Barlow is a fictional character in ITV’s Coronation Street, how the fuck is that news?

The sooner ITV axe this shit and put on re-runs of Love Thy Neighbour, Rising Damp or On The Buses the better.


Nominated by: Boaby

26 thoughts on “Good Morning Britain

  1. ‘All the charisma of a shit stained condom’.

    I giggled so much I did a little wee. Which is bad, because I’m sat waiting for the car to be serviced.

    Charlotte Hawkins I would use as a three holed activity centre all day long. 🙂

    • Don’t think I’ve watched tv-am since the days of the prototype Partridge, Nick Owen… I prefered it when they went on strike and showed repeats of Batman…

  2. I try my best to make my nominations both funny, yet true 🙂

    Thanks again Dioclese, 2 cunts cunted in 2 days, Boaby’s on a roll…

    I agree about Charlotte, I would certainly love to spend a fortnight with my head between her legs, that would beat 2 weeks pissing it up in Benidorm with Dave & Gary 🙂
    She is a vicars daughter, you just know she is fucking filth in the bedroom lol

    • “the interviewing skills of a prolapsed anus”

      Can I send you the dry cleaning bill for the damp patch on my settee?

      I have no idea who any of these people are, apart from Susanna Reid who used to be on the BBC when I could still get English telly. But it’s quality cunting none the less.

      • Fat Rich, please make it so that you are in ex pat living in Thailand. Suddenly everything becomes clear.

    • Topical things tend to get shoehorned in. I schedule 1 a day to get ahead of the game and then drop in the second helpings as it were when the mood takes me! We’re a victim of our own success really. There’s a lot of stuff in the mill I’ve got marked to get around to yet, but keep ’em coming guys!

  3. Seeing as I have had 2 nominations approved in the last 2 days I have to go for the hat-trick


    The National Lottery

    When the National Lottery started all those years ago we started a syndicate at work, 10 of us all put in £2 each per week.
    For over 2 years (104 draws) we played, and of all those tickets we won £10 a mere 8 times and £60 once! (£140 return for £2080 in tickets!)
    So I said fuck that, and stopped playing, 8 of them still play every week and they have still yet to win anything over 4 numbers.Mugs!
    That’s bad enough and truly deserving of a cunting but there’s more…

    I just went to the shop to get a paper and some tobacco, something in my mind told me to buy a ticket, I’ve not bought one for years, but wait.
    The cunts now want £2 per ticket and have increased the numbers from 1-49 to 1-59. WHAT THE FUCK!
    So before you had fuck all chance of winning and now it seems you may as well just donate £2 to the National Lottery because those extra 10 numbers exponentially decrease you chances of even wining £10

    I know gambling and lotteries are for mugs, but fucking hell, what a bunch of cunts who deserve cunting!

    • Seconded.

      I was in a branch of Morrisons a couple of weeks ago. There was this rough as fuck looking fat bint, bad tats on both arms, buying cheap fags and scratch cards from the kiosk. Not so bad so far? But she had her 10 year old daughter with her picking the scratch cards with Mama offering encouragement
      ” C’mon our Tiffany, we haven’t got all day” and the sales assistant; “Hello sweetheart, which one do you want?”

      Is it just me or is there something very wrong with this picture?

      • Mr Dio, if you do decide to cunt the national lottery, please make it a solo cunting as I wouldn’t want to spoil Mr Boaby’s big moment.

      • Not at all mate, we are a band of cunts whose mission is to cunt the cunts of the world.
        The fact you have/want to cunt the National Lottery is testament to their cuntutude 🙂
        More noms the better I say!

      • You forgot to mention the fact that she was English. If She had been Scots Im sure you would have said.

    • It’s a coincidence. Don’t get too carried away 😉

      It’s a little publicised fact that Camelot are owned by the American Mafia, apparently…

    • Sorry I just can’t be arsed. The likes of us will be mentally ground down ’till the only relief is half a day out with the undertaker. I’m 58. I stopped reading news papers at 21 and started thinking for myself. I’ve made a ‘self’ pact to give up: work, telly and t’internet if I get to 60. I’d like to take up sniping as a more effectual pass-time than shouting at the box, but with my luck I’d probably get a share on D wing with Mr Spivey.


  4. I’m off to Las Vegas next week for a fortnight followed by 2 months in Thailand. I should imagine I will likely encounter both gambling and ladyboys on my travels. I shall let you know how I get on…….

    • Funny you should mention Howe…. In 1983 I was on one of those sleeper trains from Manchester Piccadilly to Euston… Man United were playing Arsenal in the smoke… One of our party of reds was rather light fingered and he found a carriage… He found a pair of keks, took the wallet out and then discarded the strides out of a window… Morning came and we pissed oursleves laughing when we saw no other than the then Chancellor Of The Exchequer, Geoffrey Howe, walking around Euston in his duds looking for a copper, because his trousers and wallet had been nicked… Great days…

  5. I suppose we should expect it from the scousers & mancs, thieving cunts the lot of ya!
    The further North you travel from Cambridge the higher the chances of being robbed, you can’t argue with the facts. ba da boom!

    • Well the lad in question was from Burnage… Gallagher country… So it was to be expected, I suppose…

      • Burnage! Had to go to an exhibition at the Armitage sports centre and the travelling instructions were: alight at Muldeth road and walk. I still laugh at the memories of abstract terror on the now very pale faces of those who did. The key words here are: burn & deth. Cue sound of banjo’s being plucked. BUT! I still find Manchester a great place so you southern soft Cunts can fuck right off now.

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