Dead Pool [9]

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* * * * WE HAVE A WINNER! * * * *
Congratulations to Dan who correctly guessed the next cunt to kick the cunting bucket … therefore becoming a dead cunt … would be Jimmy Ellis aka Z Cars’ very own Bert Lynch.

Here’s a picture of the dead cunt back in the good old days of black and white telly, when the quality of the programming actually mattered. Mind you, Z Cars was an exception…

So the slate has been wiped clean and everyone gets to pick a new ‘dead cunt walking’ as we move on to The Dead Pool 9. Here’s the rules :

1. Nominate who you think is next on the way out.
You can have a maximum of three cunts each. Leave names in the Comments.

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the last Dead Pool.

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. The winner gets a dedicated Dead Pool Champion guest post on the subject of his/her choice and kudos of cuntishness aplenty. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

And no – Before you ask, you can’t have Schumacher! Don’t be a cunt.

59 thoughts on “Dead Pool [9]”

  1. Apologies to Dan for incorrectly not picking up that he’d nominated Jimmy Ellis. I’m a cunt.

    Anyway, getting in quick, here’s my three for Dead Pool 9

    Billy Graham
    Patrick MacNee
    Chapman Pincher

    • Madeleine McCann
      Roger Moore
      Justin Bieber

      Kinda like Snog, marry, avoid, except I call it, Fact, likely, hopeful

  3. I’d just like to thank Jimmy for making my dream come true in winning this coveted title.

    Next up…
    Ray Reardon
    Jimmy Armfield
    Bob Hawke

  5. Clive James
    Denis Nordern
    and… does anyone have Denis Healey? If he’s gone, I’ll have Lauren Bacall.

    • I had Acker Bilk, Denis Healey, and Benedict XVI on the last thread and I’d have liked to carry them over.

      But if you’ve beaten me to Healey then fair’s fair. I’ll think of someone else.

      • Healey is yours – I’ll have Mickey Rooney as my third choice (not Lauren Bacall).

  6. Zed Victor one to Bee Dee ………….

    I nominate Misao Okawa for the dead pool — The old cow is 116 and hanging on to life for spite ……… die you cunt!

    I’ll have a pony on the donkey at threepenny bits to a dog and bone.

    Damn your mince pies.

    • Sorry, Tony, but may I remind you “Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored.”

      So there…

      • Christopher Lee
        Roy Hudd
        Doris Day

        If you would be so kind. Jimmy Ellis was a punter’s choice. Colin Welland (his Z car oppo) might be worth a punt. “Que sera sera” sings Doris.

  8. Cyclists are all cunts. They arrogantly ride around on their victorian toys in the mistaken belief that they are “saving the planet” Actually, all they’re doing is adding to the sum of human misery by not paying fucking road tax,riding on pavements, ignoring traffic lights and signs and putting everybody at risk from their stupid cavorting.Just fuck off you healthy cunts !!

  9. Dead poo 2014:

    Kim Kardashian (beaten to death by rat-face)
    Cliff Richard (something to do with his slack arse)
    Cliff Richard (dug up and killed again by fundamentalists)

  11. Just heard that leftie RMT cunt Bob Crowe has died. If ever there was a bloke deserving of the title “dead cunt” it’s him.

    Good fucking riddance to bad rubbish!

    • Don’t want to crow but….Actually feel a mite sad about the demise of the crap arsed commie cunt but only because I had him on me slate. A recent press photograph of the blubber belly on holiday in the sun got Gristle very excited. Looked like a heart attack walking but with me previous form of bestowing longevity upon cadavers I scrubbed him at the last minute.

      http://img.thesun.co.uk/aidemitlum/archive/01904/SNN0206BOB2-_1904903a.jpg

      Sickening the way all parties are lining up to say how much they respected the cunt ect ect.

      How to give the cunt an appropriate send orf? Flush his ashes down the khazi of an inter-city express so he can be ever at one with the slicks of shite left on the tracks by the travelling public for whom he cared so much.

  12. The way Boris Johnson is ‘paying tribute’ to Crow is especially sickening. I bet the peroxide Tory cunt is cracking open the champers in private…. I know what my dad would have said about Crow: a plastic Scargill.

    Shirley Maclaine is getting on now (she was in that piss poor Upstairs Downstairs rip off: ‘Downton Thingy’ recently).

    Mind you, years ago she was well fucking sexy….

      • Maclaine was one of the last Hollywood stars who genuinely ‘had it’… What do we get these days? The likes of that slapper, Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox and that miserable bitch from the Twilight films.

        The Apartment is the one for me… Shirley is killer in that film.

  13. Nazi Twilight. No not a heavy metal band cunts. What in the scum finding trade is known as ‘the last chance’. The remaining unhung of the Fuhrer’s finest are edging screaming yet ever closer to the edge of the old mortal coil. The people at the Simon Wiesenthal centre are offering twenty grand a pop for information leading to ect ect. Hang ’em before they die. Money for old rope I hear you say.

    Opportunity for cunters to do a public service (probably our first and last) and trouser a nice little earner from the smockos. Given the degenerates, psychos, and generally unhinged that frequent this august blog, I wager that someone out there is in a position to finger an old kraut (wait for me cunting of Karl Lagerfeldt).

    (with due deference to Herr Dioclese) Suggest a kind of subgroup to the main pool dedicated to the cunt kraut kind, Dead Kraut Pool? First to nap a dead Nazi walking ect ect. Win a dildo facsimile of Hitler’s cock? See below the list from the Simon Wiesenthal Centre of current extant Nazis (2013).

    1. Alois Brunner (age 101 if still alive, last seen in 2001, in Syria. Cataloged in 2013 as Priority Target)
    2. Aribert Heim (age 100 if still alive, last seen in 1992 in Egypt)
    note: Heim, known as Doctor Death for atrocities at Mauthausen Camp, Austria, is a particular sweetheart and my personal favourite
    3. Gerhard Sommer (age 92. Last known location: Germany)
    4. Vladimir Katriuk (age 92. Last known location: Canada)
    5. Hans Lipschis (age 94. Last known news: Found and arrested in Germany, 2013.)[2]
    6. Ivan Kalymon (age 93. Found in United States, lost US citizenship, Ordered deported in 2011, but remains in the United States pending an appeal)
    7. Søren Kam (age 92. Last known location: Germany)
    8. Algimantas Dailidė (age 93. Last known news: Deported from USA to Germany in 2004. Sentenced to five years imprisonment, but was diagnosed “medically unfit to be punished”.)
    9. Mikhail Gorshkow (age 91. Last known location: Estonia) – case dismissed due to insufficient evidence in October 2011.
    10. Theodor Szehinskyj (age 90. Last known location: United States)
    11. Helmut Oberlander (age 90. Last known location: Canada)

    • You may remember I nominated Eric Priebke in a previous Dead Pool. I was overjoyed when he croaked. Thought I’d won!

      Cunt died out of sequence – I had him in the wrong pool.

      • I do indeed remember hence my deference to you. An inspired nomination if I may say so but indeed the cunt failed to oblige in a timely fashion. Have had an interest in the last remaining colonies of Nazi cunts for a number years and freely acknowledge that my last post was inspired somewhat by your Priebke nomination. That and a holiday in Spain where I encountered some of the Vaterlandt’s finist old boys in a mountaintop eerie. About 160 grands worth at Wiesenthal Centre rates. We had some times….ja,ja…ja,ja.

      • It’s a good idea and I’ve put a page together on it (see top of header)

        Let me know if you want to add or change anything.

  14. Nobody had that aristocratic multimillionaire pipesmoking man-of-the-people wanker Benn?

    Fucking hell – if I actually watched television I know I’d have to turn it off for the next 48 hours. BBC newsreaders wearing black ties and playing sombre music; people who don’t say nice things about him being dragged off to re-education camps, that sort of bollocks.

      • Respect? It’s easy being a socialist when money worries aren’t a problem.

      • I had the incompetent commie cunt on repeat prescription many pools ago but again he failed to oblige at the time.
        Knew the cunt’s father the Air Commodore and 1st Viscount Stansgate donchaknow. He was a cunt so like father, like son. Arriviste cunts the pair of them. Elevated to the peerage, ie made up titles.
        Anthony Wedgewood Benn (Tony) renounced his peerage but remained a gold plated cunt. Made up family name as well – the Wedgewood monika is inserted from a distant relative. Hence the cunt/man of the people known as Tony Benn.
        As time went on our Tone moved increasingly to the Hard Left and ended up in some Stalinist/Albanian eclectic dialectic corner.
        Ever urbane and ready to debate interminably for the sake of his ideals, in later life he started to go too far up his own arse and I suspect that he died from swallowing too much orf his own shite.
        Last sentence not half bad for an epitaph donchathink?

      • Good comment. In the interests of presenting both sides of the argument I have cross posted it across to my place

      • To be fair, I said I respected him not agreed with him… His politics were mainly marxist shite but at least you knew what he stood for. I’d rather deal with a commie cunt who’s proud to be a commie cunt than a commie cunt who pretends to be something else.

        Perhaps, on reflection, I should have said I respected that he didn’t pretend to be something he wasn’t rather than I respected him.

        No, I don’t like champagne socialists (in record to that effect) – they’re hypocrites. When I were a lad, I used to live opposite Lord Sainsbury. His son went to my school. Never understand why true socialists don’t give their money away to the poor, and live in a million quid house, send their kids to public schools etc.

  16. Another one missed – Clarissa Dixon Wright, one fat lady now one dead fat lady…

    • Now it’s “No Fat Ladies”.

      RIP Clarissa Theresa Philomena Aileen Mary Josephine Agnes Elsie Trilby Louise Esmerelda Dickson Wright

      FOR SALE.

      One Triumph Thunderbird and sidecar combo, two careful owners, low miles, but suspension set up may need attention.

      • Orf licences acrorss the country will mourn her passing. The old mare was a legendary piss artist. Managed to blow a £3.8 mill family fortune on the demon B. Will raise a glass to her for being a character at least in this shades of grey world.

      • Somehow I feel saddened by her passing. Been to the pub and got maudlin. Definite character, despite her failings

  17. Not surprisingly, we missed another one. L’Wren Scott hung herself from a doorknob. Given she was 6’4″ it must been one hell of a knob.

    “Who the fuck is this cunt?” I hear you say. Apparently she was Mick Jagger’s latest bit.

    What sort of cunt calls herself L’Wren anyway?…

  18. Got very little publicity but for the culturally minded ( not Gristle, not a culture vulture ) Alain Resnais, frog auteur johnny behind a number of unfathomable froggie filums. Type to shag to to impress the girlfriend. Popped it age 91.

  19. With any luck all these allegation about Woody Allen might kill him. Creepy fiddler cunt!

    That cunt Polanski should pop off too!

  20. Is the biggest pimp in the western world, old Hugh Hefner dead yet?!

    He’s got to be on the way… I mean, you’d have to be ancient and senile to pay a six figure sum to that mackerel scented knickerless gluebag, Lindsey Lohan to pose in the buff…

  21. I nominate lovable mop-top johnnie lennon for next dead cunt- what a cunt, all those twee shitbag songs sound the same. he desrves to be shot in the fucking head by one of those loner psychos they so love in noo yoik.
    Couldn’t sing or play guitar or choose a decent missus. What a useless cunt.
    Peace and love, cunt.

      • I’ve been in a russian gulag for the last 30 years for killing fyodor doestoyovski and hadn’t been told about that cunt lennon being offed. Sorry ! I’ll nominate barry sheen for next dead cunt.

  22. I’d nominate next dead cunt to be lazy rascist lizard king phil the greek

  23. bradley wiggins will be the next dead cunt on a bike, or my name’s not steam roller.
    cunt on a bike !

  24. cuntbag ringo starr
    cuntbag clark kent
    cuntbag my cunting boss when i finally get my gun

    • fuck off you spazzy cunt. I hate people like you who take advantage of our welfare state by scrounging loads of money and think you deserve it because you’ve got no legs. just fuck off stumpy

  26. John Major
    Jimmy Tarbuck
    Ken Hom
    will be next or my name’s not fuckpig

  27. Is Stephen Lewis still about?

    Blakey was ace! “Urrrrrgh! I fuckin ‘ate you, Butler!”

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