Kiddies’ books

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What the fuck do you have to do these days to get a decent book to read to your kiddies at bed time?

For example “It hurts when I poop – A story for children afraid to use the potty” or “The Queen’s Knickers” or “But what if? – a book about being worried” or “Who cares about elderly people?” or “Mummy, I did a poo.”

And let’s not forget “Games you can play with your pussy” and “The gas we pass – The story of farts” or my personal favourite “Pop goes the Hamster and other fun microwave games” – I mean who the hell writes this shit?

Whatever happened to good old fashioned childrens’ classics about wolves eating piggies, Hansel and Gretel burning the witch, the troll getting slaughtered by the billy goats? Now those were books!

Even J K fucking Rowling was better than this and she wrote Harry fucking Potter!

Nominated by: The eighth dwarf

6 thoughts on “Kiddies’ books”

  1. You’re right. Most of the books supposedly written for children these days are complete and utter shite. And only yesterday, Rowling chimed up yet again about her insufferable fucking boy wizard books. This time, apparently, she regrets that she didn’t have Hermione shagging Harry instead of Ron. Yeah well, you wrote the fucking books love, should have thought of it sooner. I’m just waiting for some chump to publish a children’s book about an ugly, weirdo DJ. I swear, I’ll be going postal with my bow.

    On a brighter note, I’d like Tim Yeo to be Royally Vagina’d. Yesterday, his constituency conservative association deselected him. This means he will not be standing in the next general election as the ‘honourable member’ for South Sussex. According to the association, they did this because he was a shit MP. Arrogant, obnoxious, frequently absent from his constituency, preferring to play golf rather than listen to the peasants he was paid to represent.

    He’s also possessed of an egotism that even one Anthony Linton Blair is jealous of. He’s also dodgy as hell. He somehow managed to become chairman of the Energy and Climate Change Select Committee, despite having numerous financial interests in the Green sector. So basically, he was deselected because he treated his constituents with contempt and they finally decided to do something about it.

    However, according to Yeo, his many shortcomings had nothing to do with the people of the South Sussex Conservative Association telling him to fuck right off. No. According to Timmy, he was kicked out because the homophobic motherfuckers in his constituency disagreed with his views on gay marriage. Apparently, there are a number of gay people in South Sussex, as there are in most areas of the UK. None of them have reported any anti-gay incidents. Which sort of kicks Yeo’s excuse right in the bollocks.

    Even at the end, this ridiculous piece of shit chose to slander his local Tory Association, rather than admit that he basically used his position as an MP to make as much money as he could. “It’s not my fault, it’s theirs”.

    Typical politician really. And he demonstrates perfectly why modern politicians are so despised by the rest of us.

    • I saw that cunt on Newsnight. Said it was not the job of MPs or the Government to represent the wishes of their constituency but to govern in the best interests of “The Country”. What might that be – suck up to the US, strike secret deals in Davos, flog all our infrastructure to the frogs, chinks and krauts?

  2. All kiddies books are written by paedos, closet or otherwise. Who else would want to?

    Now a nomination long enough for a kiddies book. Apologies but it is somewhat personal:

    Lord Chris Smith of Finsbury
    Chairman of the Environment Agency (plus 10 other jobs)

    Old labour luvvie rear ender cunts never die. They just go on to bugger the Great and the Good and trouser vast salaries heading Government Queergos. Thus Chris Smith, former failed labour minister, gay lobby networker, labour peer and mega paid Chairman of the Environment Agency. This camp cunt with a mouth like Captain Pugwash that has evolved through time into the optimum cock sucking instrument is the jasper behind the flooding of this once great nation.

    Let me declare me interest. Generations of Stokes have farmed land bordering the River Wye. Beautiful part of the country you may say. Fucking swamp ever since the Enviroment Agency clones decided in secret to dismantle our sea defences and land drainage systems in use since the Bronze Age. Encourage wildlife by turning everything back 3500 years to swamp and marsh (and drown a few foxes and badgers)? Barbour wearing slap head bum boys.

    Point is in the Bronze Age there were only about 20,000 tossers. Now there are over 60 million all crapping on the same land mass. We have been killing orf wildlife and draining land to make room ever since.

    So came the day this little metrosexual camp cunt with a BBC Presenter speech defect drives up in a fully loaded Range Rover. Was sporting a flat cap and a Barbour jacket with a buggers flap at the back and a built in wanking pocket. Me land down by the river has been designated a twansient wetland. What the fuck? Apparantly this is to create habitwat for the Siberwian Snow Goose and other twansient migwants. Not for Poles or Womanians then. Oh and we must dismantle our dwainage pumps and allow our small stweams and becks to silt up or face massive fines. Any compo for me inconsolable loss? Fuck off John. So sorwy.

    Now for years I have employed an old cunt Gollum lookalike with webs on his bollocks to go out in all weathers to wank in the mud and clear me ditches. Almost part of the family. Had to dismiss the old degenerate on the spot and get a new tenant for his cottage. These ministry cunts have no idea the inconvenience they visit upon wurwal communities.

    Good news sorted out the feathered fuckers short order. Little shooting party with a brace of Purdeys (shotgun of choice for the sporting aristo you cunts) apiece. Spiked the buckshot with a few Russian nail heads from a spot of Ikea flatpack to make our Siberwian visitors feel at home.

    Dreaming of the day I’ll have Lord Smith of Finsbury in me sights. Trouble is he would probably enjoy a spot of buckshot up the arse. Cunt.

  3. “Ten Little Niggers” by Agatha Christie, should be compulsory reading among the commy PC fucking filth cunts that become teachers.

    Teacher cunts should have burning books shoved up the their arse (illiterate innumerate bastard cunts).

  4. Try teaching for a few years and have to deal with the feral cunts and the cunts who spawned them before condemning the teachers. Shove the burning books up the collective arseholes of the Education department, Michael Gove and the politically correct wankers who help promulgate the system instead and who help to spawn the ever increasing numbers of illiterate, innumerate feral retards that finish education to take up a career in spawning illegitimate brats and casual drug abuse.

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