Dead Pool [14]

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joan-rivers

* * * * WE HAVE A WINNER! * * * *
Well, bugger me backwards. That was a quickie, if you’ll forgive the expression!

Congratulations to King Cunt who royally predicted the next dead cunt would be yank presenter, comedienne and queen of the face lift Joan Rivers who died on 4th September at the age 81 after a week on life support. One of her greatest achievements in a long career is that not once was she ever cunted on this site.

So we have a new Dead Pool champ and clearly I’m going to have to pull my finger out to compete with this new upstart! In the meantime, King Cunt wins a prize. But don’t get too excited because the prize is a guest post of your choice either here or over at Dioclese – or both if you want. Like I said, not much of a prize and most winners don’t bother…

The slate has been wiped clean and everyone gets to pick a new ‘dead cunt walking’ as we move on to The Dead Pool 14. Here’s the rules :

1. Nominate who you think is next on the way out.
You can have a maximum of five cunts each. Leave names in the Comments.

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the last Dead Pool.

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. Any anonymous cunt who can’t be bothered to make up a name for themselves will also be ignored. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

61 thoughts on “Dead Pool [14]”

  1. To show how confident I am, I’m sticking with the same 5 as last time…

    Billy Graham
    Gough Whitlam
    Kirk Douglas
    Peter O’Sullivan
    Wilko Johnson

  2. If it pleases you…
    Ian Brady
    Stan Lee
    William Shatner ( come on kirk, time to boldly go..)
    Anjem Choudary
    Stephen Lewis

  3. Hulk Hogan
    Bobby Charlton
    Norman Tebbit
    Angela Lansbury
    The hopes and dreams of our children

    • Sorry – you can’t have the last one as it’s already dead…

      And Norman was looking pretty good last week when we saw him in M&S so bit of an outsider – but you never know especially the way Mrs D drives through town. What’s it worth?

    • If centenarians are banned here is my amended entry :

      Caroline Aherne
      Helen Fawkes
      Sam Simon
      Daisy Berkowitz
      Zsa Zsa Gabor

  6. Now look, you lot – do I have to remind you of the rules…

    “Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored”

    Perhaps we should ban anyone over 100?

    So Jiroemon Kimura (116) and Misao Okawa (also 116) definitely disallowed plus anyone found here : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oldest_people#Ten_verified_oldest_people_living
    http://oldestinbritain.nfshost.com/living.php

    And Gertrude Weaver of Arkansas who turned 116 on the 4th July (really?) says the secret of a long life is ‘worshipping God’ so anyone who nominates Cliff Richard or Billy Graham has to be on a loser…

  7. I’m going for the same 5. Barbara Windsor, Jim Dale, Judi Dench, Brian Cox (actor) and I can’t remember the 5th one. I’ll have to get back to that one , seems like I’m having a senior moment, maybe I should nominate myself ?

    • ..and we shall do our best to rob you a third time, my friend!

      Shame about Glen Cormick. Good bassist. Something about the bass players that surprise you when they peg out – John Entwistle was the most laid back geezer you could ever hope to meet and yet he died of a heart attack. Compare him to Keith Richards who is still going even if he does look like shit. You never can tell, can you?

  10. Joan Rivers is like an Iceland Lasagne: More plastic than meat, and about to be put in the oven… She was a foul, unpleasant gobshite…

  12. I keeping my fingers crossed for The Eye winning on that horrible cunt Jihadi John a complete and utter bellend and fucking coward who needs to die a slow and painful death . He also deserves a huge cunting.

  13. Same five please:
    Mohammed Ali
    Leslie Philips
    Anthony Armstrong Jones
    Olivia DeHavilland
    Helmut Schmidt

    Gristle’s money was on Joan Rivers being on extended life support like Ariel Sharon with the hospital keeping her alive for as long as to fend orf the damages claims and the family wanting to pull the plugs as soon as to cash in on the damages and inheritance. Looks like the nearest and dearest won out.

  17. Here are my choices. If I don’t win this time I’m going to start burning down churches, mosques and synagogues.
    Richard O’Sullivan
    David Attenborough
    Shawn McGowan
    Myley Cyrus
    Fidel Castro

    If any of them cunts are taken then swap them for Arthur Askey.

  19. Well Well. The ball finally rolled into place. Perfect example of the fact that one cannot polish a turd – and no botox or facelift will change the cunt within.

    So, speaking of botoxed cunts, I would like to make my nomination :-

    – Mickey Rourke
    – Barry Manilow
    – Donald Sutherland
    – George Bush Senior
    – Bruce Forsythe

    In ref to my free rant. To be honest I dont think I could offer alot more than what is done by the professionals that would be of interest.

    Though could I make a worthy suggestion?

    With the end of year nearing, perhaps we could consider nominations an award for Cunt of the Year 2014.

    To make life interesting we don’t allow any political figure, as they are in a league of their own.

    Wayne Rooney as example, could be a good opener?

  20. Freddie Starr, he must be close now?
    Rupert the bastard Murdoch
    Rolf Harris
    George bomb the cunts Bush (the younger prick)
    Sepp (bung me a million) Blatter

  21. – Stuart Hall
    – Alex Salmond
    – Michael Douglas
    – Catherine Zeta Jones
    – peter Andre

  22. Damn, missed out yet again – I had Donald Sinden in a previous Pool but neglected to re-nominate after Joan Rivers! Here’s my five:

    Clive James
    Denis Nordern
    Warren Mitchell
    Patrick Macnee
    Doris Day

    • Added to the list, Fred.

      We all missed Sinden and I know the feeling – right cunt, wrong pool. You’re not the first!

      • Saw Clive James on the Marr show today.
        Not looking very good but definitely still hanging in there.

        You might want to re-nominate, Fred.

  23. Nobody had Ian Paisley? You slackers.

    Jim Branning and Donald Sinden today, Richard Kiel yesterday.

    And a whole pile of hot dogs in Manchester too.

    The Grim Reaper has been busy.

    And yet Justin Bieber lives…

      • Bugger me. A chap nips orf to the khazi, has a right royal, then is wiped orf by his butler -and informed that cunts Paisley and Sinden have popped it. Knew both orf ’em in me time and both exit this mortal younger than me. Tempus fucking fugit.

        Had them both in previous pools-Paisley I think in conjunction with Fred West and Sinden was one orf me originals. Fond memories orf the Reverend Doctor (both titles fake by the way) and his family and by God they could stir up the Fenian Fuckers. Sinden a very rum cove, total luvvie – spoke like his Spitting Image puppet in real life and very connected with Anglican High Church activities. Encountered the cunt on various church preservation committees. In fact nominated him when I spotted him flaked out beside a very imposing 17th C tomb. Cunt failed to oblige though. Got me thinking about some orf me other past noms though….

  24. Sinden, Kiel and Paisley dead but that sorry pile of rat jisum Ian Brady is still polluting the air?
    Come on you lazy lifers, earn your prison wages and slit his throat!

  25. Had Gristle go through some orf me old little black books and the noxious bird came up with eleven dead certs. Decisions decisions….. Ok kindly drop out Anthony Armstrong Jones (though I am sure to kick meself) and replace with The Cunt Orf Comedy, Jerry Lewis. In fact will do a pukka cunting orf that mirth free zone under separate cover.

  26. Following a hollow sleepless night of storm tossed visitations attended by the howling furies of Beelzebub giving tongue to such whisperings of the damned, that a man, try as he might to stop up his ears, is compelled to listen to the names of those next called to the judgement of Hell:
    Gerard Depadieu
    Kim Jong-Un
    Ken Dodd
    Frank Finley
    Roy Hudd

  28. Nobody had Linda Bellingham surprisingly. I suspect that’s because despite the fact that we all knew she was on her way out, we didn’t actually regard her as a cunt?

    I admire the way she dealt with her final days but then she wasn’t a bad actress…

    • Gorn to the Gravy Boat in the sky. I did not do a swop to her because I assumed some other sick cunt must have got in there first. Bugger. Started as a porno actress as one does then a spot orf glamour then the Bisto ads.
      Did the decent thing and announced she was stopping cancer treatment then died about a week later, bowled us all a googlie. We all assumed she was doing it to flog her book no doubt and had years left. Double bugger.
      Appeal to other cunts out there. If you are going to stop cancer treatment and are terminal do let us know. We will believe you next time.

  29. The grief junkies are out in force over Lynda’s demise. Just like they were over Lady Di, Wacko Jacko, Fabrice Muamba (when he wasn’t actually err…. dead!), Rik Mayall and every other fucker in the public eye who pops their clogs… There are tosspots on Twatter who want to bring back the Oxo ads a as tribute.. What would that achieve for fuck’s sake?! They’ll be mourning dead chickens and singing ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ next… Knobheads…

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