Dead Pool 20

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Christopher Lee

* * * * WE HAVE A WINNER! * * * *
Congratulations to Sir Limply Stoke who came up on the rails with a late nomination for Sir Christopher Lee. He died last Sunday but they only announced it today – presumably to make sure that, given past performance, he didn’t rise back up from the grave?

Well played, Limpers. You join Dioclese as a three time winner. If we had a trophy, then you’d be allowed to keep – but we don’t so tough shit!

So the slate has been wiped clean and everyone gets to pick a new ‘dead cunt walking’ as we move on to The Dead Pool 20.

Here’s the rules :

1. Nominate who you think is next on the way out.
You can have a maximum of five cunts each. Leave names in the Comments.

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the last Dead Pool.

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. Any anonymous cunt who can’t be bothered to make up a name for themselves will also be ignored. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

163 thoughts on “Dead Pool 20”

  1. More ISIS cunts cowardice today…. Killing holidaymakers in hotels? Fucking greasy shithouses… Sky News are cunts though… They’ve just said that the recent attack near Lyon was ‘The first decapitation on French soil…’
    Ever heard of the French Revolution? Thick bastards…

  2. Recap on recently dead cunts Dick Van Patten of love boat fame ,JACK ROLLINS of managing comedians like Woody Allen(paedo and unfunny cunt), Billy Crystal(unfunny cunt and once charged a fan to pay him to sign his autograph), David Letterman(rapist unfunny cunt), and Robin Williams so Jack was most likely a paedophile too.

    • I also took off the former chief inspector of Schools Chris Woodhead off my list this time round.He died on Tuesday.Typical!!!

  3. My crocheted wall clock has been looking a bit shabby lately. The number after eight was about to fall off…
    So I did some remedial sewing and found it’s true what they say…
    A stitch in time saves nine.

  4. Reports of Steven Hawking being quite ill – well more croak than he usually is – but let’s not hold our breath.

    • And can somebody explain to me why they are wheeling him out – literally – at Glastonbury? What the fuck is he going to do – fucking break dance? Clear up the litter? Lull people to sleep after the last act is finished? Bore everybody to death? Borrow a guitar and play it with his teeth?

      I just don’t get it.

      • Simple…he’ll be used to raise money from the Glastonbury throngs for some ‘good cause’ charity or other.

      • Oh yeah what good charties does he do? Duckface charities or spending another 13.5 billion on Higgs Boson ?
        Fuck me but why did the worlds leaders and scientists spend so much money on this shite? I smell a scam. Also anybody bag Chris Squire from Yes he died on the 27th of June, Squire died from the illness, aged 67, less than six weeks after his diagnosis of acute erythroid leukemia.

      • It is kind of a spooky coincidence, then again when Roger Barret died the night before I was listening to Syd’s “Lanky” and PF’s “Shine on you Crazy Diamond” , the next day turn on the telly to find out he died. Life is full of coincidences .

  5. Sorry to hear about Chris Squire… Yes were great musicians, but Jon Anderson’s voice always bugged me a bit…

    • I know what you mean I kind of hate Anderson’s voice too thats why I just listen to the instrumentals of Yes , its like when James Litherland was replaced or left from Colosseum(Jazz fusion Cream basically ) with that funny voice cunt Dave “Clem” Clempson he had a weird voice like a twisted Joe cocker . I thought Litherland had a better voice anyway sometimes his voice sounds good but mostly does not.

  8. Maybe Rodney Bewes is a candidate for the next dead pool… He looks knackered.. A shame, because he’s not a bad bloke… While James Bolam can be a bit of a cunt… If anyone mentions The Likely Lads and he throws a fit…

    • Bolam is a bastard cunt. Put the bollocks in a period theatrical production many moons ago. Complained continually. Miserable old sod. Made life a nightmare for the costume girls and always demanded freshly laundered tights for each act. Point is if you are a professional actor type cunt you are always nice to the costume people or else accidents can happen. The old bitch was particularly getting orn the tits orf one orf the girls so she dressed him in baggy wet tights for the opening orf the second act which allowed him no opportunity to get orf and change ’em.
      Said cunt was reduced to waddling around bow legged orn stage trying to keep his tights up and deal with a baggy wet crotch. Audience found his performance hilarious as did I. Needless Bolam blew a gasket after. Amazing how quickly a company can melt away into the night after a show. Bolam was left to peel orf his own damp tights. Miserable fucker.

      • Same goes for Martin Shaw apparently… Everyone said Lewis Collins was an OK fellow… But Shaw thought The Professionals damaged his ‘serious actor’ status… Shaw vetoed Professionals repeats for years, until Collins gave him a kick up the arse and told Shaw that Gordon Jackson’s widow was having financial troubles…

        Bolam also played that murdering cunt, Harold Shipman… Which (considering how very recent it all was) I thought was in very bad taste… Dick Clement and Ian Le Frenais speak warmly about the stars they worked with (Ronnie Barker, Richard Beckinsale, Timothy Spall, Rodney Bewes), but they hardly ever mention Bolam… And when they do it isn’t complimentary…

  9. Can I have
    1. Les Dennis
    2 Bruce Forsythe
    3 Lenny Henry Cunt
    4 The Stig
    5 Mark from Big Brother

    • Brucie is taken but you can have the others provided :
      (1) Who is the Stig these days?
      (2) What the BB cunt’s proper name ‘cos I’m so disinterested in the whole BB thing I don’t what to write on the list!

    • Blimey. Missed this. Twinkle as I recall had a big hit with the necrophiliac’s anthem “Terry” (death on a motor bike ect) and refused to shag Mick Jagger. Sounds orf the sixties eh.
      A few pitch issues but here she is singing Terry live. Simpler world then:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sADBdkcS7_w

      • Twink became a heroine to Morrissey (which she wasn’t too fond of apparently): with The Smiths covering ‘Golden Lights…’

        Baldry was as bent as a boomerang, but a good singer…. Was offered the gig as Stones singer by Brian Jones…

  12. Just out of interest (and the fact it`s my day off and I have too much time on my hands) :
    -What is the age limit for candidates in the Deadool?
    -What is the fame criteria needed for candidates ?Do they have to be celebrities or can they be notable people who`s death will be mentioned in the online press
    -Are we allowed to switch our nominations during a pool ?

    • (1) There’s no age limit except the stated “any cunt who nominates the world’s oldest man or woman is a cunt and will be ignored”. Basically, I decide!
      (2) There’s no hard and fast rule on who can be nominated other than your next door neighbour is not likely to be accepted. It has to be somebody people have heard of. Basically, I decide!
      (3) Yes you can switch nominations during a pool provided nobody else has already taken your nomination. On the other hand, I keep a long list and I can’t be arsed to be continually changing it. So, basically, I decide!

      Apart from that, there’s only one other rule and that is…..

      I decide!
      😉

    • It’s done on an Our Site Our Rules basis.

      For ‘Elf and Safety reasons we’ve had to cut the only copy of the rulebook up into eight pieces. Each parchment has been buried in secret locations around Brentford under ten foot high stalagmites of solid donkey spunk and guarded by rabid hedgehogs.

      All that the Elder Priests of ISAC really remember is that there is no upper age limit for nominations – but that anyone who nominates the world’s oldest person gets a good shoeing.

      Anybody with the rancid whiff of bellendery about their person can be nominated but the names shouldn’t need more than a light sauteing on the frying pan of Google.

      As for changing nominations – it’s frowned upon. You’ve got five chances to win the his-and-hers matching bathrobes. Winning the Dead Pool isn’t easy here; it’s a delicate combination of skill and blind luck. Think of it like trying to get Julian Clary to impregnate Fatima Whitbread. On ice. So imagine how difficult it is keeping up with the nominations if you’re the umpire, eh? Cut Dioclese some slack and stick with your nominations if you can.

      • Oh I will I am too lazy to change and I think Dioclese does a great job. Fatima Whitbread and Julian Clary Fucking on ice though???Dear God are you trying to give me nightmares!:0

      • Thanks Shaun. I do me best!

        And to be fair to the Eye, it’s his site not mine but I appreciate the enormous amount of slack he cuts me.

    • Had Cairo Fred in a distant pool when news orf his alzs first broke. Bugger. A fellow knows when he has been at this game too long when every cunt that croakes makes him recall “I had that cunt in a pool in 1998”.

  14. I guess nobody had Nintendo CEO and president Satoru Iwata died 55 yr’s old of bile duct tumor,RIP Iwata good night sweet prince

  15. Been hearing whispers on the Manc grapevine about Mick Hucknall…
    Will it soon be a case of Simply Dead?….

  16. Been hearing from various reds and people around town that old Miserable Mick has been overdoing it… He’s aged about 25 years (he looks like Phil Mitchell in a clown wig) and he’s on the sauce (amongst other things)…

      • Oh well can`t win them all.I did consider picking her but thought she was just in a Schumacher situation and could just go on for years in a vegetative state.Can`t find an official link though.

    • Nope can`t find any links of her death only speculation about hearses coming in and out of the hospice .I guess it was another resident biting the dust. Don`t suppose I would be able to switch her with one of my existing picks?

      • Probably would have disallowed her anyway. Anyone who picks somebody on their deathbed as a nomination falls under one of the rules somewhere – and if not, I’ll make one up 😉

      • Fair do`s always worth a shot :P.I wonder if she was ever picked in pool before.Current circumstances and dire health warnings aside the fact that her parents were Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown kinda sealed her fate from the start.Bobby Brown is a cunt for the record.

      • Supposedly she was on heroin when they found her in the bathtub unconscious. Shame really because she was Heiress to the Houston estate would be raking in millions but I don’t think she was loved from the start seeing how her parents are notorious drug addicts. Even looking at pictures of her she looks withdrawn and not much attention given to her, money doesn’t buy you everything. If she doesn’t wake up soon she’s done for expect her death shortly
        and her aunt and dad will get the estate.

  18. Croline Aherne.
    Freddie Starr.(suicide)
    Barry Manilow (barrymore’s swimming pool, rectal injuries)
    Prince Philip.
    Jeremy Bamber (asphyxiation, another lag forcing cakes down his Throat)

    • Trouble is the old death mask has been allegedly about to snuff it at least since 2014. Viruses and kidney problems by all accounts. Crescendo orf death’s door reporting this month but that’s the yanks for you. Doubtless The Eye can supply a suitably sick song title.

  20. Nominate this bunch of cunts …

    Hugh Hefner
    Angela Lansbury
    Bill Cosby
    Adam West
    Dick Van Dyke

  22. For Deadpool 21 can I please have?
    Peter Sallis
    Zsa Zsa Gabor
    Brian Sewell
    Howard Marks
    Douglas Slocombe

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