Fake titties

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Fake titties are cunts. Especially the saline type which look and feel about as natural sticking a couple of cricket balls to your chest with sellotape. Silicon ones are slightly better in that they feel marginally more realistic but they still don’t look right.

If there are any ladies out there thinking about having fake tits let me implore you not to do it. The only type of bloke you are going to attract with fake titties are cunts and if your present man wants you to do it then dump the cunt immediately, no trial separation, pack the cunts bags for him and give him his cards.

A nice big pair of squishy wobbly sagging tits, preferably with stretch marks are the way to go.

As for breast reductions, they are an abomination and should be outlawed.

Nominated by: Fat Rich

( Just a little something for the weekend. Ed. )

79 thoughts on “Fake titties”

      • Maybe Klopp will fill the Liverpool team with Syrians… Being the good German that he is…

        Now I know what the Captain in Allo Allo was saying: he was prophesising the coming of Liverpool’s future boss (‘Heil Hitler! Klopp!’)….

      • Get in LFC we got Klopp at the Kop. One of the top managers in Football, still time to beat Man U/Chelsea to 4th (Sorry Norman) and win the League next season. You got to be positive.

      • I am so disinterested in football that I frankly couldn’t give a flying fuck!
        In my day, Chelsea was a place you could go for a bit of night life after a Saturday night gig when every where else was shut. Anyone remember those open prawn sandwiches they used to sell in the place in the Kings Road opposite the drugstore? Height of sophistication!
        There were some cracking birds up there too!
        Happy days…

  3. She looks particularly rough there. Apparently she suffers from a form of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), alternatively known as being a shit thick bimbo cunt.

  4. Nothing worse than fake tits and shaven havens. Porn is geared for paedos these days.

    • Too true… There hasn’t been a bunny mag playmate with natural knockers and fluff for well over a decade now…

    • I’m partial to a bit of fluff on the muff but can’t stand the seriously hairy ones that look like a grinning Muslim.
      In fact, fuck it…I’ll take the bald-badger over the fluffy-front-bottom any time.

  6. Im not a fan of fake tits or shaved pussies, I don’t really like massive natural tits either or a cunt with the Forest Of Dean on it. I would still stick my knob between those fake tits in the picture above though. Cant always have what you want.

  7. I abhor the completely shaved/waxed look. The last thing you want staring back at you is Matt Lucas…

  8. I like tits, but not those that look like footballs. Size isn’t important, it’s the shape that matters. If they’re a good shape then they’re likely to be firm, and you can give them a good squeeze, preferably from behind so you can feel both at the same time, and you can pinch both nipples between your thumb and first finger. Er, hang on, I have to nip upstairs for five minutes.

    • No. Just…fucking NO!! Just when you think the BBC couldn’t get any more politically correct, they find a whole new bottom of the barrel to scrape. I’m so glad I don’t watch that shite. And to think, they actually cancelled New Tricks, which was pretty good this series, but they keep festering, castrated bollocks like Eastenders.

    • In the 70’s& 80’s the BBC pushed the faggot agenda, now in the millennium they are pushing the transgender agenda.
      Is it any surprise society is as fucked up as it is?
      Our kids are growing up seeing this shit and becoming a bunch of dysfunctional cunts.

      If I say I am God in a human body I get sectioned under the mental health act, if I say I am woman in a mans body I get a sex-change op on the NHS for free and a series out of the BBC

      They are trying to destroy the nuclear family, as J B Watson so famously said “Give me a baby and I can create any man you desire”
      Education is indoctrination, they are fucking destroying the minds of our children with school, TV and now the Internet.

      Home school your kids and teach them true morals, not what the power that be want them to be.
      do not register them on a birth certificate (and there is FUCK all they can do).
      The only reason social services can take your children is because you registered their birth certificate!
      Who the fuck are the government to tell you how you should raise your children, who the fuck are the government to say you can be fined for taking your kids out of school.

      WAKE UP SHEEPLE 🙂

      • Well, that’s all fine until the muslims decide to not register their babies and bring them up in ISIS training camps.

  10. Fake tits. They are just so fucking wrong. As others have said, it wouldn’t be so bad if they actually looked natural, but they don’t. I consider myself lucky that Mrs QDM hates them too. So she’ll never even consider having THAT operation. My missus’ tits are perfect as the are anyway. A bit like Goldilocks’ porridge. Not too small, not too big…but juuussstttt right!

    As far as the downstairs goes, fully shaved ain’t too bad. No pubes in the teeth when you’re going down. Though neatly trimmed is preferable. Makes them look like adults, which they should be. I think the old Brazilian is an acceptable compromise. And still no pubes in the teeth.

  11. They managed to shoe horn a deaf person with her signer into Dr Who last Saturday, and every episode of just about any program you can think of has to include at least one person from an ethnic background. News programs always try to have a female expert so instead of thinking ‘they got her because she’s the best’ you think ‘they got her because she’s female’. Down with positive discrimination, patronising shit! Down with political correctness! Oh, and down with fake tits.

    • Dr Who had two Asian characters in last week too. One of whom seemed to have an English name. And looked suspiciously like Alistair McGowan. Still, it was an improvement on the previous story. Possibly because it wasn’t written by Moffat. I just wish they’d get rid of those fucking sunglasses.

      • They’re still putting in sly queer references too… Clara telling her class that Jane Austen was a great kisser… It’s only a matter of time before there is a gay Dalek….

        And I agree, the sonic shades are shite…

  12. I went out with a bird once who had fake tits, they were fucking awful, felt like she had cysts in her tits.
    Only fucked her twice, it was rank, the second time I had to do her doggystyle.
    She was really pretty but I could not stand those fake plastic tits.
    I do not even watch porn if the slut has fake tits, give me a pair of wrinkly old danglers any day

      • I happened to see an episode of Judge Rinder the other day. It had a wooden spoon on it from Nigeria who suing her sister for several thousand quid she’d loaned her. Anyway, she waddled into the court room, and I could NOT believe how fucking unnatural her arse looked.

        I mean it wasn’t just fake, it was fucking mega fake. It looked like she’d cut her butt cheeks open and stuffed a load of cushions into them. She looked ridiculous. She should be known as Fiona Five Arses. She made Nicki Minger look normal.

    • ‘Tis true

      Just checked the stats and we topped 2,000 hits today. Marvellous what a picture of a pair of tits can do for your viewing figures, isn’t it?

      • Ah Donna, now she brings back some fond memories. And a woman whom the words, ‘please sit on my face’ were invented for. For some reason, one of those memories is about shagging my missus in the woods when were 15. Dunno why, she doesn’t look like Donna Ewin. Anyone got a tissue?

      • And while I’m at it, modern porn is a cunt. All plastic fuck bunnies with little regard for their own safety of self esteem. Who can forget the days of adventure, discovery and enlightenment of finding the old man’s stash of Mayfair at the bottom of the wardrobe when searching for your Christmas presents?

        Even the arrival of the Gratham’s catalogue was only a swift hand shandy away from heaven.

        Happy days…..

      • Donna Ewin, Maria Whittaker, Tracey Coleman, Vida Garman, Belinda Charlton, I could go on for years!
        If I had a pound for every wank….

      • I used to like Debbie Linden, although the most beautiful of all was Jackie Sewell. When I looked at her tits I could taste them.

      • Not forgetting Kathy Lloyd, Gail McKenna, Karen Brennan, Angela Lea, Rachel Ter Horst, Adele Stephens, Tara O’ Connor… Not a fake pair amongst em…

      • Norman’s named some great ones there. Rachel Ter Horst, the Dutch bird. Awesome. There was a lass called Shanine Linton, I always thought she was eminently fuckable. God I miss the 90’s.

      • Agreed, you couldn’t really call those mosquito bites tits.

        Clyda Rosen, filthy little Jewish princess with massive natural jugs. Was getting her back door kicked in way back in the early 70’s when that sort of thing was unheard of.

  15. I want to nominate Emmeline Pankhurst’s great granddaughter, Laura. Apparently, a movie has just been released by the name of ‘Suffragette’. I think you can all guess the plot. Because of it’s subject matter, the movie has been promoted to fuck by the right on media. For some reason, it’s also meant that the great granddaughter of Emmeline Pankhurst, Laura, has been wheeled out at every opportunity to talk about her illustrious relative.

    The apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree, because it turns out that Laura is a ‘feminist activist’, or to put it another way, ‘man hating, swivel eyed loon’. I have a certain amount of respect for Emmeline, because she was fighting genuine injustice and sexism. And she was Mancunian, which always scores brownie points with me. A Moss Sider no less, when it was still a White area.

    Anyway, in the interviews I’ve seen with her, Laura hasn’t really offered any insight into her great grandmother. I haven’t learned anything about her that I didn’t already know. All she’s really done is push her ultra feminist agenda. Apparently, the fight goes on, because women still aren’t equal. Us men, (those of us who can actually be described as men anyway, not those mincing metrosexuals), still stubbornly refuse to kow tow to the dungaree wearing, shaven headed, dyke harridans.

    We’re still sexist bastards apparently. Still holding women back. Not showing enough respect…blah blah blah. We all know that’s bollocks of course. Women today are far more equal than they ever have been. But it doesn’t stop the likes of Laura Pankhurst, (yes that it is her name. So either no man has been dumb enough to marry her, or she’s using her famous surname as a leg up), from whingeing and whining, and telling lies.

    Look love, you’ve had your fifteen minutes of fame. You’ll never be seen as a great woman, like your great grandma. Because you’re not. Accept that, and then get the fuck back in the kitchen. Speaking of which, another advert made by a shaven headed dyke seems to have been pushed. It’s a farm foods ad, with the unfunny half of the two Ronnies. He’s talking to some old bitch about how simple they are to reheat, which brings the reply, “It’s so easy, even a MAN could do it”. Cue dumb looking husband turning around, with a thick as fuck expression on his face.

    I really, really wish that fuckwits like Laura Pankhurst would shut up and fuck off! Find a real job, because the ‘job’ you have now, ironically, involves bigotry and hatred.

    • I really don’t want to sound misogynist, because I love women, especially if they have big tits and can keep their stupid ill informed opinions to themselves for 5 fucking minutes. I don’t even want the stupid fucking bimbos to cook, do the laundry or other menial house hold tasks because I can do them far better than they can in half the time.

      However, give them an inch and they will take a mile, nothing is ever good enough for the cunts, moan, moan fucking moan! I believe feminism is very popular in Scotland, hardly surprising as their are a bunch of moaning fucking parasites too.

      Not that I would want this post to be misconstrued, women are great, so long as they have big tits….obviously.

      • That’s all we’re going to get on telly for weeks now. “Suffragette” this and “Suffragette” fucking that, endless free-cinema-ticket-grabbing poncey critics fawning and raving about it, practising no doubt for when Daniel “Mega Cunt” Craig’s latest emasculated, warmed up leftovers Bond borefest finally lurches drunkenly into theatres. “Ooooh! Look how troubled and gloomy he looks, how intelligent and progressive this film is”. Yawn. Thankfully Mrs B has expressed absolutely no interest in going to see Suffragette, maybe there is a God after all. There is however a disquieting rumour of a Downton Abbey movie (shudder!)…..

      • Big tits and tight pussies Rich. We must get our priorities right. My missus swears by them pelvic floor exercises. And I will testify to their effectiveness. There’s been times I thought she’d rip my cock off.

    • I agree… Laura Pankhurst is a ‘my mum/dad was rich or famous, so I’m important’ type cunt (a la Callum Best, Lizzie Jagger, Mark Ronson Julian Lennon, Stella McCartney etc)…. And of course (when they reach a certain age) every little Beckham cunt is going to pull this trick… With expert teaching from mummy and daddy of course…

      It’s only a matter of time before Carol Thatcher comes crawling out of the woodwork again…

  16. The German government says there have been almost 500 attacks on homes intended for asylum seekers this year – three times more than in 2014…. Old habits die hard for the Krauts, I suppose…

    • At least 60% of germany doesn’t want migrants in germany, its the ruling elite and cuckold conservatives like merkel who want to destroy her own country neo-cons want to destroy europe. Zionists want this and america ,turkey,qutar and israel funded ISIS,they want to overthrow assad for his oil and resources,just like they did to gidhaffi. ISIS was the perfect invention for fear mongering and to start a war thankfully putin stepped in when he did.

      • I’m thinking Spivey’s site would be a better place for you to post your content-free, conspiracy-theory Anti-Semitic filth.

        Oh, and here’s a book you might find useful:

        http://www.amazon.com.au/KS2-English-Grammar-Punctuation-Spelling-ebook/dp/B00WX441WE/ref=sr_1_6?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1444444261&sr=1-6&keywords=English+grammar+primary+school

        It’ll make a change from re-reading your spunk-stained copy of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

      • You are entitled to your opinion cunt mate but I stand firm on mine also I only read spivey’s site for laughs I don’t view spive as a conspiracy theorist either because you have to have a conspiracy to do that. Anti-Semitic where? I was talking about ISIS and the americans have secretly supported ISIS this is fact. Spivey is a troll/ accidental comedian ,and I’m thinking a synagogue would be a good place for you you dine out on cock for free. Grammar ? Haha I have 2 spelling mistakes! It’s no use crying over spilled milk, cunt mate.

      • Spouting conspiracy theories about “Zionists” and “Israel (capital letters for proper nouns) funded ISIS” makes you an anti-Semitic cunt.

        Not knowing the difference between grammar and spelling makes you a thick cunt.

        May I respectfully suggest you fly to Syria and spread your arse cheeks for your fellow Jew-hating, micro-cocked Islamist cunt mates?

        Oh and if I went to a synagogue looking for sex, I’d be wanting to shag Natalie Portman.

      • May I remind you both that this site is for cunting, not slagging each other off…

        It’s also not about spreading racism because ALL people of all colours, religions and races are cunts!

      • I’m not Anti-Semitic, I’m anti-zionist so are many people both orthodoxy and non. Zionism isn’t a conspiracy theory neither is the fact that america is funding ISIS.

        Haha It was a spelling mistake not a grammar mistake mr.grammar police. Since when are islamists jew hating?(are you a member of EDL or something) none of islamists gangs or army factions(radicals) have declared war on israel and why would syrians start running away from their own country that doesn’t make any sense and why aren’t israel taking in immigrants and already starting building additional walls? this is a article from american free press a normal mainstream news outlet .
        You seem very irrational and can’t stand people having different opinions from you, stop being so opinionated not everybody thinks the same, only in your fascist world view. http://americanfreepress.net/general-blows-whistle-on-islamic-state/

  17. I’m sorry Cunt’s Mate Cunt, but you are making the classic mistake of confusing an anti Israel sentiment with anti-Semitism. If you were to think that way then you should also say that anyone who criticises UK foreign policy is anti Protestant, or to criticise Cambodia is anti Buddhist.

    And can you say that Israel have definitely NOT been funding armed groups within Syria? Israel is most definitely anti Assad and the working of their security forces are murky to say the least. It isn’t even known for sure if they have the atom bomb.

    I couldn’t say for sure if they have been funding armed groups within Syria, but it certainly wouldn’t surprise me if they had.

    • I agree that some folks who are pro-Israel scream “anti-Semitism” whenever Israel is criticised, Mr Fat Rich.. Same as silly twats who cry “Islamophobia” whenever someone criticises the latest far-right outburst by a follower of the Religion of Peace and Universal Love.

      Unfortunately, Mr Titslapper has previous when it comes to thinly-veiled anti-Semitism.

      Mr Dioclese, I apologise if I’ve broken site rules or pissed people off. I usually ignore Titslapper’s illiterate ravings, but his comments on this thread really annoyed me.

      Can we all agree that the SNP are cunts?

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