Lana Del Rey


I used to think that Leonard Cohen recorded the ultimate songs to slit your throat to until I listened to ‘Ultraviolence’, the current album from American singer songwriter Elizabeth Woolridge Grant – better known as Lana Del Rey.

Now I like music and like to pride myself as being able to listen to anything that is well done even if it’s not to my taste. I like punk, heavy metal, rock, folk, opera, pop. I can even listen to U2 (who I hate), James Taylor, Pavarotti, the Beatles and fuck knows what else, but I failed trying to listen to this crock of shite.

As far as I can see, Lana is trying to jump on the Kate Bush revival bandwagon with this offering and failing dismally. She whines on – and I do mean whines – in an unintelligible mumble that makes it impossible to make out more than the odd word here and there. The melodies are little more than dirges. I can’t comment on the lyrics because I can’t make them out, Honestly, I can’t – and I tried.

The album contains a parental advisory warning sticker for explicit lyrics but it’s completely unnecessary given her appalling diction and overechoed vocals.

I got to the fourth track before I couldn’t stand it any longer. It’s by far the worst music I’ve heard for years and, believe me, I’ve heard some dreadful shite. But at least I usually manage to get to the end of an album before I delete it. But not this time.

Nominated by: Dioclese

7 thoughts on “Lana Del Rey

  1. Out of morbid curiosity I had a listen to it, parental warning must refer to the fact that any under 18 listening to it would want to top themselves. I’m 55 and god knows I wanted to so much that I had to play Mazzy Star’s “into dust” to cheer myself up.
    Lyrics ( when I found them) are just pretentious and predictable.

    She does have a fine pair of tits though..

  2. Not bad looking totty though, eh? Perhaps I could watch her videos with the sound turned off. But knowing my luck she will be wearing too many clothes.

  3. Trying to do the old angst ridden and tortured bit. Like Joy Division without the menace. Or Scott Walker without the twisted genius. Lana Del Boy’s album is just the same old Alanis Moaningslag/PJ Harvey/That Ugly Bitch From Garbage bollocks

    This is much more like it. Fuckin’ hell, Debbie….

  4. Here in the States we’ve heard shit from this cunt for months as she tries to generate interest in this garbage disc. “I really hope I die before I’m 30” and that sort of juvenile nonsense that only the privileged can say with any earnestness.

    I’m just not sure why this vile whore doesn’t make good on her promise.

    She should also receive special mention for the lyric “My pussy tastes likes Pepsi Cola”- when even the sorriest tosser knows she probably tastes more like a hobo’s ass-crack.

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