These awful cunts are usually found attempting to edge their way up the corporate/ religious/ charidee/ political ladder whilst genuinely believing themselves to be inspirational and motivating types who brighten the lives of lesser individuals. Often seen herding their reluctant office underlings into the paintball area of your local wood/swamp/marsh for some “Team Building” (Eurgh!!) or leading a bunch of naïve inexperienced adventurer types into the mountains for a (hopefully) doomed sleepover at Camp Hypothermia. And he’ll have a secondhand guitar which will be twanged tunelessly around the campfire while he urges his freezing companions to sing along about their “ging gang fucking goolies” or suchlike.
Invariably obsessed with slogans such as “wake up and smell the coffee”, “there’s no “I” in “Team”, “get with the program” and the perennial 80’s cunt catchphrase “go for it!” (AAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!) this turd in vaguely human form considers himself/herself a charismatic natural leader of men when actually they are a grating, obnoxious pain in everyone around them’s arse. Tragically they are also often utterly well intentioned into the bargain with the result that their kind hearted colleagues and friends (if they’ve got any) can’t bring themselves to bring them down to earth by informing them that they actually possess less charisma than a half empty tube of Anusol abandoned in a bedsit bathroom cabinet. In Wales.
Nominated by: Mr Bastard
…and here’s a little musical take on the problem as well..
I’m just a cunt.
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Don’t be too hard on yourself besides it could be worse, you could be a fucking cunt. https://youtu.be/YuJEeAVWG4o
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Like when cunts in workplaces refer to themselves as a ‘team leader…’ Which in anybody else’s language is a little Hitler supervisor who bosses everyone about….
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Invariably ‘Team Leader’ means they get a few quid a week more but are the fall guy when the shit hits the fan.
Oh, and another saying commonly used by them is “Come on people, let’s think outside the box”
NO, lets put you in the box, douse it in petrol, set it alight and throw it off Canary Wharf. No that is team building 🙂
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I think most of us have encountered this type of cunt at least once. The hardest thing, is resisting the urge to gouge out their eyes, whilst you’re eating their liver.
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Team Player… Hmm, thats office cunt speak for ‘we will exploit the fact that you are better than us and steal all your glory and take credit for your effort whilst we sit digit per rectum talking about how good a job we do, and finding ways to throw you under the bus if it looks like our positions are in jeopardy’
The Office, like it or not, was a piss take, not a training video. Its hard to watch because Brent is such a Cunt, but its funny because offices up and down the country all full of wannabe David Brent Cunts.
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Team building? Cunt building more like
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I think most have had to endure the indignity of the out of office “team building day”
The evil harpies in Human Resources spend the entire year plotting how to put people into non functioning disparate teams, just for this one day of humiliation. It’s a bit like the hunger games but with string and ping pong balls.
But a constant of the universe means in any given dysfunctional team, there will be one control freak who “knows” how to make a bridge out of paper and spit.
The rest of us fuck off to the bar, trying to work out the seemingly intractable problem of getting the knickers off Tracey from accounting
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In honour of Cpl Stewart McLaughlin, and the 1,000 Para’s who marched in London, I’m nominating the Ministry of Defence, and the Government, for an intergalactic cunting.
For those who don’t know, Cpl McLaughlin was an NCO with B Company 3 Para. He was killed in the Battle of Mount Longdon, during the Falklands war, but not before carrying out several acts of spectacular bravery whilst leading several assaults on the Argentine position, one of which involved him shouting the immortal line, “follow me lads, I’m bulletproof”. His actions provided a much needed morale boost to the men in his company, and they pressed on with their attack. Unfortunately, he was killed later in the battle by artillery fire whilst being helped to an aid station, having been seriously wounded in a mortar attack.
After the battle, his CO wrote a citation, but due to the fact there was only one typewriter available, and a time imposed for typing up citations, Cpl McLaughlin’s was never typed out and therefore not accepted. In September of 2013, General Sir Hew Pike, who was the commander of 3 Para in the Falklands wrote a new citation that placed Cpl McLaughlin’s actions “firmly in the vicinity of a VC”. That’s right, his actions on that night were so instrumental to his Company that they were considered worthy of our nation’s highest award for valour.
The MOD and the Government, however, disagree. For 33 years successive pen pushing arseholes have continuously refused to even consider ending this injustice, and awarding the medal he not only deserves, but has more than earned. A recent ‘investigation’ has allegedly found that there was no evidence that a citation was even written. The problem is, a number of men who served and fought with Cpl McLaughlin, and witnessed his actions that nigh, have said that nobody from the Army or the MOD has ever spoken to them. That includes his former CO. Basically, the MOD carried out a bullshit investigation that only ever intended to justify their decision to refuse an award, because they didn’t want to admit that they were wrong.
On the 3rd of July 2015, around 1,000 Paras, their families, and supporters marched through London to Downing St, where Cpl McLaughlin’s son delivered a petition to Cameron. I have no doubt that the second Cpl McLaughlin’s son was out the door, posh twat threw the petition in the shredder. He’s spent the past five years destroying our military, why would he give a single fuck about a far better man than Cameron could dream of being, who died whilst serving his country? Likewise, those fat fuckers at the top of the MOD. All THEY care about is themselves. Their main preoccupation is ensuring that they have as big a pension as possible, whilst working out how much expenses money they can get away with fiddling.
None of them have ever done anything remotely deserving of an award, yet the MOD is filled with Sirs, Dames, OBE’s, MBE’s and CBE’s. Not one of those fuckers is fit to lick dog shit from the soles of Cpl McLaughlin’s boots. Yet they have the audacity to refuse to recognise a man who DOES deserve an award. They are cowards. They are scum. They and their ilk are the reason that this country has turned into a shithole. Because they’re the cunts who made it a shithole.
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I forgot to mention something. The mortar inflicted wound that Cpl McLaughlin suffered, was received whilst taking part in an attack on Argentine position, that was lead by Sgt Ian McKay of 3 Para. During the attack, Sgt McKay and a private were killed. Sgt McKay was later awarded a posthumous VC.
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I remember reading about Sgt. McKay and Col. H. Jones…
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Very brave men. Certainly braver than me, and I fought in a war.
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I once suffered one of those employee “customer service” courses. It will improve my “people skills”, I was told. Turned out it was all about buzz spin words and psychological claptrap. ‘What the fuck does “be positive” serving customers mean?’ I can be positive some customers are cunts, so how can I be the opposite wrong negative about it?
Customer service training is mostly bollocks.
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