Anyone who doesn’t have their fare ready when getting on a bus is a cunt.

You’ve been waiting for hours for the piss-stinking, plebian-carrying, fat cunt driving mode of public transport to arrive. So why not sort out your £2.40 prior to the arrival of said bus?… Rather than waiting until you get on and then fish around in the bottom of your rucksack or handbag?

I’m waiting to get home and have a good dump…Every second counts.

Nominated by: Fleaboy

For those of you who don’t know, a ‘twearly’ is a an old codger with a bus pass who holds up the queue by trying it on to board the bus outside of the non-peak times the pass is good for. You often hear them say “Oh, I am too early?” Yes, matie, you are!

25 thoughts on “Twearlies

  1. That large red object there is known as ‘The scum shovel’ for obvious reasons.

    The cunts that boil my piss are the arseholes that get to the tube barrier and then dig about in the bottom of their handbag for their oyster card, only to find it needs topping up.
    The dozy fuckers then try said oyster card half a dozen times before giving up and trotting off to the ticket machine to recharge it, creating a massive queue behind them that they have to wade back through. If half a dozen of these fucking imbeciles do this almost simultaneously at a busy station it becomes the perfect storm of fucktardedness.

    Don’t even start me on fucking tourists who try and stick their oyster card into the paper ticket slot, causing the same kind of mayhem behind them previously only seen on the beaches of Dunkirk 80 years ago.
    When the stupid twats finally figure it out they then stand the other side of the barrier waiting for the rest of their party, creating a human obstacle that gathers in size with every passing second.

    Oh, and tourists, don’t forget to stand on the left and the right of the escalators and never bring a suitcase smaller than the northern hemisphere onto the tube in rush hour for people to trip over.

    Also, don’t forget to stop at the bottom of the escalator and look totally confused as to where your going next. The pile of human bodies that is backing up behind you will really appreciate this.

    You fucking retards!

    • I can’t stand these cunts who stand on escalators, the whole point of them is to move people around faster so when you get on it you don’t just stand there until it gets you to the top, you climb it like a set of stairs.

      Use a lift if you just want to stand there going up or down.

      Same goes for them cunts on the moving walkways at the airport who just stand on it.


      • Disagree mucker hernia and arthur ritous in the pelvic region and a back like quasimodo also elbows like venus williams´s armpits
        i´ll take the easiest way to work
        40 kilo bags of cement are no fun anymore and big stones are heavy
        Give me a OTIS any day or a LUTZ

  2. Buses are right up there with venereal disease, lesbian TV celebrities and scouse cunts. Whoever wrote On The Buses – starring Reg Vardy – should have called the series All Aboard You Fucking Cunts, but I’m not sure if the title would have caused problems for those other cunts, the BBC.

  3. I wouldn’t mind so much if public transport was cheap, but it isn’t. If there are 2 or more of you going somewhere then a taxi is cheaper. Of course you have to make sure its the right kind of taxi, if you know what I mean.

    A special mention must go to the fucktards who still haven’t got the message that you have to go through security before boarding a plane. The fucking idiots stand there as if its a complete surprise to them that they cannot take that carrier bag full of cosmetics through or that they have to take their belt off. Airports are cunt magnets and no mistake. But the security staff themselves are equally cunty, minimum wage rent-a-cop twats!

    I can’t agree with the cunting of old cunts though. That doddering old piss smelling cunt taking up 10 seconds of your valuable time is somebodies Mother, or maybe he flew a spitfire against the bosh. Give the old cunt some slack.

  4. Nothing changes. In my day London would be paralysed if a tram came orf the rails, a trolley bus arm came orf the wire or a horse dropped dahn dead in its shafts. More functioning public khazis aboit then but we travelling public coped with the ever pressing need to take a piss in our customary patrician fashion. Nipped upstairs orf the bus with a Kia Ora bottle and did the necessary.
    Recall one old gent who was a dab hand at taking a shite orn an omnibus. Always sat doinestairs in the Lower Saloon and arfter a few stops would would start to wriggle his skinny old posteriors aboit very discretely while nonchalantly reading a newspaper. Few stops would pass and if by magic some tight little broin balls would emerge from his lower trouser leg. We did not have Maltesers then but you get the idea. A subtle little kick and a shake and orf they would roll up and doine the aisle for the rest orf the journey.
    Manky thread bare old tosser he may have been but that old cunt was an artiste.

  5. Haggard tattooed bitches showing their pus-bloated scabby cunt lips through threadbare leggings dotted with grease stains, with a couple of off-colour filthy lice-riddled welfare bastards in a knackered old pram caked in shit and yellow vomit, are a spanner in the works on public transport.

    The stench of cunt rot, cheap food, a million cheap cigarettes, cheap scent, and cheap toxic waste cosmetics, is staggering to anyone in the wide vicinity, as the brain dead orange slags man-handle the loathsome (already criminal) weasel-faced grotesques out of the pram (while nipping and slapping them and telling them to shut their fucking mouths or they will get a real good hiding), with their big nicotine stained hands – that have the nickname of some pub footballers, who once fucked them up the arse in a toilet at a bus station, roughly self-tattooed on the backs, using green black red brio ink and a pin (the team colours).

    Then the dead-eyed cunts-on-a-stick with calculated slow-motion insolence directed at the entire world hoping for a confrontation and argument to confirm that they actually exist and are visible, fish about in a shop-lifted plastic leatherette bag that is an imitation of an imitation of some designer shit that cost £700 fifteen years ago, to find change or a counterfeit card/ticket.

  6. I would welcome 200 OAP ditherers for every one fucking horrible school child on the buses. The screeching, rude, ignorant, smelly cunts. But God forbid an angelic child should have to fucking walk anywhere. The cunts. The cunts. The cunts.

  7. Sir John Chilcot was, is and always will be a cunt.

    Relatives of dead servicmen have claimed Sir John, the chairman of the £10m Iraq Inquiry, is using “bully-boy tactics” to frighten them into dropping their legal action calling on him to publish his long-delayed findings.

    He’s said if the High Court rules against them they’ll have to pay costs.
    He doesn’t say who’ll pick up the tab for his brief if he loses – the cunt.

    And Cameron’s a cunt – he jeered the other cunt, Brown, when he announced the inquiry in 2009 because it wouldn’t be delivered intil July 2010, after the election. Well he’s been in charge for the 5 years since then and done fuck-all other than the occasional hand-wringing sound-bite.

    If Chilcot wasn’t up to the job he shouldn’t have taken it.
    He flat out refuses to say who he’s waiting on as per the Maxwellisation (another cunt) rules.

    He’s a fucking disgrace and gives cunts a bad name.

  8. Please tender your excat(genau) fare it used to say and i had my money ready and i would give my seat up to oaps and pregnant women and working men who have been on their feet allday and did it today on my day off PASSENGERS ARE CUNTS full of pig ignorant pissers to occupied with a mobile phone to see people who want to sit down and rest their legs after a hard days graft CUNTS

  9. It is exactly the fucking same in the shops/supermarkets.
    You queue up with your 10 items to find some fat slag in front of you buying £300 worth of frozen food (Must be giro day)
    The fat slag will then proceed to dump this pile of pseudo food on to the conveyor and will then engage the cashier in idle chit chat whilst she rings up this mountain of shit food.
    Then you have to wait another 5 minutes whilst the fat slag bags all this shite up, then, and only then will the fat slag attempt to find her purse, after another 5 minutes rooting through her handbag she will eventually find her purse and proceed to pay, but of course at least 2 of her cards will be declined before she decides to pay cash.

  10. Long time reader but this is my first post. I am an Australian who lived in West Sussex for 2.5 years. While in the UK I drove buses for a national bus firm owned by a rich cunt. I would experienced this lark every day from senior citizens trying to circumvent the system. I normally waved them through to avoid the other natives on the queue getting restless. But the company inspector was a real jobsworth and frowned upon drivers who failed to collect revenue. It made me feel like a cunt.

  11. I did that job London 2 years Bristol 1 year and Swindon 8 months and can honestly say I fucking hated it.Dealing with total fuckworts on daily shiftwork basis and that’s not just the passengers and other road user cunts Im talking about the so called management arseholes at the bus depot.Is Steve coates out there?CUNT.

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